Category: Adult

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There are times when I just want to scream!

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And not in a good way!

I’m a bit ADD. I know, I know, that’s become an overused cliché catchall that everyone and their brother uses to excuse anything from a hangover to a stroke.

Hear me out. I’ve been like this my whole life, and for me, this is completely normal. I’ve adapted to being this way because I’ve never know any other way to be. There are times when the ADD presents challenges, loud noises, crowds, bright flashing lights, can really mess with my calm and freak me out. Most of these challenges are manageable. If I feel myself being overwhelmed I’ll find a quiet spot to collect myself and then I’m good to go.

imagesOne of the biggest challenges ADD presents me with is listening to someone talk. If they have something to say and they keep on track I’m fine. If, however, they meander and pause the main thread of their story to fill in useless details or give me background that they should have given at the beginning of the story, then I’m likely to stop listening. In the worst case, the person doesn’t notice my eyes glazing over and they keep yammering.

This is usually when the ADD becomes a real problem. I respond first with annoyance, then hostility, then outright anger. The poor fool telling me, whatever they were telling me has no idea what they’ve done wrong or why I’m pissed off.

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Believe it or not, I feel guilty when I lose control and get angry because of the way someone is telling their story. It’s not fair to the other person. As far as they’re concerned they are telling a nice coherent little tale.

To an ADD person it’s annoying tedium. I can explain, I think using the following example.

The church made, because of the rummage sale, the church made, the donations to the rummage sale this year because, because of estate donations allowed the church to make,  One estate donated a teak modern dining set that was worth about 5000 dollars it went at silent auction for 2000, it was one of those Danish modern designs, I don’t know who bought it. The usual amount that the church makes on a rummage sale is $15,000 or so. This year the church made, oh there was a lot of very nice estate jewelry some of it brought in a lot higher than expected prices. This year the church made $30,000 although the final total isn’t in yet.

The story could have been summed up simply.

The church doubled it’s usual rummage sale income this year due to a number of estate donations.

Then if I was interested I could have asked what the total dollar amount was.

benefitsadhd2To an ADD person, the story, as first presented, is like fingernails on a chalkboard. The constant teasing about how much the church actually made, is annoying as hell.

There’s another level though that’s worse for the ADD person. It’s that for every one of those pauses we pause a stream of thought and start another one. Pretty soon your 2 minute anecdote has us nearing the maximum capacity of our brain power.

Think of it like trying to compute orbital mechanics of the entire solar system and keeping all the variables in your head.

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This is, I think part of the reason we ADD folk don’t like watching the late night news, it’s the constant teasers. If the 10 o’clock news really wants to piss of the ADD crowd; tease us for an hour and then never get to the story!

“Stay tuned to find out why your penis is at risk”

The way my brain works is probably best described as a corral of skittish horses. I have tons of thoughts running all the time and it requires an effort of will to harness those thoughts, put blinders on them, and then hitch them up to the wagon of a project I’m trying to do.

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A conversation like the story above tends to have an effect on my thoughts, that’s similar to what you get if a rattle snake suddenly appears in a corral full of skittish horses. After the chaos and dust clears, you’ve got horses spread to the four corners of the corral and none of them are going to do any work for the rest of the day.

I live with a person that tells stories like the example above.  That pisses me off by itself. (Come to think of it, my stepdad tries to lecture on science and technical stuff the same way; no wonder I dreaded asking him questions when I was in school!)

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What really pisses me off is when I catch myself telling stories the same way.

My ability to write today is gone. I’m going to go outside and run the weed whacker. I will avoid holding a fluffy pillow firmly over someone’s face.

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Ok folks we need to talk.

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It is perfectly OK to be gay.

It is equally perfectly OK to be straight

Bi Folks are probably the luckiest because for them any party is a smorgasbord. And THEY are perfectly normal as well.

(Note, I’m including Lesbian, Transgendered, and Questioning folk in the larger over arching broadly defined groups above. Deal with it!)

BUT!

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And this is a real big deal for me. It is not ok for us to shove our beliefs, politics, and details of our lives down someone’s throat that is diehard straight, or devoutly religious, or who may have outdated or even antiquated beliefs, in our opinion.

