The presents are placed under the tree…

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BIG DEAL!

I admit I do like the Christmas Season.

I like the tree, I enjoy the memories. I do wish I was spending it with my Mom, it’s just been too damn long since I was home for Christmas.

I suppose if I left now and drove like a bat out of hell (legally of course) I could be there by late on Christmas Eve or early on Christmas Day. That would mean leaving like RIGHT freakin now!

Honestly, I’m not up for it. I have no desire to deal with the TSA and their jack-booted, draconian approach to security.

Maybe if we controlled our borders we wouldn’t have to have an organization like the TSA feeling us all up if we, for whatever insane reason decide to climb into the cattle cars in the skies.

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That’s a discussion for another time and regardless of what I and 75% of the rest of the nation believe, the Congress will no doubt suck the collective Illegal immigrant dick in appeasement, and their continued selling out of the American people.

That too is a discussion for another time.

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I have a love-hate relationship with this season.

I love the beauty of the trees and the decorations. I enjoy and appreciate the sentiments of peace and good will. I enjoy spending time with my friends and  those folks that I call my family even if they’re not genetically related to me. It’s a good time of year.

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I hate this time of year because while it does bring out the worst in some people, it’s also the time of year that I begin collecting information for that most hated of days. April 15th.

I used to spend time each month carefully detailing records and entering transactions so that I could simply hand it all to the accountant after I’d gotten my W2 forms.

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It was bliss to have my taxes completed and ready to go by March 1 or earlier.

Over time and with the combination of my finances with the other halfs, now we’re lucky if out taxes are filed by Oct 30.

The other half can find the most creative and innovative ways to procrastinate! As I type that I’m looking at the Christmas cards yet to be signed and mailed…

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After many years of careful collection of data and not being able to file until some completely random date, I stopped the meticulous record keeping.

After all why bother? Nothing I did was going to make it any more likely that we’d actually be able to file on time.

Now I’m out of the habit of doing all the record keeping monthly. I have a years worth of paper and receipts that have been scanned but not organized or that remain to be scanned and organized.

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Heck! I haven’t even downloaded the transaction records from the bank in 4 months.

While I’m alone and it’s quiet I’ve been trying to whittle away at the record keeping nightmare.

I don’t feel like I’m making any headway, it just means there’s more time I’m spending in front of the computer.

The scanner is whirring, the shredder is purring, the kettle is boiling, my tea is cooling. My backup drives are spinning, and I’m thinking “I’d rather go outside to play.”

I had the same problem doing homework.

I think I’m going to bag the tax stuff for today.

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I’m going to empty the shredder, take out the trash, and watch a movie.

Yeah, I won’t get stuff done I should get done, but what the hell it’s the holidays and why shouldn’t I take some time off?

Oh wait…

Ok I’ll take some MORE time off

Look! Squirrel!!!!

 

 

 

 

Working on reworking my resume

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How do you take a 30 year career and convert it to a blipvert?

Blipvert is a reference to a movie called Max Headroom where a new form of advertisement in a slightly dystopian future was blasted into the general populations brains. The problem was that at some point the bombardment would cause your head to explode.

My resume is dated, to be sure. I’ve been looking at articles and suggestions about generating the attention necessary to get your resume past an idiot HR person and into the hands of an actual hiring manager.

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Apparently you need to create a resume that caters to the short attention span, so prevalent in todays young people.

I was wondering if I could create a Twitter version that might actually be read.

Exp Technical SQA prsn, no threat to your job, looking for employment. HMU if pos avail pay needed = min wge or better. Amer Citzn, Ntv Eng

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Blast it out to every single corporation with a Twitter account. Who knows, It might actually work. Maybe I could get my 15 minutes of fame and cash in like the Kardashians.

I’m half serious.

The problem is that my resume is, uh, diverse.

Hey it’s not my fault, the 80’s and 90’s were  tumultuous time in the high tech industry.

It’s not like today when everything is like the Linkin Park song “When they come for me

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Part of the lyrics say “Everybody wants the next thing to be just like the first.”

What that means to technology is that more and more of the tech has all the originality and creativeness of building a toaster.

The diversity of my resume is seen as a demerit not a plus. Rather than an HR person looking at it and saying “Gee, this guys has been in the industry since the beginning and has done quite a bit they look at it and say why has this guy been at so many companies?

They don’t think about the mergers, acquisitions, bankruptcies, and “leading edge” technologies that fell by the way side.

