Category: Satire

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Bidenomics Is working!

I was in the barbershop and somehow I’d missed that The President had actually used the term. The solemn newscaster was trying very hard to talk Bidenomics up but was having a hard time reading his script. I’d bet that newscaster will be working for one of the conservative outlets soon or he’ll blow his brains out. Cognitive Dissonance is a real bitch for any honest person to maintain, eventually they’ll snap one way or another.

Up to this point I’d thought the term was pure sarcasm from Conservatives. When I found out it wasn’t satire or sarcasm I about fell out of the barbers chair.

My Barber grumbled about how tough his finances had become.

His rates are a bit higher than the chain haircut places. I’ll pay the price to be in a male space where I can have a straight razor shave and not smell the stench of hair chemicals. I have him line up my beard with a straight razor and I get a good hair cut and beard trim / shaping.

Yes, it’s more expensive than the chains, but it’s a monthly ritual where I get value for the dollar, and it makes me feel good about myself.

All that being said, not everyone understands the value or has the cash to partake of it. (Technically I don’t have the cash but I’ll eat ramen and hotdogs a couple nights a week for a month to be able to afford doing something nice for myself, egg salad sandwiches are inexpensive to make despite the cost of eggs these days. I’m not wealthy enough to contemplate a luxury item like tuna or cat food.)

If I had a family to feed or a shit paying job that I had to commute to, then I might make a different choice. Apparently, a lot of my barber’s clients have been forced to make a different choice.

Whether the families are going to the chains or Mom is cutting everyone’s hair is unknown, but business is down.

I’ve seen other evidence of business being down too. The last couple of Costco’s I’ve been in were crowded, but not as crowded as pre-covid & Biden. Even my Home Depot isn’t as busy as it was in 2019 and 2020. Either everyone got their projects done or don’t have the time (due to a second job,) and/or money to do those projects anymore. I’ve noticed in both stores that there are still empty shelves. The pet store is very often out of the large size treats for my dog. I’ve taken to looking for the big sizes in every store I shop in.

The Barber grumbled, “If this is his idea of working, we’re screwed!”

I replied, “But it is working, and it’s beautiful.”

Point of interest… It can be scary making a provocative comment to a Barber while he is holding a razor to your throat. Think Sweeney Todd!

I continued, “Every single thing the Biden administration has done since seizing power has been to degrade, destroy, reverse, or otherwise undo any of the prosperity of the Trump years. Literally the Biden Administration has reversed even those policies that were working effectively, and in so doing has created chaos. They haven’t cared that killing working policies has damaged their administration, or that the President’s approval rating is the lowest of any President in decades. The administration has consistently gone about erasing or expunging all traces of Trump, and they’ve done so with a single minded fervor that rivals Chairman Mao’s purges. I don’t personally want Trump as president again. But I can’t have any respect for an administration that cancels working policies simply because of whose name is on those policies. When I think about it The Biden Administration seems to have elements of a proto-dictatorship. They’re not quite there, but give them another 4 years and they’ll probably find a way to move closer to dictatorship. Remember some countries suspend elections during declared national emergencies, be it military, natural disaster, or financial difficulties…”

My Barber went back to straightening the beard line at my throat, “Okay, I’m following you there but how is Bidenomics working?”

I smiled and waited for him to stand up with the blade away from my throat, “That’s simple, Bidenomics is demonstrably working. Your proof is many people in the country, maybe half, specifically those who are traditionally conservative and work for a living in flyover states are suffering. This is clearly punishment from the Democratic Party for America’s rebellious voting in 2016, when everyone was supposed to vote for Hillary. Bidenomics is working exactly as designed. It was supposed to destroy the economy, increase financial stress across the board, create a greater divide between the ‘Haves and Have Nots’, screw up retirement for boomers, and keep people angry and polarized. All of this potential strife must be in place before the 2024 election. That way, if by some chance, a Republican who is not under full control of the political machine in Washington is elected, rioting can commence instantly. The administration having Joe Biden claim Bidenomics is working is quite possibly the only true thing said in the White House during this administration.”

“I don’t know if I believe your assessment. I do think you’re one of the scariest people I know. Your ability to think in such a diabolical and evil way is terrifying. Here, have a beer,” my Barber said opening a brew.