I mean ask yourself how you’d feel if a straight person was telling you, you were wrong because of your desires. How about a straight person forcing you to bake them a cake for their sons first sexual encounter with a hooker?

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Both are distasteful and you’re entitled to say, “I do not agree,” or “I prefer not to do business with you.”

Why then do we feel it’s not ok for a devoutly religious person to refuse to bake our wedding cakes? How are we morally superior when we shout about a CEO being homophobic and demand their resignation?

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We are winning the right to marry whom we choose. We are making progress in winning hearts not with force, but with education, compassion, and common decency, we don’t need to keep pounding everyone over the head.

And yet we do.

We’ve become guilty of the same things that we’ve berated conservatives and religious groups about for years.

Intolerance!

Are we so shallow as a group that all we want is revenge?

“Oh Bitch you’re going to bake my wedding cake! I’ll lawyer up and FORCE you to do it!”

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Really? You’re going to serve that cake, made by someone you’ve deeply offended and pissed off to your friends and family? Ever heard the old adage, “Don’t piss off your food server?”

And if you’re smart enough to know you don’t want to serve a cake baked under those conditions to your friends and family…

Then let it the fuck go!

Why the hell would you want to go to the hassle of lawyering up just to prove a point. Make your point by going to the competitor bakery and then make sure all your friends do the same. You don’t need to picket, you don’t need to say or do anything other than find a different bakery and help them become successful.

All these people freaking out about Firefox’s CEO having an opinion about homosexuality that they disagree with is insane! 

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Firefox is a FREE product! Use it, OR Don’t. But for god sake, get the hell over yourselves! Go back to Internet Explorer or use Chrome. NEXT! 

There was an article on Breitbart today with the headline “Teacher White Privilege Conference: Whites are never cured of racism”

First and foremost, the nature of the conference and its message is offensive on its face.  Second, is this where the LGBT community really wants to go?

20 Years from now do you want to have a conference titled “Straight People are never cured of homophobia and must be re-educated time & again”

Lets get beyond the continuous “Butthurt”

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Its time to realize that many of the GLBT organizations cease to have relevance when we achieve equality. Its in the best interests of such organizations to keep the GLBT community frothing at the mouth at perceived slights, because without relevance these organizations are out of business.

The GLBT community isn’t quiet equal yet, but the day is coming and on that day the “Special” organizations should voluntarily and gladly lock their doors.

On that day we’ll be like everyone else our rights and freedoms guaranteed by The Constitution. We should all begin thinking of ourselves and acting, as normal participants in our society now.  Consider it training for ‘The Big Day’.

We don’t want to make the mistake of continuing to highlight how different we are.

I personally believe separatism, whether imposed from within or without is detrimental to any group in the society at large. I think of it like; Stop acting different and you’ll stop being different. Most people today don’t care if you’re GLBT, take that and revel in it, but don’t be mean. 

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I for one am sick and tired of story after story of the GLBT community abusing people who have  different beliefs or opinions about homosexuality. 

Its time for the GLBT community to grow the fuck up.

Not everyone on the “playground” is going to like us, nor should they be required to. Let folks have their own opinions, let them decide if they want to leave money on the table, let them come to realize, in their own time that the inclusion of the GLBT community will not bring about the end of the world as they know it.

Live as an equal member of your community, get involved, be a member of the neighborhood watch, volunteer your time, make your community a better place. Take the initiative to teach others a positive message by your actions, instead of a negative message by being a distraction.

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People will figure out you’re GLBT and they wont care, because you’re an asset to the community. 

We can’t demand equality and freedom while denying the same to others. 

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I do like some things about this town!

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I apologize in advance for the quality of the photos. I wasn’t planning on doing a photo essay. So I left the Nikon in the hotel room.

Too late I realized there were some interesting photo ops.

SO I figured it was time to learn how to better use the camera in my iPhone.

Las Vegas is a place where you buy a Stetson, and they serve you Jack Daniels.

This is of course probably necessary, have you seen the price of a Stetson 20X lately?

Not that I’m complaining, Stetsons hold up for ever with minimal care and I wear mine a lot in the snow & rain of winter and early spring.

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Las Vegas is a place where if I lived here, I’d walk or ride my bike more than I drove.