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Most of the HR people today are barely in their 20s and they have zero clue about life pre cell phone or iPod. Most of them never consider that a lot of the technology surrounding them wasn’t in existence 20 years ago. They have no sense of history and even less interest in learning about it.

There are three contract positions on my resume that illustrate my point elegantly.

Ameriquest Mortgage, Washington Mutual bank, and Countrywide Mortgage

Yep, I worked for all three of them and they are all gone now.

Here’s some more:

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Kentek Information Systems, Peerless Systems, Konica Business Technologies, BlueKite.com, Splash Technologies

Kentek is gone and has been for a while. Peerless is still limping along, where they once had a floor and 1/2 of a building in El Segundo the last I heard they were down to just a few offices. Konica merged or was purchased by Minolta and while the office still exists it’s not the development office it once was. BlueKite.com, GONE! in a particularly ugly way, as is Splash. The remainder of Splash was absorbed by one of their competitors.

I’ve got more…

Suffice it to say that unless someone is printing a score card there is no way a 20 something HR person could come close to understanding what the business was like, or the reason that someone like myself would have such and extensive resume.

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Especially when they’re looking for the cheapest newbie out of college they can lay their hands on.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that but sometimes experienced people just want to work and they don’t care so much about climbing the corporate ladder or the money. We just want to do good work, and live our lives, and leave the ladder climbing and Machiavellian machinations to the young.

I’ve been in management, I’ve been a real manager and a manager in name only. I’m not looking for that career path right now.

If I was offered a management position where I was really a manager and not one in name only, I’d consider it.

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I don’t want to have the title and simply be the scape goat for someone above me that’s calling the shots but serving up their “Managers” when things go badly.

I’ve been there, done that and I have the T-shirt.

Of course none of this is something one could or should say in an interview. Honesty is strictly forbidden when dealing with an HR child.

Depending on the hiring manager you could get away with saying to them.

Note, the manager would have to be a guy and he’d have to be a stand up kind of guy.

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There are perhaps a few women who could take it in the spirit in which it was said, but they’d have to be from Australia, or New Zealand.

You know places where pragmatism, a “can do” attitude, and common sense are still preferred over political correctness or the fear of hurting someones feelings.

Yeah, I said it!

If I were young enough or wealthy enough, I’d try to move to Australia or New Zealand and become a citizen. I miss the days here in America when having a common sense approach at your company would get you raises and promotions.

I’d love to find a place to work in the world where that philosophy was still the norm instead of the exception.

I can dream can’t I?

Teeth problems are the worst

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In general I have pretty good teeth.

I’m very fortunate that I got teeth from a different part of the family gene pool than my Dad.

That’s the upside, well that & apparently a high pain threshold when it comes to tooth problems.

The downside is that sometimes I go along and don’t realize I’ve actually got a problem until something is very wrong.

For example, in my 20s I had a molar literally disintegrate to the gum line and I was ok with it, because there were no fillings to obstruct the degeneration there was almost no pain. It was as simple for me as brushing my teeth 3 or 4 times a day so I didn’t have nasty breath and everything was great until… a dentist saw what was going on. Then all the sudden this was a very bad thing!

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Next think I knew I was in a chair, telling the dentist that Novocain, Xylocaine and Lidocaine don’t really work for me and that I was feeling everything he was doing.

“Tut-tut, that’s not possible.” he said. Then he grabbed the messed up tooth with a big ol’ set of pliers and “crunch” the tooth that wasn’t really a big deal to me was a code red alert. The tooth material was compressed at sharp, weird angles around the nerve causing excruciating pain. In other spots the nerve which had been previously enclosed, was now exposed to the air with every breath or swallow.

Trying to find an oral surgeon in that kind of emergency is no picnic and by the way, since the bastard has you by your balls, they’ll charge you whatever they want because they know you’ll pay it even if you have insurance. At the time I was fully covered by a dental policy but that oral surgeon demanded I write a $1000 check before he’d pull the tooth.

I didn’t have a $1000 in the bank at the time. I wrote the check got him to do the work, then after I’d driven to his office and they’d sedated me is when they tell me I can’t drive home. FUCK! 

I managed to get someone to come pick me up. I slept drugged that night and when I woke up the next morning I was pissed off. I called the bank and cancelled the check. Then I called the insurance company and told the tale to them. I never heard from the dentist or the oral surgeon again.

