A Friend sent me a list of these. I thought it would be fun to share them
Paraprosdokians are phrases or sentences that lead us down the garden path to an unexpected ending.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
Always Been a fan of the movie Dogma
If you haven’t seen the movie it’s well worth your time.
There are a lot of pious religious folks that really hated the movie because they didn’t like it’s portrayal of the church, angels, and it’s generally irreverent take on God.
Personally, I suspect that God was sitting in the audience laughing right along with the rest of us.
I bring this whole thing up because I’ve been really ill with a cold / sinus / allergy? thing for going on 7 days. God created the world in 7 days… I’m done with feeling lousy!
As I was sitting in my favorite chair last night flipping aimlessly through TV channels all I could think was “When is this going to end?”
Which led me to Alan Rickmans line “It never ends” as he’s wiping the blood off his jacket with the hem of Gods clothes.
Strange what you think about at 3 am when you realize that your body is putting up a good fight. In the process the bug that you’ve caught is finding all new ways to inflict pain. Then you realize that the bug in question hasn’t any clue whatsoever that it’s making you want to stick you head in a microwave.
Who knew that your teeth could hurt in such exquisite ways. Not a toothache per-se but a whole palate of pain that would make what Dustin Hoffman endured in the movie “Marathon Man” seem like Sunday at the park with Ice cream.
Much later last night, I noticed that every time there was a breeze through the house or indeed if I moved the comforter on the bed I’d start coughing violently. This led me to ask why?
I’d noticed a lot more pollen than usual in the air over the past few days. I started wondering if part of the problem was that there was so much pollen my body was simply trying to expel yet more foreign bodies.
When I say pollen… I mean that everything that can bloom is blooming. There are clouds of the stuff so thick at times it looks like dust storm. Everything in the house is covered with a pale yellow dust.
You want to talk sick??? Think of the pollen this way it’s cum!
Yeah you read that right it’s plant spooge, and you’re breathing it, eating it, and you can’t get away from it. Makes what you do in the bedroom seem pretty tame don’t if?
Don’t even try to tell me you don’t swallow!
At this point I was actually thinking about sleeping in the back seat of my car. I could even program it to fire up the fans and suck filtered air into the cabin ever 4 hours.
It’s been in the garage for the past week. Sealed like a space capsule, all the cabin filters in place. A beautiful leather clad oasis of clean air oh my!
Sleeping in the car was looking better and better. The space craft metaphor is strangely true in the case of that car.. There are times when I expect to hear Majel Barrett Roddenberrys’ voice saying something like “Warning you’ve entered a personal hazard zone.” As I drive through Southern California.
Ok yeah it’s weird.
Tell me you’ll do better after the 6th consecutive night of getting 2 hours of sleep and coughing so hard your’e tasting blood then wondering if your lungs are coming up next. I double dog dare you!
As the morning light dispelled the insanity of the witching hours a simple plan began to gather like the light in the East.
It dawned on me that an experiment to find out if it’s the pollen or if I have a cold would be to close the house, (limiting the introduction of more pollen) and turn on the A/C.
The recycled air is filtered albeit not well, but limiting the introduction of additional pollen might go a long way toward removing the irritants. Much as I hate to have the A/C on this early in the year I figure I can run the experiment for 48 hours and see what happens.
Which leads me back to “Dogma”
There’s a scene where one of the demons says “No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater… than central air. “
So here I sit having a cup of coffee house darkened by drawn shades the sexual sinning hum of the A/C compressor occasionally heard from outside. And You know what? I’m not coughing as much. The real test will be tonight when I try to get some sleep.
Meanwhile the Dogs are more than happy with the A/C being on. They’re snoring loudly on their beds.
Now you’ve been through part of the rabbit hole that is my brain.
I hope you’ve incurred no permanent damage.
Here’s a bonus question… The control panel shown above, what fictional species does it belong to?
—– Update —–
Running the A/C & keeping the house closed seem to have helped. I also got a whole 6 hours of sleep. It was restless sleep but sleep nonetheless.
I haven’t braved the big bad world outside yet today. According to the weather reports it’s supposed to get windy in the valleys starting today so I’m guessing we may see the wind pick up a little bit here. More blowing pollen oh joy…
Part of the restless sleep was that I kept dreaming about driving through Germany after having picked one of these babies up in Leipzig . If you’re going to have restless dreams you should at least make them worthwhile.
This is the BMW i8. I know I’ll never be able to afford one even if it makes it out of the concept stage. I can dream though can’t I?