“Thank you, I’m an amateur. The truly terrifying people are those who live this shit 24/7 in Washington DC. They’re called the United States Government.”

At which point we both had a good laugh.

My Barber went back to his work on my beard, and the conversation turned toward wondering if our sexual escapades of the past would come to haunt us in the future.

The question, “Have you ever wondered if your aggressive sex from years ago might be considered sexual abuse or even rape by todays standards,” led to another fun conversation that could only be had in a safe male space.

Have a good weekend!

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One Disaster at a time please!

Scnet beetlejuice 5408As of today, all disasters must take a number!

I’ll get to them in the order they occur and in my own damn time.

On the other hand, perhaps just ignoring them might be an option. In the case of sick relatives… Well, that will probably resolve itself on its own.

I know CostCo sells coffins, but do they have a family pack?

The past weeks have been eventful, and while I’m not complaining I sure could use a break.

The problem with aging and having aged parents is that with each passing day it’s ever more likely that something is going to happen where someone you care about someplace winds up in a hospital or the morgue.

In the last month I’ve learned that while I like tiled floors, cleaning blood out of grout is virtually impossible. So that scene in Scarface while memorable, is impractical with advanced forensics and DNA evidence. If you do a chainsaw murder make sure the area has nothing porous anywhere within the splatter zone. 

Not that I’m advocating bloody murders in anyway, it’s just that you’re going to get caught if you use a tile enclosure. Call that my criminal PSA for the year.

About a week after learning the lesson of grout. I was faced with the worst nightmare of anyone living a great distance from family. Death and hospitalization, not in that order… It wouldn’t make any sense to put someone who died in a hospital. What’s the point, right?

Most of my parents generation is in their 80s, many of them are single handedly keeping their local pharmacy open. With advancing age and infirmity comes the likelihood that someone is going to wake up one sunny morning dead. That’s happened in my family. Two days later another member was hospitalized. I’m waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop and taking care of the other half who’s been “off” for the better part of two months. Remember the grout? 

So the horns of dilemma are poking my bottom mercilessly. Do I stay on one coast to look after the other half, or do I head to the other coast to attend one funeral, visit another hospitalized family member and perhaps get back home only to go back to the opposite coast a month of two later.

Numerically speaking two events on the East Coast outweigh one event on the West. Excluding the deceased family member though, the numbers stack up even 1 to 1. Logic says take care of living people because the dead ones are beyond caring.

Over the last year I’ve seen way too much of hospitals, rehab clinics, and Emergency rooms. I hate them all.

So family, you’ve got a choice. Either all go to the same hospital / funeral home at the same time, OR schedule getting sick! In other words take a number and wait your turn!

Yes, yes, I realize that waking up dead is inconvenient and you’ll lose your Tee Time. But think about the rest of us having to clean up the mess. The squabbling, and infighting are awful. Outliers of the family skulking about trying to see if they can score a car or silverware. It is simply annoying and messy. The stress on the other old members of the family takes its toll too. The last thing anyone needs is one of them, already with one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel, getting a shove into the grave stressing out about your funeral.

So to my family members… Just stick around spend the children’s inheritance on hookers if you want.

Be polite. Be immortal, and make that 6AM Tee Time, maybe you’ll finally break 80. Given that your vision is failing, you’re all old, and no-one is going to say a word if you play someone else’s ball on the green. Just don’t wander off with another group of golfers while the rest of us are looking for the ball that you sliced into the water trap on an adjacent fairway. If it comes to it, I’d be willing to “mulligan” you right to the green if you’d just stick around.

Give it some thought.

Love you all.

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The moment I saw the word, I knew this would happen

The word is PureBlood.

This is a term that some unvaccinated people are using to identify themselves. These folks are specifically referring to the COVID vaccine and while they’re probably vaccinated against other common childhood illnesses they’re drawing the line at the mRNA vaccines.

In a way it makes sense. Unvaccinated people were demonized as pariahs. Many of them lost their jobs, some of their children are being denied the opportunity to attend school (in person or via remote learning), our military is still dismissing trained soldiers who have requested and been denied religious exemption. Latest reports I’ve read, put the number of unvaccinated at a little north of 30% of the population.