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I did have a lawyer on standby just in case… I’ve never thought the “Marathon Man” scene should be played out in real life and I refuse to be held hostage. I remember telling the Oral surgeon “You’ll get your fucking money.” Just before he put me out, by that time it was 5 hours since the first idiot had shattered the tooth. I was extremely hostile.

Flash forward into my forties and I’m at work, sitting at my desk nursing a cold or so I thought.

Turns out I was grey (Showing my Alien heritage I guess, it’s ashamed that I didn’t get the big brain and telepathic abilities, sigh.)

One of my co-workers suggested that I might want to go see a dentist since the cold/sinus infection was lasting such a long time.

After some thought, I gave my dentist (A good guy) a call and they arranged to see me immediately. After 1 X-ray, and a whistle of surprise from the dentist I’m under the drill.

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There was actually a hiss of gas escaping when the top of that tooth came off. 

I immediately felt better. It was like a switch being thrown.

The dentist hit me with another pain shot and in the 3 minutes it took him to go prep for the root canal, I fell asleep right there in the chair. I was just exhausted!

I left that dentist because they started bringing in newbie dentists who honestly weren’t up to par. The last dentist I saw there was a woman who didn’t understand when a guy tells you KEEP DRILLING! FINISH IT! I can take the pain, just don’t back off. Uhh, girly, WE FREAKIN MEAN IT! That filling has never been right and I refused to go back.

There have been other dentists too. There was the gay dentist in Long Beach, he was ok but had a staff that was less than easy to deal with.

His assistant whom I referred to as Nurse Ratchet couldn’t seem to get that a filling they’d done was higher than it should have been and that I grind my teeth at night.

She ground it down a bit but wouldn’t go get the dentist. I think by that time I may have already broken the tooth from grinding at night.

She was probably panicked but she could have gotten the dentist. She could have told me what was up. Instead she dismissed me like I was yesterdays fish.

Which led me to question the quality of care I was receiving, and led me to my favorite dentist.

My favorite dentist recently retired.

She sold the practice to a nice enough young guy, who’s done all kinds of upgrades and has hygienists, and assistants, and office people running all over the place.

He’s doing the typical “Dentist” thing, letting the staff do most of the work and then he checks stuff maybe does a filling or whatever, then is gone. 

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My old dentist had one assistant. Her husband manned the front desk after he retired from his first career.

She did all the work herself. I drove 75 miles to see her because she did all the work and she listened.

In the 4 years I saw her, she never had to use anesthetic on me. She did several fillings and we had no problem.

Flash forward into my 50s and the tooth in the same position, on the other side of my head is acting, well weird.

Since the new guy was just like all the other “Factory” dentists today. I came to the conclusion that I didn’t need to drive 75 miles or pay outrageously high prices to have work done.

So I’ve found a new dentist. The office is a FACTORY! 10 chairs, people running all over the place, patients waiting, children running up & down the place. You know, chaos!

I went in to find out what’s up with the tooth that’s bugging me. This dentist comes highly recommended and has a good chair side manner.

It turns out the tooth is cracked and needs a crown. The dentists website said they could do this stuff while you wait.

Apparently not, instead they did an exam, cleaning, and were being really cagy about the costs. I just want the damn problem fixed! Give me an estimate and then I’ll make a decision.

Oh no! we have to do this fucking dance.

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The price they finally quoted me was better than the first guy.

But then I find out my dental insurance doesn’t cover the crown, (Fine by me) but for the dentist staff apparently that was a problem.

They hand me a bunch of paperwork which leads you to believe that the dentist will work with you.

I’m thinking I can scrape together about half of the bill and figure if the dude could give me 90 days I can pay the other half. So I’m thinking great that’ll work.

Except that’s not the way they do things. They direct me to a credit card company…

Yep, you read that right, a medical credit card.

This card also works for Vet bills too, I think that’s an interesting connection. I may have to start taking the dogs drugs.

I haven’t worked in 2 years I hardly think a credit card company is going to say, “Sure! Lets give you a credit card.” 

Really? I’m trying to not run up credit bills. I don’t want more credit cards. I’ve been closing accounts.

Why? Because I’m over paying interest and living above my means. I know absolutely where that leads and I don’t want to do it anymore. (I’ll have a credit card, because in an emergency it could be a lifesaver. I’m just not looking for 80 lines of credit.)

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But the dentist wants his money before he begins treatment.

This tooth ain’t getting any happier, and I don’t want to go through the exam dance with yet another dentist to get an estimate.