Paraprosdokian Of the Week
A Friend sent me a list of these. I thought it would be fun to share them
Paraprosdokians are phrases or sentences that lead us down the garden path to an unexpected ending.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
In yet another spectacular failure of the American Education System…
Anderson Cooper interviews a supporter of Pastor Charles Worley.
Pastor Worley has recently come to national attention because of a sermon he delivered, in which he suggested that the Gays should be put in concentration camps to die off.
The good pastor and his church have taken a lot of heat for his sermon.
This young lady, I respect because she at least had the gumption to stand up for her pastor, her church, and her beliefs.
Sadly it appears that she hadn’t really thought out her game plan and she was obviously no match for Anderson.
A friend sent me this link
http://cnn.com/video/?/video/bestoftv/2012/05/24/ac-intv-church-member-defends-pastor.cnn
After watching the video I almost felt sorry for her.
However, my brain was hurting so badly by that point all I could think is, “She’s obviously a poster child for the failure of the American education system.”
Then I thought, “This is why we must teach human reproduction in school, cause this lady obviously doesn’t understand how babies are made.”
In fairness she does apparently come from an area of our country where fundamentalist Christians manage to block almost any social or scientific progress. Unless of course the scientific progress is in proving that God exists, or improved lung cancer treatments. I do hope she knows you can’t get pregnant from a toilet seat.
Anderson was nice to her too. He really didn’t rip her up as much as he could have. I guess thats one of the things I like most about Mr. Cooper, he adjusts his style to the intellect level of the interviewee.
Unfortunately… for Anderson to have reduced himself to her level would have required a Doctor and a Lobotomy.
Lets review;
1) Gay People are usually born to straight parents…
2) Putting all the gay men in one camp and all the lesbians in another camp would simply create one hell of a party! All these people wouldn’t have to work anymore and they could devote all that free time to working on their tans, literature, science, architecture, and of course… the next haute couture and hairstyling products for the straight people.
Mr Cooper did make one minor tactical error. It’s not his fault.
How could he have known about the time warp that exists in the Carolinas?
The folks living there are still trying to get over the North having won the Civil War. They’ve only just begun to work through the complexities of World Wars 1 & 2. This poor lady probably didn’t realize that gay people were exterminated right along with Jewish people. That’s IF she even knew what a concentration camp was…
I’m sure that she’s never met a gay person. <wink, wink, nudge, nudge> At the risk of invoking a stereotype… I KNOW she’s never met a gay person! Clearly her hair dresser is straight!
The friend who sent me the clip said “You can’t fix stupid”
My response was “Sure you can… You give everyone IQ tests and the really dumb ones you put into two camps, all the men in one camp and all the women in another. Then you make sure the fences are electrified and wait for the stupid people to die off. OH Wait!!! I’ve heard this plan before somewhere!“
Something that tickled my funny bone
While I was out and about I stopped by Bass Pro to pick some items up.
I was planning to do my second Run & Shoot competition today.
Unfortunately, during the night I’ve come down with something. When I got up this morning I didn’t feel great but I was still ok.
By the time I was showered and ready to go I felt completely lousy!
So I stayed home and am nursing whatever ailment I’ve picked up.
At first I thought that something I ate had just disagreed with me. But I’m thinking now it’s something more like a cold / flu / stomach bug / whatever.
I’m achey and feverish.
There is a part of me that wonders if I’d gone out to Palm Springs if the heat wouldn’t have made me feel better. I’m tired of being cold!
Just as I was getting into wearing shorts & enjoying the warmth of Spring…. We’ve had a cold front move through and it 40 outside… Again!
I swear, we didn’t have a Winter… and Now it looks like we’re not going to have a Spring either! I’ve actually been wondering if I should shut the sprinklers down again because the temps have been dropping so low.
Of course if I just got out there and installed the rain/freeze sensor on the sprinkler control unit I wouldn’t have to worry about it quite so much.
The photo above is the result of my putting these items on the counter at Bass Pro yesterday. It just seemed such a contrast. The candy corn is for the godson and the ammo was going to be used today.
The grouping was just so redneck I couldn’t help but laugh.
I don’t think the little girl at the counter saw the joke, she probably thought I’m a bit strange.
As I was coming home I was thinking about a series of photos that would be priceless.
Ammo, diapers, milk, moonpie, RC Cola and a 6-pack.
Condoms, Ammo, and a home pregnancy test.
You see the pattern…
I’m thinking I’ll pull out the camera, tripod, and a nice backdrop then start taking photos that document the redneck experience in the early 21st century
Might be interesting…