Category: Humor

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Why was it wrong when I said it?

I’m not sure, but I think hell froze over. John Kerry said something that I agreed with.

He says there are too many humans.

I’ve been saying that for years, but when I said it and offered solutions everyone was aghast.

When I asked why we were worried about COVID and suggested that it might be a natural culling of the weak genetics in our species, I was called cruel. When I’ve questioned our interference in natural processes by preserving the lives of, and allowing genetically damaged people to reproduce I’m called a NAZI!!!

But John Kerry saying that 10 billion people on Earth by 2050 is unsustainable and it’s the gospel from on high.

The difference I suppose is that John Kerry says it while flitting about on his private jet, drinking his water from unsustainable plastic bottles, and demanding all the rest of us live down in the mud.

I’d happily put the majority of mankind at my feet living in the mud. Why does John Kerry get all the fun?

To give you an idea what I think of the large majority of humanity, consider this.

If I could figure out how to sell 4/5ths of humanity into slavery to an alien race I’d do it. Family and friends and people who have brains, common sense, or awesome genetics, would of course be exempt.

The truly vile people, I’d sell to alien brothels because I’m a tad vengeful. Politicians and lawyers should get on their knees every day and beg God almighty that I never figure out how to send a galactic garage sale notice.

My price would be this. I’d want a comfortably sized, well armed, faster than light spacecraft, a prepaid credit card (or alien equivalent) to buy supplies and fuel that was good as long as I lived, and lastly treaties that placed our planet and entire solar system in a protected status. I’d want to give the humans left a chance to evolve into something better. I’d like to see humanity reach its potential.

Yep, that’s my price. Dirt cheap if you think about it.

The cruelty is on par with the global elites methods. My way, it’s possible that a slave could earn their freedom and be returned to Earth, significantly wiser.

While John Kerry says, the powerful governments need to address ways to provide for all the mouths to feed. The elites already know the answer. They already have plans in place. The logic is irrefutable, a whole lot of people need to to not be here. Either they’re exported off world to colonize the Moon, Mars, and beyond or they have to die.

I think this is why the global elite class seems to be intent on endless wars, internal strife, fomenting racial hatred, starvation, loss of livelihood, reduction of farmland or farmland productivity, and the degradation of mankind.

When Kerry, or people like him speak, I hear, “Us pissing on your heads is a lovely warm yellow rain. Don’t worry ‘mudboy’, in no time you’ll all be remembering fondly the halcyon days of yellow rain”

I honestly believe if Kerry and his ilk could “Thanos” the planet they would in a heartbeat. It’s possible that the only reason they haven’t put half the planet to the sword, is they’re uncomfortable with a completely random selection process and instead are trying to pick & choose.

If they’re working on choosing, my suggestion is to start with the individuals who have the largest personal carbon footprints.

I keep thinking, if Kerry is really committed to saving the planet he’ll be the first person to try a suicide booth.

Come on, we all know it’s coming.

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I really Can’t Resist!

Hey Disney, the little girls are there to spend obscene ($250 or more,) amounts of money.

The little girls want to dress up like princesses!

They’re not looking to meet a frumpy “Queen”

Clearly, the old school Disney Fairy Godmother’s wand didn’t work on poor Nick here.

If you want a Fairy Godmother that knows her stuff even if she’s a bit driven, ya gotta go with the fairy godmother from Shrek2!

That lady knew how to make a man. Just look at her Bodyguards, and Kyle, and what she did to Shrek, Donkey, and the King of Far Far Away.

The King of Far Far Away didn’t look like much, but then again the Fairy Godmother started out with a toad.

One assumes she’d make an assistant that was awesome instead of sad and frumpy looking. She understood Marketing!

Shrek’s Fairy Godmother was a busy lady.

Disney should call RuPaul for assistance with this particular drag emergency. Unless The Magic Kingdom isn’t even trying anymore.

Just a thought Disney, Just a thought…

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One Disaster at a time please!

Scnet beetlejuice 5408As of today, all disasters must take a number!

I’ll get to them in the order they occur and in my own damn time.

On the other hand, perhaps just ignoring them might be an option. In the case of sick relatives… Well, that will probably resolve itself on its own.

I know CostCo sells coffins, but do they have a family pack?

The past weeks have been eventful, and while I’m not complaining I sure could use a break.

The problem with aging and having aged parents is that with each passing day it’s ever more likely that something is going to happen where someone you care about someplace winds up in a hospital or the morgue.

In the last month I’ve learned that while I like tiled floors, cleaning blood out of grout is virtually impossible. So that scene in Scarface while memorable, is impractical with advanced forensics and DNA evidence. If you do a chainsaw murder make sure the area has nothing porous anywhere within the splatter zone. 

Not that I’m advocating bloody murders in anyway, it’s just that you’re going to get caught if you use a tile enclosure. Call that my criminal PSA for the year.

About a week after learning the lesson of grout. I was faced with the worst nightmare of anyone living a great distance from family. Death and hospitalization, not in that order… It wouldn’t make any sense to put someone who died in a hospital. What’s the point, right?

Most of my parents generation is in their 80s, many of them are single handedly keeping their local pharmacy open. With advancing age and infirmity comes the likelihood that someone is going to wake up one sunny morning dead. That’s happened in my family. Two days later another member was hospitalized. I’m waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop and taking care of the other half who’s been “off” for the better part of two months. Remember the grout? 

So the horns of dilemma are poking my bottom mercilessly. Do I stay on one coast to look after the other half, or do I head to the other coast to attend one funeral, visit another hospitalized family member and perhaps get back home only to go back to the opposite coast a month of two later.

Numerically speaking two events on the East Coast outweigh one event on the West. Excluding the deceased family member though, the numbers stack up even 1 to 1. Logic says take care of living people because the dead ones are beyond caring.

Over the last year I’ve seen way too much of hospitals, rehab clinics, and Emergency rooms. I hate them all.

So family, you’ve got a choice. Either all go to the same hospital / funeral home at the same time, OR schedule getting sick! In other words take a number and wait your turn!

Yes, yes, I realize that waking up dead is inconvenient and you’ll lose your Tee Time. But think about the rest of us having to clean up the mess. The squabbling, and infighting are awful. Outliers of the family skulking about trying to see if they can score a car or silverware. It is simply annoying and messy. The stress on the other old members of the family takes its toll too. The last thing anyone needs is one of them, already with one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel, getting a shove into the grave stressing out about your funeral.

So to my family members… Just stick around spend the children’s inheritance on hookers if you want.

Be polite. Be immortal, and make that 6AM Tee Time, maybe you’ll finally break 80. Given that your vision is failing, you’re all old, and no-one is going to say a word if you play someone else’s ball on the green. Just don’t wander off with another group of golfers while the rest of us are looking for the ball that you sliced into the water trap on an adjacent fairway. If it comes to it, I’d be willing to “mulligan” you right to the green if you’d just stick around.

Give it some thought.

Love you all.