I guess I’ll call this an emergency and charge it. On one of my emergency cards.

I just find myself asking the same question I’ve been asking for years. Why is medical care so damn expensive?

If ever the government could have stepped in to make a real difference in our lives it would have been by finding out what the REAL cost of care is.

Then publish those costs and let the consumer decide.

As an example, the cost difference between my new dentist and the guy my old dentist sold her practice to, is $450. Yep, same procedure, same everything but $450 less at the new dentist.

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That’s the question the government should have been answering. Why is there such a variance and is it justified?

I guarantee the prices would have gone down if the consumer had some guide about the real costs of time, materials, and treatment.

With this kind of information, a consumer could tell a doctor their quoted costs are way out of line.

Which means Medics would have to compete, not just live under the yoke of government or private insurance providers.

As a point of interest, I’d probably have had a pricing discussion with my old dentist.

I’d have told her flat out $1700 is way too much. We’d have negotiated a solution, even if the solution was a bit higher priced than going to a “Factory” setting. There’s something to be said for paying a higher price for really personal care.

But you can’t have that kind of discussion with the office staff, they’re just following orders aren’t they?

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I’m going to be in a dentists chair for a while in the near future. 

I’ll be counting the individual pains and annoyances then I’ll divide the price I’m paying by the number of pains to figure out how much I could charge a masochist for an hour of pain.

Hey, if you think about it, it’s a great way to price out BDSM services!

I know you didn’t see that coming…

Have a great day. 

Rites of passage

This one has been banging around in the draft folder for a while. Figured I’d publish it. Feel free to add comments. I’ll move the good ones into the body of the post. This list is not complete. I’ve been adding to it when I think about it.

These are things that we experience but often forget to share. As men, we should share this stuff, if only anonymously. The younger men ought to know what to expect. And hopefully we’ll get a laugh out of their horrified looks. Hey it’s what we do to each other!

In my life, the rites of passage I’ve experienced or witnessed have been, in no particular order;

Camping out by myself. Wow, look at those stars, My camp site is cool but I should have done X, Y, & Z differently. I’ll do those things differently next time.

Penthouse, Hustler and Chic, Magazines, So that’s what THEY have down there! And apparently MY junk recognized it… Even if I didn’t.

Firing you first gun.

Hitting your target with a bow.

Killing and eating your first meal.

1st wet dream, Oh my god!!! I wet the bed… no wait… what the hell is this??? I’ll ignore it maybe it will go away and not happen again.

Taking a brutal kick to the groin, there’s nothing like it. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

The First Climax… AKA “Jacking off”,  Oh wow, rubbing that feels REALLY good! Oh nooo something is wrong! I hurt myself… I’m never doing that again… well maybe just this time, and 10 minutes later and 10 minutes after that. Then finding out other boys also found this neat thing their body would do. Then enjoying our smugness while we could exclude the boys who knew nothing of what we were talking about.

A couple of fights, Yeah, I’ve been punched in the face, bloodied up pretty good. I’ve been on the loosing and winning side of a fight. You learn a lot from both experiences. When you have your ass kicked, you decide that you want to know how to not let that happen again. You also learn to be a somewhat gracious winner. At least in school, in my case being decent about having won the fight and helping my defeated opponent to his feet is all that prevented us from being suspended. We got off with a stern talking to.

Finally understanding mercy and why it’s important in this world.

Being part of the winning team, and the pizza party afterwards

Being part of the losing team, and the pizza afterwards.

Your first body hair, Whats that? OUCH! it’s attached. Oh… cool!

Your First Shave, topped by your Dad giving you your first non-disposable razor.

Seeing a hardcore adult toy catalog, Oh so that’s what it looks like when people screw. Damn! that guys dick is huge. Why does she look like it hurts? Does it hurt to have sex? If it does why do people do it?

Learning to be judgmental 

That feeling of RAGE when you realize someone stole your shit!

Your First serious Girlfriend, She’s holding my hand! She’s letting me kiss her, she’s kissing me back uhhh oh I hope she doesn’t notice the tent in my pants. Shit! she noticed, hey shes smiling at it… She touched me through my jeans…. Wow! she’s putting my hand between her legs! I’m liking the way she’s moaning when I touch her… I’m liking even more how shes rubbing my dick… I just shot my juice with a girl!

Figuring out how to get condoms

First broken bone This is real bitch! why can’t I just walk like a normal person? Yeah, give me the walking cast, there was a question about needing this?

