Category: Humor

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Bwhahahahah! There are some things that tickle the hell out of me!

CNN: Wanted: People who know a half century-old computer language so states can process unemployment claims.

willcodeforfood.jpegI saw this and just about laughed myself stupid.

I thought, “New Jersey is going to have to check homeless camps, ask old bartenders, check with real estate agents, lawyers, and gas station attendants.”

That’s where most of the old COBOL or FORTRAN programmers ended up, all of whom were laid off in favor of H1B1s. Yep, a lot of those programmers were tossed aside like yesterday’s trash by businesses, and government back in the 80’s.

manonbench.jpegA lot of them moved on to other things and I know several that built lucrative businesses in other fields. For a while I had an Eye doctor that had been a COBOL programmer. He was making way better money as an eye doctor than he ever made as a programmer and the hours were better too.

He didn’t regret getting out of programming at all. Like most of us old school tech people, he’d gone through lay off, after lay off, and had “trained” his replacements at too many companies.

homelesstents.jpegHe went back to school after his last layoff, graduated and started his own practice. To do this, he lived in a leaky teardrop trailer for two years after cashing out everything he owned to pay for school. He wasn’t eligible for student loans because he’d made too much in his previous positions.

I know some real estate agents and a couple of patent attorneys as well. They were all great programmers and they were treated like shit.

Iusedtobeyourneighbor.jpegThey wouldn’t touch a programming job now. It brings back bitter memories for them to even talk about programming.

See, they loved what they were doing, they had their joy crushed and were considered disposable in favor of “cheap” labor. Many of them simply walked off the job rather than “train” their foreign replacements.

I say “train” because more often than not the foreign replacements weren’t up to snuff to begin with. Many of these folks couldn’t follow the code, so training was a pointless exercise.

Then I remembered Y2K and thought it’s been 20 years. Couldn’t these government entities be bothered to update the equipment and programs? 

Some of the COBOL guys did come back to rework Y2K systems and they charged frankly obscene amounts to do it. I’d heard that several paid off houses and cars loans with the money they earned from Y2K contracts.

Then I thought, “Who’s gonna test it?”

I went back to laughing.

I’m sorry that the people in need of unemployment benefits aren’t going to be helped it’s not fair to them. However, this brings into sharp relief, other problems “leaders” in business and government have been sweeping under the carpet for decades.

The chickens are coming home to roost.

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I’ve been getting these…

Panic RoomMy friends are a motley bunch.

I love them but we all have a dark sense of humor.

I’m thinking I’ll start posting some of the fun images and movies regarding the Coronavirus on this page.

We’ll see how it goes.

Here’s the first installment.

The Sneeze IMG_1242.MOV

Rustic TP quilted_northern.mp4

A mask in a pinch VID-20200324-WA0000.mp4

Then there was this jewel:

Quarantine Diary

● Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

● I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

● Still haven’t decided where to go for the upcoming Holidays —– The Living Room or The Bedroom.

● Helpful Hint: Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

● I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time Zone to the Twilight Zone.

● This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house and told my dog. We laughed a lot.

● So, after this quarantine, will the producers of ‘My 600 Pound Life’ just find me or do I find them?

● Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

● My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

● I’m so excited — it’s time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

● I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I’m getting tired of Los Livingroom.

(Please note, I make no money from these images / movies. I’m sharing them to help keep everyone’s spirits up. If you own the image / movie and want me to remove it please let me know.)

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I’m thinking it’s a spell …

Airpods pro PDP US 1 grandeI think that all of us can agree that Apple Stores are dangerous. 

No, not in the sense of personal safety but to the safety of our wallets.

I went to the Apple store to pick up my order of nifty new AirPod Pros.

They are very nice, comfortable, and have some really good sound along with the #1 thing I wanted, Noise Cancelling.

While I was there, I asked for the Apple folks to take a look at my series 3 Apple watch.

Nothing major, just a couple of issues that cropped up after the latest upgrade. I’d tried everything I could think of to resolve the issues and figured I’d see if they could point me in the right direction.

