Category: Gay / Straight

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Something that I’ve noticed lately

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Occasionally, I’ll wander through adult ads.

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What I’m looking for is people with a similar mindset to my own, for friendship.

There are a LOT of flaky fuckers out there! To most of you, that probably comes as no surprise.

One of the things that has recently struck me as weird is how many ads apologize for specifying a racial preference.

OK, ok…  some of the ads I peruse are FWB (friends with benefits) in nature. Hey some of the kinky stuff people are into is amazing! I wouldn’t mind someone that I could hang out with and have some more intimate fun with.

I’ve noticed this growing trend to say something like;

“I’m a white person looking for other white people. I’m not into black, asian, or hispanic, sorry that’s just my preference.“

I’m frankly confused by this apparent need to apologize for stating a preference.

I personally am not attracted to fat white people, or people with poor hygiene, or people with heavy tattoo work. I make no apologies for that. I’m also not attracted sexually to black people and it’s a very rare asian or hispanic person that I even entertain a vague sexual thought about.

SO What?

Just because we’re forced to live in a kumbaya “We have to love everyone, and everyone should feel good about themselves” mediocre country, doesn’t mean that I have to share my friendship… or my bed with everyone.

When I talk about being someones friend it’s not in the fair weather sense.

I’m not particularly needy I can be quite content on my own. That doesn’t negate the fact that I’m a social animal and would appreciate the companionship.

I want to build my circle of friends. I can be a very good friend, you know… the kind of person that you can call at 3 am to pick your drunken ass up at a coffee shop or some chicks house when things went badly.

I expect the same kind of reliability of those that I call my friend too. 

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When it comes to sex… I try my personal best to never be mediocre about it!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with stating your racial preferences right up front. It saves everyone time, prevents misunderstandings, and potentially hurt feelings.

This is not being a racist!

How the hell are you going to perform in bed with someone that you’re not the least bit attracted to?

I suppose if I were an Escort or prostitute I wouldn’t have any ground to stand on. Mainly because I’d be in love with the Green color of Money!

But in my personal sex life I can afford to be picky.

So lets all grow up and stop apologizing for shit that you can’t change and accept that all of us have likes and dislikes and there’s nothing wrong with that.

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Why the hell is the gender of your sex partner so damn important?

It’s one of those things that I’ve been pondering lately.

It’s pretty much universal that all humans want to get off. We’re wired to seek out the neurological overload and subsequent endorphin release of an orgasm.

Most of us at some point in our early adolescence figure out;

a) That feels nice

b) That feels really nice!

c) OH MY GOD I’m dying… I’ve broken something… are these convulsions going to kill me? What will my mother say when she finds me like this?

d) Hmmm, I wonder if I can do that again!

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Then we’re all off and running. We’re trying to see what happens when we combine parts. When we do finally manage to combine our parts we find a whole new world of endorphin rush, and hopefully though not guaranteed, the comfort of loving human touch.

Some of us have funny memories about our first sexual encounter. Sadly some of us have memories of that first time being violent and wrong.

Most of us are clumsy, & awkward, the first few times, and yet somehow even in the “loss of innocence” there is a wonderful innocence in discovery.

Several times in my life I’ve been honored to have been asked questions by virgins of both genders. I’ve always said to these people;

“Make a good and happy memory. It’s a memory that you will carry with you for the rest of your life and it’s worth taking the time to make it a good one.”

I’m also a believer in something Xavier Hollander said many years ago. “If you have to be high, or drunk to have sex… you’re not ready to have sex.”

Thing is… In our humanness we all have common ground. Gender is secondary to humanness or so I’ve always believed.

I’ve personally had loads of sexual fun with both genders. I’ve been privileged to show more than one curious straight man what sex between men is like.

To me the willingness of the person and my emotional attachment to them is top priority, we’ll figure out how to make our parts fit and get off in the bedroom behind closed doors.

When we’re done we’ll both have smiles on our faces and hopefully be better friends…

Sometimes the intimacy is a simple touch, or listening. At the other end of the spectrum it’s the deep intimacy of sex. However giving pleasure and comfort in whatever form is really nothing more than an expression of how much you care about someone.

Isn’t that really what it’s supposed to be about?

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Maybe I’m just out of sorts…

Or maybe I’ve just been pushed over a  threshold.

There was an article in the Daily Mail talking about actor Jim Parsons. The article seems to have been trying to whip up some shock value about Mr. Parsons being gay, in a 10 year relationship and never having brought his other half to any events or award shows.

The author  LINDA MASSARELLA appears very interested in the fact that Mr. Parsons hasn’t revealed his lovers name.

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SAY WHAT????

Ms. Massarella I have to ask… What the hell business  is it of yours?

There may be some very good reasons for not doing a Hollyweird REVEAL.

Mr. Parsons other half could be working in any one of a 1000 businesses where the knowledge that he is gay could limit his advancement or terminate his career.

I’ve seen American Business up close and personal. I’ve watched what happens when a fundamentalist boss decides an employee is gay.

No more promotions

No more raises (or fractional percentages)

Business needs trumping the suspected gay employees vacation at the last moment. Or vacation requests not being approved at all because of business needs.

The gay employee is sent on every business trip (hey they’re gay… they can go to a bus stop and have sex.) This phenomena is especially evident around holidays. The US Office of Personnel Management lists 10 days as federally recognized holidays in 2012.

Most American companies don’t recognize four of those holidays. That means that if a business trip is likely to take an employee away during a holiday, the employee that is ordered on the trip will be single and probably gay.

Contrary to popular belief… being gay in American business often demands living in the closet. It’s not about being ashamed of being gay… it’s about making sure that promotions, raises, and career advancement isn’t artificially limited.

Even if an employee has a good boss when they come out there’s no guarantee that the next boss won’t be a fundamentalist or even a mostly moderate Christian hell bent on punishing the evil gay sinner.

For those people reading this who are thinking “Well you can sue for discriminatory practices“. Yep you’re right, you can… If you can prove it and the burden of proof is on the employee being discriminated against. Even in California! 

If you consider the rather volatile nature of a performers income, it’s possible that Mr. Parsons other half was the primary breadwinner in the relationship. They built a life together based on faith, trust and the overwhelming desire to help each other achieve their dreams.

Mr Parsons desire could have been funded by his other half working in business providing financial stability while Mr Parsons went to auditions, taking any parts offered. They probably never counted on Mr Parsons landing a recurring part in a hit TV series. Mr Parsons probably took care of a lot of the day to day household things so that his man could focus on moving up in his career, come home in the evening, have a drink and relax.

They likely built their lives around their combined income and lived modestly. I personally wouldn’t be surprised if they were still living a mostly modest life where the rules haven’t changed much. As anyone in long term relationships knows the roles each party chooses don’t really change much over time.

Ms. Massarella cites an Out Magazine article written by Michael Musto as support for her thesis that somehow Jim Parsons is less than honorable because he hasn’t outed his other half. The Musto article says absolutely nothing about performers outing their other half. It says that the group in the glass closet is shrinking. And that it’s finally become honorable and sensible for performers to bust out of the glass closet.

Between the time the Musto article was published and Ms. Massarellas piece in the Daily Mail… Mustos point has been proven. Jim Parson is now standing in the rubble of his shattered closet.

So Ms. Massarella… before you imply someone is dishonorable you really should think about what you’re saying.