Category: Gay / Straight

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Thoughts regarding Sheriff Paul Babeu

When this first broke, I thought that I wasn’t going to comment on it. I changed my mind after watching this news conference.

On several of the blogs that I read, there have been really shocking and horrific comments made about the sheriff. The most venomous and unfair remarks I’ve read were from blogs that cater to the gay world. Even the comments in blogs of the religious right weren’t as hostile.

This left me wondering what about this man had generated such venom. So when I saw a link to this news conference if figured I’d have my morning coffee and see what this guy could possibly say that would generate so much anger from the gay community.

This is a long video. I like a lot of what this man says. Those items we disagree on… well nobody’s perfect!

Sheriff Paul Babeu Press Conference from Paul Babeu on Vimeo.

Several things struck me about this guy.

He strikes me as genuine.

He’s doing his best to hold it together during a very public exposure of his sexuality. He comes across as a very private person and having something as personal as your sexual behavior splattered across the world wide news machine has to be difficult. I give him credit for hanging in there.

Sheriff Babeu explains his life philosophy pretty well. He says he’s a man of duty, and that duty and honor are both at the top of his priorities even when duty and honor may result in personal difficulties. He points out that he’s never lied about being gay. From another published comment attributed to Sheriff Babeu, He’s also never worn being gay on his sleeve.

Sheriff Babeu explains why he contacted an attorney to represent him in a disagreement with Jose. One of the things that caught my attention later in the news conference is that Sheriff Babeu refused to discuss the particulars of the relationship. It’s hard to make out but I think one of the reporters off camera asks something about the length of time the relationship lasted and when it ended. Sheriff Babeu only responds, “prior to September” and goes no further.

The Sheriff states a couple of times that he’s a single man, and that he’s done nothing wrong or illegal in dating other adults. At one point the Sheriff tells someone in the crowd that the minute details of his personal life aren’t anyones business. The person in the crowd doesn’t like that answer but quiets down pretty quickly.

During the whole interview I saw nothing but a guy dealing with a tough situation with a commendable amount of grace under pressure. Hell, I’d vote for him.

Sheriff Babeu didn’t come across as a racist,  hatemonger, liar, or abuser of power. So I was still at a loss to understand why the gay community as represented on the mainstream gay blogs were so hateful in their comments about this guy.

Then the Sheriff addresses the allegation that he threatened to have Jose deported.

AH HA! Here we go, THE HOT BUTTON ISSUE! Immigration…

Because every gay person should be completely happy with, and supportive of illegal immigrants. (Even though a large percentage of them are devoutly Catholic and by church doctrine are opposed to gay rights)

Sheriff Babeu says that he didn’t threaten Jose with deportation, and goes on to say that to his knowledge Jose’s immigration status was the same as anyones.

The commenters on the gay blogs and some of the blog sites themselves have locked onto this single allegation and in one of the most  hypocritical twists of logic have tried, convicted, and condemned Sheriff Babeu without any evidence whatsoever.

How can the gay community demand justice, freedom, and equality while at the same time stomping all over those very principals?

Sheriff Babeu, is an example of both what is right … and wrong in this country.

Here’s a guy that just lives his life. He works, contributes, serves his country, serves, his community, dates, and has bad breakups. He’s no different than any of the rest of the people in this country. In fact he’s the ultimate guy next door.

Here’s whats wrong in this country.

By saying “I’m Gay”, somehow all the contributions this man has made are thrown into question. Many people, in politics, the media, and some in the communities he serves will now look at Sheriff Babeu differently and few, will even seek to limit his freedoms.

Is it any wonder at all that folks like the Sheriff work so hard to keep their private lives private?

Our society creates and reinforces an environment where your choices are;

Be gay, open, honest…. And stigmatized… In corporate America, You’ll never gain promotions, achieve anything of note, or move up the corporate ladder to success. In the political arena, with few exceptions you’ll have to be a Democrat, can’t be conservative, and will probably not be taken seriously and therefore your career will always be limited. OR Hide.

Given those options which would you choose?

I hope that Sheriff Babeu is a tough as nails. I think the next few weeks are going to be very hard on him.