Traffic is nuts, but walking isn’t too bad in and around the center of town. That being said, once you get out of the unreality of the strip Las Vegas is a pretty normal slice of suburbia.

The thing is, like most of suburbia it’s spread out and homes are usually at a distance from business areas. So it’s still possible just as in California that covering the distance from “home” to work would be impractical walking or riding a bike. Is it any wonder we’re becoming a nation of fat asses, myself included?

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The tramway is cool but it should really go a lot further. I think it would be great if they made it connect all of the “Strip” even if you had to walk through casinos to access the next station. I think they’d have to do that because of the shapes of the hotels and the layout of the strip itself.

Right now it just goes from The Monte Carlo to The Bellagio. You can access Caesars via a bridge and then walk on to The Flamingo. I didn’t explore much further than that.

I will say this, it’s very disconcerting to get off at “Crystals” (A mall) after having had a drink or two. God help you if you also had recently taken Viagra because you’d be absolutely sure you were going blind. Or perhaps having a flashback to your drug hazed hippy phase.

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FYI, It’s not you… the lighting changes to blue, pink, and a couple of other colors. But at night when you exit the tram into that intense color it can really mess with you.

The weird thing about the casinos is that after a short time they all look alike.  They’re on the darker side and they’re a labyrinth of tables and machines & lights. Even the faces of the people begin to blur together after a while.

Instead of perceiving the “grandmother in the corner happily playing the two cent slots” she becomes “generic old woman type #5 playing slots” it’s weird.

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Where the Casinos excel is in their shopping  and hotel areas.

I really like Caesars Palace! Yes, it’s all a big set piece but I like the marble and columns. I like the statuary and I appreciated the illusion of an open sky in their mall.

You have to understand these are all pretty high end shopping centers and I’m betting that they make money hand over fist.

The traffic through these places is very high and I noticed that in almost every one of the mall areas, there were Tiffany’s, Coach, Vuitton, and half a dozen other high end vendors.

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I even sampled the latest in Tom Ford scents. Although the sales lady spritzed me with some really nasty floral smell.  I washed it off in the mens room, rather, I tried.

The thing about really good colognes, & perfumes is that they’re made with more oils and far less alcohol. This means; first, that you need very little. Second that it soaks into your skin almost immediately, and stays with you for a long time.

The sales lady did me a favor. I like tobacco & wood scents, they work for me.  Gardenia is just right out of the picture. Gardenia is exactly what one of the major components of the cologne she spritzed me with was. Just as well, had I stayed I’d have probably purchased one of the new Ford scents, they’re pricy! a single bottle lasts a long time but it will put a dent in your budget.

IMG_0254I did enjoy the art and architecture of the shopping centers.  I liked Crystals the best, they’ve got a nice open air plan and some really cool or dramatic architectural elements.

Yeah, I’m not a gambler. Could you tell?

I’ve gambled, I’ve put quarters in slot machines, I’ve even won!

The odds are so not in your favor. While I enjoyed the heck out of spending a few quarters, winning, then spending the next few hours losing my huge $40.00 winnings, I can’t see it as a regular thing.

I like walking through the hotels, and shops, and treating Las Vegas like a Disneyland-esq place for adults.

I like being able to drink anything, almost anywhere on the strip. I like the general feeling of immorality of the city. I like that you can offend someone, (as my brother did by carrying a beer in a plastic cup into the elevator going up to the room.) and that they can’t really do or say anything about it.

I guess the bottom line is that I enjoyed the trip. I needed the time with my brother. I needed the time away.

As always when I come back from trips like this I ask myself why I don’t take more short trips more often.

I’m not sure that I have an answer. I guess it has to do with the other half not having weekends off and while I was working, not being able to take time off during the week.

I suppose that over time, that scheduling conflict has created a habit and the habit became a “normal” way of life.

I’m thinking it’s time for me to break that habit and do more. I need to find a traveling buddy, and spend more time doing fun stuff.

Time is the one thing we can never get more of.

Don’t waste yours.

 

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OK I’m a little pissed off.

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Been sitting on this one for a while may as well let ‘er rip!

I don’t get out much. I have few friends, & I generally am exactly where I’m supposed to be when I’m supposed to be there.