The story of the COVID vaccine has shifted over the past 2 years. First it was, “you won’t get sick,” then the storyline morphed into, “you won’t get as sick”. The story in the beginning was that if you got vaccinated you’d not spread COVID, now data is suggesting that you can still spread it and that may be worse because you might be asymptomatic. Therefore spreading it unknowingly, although this is no different from unvaccinated people who are asymptomatic so that’s probably a wash.

The shifting winds of the efficacy and repeated boosters have not lent a lot of credence to the narrative presented by the powers that be.

President Biden said COVID was a pandemic of the unvaccinated. Then went off and got COVID after being quadruple vaccinated. It’s interesting to note that President Biden’s entire Presidency seems to have been about identifying and then demonizing “The Other”. First it was the unvaccinated, now it’s MAGA.

Fauci suffered the same embarrassment over vaccinations, He still got COVID, and later suffered a Paxlovid rebound.

Through it all there were people that chose not to get the vaccine. For some, it was a matter of religion, for others it was a matter of their particular biology which resulted in the vaccine being contraindicated. Still others had COVID early on and saw no need to be vaccinated against something they’d already had and survived. Others just didn’t trust the government and their mistrust only grew as the government brought force and shame to bear.

But one aspect has been fairly constant. Demonization. The unvaccinated were “Dirty”, “Unpatriotic”, “Selfish”, and “AntiSocial”. There were media pundits that suggested putting the unvaccinated into camps.

None of this would engender compliance for people who made their own decisions and were willing to live with the consequences.

Some of the unvaccinated believe that the mRNA vaccines will cause long term health issues and reproductive harm. Fauci himself admitted in an interview that abnormal bleeding and irregular menstruation, post vaccine, needed further study.

It seems that a lot of the unvaccinated also believe that the vaccines alter the DNA of the person. I’ve seen interesting justifications both pro and con in this stance. I don’t have sufficient information about genetics or the interaction of RNA / DNA to comment nor is there any need for the purposes of this post.

The point is, PureBlood is being used to describe in a broad sense unvaccinated folks. The unvaxed are owning it instead of covering it up. Now they’re making dating and mating choices based on their status.

There are PureBlood dating sites. 

In a way it makes sense. If you’re a PureBlood and you believe that reproductive harm is caused by COVID Vaccines, then you’d want to date and perhaps marry another PureBlood in order to insure that your children had the best shot at a healthy life without genetic abnormalities.

The added benefit is that you’re more likely to share similar political or religious beliefs.

Lots of people on the internet are sneering and making nasty comments about these sites. Why they’d bother? I have no idea. The unvaccinated are probably not going to be interested in them, and they’re not going to be interested in the unvaccinated. But the internet at large seems to NEED to find fault.

For the unvaccinated, it’s just more of the same.

Some of the younger unvaccinated males have made interesting responses. The best was a guy responding to a particularly nasty thread saying, “Don’t worry ladies, my sperm will only cost you 10K a vial when your man finds out he’s sterile and you want a kid. You have no worries that I’d ever put my dick in your diseased cooch!”

I read that, and blew water out my nose. (I should learn not to drink when I’m scanning comment threads.)

The responses from some of the nastier women were very unladylike. Most were generally along the lines of, “In your dreams you racist, misogynist, transphobic, homophobic, piece of shit, better the species die out than have to carry your seed in my belly”

His response was, “Yeah remember that when you’re begging to jerk me off.”

Funny thing to me, (aside from his responses,) is that so many really nasty women put in the time to search for the site, and then took the time to raise a vitriolic stink by writing comments. They could have done what a lot of “Normal” people do, not bothered!

As I was reading about these sites, and there are a growing number, I wondered how long it would be before small enclaves started. This could be the seeds for the next Waco or Ruby Ridge type commune. 

A lot of the unvaccinated seem to think that the vaccinated will die off. I’m not sure where that belief comes from. There are statistics from other countries that suggest a higher than usual mortality due to all causes over the past two years. The numbers seem to be increasing.

I think that this is probably due to people not getting in to their doctors for routine checkups. By the time folks did get to the doctor, things had progressed too far to be stopped. In other words, I think the unvaccinated folks belief may be due to coincidence instead of provable fact.