I sincerely hope that his friends continue to rally around him and that he’s never lacking for support.

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Gay People Are Not…

…Looking to convert anybody

Why on earth would you seek to convert someone’s sexuality? Especially if you knew that you were condemning the person or persons successfully converted to a life where hatred, ridicule, violence (in word and deed), and where federally mandated loss of constitutional rights was all they had to look forward to. No one is that cruel. Especially not Gay people.

…Child Molesters

In the main, gay people do not molest children. Straight People do!! After all Jerry Sandusky isn’t gay is he? Nor is Bernie Fine. In fact, I defy you to find a significant number of gay people within the larger group of identified child molesters. Contrary to what the Christian Right would have you believe, once someone comes to grips with their gayness they tend to get over the guilt and put together a life that is positive instead of one where they simmer in self loathing. Fundamentalist Christianity has done more to harm in this area than help. Shame and Guilt are not useful controls of human behavior they only serve to create a dark shadow world fueled by self hatred.

…Always Effeminate, Hairdressers, Interior Designers, or Fashionistas.

Gay people are in every walk of life. They are scientists, doctors, lawyers, house painters, machinists, magicians, singers, dancers, truckers, pilots, steel workers, boat captains, and auto mechanics. Pick ANY profession and you’ll find a gay person there. What the media often portrays as representative GAY people is the equivalent of the wonderful “Crazy Eyes” photos of Michelle Bachmann. (except SHE IS Crazy)

…Weak

Perhaps the most important thing to understand is that Gay people are not weak.

Many Gay people are, or were soldiers. Just because the Government and Christian Fundamentalists like Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Mit Romney, Michelle Bachmann, Tony Perkins, and Fred Phelps convinced themselves that dishonorable discharges were the only fit punishment for Gay soldiers…
It in no way means that the training those soldiers received was erased when their military careers were.

Those men and women are a resource and they’ll train the rest of the gay community if necessary to defend themselves.

In the main, gay people are pretty peaceful and liberal. A segment of the gay population is downright anti-gun, anti-war, & anti-volience, at any price. BUT… and this is important… Gay people come from all walks of life, and every single state and community within this country.

So all you Christian Fundamentalists out there, Picture your redneck cousins from Arkansas in your uncles truck with rifles. Toss in a couple of Desert Storm, Desert Shield, Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans. Sounds like a great time hunting Elk doesn’t it?

Now imagine them as ALL GAY. Scary?

If the fundamentalist, bible thumping, child molesting, sons of bitches, ever try to take basic rights away from Gay people or try something even more stupid like imprisoning people because they’re Gay…

Be assured that scary image is what they’ll be looking at. Think long and hard about it.

Oh, the Gays will be stylish, and will do you the courtesy of shooting your bigoted asses with the finest ammo money can buy.

But the bottom line is….

BRING IT BITCHES!


I can assure you that this is not 1939 Germany.

Demonizing a segment of the population for political gain won’t work with our political system.

We are not a theocracy. We separate church and state precisely to prevent the kind of religious purges we SAY we’re trying to prevent in Iraq, Afghanistan and elsewhere in the world.

So Please! Will all the presidential candidates stop pandering to the Fundamentalist Christian Fringe and start addressing the real problems of the Country?

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The FRC Has got to be kidding!

When I started writing this, I was annoyed, and very sarcastic. As I wrote I calmed down and the sarcasm level dropped. I went back and removed or re-worded the venom because I’d like this not to be a rant as much as I’d like it to be something that people read and say humm, I hadn’t thought about it that way.

The FRC (Family Research Council) published an article on their web site expressing their concern about modifications to the UCMJ (Universal Code of Military Justice).

They used a headline that reads “BESTIALITY SHOULD GIVE LEADERS PAWS IN TROOP BILL” saying they’re concerned about congress changing the UCMJ so that it wouldn’t include bestiality as an offense. 

The idea that our congresspeople wouldn’t understand how to edit a line like this is preposterous, but it gave FRC something to rattle cages with.

Specifically they’re concerned about the line that reads;

“Any person subject to this chapter who engages in unnatural carnal copulation with another person of the same or opposite sex or with an animal is guilty of sodomy.”