Recently, a couple of incidents have occurred where I wasn’t at the beck & call of my other half, and all hell broke loose!

The first was when I was helping out with stocking and organizing at a retail establishment owned by a friend. The second was a week or two ago.

The first incident, I was in a seriously crappy cell service area. You’d have thought I was an Alzheimer’s patient or a Megan alert had been issued.

I’m still hearing about it from acquaintances that got called REPEATEDLY because OOOHHHHHHH I was gone for 4 hours. 

The second incident…

I’m at the freakin neighbors! All my vehicles are at home. Obviously I’m on foot and probably hadn’t gone far. In the end the other half found me with ease!

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I had dinner & drinks and adult conversation with the neighbors.  

We were chatting, laughing, and having one of those rambling discussions that is a whole lot of fun. YES! We talked about sex… and POLITICS!

My other half called at freaking midnight. I didn’t hear the phone.

The Neighbors & I were listening to music and having an impassioned political discussion. There’s a knock at the door, My other half has stomped over to give me the stink eye and basically harsh EVERYONES buzz. 

I honestly don’t know what the fuck I did wrong. 

OOoOOppps I didn’t hear the phone ring OMG! It’s a crime!

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Unlike the other half, and many other rude people I know, I don’t typically answer the phone to talk to a person on the phone, when I’m having a conversation with another person in real life.

I’d decided that I was going to be calm and just have a conversation about what was driving this; to y mind insane behavior.

When we had that conversation the other half fell on their own sword. It wasn’t like I could beat the subject any further but I do wonder whats driving this bit of crazy.

As I said, i don’t go anywhere, I have few friends. The friends I do have are busy with their own lives and social events so it’s not like I’m cheating or anything.

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And even if I was, who cares? For the 25 years we’ve been together, there has never been any prohibition against having a little fun outside the relationship as long as the rules were obeyed.

From day one I’ve been very honest about the fact that I absolutely refuse to be contained, chained, or controlled.

The bullshit line “I was worried” ain’t holding water. 

I’m a fucking adult male.

I’m an apex predator, and you know what? When I was driving 92 fucking miles one way to work I never got this “I was worried bullshit”. Nope never!

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Apparently, sitting in traffic 6 hours a day is ok. You know where I could have been in an accident, or shot, after all I was driving through Compton, none of that raised a fucking eyebrow.

But now if I’m not sitting in this fucking house 24/7 it’s cause for panic and honestly what I think of as the height of rude behavior.

This shit has got to stop.

I can’t even imagine what things are going to be like if I’m traveling for work or a book signing or whatever.

I have no doubt it will be interesting. 

The question is, will it be so interesting that I decide I’ve had quite enough?

Time will tell.

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Rites of passage

This one has been banging around in the draft folder for a while. Figured I’d publish it. Feel free to add comments. I’ll move the good ones into the body of the post. This list is not complete. I’ve been adding to it when I think about it.

These are things that we experience but often forget to share. As men, we should share this stuff, if only anonymously. The younger men ought to know what to expect. And hopefully we’ll get a laugh out of their horrified looks. Hey it’s what we do to each other!

In my life, the rites of passage I’ve experienced or witnessed have been, in no particular order;

Camping out by myself. Wow, look at those stars, My camp site is cool but I should have done X, Y, & Z differently. I’ll do those things differently next time.

Penthouse, Hustler and Chic, Magazines, So that’s what THEY have down there! And apparently MY junk recognized it… Even if I didn’t.

Firing you first gun.

Hitting your target with a bow.

Killing and eating your first meal.

1st wet dream, Oh my god!!! I wet the bed… no wait… what the hell is this??? I’ll ignore it maybe it will go away and not happen again.

Taking a brutal kick to the groin, there’s nothing like it. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

The First Climax… AKA “Jacking off”,  Oh wow, rubbing that feels REALLY good! Oh nooo something is wrong! I hurt myself… I’m never doing that again… well maybe just this time, and 10 minutes later and 10 minutes after that. Then finding out other boys also found this neat thing their body would do. Then enjoying our smugness while we could exclude the boys who knew nothing of what we were talking about.