After the Apple folks poked around in my watch and my phone a bit, they came to the same conclusion that I’d come to. I was going to have to unpair and repair my watch & phone.

No big deal. We initiated the backup procedure so that the watch would be backed up to the cloud and I wouldn’t lose any data.

Backup completed normally, then unpaired and well, things were suddenly different on my phone. I hadn’t lost any data on the phone (all the health data that had been recorded was still there) but what had been two watches paired to my phone (I only have had one Apple watch) was suddenly no watches paired. The backup data was now gone after saying that the backup was corrupt.

My old watch was not wanting to pair with my phone and the Apple folks and I were confused. While I’d been waiting for the backup to complete I’d been playing with the new Series 5 watch and I’d been jonesing for one since they were released. 

Apple-Watch-Series-5-2019.jpgIt occurred to me that if I was going to have to download a new operating system to a watch and pair it… It might as well be to a New Watch.

They traded in my Series 3 got me a Series 5 and we started the setup process. Easy! Too damn easy!

That ladies and gentlemen is how I walked into an Apple Store for a new set of headphones, and walked out with new headphones, a watch, and a couple of cables I’d forgotten I needed.

Sometimes all I need is the slightest excuse to do something crazy. Thank god I didn’t look at iPhone 11 pro!

On the plus side, while I was waiting for the watch to do it’s thing I sat in on an iPhone training session and learned some nifty things that I didn’t know my phone could do. So that’s a win. 

I like the Series 5 a lot. I’m still getting used to the “Always On” feature and thus far my battery life has been good. Not yet the two days of my Series 3, but the battery is still young and does seem to be lasting longer each day. I suspect this is, in part because I’ve finished tweaking the watch and now It’s presenting information as I prefer it and I’m not in configuration all the time.

The only thing I wish the Watch would do is when my phone goes into “Night – Do not disturb” that the watch would turn off it’s display as well. Maybe I’ll send that as a suggestion to Apple.

The Apple Store magic is strong.  Make sure you’ve got the ability to counter it before you walk inside.

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The oddest things get me thinking…

In case you hadn’t noticed, Technical Support is often not technical and rarely supportive.

Buckle up Buttercup, It’s only going to get worse.

Companies are still outsourcing and as has been the subject of many jokes, often the person at the other end of the phone is barely proficient in English and not technical.

Case in point. Sxm logo

I needed to make a change to my SiriusXM plan. I figured, “No worries, I’ll head out to their handy website, spend 2 minutes and boom! I’ll be done.” 

WRONG!

I tried to log into their website but couldn’t. I know I had the right username and was 90% sure that I had the right password. (After all, I hadn’t changed that password in at least a couple of years.) I couldn’t log in, so I asked for a password reset.

Not a big deal, or so you’d think. I get the obligatory email, follow the link change the password (The website said I’d been successful) go back to the login page and still can’t login. I tried several times. Each time with the same result.

UGGGHHH, Now I have to call it in. I get on the phone and explain the situation to someone somewhere other than here No joy!

This person has me go back to the password reset page and request another password reset, I comply. Then this person transfers me to someone “more advanced” they have me request another password reset and again we go through the process. Again, the same result. Then there’s the inevitable, “Please hold…”

Then the second person comes back on the line and asks me yet again if I’m doing this from a computer. “Yes, I’m looking at your website on my laptop,” I reply. We’ve already confirmed this several times. The person keeps repeating everything I’ve said, over and over. Including my user name and we’re getting nowhere. Once again she sends me a password reset email and once again I tell her what I’m seeing on my screen. No error message on the login page, no indication that the password or username is wrong, just that I’m being looped back to the login page.

Now she wants to change my user name. “OH GOD!” I think, “REALLY???” 

I’m annoyed at having to deal with this at all. But I’m saved by the timer for my laundry going off. Forty Seven minutes have gotten by me and we’re no closer to solving the problem than when I began the call.

I tell the lady, I’m out of time and cannot continue to deal with this, then disconnect.