I pray to God these folks review their Christian beliefs and consider the following; 

Not all troops are gay. Those that are gay, really worked hard and sacrificed a lot for the privilege of serving their country.

Yeah, most Gay Soldiers I’ve talked to think of it as a privilege.

Sadly, gay troops sometimes face open hostility from other gay people because they’re soldiers.

So much of the gay community is so far to the left that sometimes gay soldiers are treated like traitors or criminals. (You should see how the gay community reacts if you’re a Republican! You’re not even dateable.) This from the very community that is supposed to be inclusive and proud of them…

Yet they serve, without complaint, without drama, they just do their jobs.

The conservative religious people are effectively asking that America reward that kind of dedication and love of country with what?

Lies? Fear? Never being able to dance in public with their loved one? Revulsion? Being treated as something “Less” but good enough to die? It doesn’t seem very Christian to me, and it’s sure as hell not American.

The bottom line for all of our service members regardless of sexuality is this;

They shouldn’t have to lie, to serve.
They shouldn’t have to live in fear, to serve.
They shouldn’t have to live a half life, to serve
They protect our way of life and should be respected and treated fairly and equally due to their service.

The FRC will wrap itself in the flag, talk about equality and fairness and vehemently defend its rights while at the same time hypocritically denying others their rights.

But they’ll never answer the simple questions “Why are you afraid, and of what?”

Is it any wonder that so many people look at religion and religious institutions with suspicion?

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Is Social Media Bad?

Several weeks ago, After reading of  another suicide by an all too young man who had been bullied incessantly I found myself thinking about Social Media.

Social Media inherently is neither good or bad on it’s own.

It’s the WAY that people use it for that cause the problems.

The young man who recently killed himself over being bullied brought home to me a major difference between when I was in school and now.

While I was bullied a bit when I was AT school, When I got home I didn’t have to think about being bullied at all. I was on my own turf. I had a break, and the bullies were far too lazy to walk the three blocks over to my house to bully me in person.

There was a built-in system of checks & balances. I only had to put up with those assholes while I was at school and I could use the afternoon and evening while I was pretending to do my homework to figure out the best way to avoid the bullies for a couple of days.

Bullies being what they are, if you’re out of their sight for a day or so you’re typically forgotten for several weeks. Oh don’t worry, the bullies would always come back around to you again.

I was a redhead when I was younger, I got to deal with taunts about my hair color, “I’d rather be dead than red”, taunts about my sports inability, “You (run, throw, catch) like a girl”, and later “the ever present “Faggot!”.

In my defense, once my legs and arms slowed down in their growth I suddenly became a lot more co-ordinated, and no longer ran, threw, or caught like a girl.

With Social media and the 24 /7 connectedness each of us deals with, we find it harder to retreat.

As an Adult I know I can turn off my cell phone, and I don’t feel compelled to be on Facebook, or Twitter, Tumblr, or any other system that invades my privacy except on my terms.

Our children don’t seem to understand that connectedness is something that they control.

It may be more proper to say our children, being social animals and craving approval simply don’t have the maturity to exercise their right to to retreat by turning off the electronics.

Maybe that’s the real lesson.

We know that parental controls probably won’t work, and we really shouldn’t expect the schools to stop all bullying. I’m firmly against so called “Zero Tolerance” policies.

These policies are unenforceable and in fact often punish the wrong persons. Saying Zero Tolerance to most teenagers is like waving a red flag in front of a bull.

Perhaps we should instead teach that technology, while essentially a good thing does have a down side and that each of us needs to remember ultimately we have control over what we see, hear, and participate in.

Social media isn’t bad, but it is certainly prone to abuse. Dealing with that abuse is as simple as blocking people that are abusive and forbidding anonymous posts.

This isn’t a bad thing. It’s simply exercising your right to limit what you have to put up with.

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Notably absent from the media…

I have noted that the gay men and women that lost their lives, or were first responders on 9/11 have been glaringly under-represented in the national media. In many cases their names haven’t even been mentioned.

This article is a good reminder that Gay folks are / have / will be at every event in human history. Regardless of what the religious zealots would have you believe.

Here is a page that lists those men & women. Some were heros, some were victims, ALL were loved.