Again, I’m not a doctor, biochemist, virologist, or anything in the medical field so this is just my opinion.

It struck me that this is how religions and / or cults get started.

Viktor

I wonder if the President’s next speech will attempt to demonize white supremacist PureBloods.

I have to admit, hearing something like, “The PureBloods are dangerous to us all, they’re evil!” has a lot sexier ring to it.

With a little PR I’ll bet you could make PureBloods out to be practitioners of blood rituals and satanic rites aimed at the destruction of democracy.

I probably shouldn’t give the spin doctors any ideas…

After all, I too am a PureBlood.

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So I’ve been looking at Fascist Clothing…

Hey, those SS uniforms really looked sharp.

NAZI Fashion

Why not? As a white, CIS, conservative leaning, male, I’m already suspect.

According to the media and to some extent The President I’m already a bad guy.

I’m white – OH NO!!!!
 – I don’t have my requisite KKK uniform. Designer sheets just don’t cut it. The Brothers in the Klan don’t think pretty little flowers are appropriate. I also have not had myself pilloried in the public square so that I may renounce my whiteness, and have no intention to do so.

I’m CIS – Oh My God! 
– I’ve never felt the need to be other than a male and I’m pretty happy with my tackle. In this day that too, is apparently some sign of deep psychosis.

I’m conservative learning – Oh SHIT! 
– Just because I want smaller government, a balanced budget, responsible spending, lower taxes, and our leaders to do their jobs for all of the nation, I’m likely to be on some list somewhere.

I’m a male with no need to declare my pronouns – DAMN! God must really hate me.
– I’ve really tried to contain my toxicity, but there’s nothing to be done. By definition I must be a misogynist and therefore a threat to every single woman anywhere within a 50 mile radius.

Now I’m a fascist too.

Damn, I just can’t catch a break.

There may be a silver lining. Since I’m already guilty of all these terrible things, with no hope of redemption, I’m free.

I’m free to step on toes, free to speak my mind, free of walking on egg shells around people.

Because it just doesn’t matter anymore. I no longer have any need to “BE GOOD”. Now for the first time since I can remember I can just fucking relax.

The only way to win this game we’ve been sucked into… Is not to play.

I can go out without a mask, I can purchase guns, and ammunition. I can drive my gas car and maybe I’ll buy myself a gas powered truck too. Heck, I might load my car up with trash and drive down the freeway tossing it out the window. Forget about me separating recycle from household trash!

I’m free to catcall a woman or man, I’m free to use the “N” word or any other racist epithet as much as I want to. I can smoke, drink, fuck, eat red meat, or whatever the hell else I want to do because nothing I do trying to be a good guy matters.

If someone drops on the street due to a heart attack, I can ask what their political affiliation is. If they’re not my party… Sorry dude, you’re gonna die. I’ll skip away happily, after all I don’t want to trouble someone from the other party’s conscience. Imagine the everlasting horror they’d have to carry were I to save their life.

Given all this, I thought, “Hey those Nazi uniforms made the guys wearing them look really sharp.”

So I’m looking for a supplier.

Why bother looking like everyone else? Anyone seeing me on the street will know to avoid me for any or all of the aforementioned irrevocable personality defects. 

Oh… Look there’s a good price on “wife beater” undershirts!

Yes, I’m being sarcastic but there is a kernel of truth here.

When you continuously demonize a select group of people, they’re left with only one choice. Become exactly what they’re expected to be. They’ve already PAID the price over and over again. Why bother trying to change people’s perception?

Wasn’t this the justification put forth by liberals in the 70’s & 80’s to explain the higher crime rates, and justify spending more money in inner city black neighborhoods?

Just asking…

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It’s the language…

That’s primarily what keeps bringing me back to American Thinker.

Most of the articles are written at an English proficiency level beyond those of Slate, Mother Jones, or often The Atlantic.

This was underscored for me this morning as I read the following piece in American Thinker, “The Top 10 COVID Villains of 2021“

I know, the title alone is enough to put most of my liberal friends and acquaintances off. I ask them, “Where’s your egalitarianism? some of you correctly demanded that I broaden my reading scope. Surely, reading one article will not cause your “Progressive card” to be revoked.” Unless of course you’ve submitted to constant monitoring of your data stream by “The Party”

By no means, do I think the article was written as anything more than a “Fun Piece,” with a bit of a sting… In being a “Fun Piece” the article excels. When was the last time in any main stream press article that you saw words like, consigliere, execrable, harpy, fatuously, cudgel, avuncular,  and brucellosis (Had to look that one up) in one place used correctly?