Understanding betrayal firsthand

The first broken nose Do you fix it yourself or run to the doctor? Fix it yourself of course!

Losing my virginity to a lovely lady in a seriously clumsy sexual escapade (I still grin about that one)

The first BJ, Oh YEAH, HELL YEAH!

A Driver’s license I’m never going to be home after today! Wait… I have to pay for gas AND insurance?

The frustration of being mobile, having condoms, and the house to yourself, and yet being unable to score.

Watching a porn movie in a theater...

Watching porn at home

Learning how to forgive

Knowing when to leave a party. Finding out later that you left just moments before the cops busted the place.

That first paycheck Wait! what the hell is FICA? Who is SSI? Why did they get my money before I did?

My First Apartment  The first night sleeping on the floor (I had no furniture) But it was MY PLACE all mine. The next day… I bug bombed the hell out of the place. While the bug bombs were driving the nasties into everyone elses places, I was out buying dishes, silverware, a frypan, a couple of pots, a Mr. Coffee,  and a cheap microwave. My waterbed was filled by nightfall and I slept like a baby that second night.

Purchasing my first Brand New Car  The little head was doing all the talking that night… I CHARGED the down payment yep… on my Mastercard… But I drove the hell out of that car and enjoyed every minute of it.

Losing family to death and having to be strong for the rest of the family

Taking a date to a nice restaurant, only to realize too late that she was ‘Eliza’ from My Fair Lady and I could have had more fun with another young lady, or that I could have gotten what I wanted by taking her to a Mc Donalds.

Being laid off from your job the first time.

My first hangover

Learning to take time in the sack and how to have a lazy, unhurried, guiltless, sexy screw on an beautiful Sunday morning.

My first auto accident. OH DAMN! that’s going to be expensive to fix!

Learning you’re good in a crisis, and learning that it’s OK to freak out a bit and have the shakes after the crisis is over.

The walk of shame the morning after a night of debauchery (That one still gets a grin too)

Learning to control your own fear, and learning that by your controlling your fear others around you are also less afraid.

Understanding you can change if you want to

Calling the Dr and having to answer the question… “What’s the reason you’re making this appointment?”, My answer was “I’m very irritated Down there!” Which is when I found out my dick doesn’t like Nonoxynol 9, but at the time I was just sure I had VD.

Turning down sex for the first time… What the hell just happened? I never turn down getting laid

The first prostate exam, DOC, you are going to do WHAT???

How to lose it all and survive, It’s all just stuff… Stuff does not make me who I am.

Learning how NOT to be judgmental 

Losing friends to death and learning how to grieve.

First Gray hairs… on my balls! Oh Hell no, that just ain’t right!

Learning that happiness or sadness isn’t about what’s outside, it’s about what’s in you.

 

The past couple of nights have been “Interesting”…

…The Insomniac theater of the absurd.

I wrote a blog sitting naked at my desk. It was long rambling, random, and well… Nuts!

I started taking an antibiotic that cautions it may cause dizziness. They should also caution about insomnia and insanity.

Probably not a good sales pitch though. “This antibiotic is effective against sinusitis and may also cause extended episodes of intense crazy. Use with caution when operating heavy equipment.

I’d take an erection lasting four hours, but that’s not what this antibiotic promises or what it’s delivering…

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I chose not to publish the “crazy blog”… Probably for the best.

Last night I dreamt I was with Arlene in a psychotic TrueBlood nightmare.

I was offering her soothing words about her husband Terry having been ripped apart by a flatulent vampire. Arlene said, “I can deal with Terry being ripped apart… but what is that horrific stink?

Just then Terry pulled himself back together and became a flatulent vampire who kept chasing us round and round Merlotte’s but was easy to avoid because we smelled him coming.

Lafayette put an end to Vampire Terry with a pot of chili and a can of lysol. “Bitch! I jus done cleaned this kitchen and you come up in here smelling like dat? Awww HELL NO!” 

I ask you… is this the kind of behavior you want from your antibiotic? I didn’t think so.

Then this morning, I was outside doing poo patrol in the back yard.

OK did someone put extra stinkiness in the poo, or have my sinuses started to clear?

Then it hit me one of the dogs must have been particularly gaseous last night which got incorporated into the TrueBlood dream / nightmare.

I guess you could say the past night or two has been shitty or at least gassy.

I do hope only the mind altering drugs you expect to cause delusions are deluding you, and that your antibiotics are just killing infections.

Have a good one