As I’m walking out to the laundry room, I’m thinking what do I actually listen to on SiriusXM? For that matter what do I listen to on the actual Radio? What do I watch on TV?

On Sirius, I primarily listen to Spa, I don’t listen to the news channels. I’m over all the Trump investigations and scandals. I don’t watch the news channels on TV. Hell, I don’t do anything other than skim Twitter and haven’t read the news on my computer, phone or iPad in months. 

I subscribe to Apple Music and could easily just listen to streaming music or podcasts while I’m driving somewhere.

This leads me to think that perhaps it’s time for me to disconnect from Sirius completely. There is nothing I can’t get from them, that I can’t get from Apple Music and it would be one less “Service” I have to manage or maintain.

I’m thinking that the next billing cycle will see me saying, “Bye Bye” to Satellite Radio.

I suspect that I’m not alone in this. 

When you consider all the usernames and passwords and “Helpful” websites that we have to keep track of, it begs the question, “Just who is working for whom?“

This is especially true if you are completely and utterly disinterested in what passes for “News” in this day and age.

I’m not disinterested in what’s happening around me. But I’m tired of the constant Spin. How about journalists getting back to being journalists and simply reporting what the hell actually happened.

Let me make up my own damn mind about it!

It’s funny how a little thing like a password reset can get you thinking.

Perhaps if the concepts of journalistic integrity actually had meaning, Television, Radio, Newspapers, Magazines, and yes, Satellite radio would be in a lot better shape financially.

I guess it’s another example of unintended consequences in an overly connected world.

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OK this is too funny not to share

And I’m even tweeting it because it’s indicative of the weird PC world that we live in today.

I’m searching for apartments in the San Diego area.

I was on a web site, that asked me to “Check availability” by sending contact information and sending a short note to the complex.

My note read:

I’m looking for a 1 bedroom, with assigned or covered parking. I’m moving to the area for work.
Do you have anything available and if so, when?
Thank you for your assistance.
Regards

What actually showed up and was quoted back to me in a reply from the apartment complex was:

I’m looking for a 1 bedroom, with a**igned or covered parking. I’m moving to the area for work.

Do you have anything available and if so, when?
Thank you for your a**istance.
Regards
Do you see it?
 
There is some kind of filter that scanned the text and triggered on the ASS portion of the words. In order to protect the sensitive eyes of someone who might be offended by the first three letters of a word it changed the “SS” to “**”
 
This is an example of a couple of things in our society today.
 
HYPERSENSITIVITY and poor Quality Assurance.
 
There is no reason that the filter software couldn’t have examined the whole character group and compared it against a list of allowed words.
 
It’s called a Whitelist. (No Racist intent there.)
 
The white list would include:
 
Assistance
Assurance
Assigned
Assuage
.
.
.
 
and any other legitimate words from multiple language dictionaries that began with ass-
 
OR, and this might be the easier solution.
 
Use a Blacklist (Again no racist intent)
As an aside isn’t it amazing how common terms must now be explained lest someone be offended that you’re using a term that might be misinterpreted by a relatively small yet vocal group of people.
The Blacklist would simply have all the bad words you wanted to edit from the message. Typically, the blacklist is much shorter and therefore a much faster search and compare.
 
Ass
Asshole
Asshat
Dumbass
Asinine
Assfuck
Assfucker
Asswipe
Asslick
Asslicker
Assbite
Assgrab
Assgrabber
Asskiss
Asskisser
Asskick
Assmunch
 
The programming process is straightforward.  If the first 3 characters is ass, branch to compare with words in the blacklist. If there’s a match, then edit the naughty bits. If there’s no match then leave the text alone and pass the message untouched.
 
The really funny thing is that if you see A**HOLE you know it means asshole. If you see the “N” word, you know what that really means so honestly what’s the point?
 
If your company had to impose filters to protect your staff from offensive language, maybe you need to have a look at why people are sending your staff offensive messages in the first place.
 
Ahh PC what would we do if we weren’t bound by your brownshirt insanity?  
 
Oh yeah, we could have a sense of humor.