When was the last time one of those articles mentioned, Jimmy Hoffa, Michael Corleone, Grendel’s mother, Donna Reed, Margaret Hamilton, Oompa Loompas, Machiavelli, Mister Rogers, Dr. Evil, Dr. Strangelove, and Marcus Welby MD, in the same piece?

For the linguistic legerdemain and funny callbacks to cultural icons, the article is worth the 5 minutes to read.

Something else that caught my attention. As I read aloud some of the bits that made me chuckle to the other half, I noticed that the vocabulary was unapologetic. If your vocabulary wasn’t sufficient you wouldn’t be amused by the article. Same goes for your knowledge of cultural references. This piece was written for Americans who spoke American English and have shared American experiences.

Then while pondering this. It occurred to me that many of the other articles in mainstream publications are written very simply. They often have typos which are artifacts of either someone who speaks English as a second language, or the author is using some kind of transcription software, rather than actually physically typing their article manually.

I have used similar transcription software but find that it is often more trouble than it is worth. I spend far more time editing the results than I would’ve done just typing what I had to say in the first place. It’s also far easier to miss errors if you’re editing a large block of transcribed text.

This lead me to ponder when the next major evolution of the English language would happen. For the moment people seem to have contented themselves with rendering all pronouns utterly useless. I will not be surprised to discover that, “To, Two, Too, Their, There, They’re, & Your, You’re,” are next on the agenda to be eliminated. I’m sure those offensive words will be followed shortly by homonyms.

The obvious justification for these words elimination from our lexicon will be that they are racist. Clearly these words are a plot by white supremacy to confuse the language, making it harder for BIPOC folks to score well on English Exams. That will be the selling point.

The reality is much more mundane. The transcription software can’t differentiate which of the words is meant. Rather than tell “Journalists” or journalism majors, that they have to type instead of dictate, it’s more in line with equity to remove the words entirely.

Et Voilà, suddenly, there will be another tell tale by which White Supremacy can be detected. If a writer or speaker, has a broad vocabulary they must by definition be part of the patriarchal white supremacist group.

The above argument is stupid on its face. However I’ll not be surprised by some variation of this stupidity being touted as truth and justice, or CRT.

I keep coming back to American Thinker because the articles are more often than not well thought out, and they use English. I love reading English that isn’t dumbed down, homogenized, and written on par with a Dick and Jane book. I enjoy reading something where the words used, have the meaning intended.

Any article will quickly lose my interest if there are multiple examples of the incorrect word being used in the piece.

I’m reading the article because it had something in the title that caught my attention, if I’m having to guess at the intended meaning of paragraphs or sentences then I conclude that the author doesn’t know what they’re talking about and is quite probably wrong. Therefore there is no need to waste further time on a piece.

There was a recent article (within the past year) in a mainstream publication where the author asserted that our planet orbited our star in the center of our galaxy, which in turn orbited an almost infinite solar system that contained at its center, a massive black hole. This was repeated several times in the article and clearly demonstrated a very flawed understanding of at best, the terms Galaxy and Solar System. At worst, astronomy in general. I’ll leave it to the reader to pick apart how horribly wrong the author’s statements were.

Where are the fact checkers for that kind of misinformation? It’s pretty easy stuff to look up!

I’m also bored very quickly if an article in a publication requires me to have the Urban Dictionary open in the background so that I may decode the bastardization of common words.

I remember when Urban Dictionary was a satire site, you went there during lunch to amuse yourself while eating at your desk. Now it’s almost an indispensable reference, especially if I happen to read a Rolling Stone article.

I’d prefer to think this is not a function of me getting older. However there is only so far my powers of denial will go.

If you’d like to read opinion pieces more complex than Dick and Jane, but not as heavy as War and Peace give American Thinker a go. As I discover additional media that doesn’t require a lobotomy or drug induced haze to read, I’ll pass them along.