A couple of fights, Yeah, I’ve been punched in the face, bloodied up pretty good. I’ve been on the loosing and winning side of a fight. You learn a lot from both experiences. When you have your ass kicked, you decide that you want to know how to not let that happen again. You also learn to be a somewhat gracious winner. At least in school, in my case being decent about having won the fight and helping my defeated opponent to his feet is all that prevented us from being suspended. We got off with a stern talking to.

Finally understanding mercy and why it’s important in this world.

Being part of the winning team, and the pizza party afterwards

Being part of the losing team, and the pizza afterwards.

Your first body hair, Whats that? OUCH! it’s attached. Oh… cool!

Your First Shave, topped by your Dad giving you your first non-disposable razor.

Seeing a hardcore adult toy catalog, Oh so that’s what it looks like when people screw. Damn! that guys dick is huge. Why does she look like it hurts? Does it hurt to have sex? If it does why do people do it?

Learning to be judgmental 

That feeling of RAGE when you realize someone stole your shit!

Your First serious Girlfriend, She’s holding my hand! She’s letting me kiss her, she’s kissing me back uhhh oh I hope she doesn’t notice the tent in my pants. Shit! she noticed, hey shes smiling at it… She touched me through my jeans…. Wow! she’s putting my hand between her legs! I’m liking the way she’s moaning when I touch her… I’m liking even more how shes rubbing my dick… I just shot my juice with a girl!

Figuring out how to get condoms

First broken bone This is real bitch! why can’t I just walk like a normal person? Yeah, give me the walking cast, there was a question about needing this?

Understanding betrayal firsthand

The first broken nose Do you fix it yourself or run to the doctor? Fix it yourself of course!

Losing my virginity to a lovely lady in a seriously clumsy sexual escapade (I still grin about that one)

The first BJ, Oh YEAH, HELL YEAH!

A Driver’s license I’m never going to be home after today! Wait… I have to pay for gas AND insurance?

The frustration of being mobile, having condoms, and the house to yourself, and yet being unable to score.

Watching a porn movie in a theater...

Watching porn at home

Learning how to forgive

Knowing when to leave a party. Finding out later that you left just moments before the cops busted the place.

That first paycheck Wait! what the hell is FICA? Who is SSI? Why did they get my money before I did?

My First Apartment  The first night sleeping on the floor (I had no furniture) But it was MY PLACE all mine. The next day… I bug bombed the hell out of the place. While the bug bombs were driving the nasties into everyone elses places, I was out buying dishes, silverware, a frypan, a couple of pots, a Mr. Coffee,  and a cheap microwave. My waterbed was filled by nightfall and I slept like a baby that second night.

Purchasing my first Brand New Car  The little head was doing all the talking that night… I CHARGED the down payment yep… on my Mastercard… But I drove the hell out of that car and enjoyed every minute of it.

Losing family to death and having to be strong for the rest of the family

Taking a date to a nice restaurant, only to realize too late that she was ‘Eliza’ from My Fair Lady and I could have had more fun with another young lady, or that I could have gotten what I wanted by taking her to a Mc Donalds.

Being laid off from your job the first time.

My first hangover

Learning to take time in the sack and how to have a lazy, unhurried, guiltless, sexy screw on an beautiful Sunday morning.

My first auto accident. OH DAMN! that’s going to be expensive to fix!

Learning you’re good in a crisis, and learning that it’s OK to freak out a bit and have the shakes after the crisis is over.

The walk of shame the morning after a night of debauchery (That one still gets a grin too)

Learning to control your own fear, and learning that by your controlling your fear others around you are also less afraid.

Understanding you can change if you want to

Calling the Dr and having to answer the question… “What’s the reason you’re making this appointment?”, My answer was “I’m very irritated Down there!” Which is when I found out my dick doesn’t like Nonoxynol 9, but at the time I was just sure I had VD.

Turning down sex for the first time… What the hell just happened? I never turn down getting laid

The first prostate exam, DOC, you are going to do WHAT???

How to lose it all and survive, It’s all just stuff… Stuff does not make me who I am.

Learning how NOT to be judgmental 

Losing friends to death and learning how to grieve.

First Gray hairs… on my balls! Oh Hell no, that just ain’t right!

Learning that happiness or sadness isn’t about what’s outside, it’s about what’s in you.