Category: Ironic

I’ve begun the search for the Holiday Card photo.

The weather this year has not been co-operative and while we’ve had our first snow it wasn’t particularly memorable.

Today it’s 49F and breezy.

“Normally” (whatever Normal is) by this time of year it’s in the 30s and we’ve seen at least a good dusting of snow. 

I have a really bad feeling that this Winter is going to come all at once.

There are examples  of this in the recent past.

The first year I moved back into this house is an excellent example.

I snowed so much in two days that the accumulation shut down my furnace because the exhaust was covered, You’d think that was a major irritation and it was… until the power got knocked out for 30 hours… then the snow covered exhaust wasn’t so much of a concern.

In the picture, that’s my street sign and approximately 7 – 8 feet of snow piled up in the background behind it. 

During that storm we got 4 feet of snow.

It was the sticky wet heavy stuff and boy was it a pain in the butt to clear.

On the up side I got my cardio that year.

All of this leads to the problem of Holiday cards.

We’ve decided that we want to send unique Holiday cards that we produce In-House.

Last years card  was a pretty decent success even though the postal service was less than cooperative about delivering the cards & I ended up sending digital versions out in addition to the printed copies.

My Doctor was so blown away he actually kept his card in MY file for 6 months and made a point of telling me that he was impressed when he saw me for my annual exam.

This was high praise indeed from a guy that’s involved in the Laguna Pageant of the Masters.

Another Friend who’s an interior designer was also mightily impressed.

This year… well it’s been warm and sunny.

How the hell am I supposed to create a holiday card that evokes feelings of the season when it’s warm and sunny?

I thought about using a photo from the Colorado trip… but somehow nothing works.

I can’t help but remember it was hotter than the surface of the sun!

Well, not really but it sure felt like it. I guess it was closer to the temps on Mercury.

We managed to keep the card religion neutral last year.

It’s a choice that I’d like to turn into a tradition. I like sending the same card to everyone on my holiday list. 

In years past we’ve had up to 4 different cards that we mailed. Christian, Jewish, Professional, and Personal.

It was maddening to try to keep every ones beliefs in mind and at the same time simply say “Hello, At this time of commercialism, frayed nerves, Political Correctness, and hyper sensitivity, we though of you and wanted to wish you and your family a safe… whatever the fuck you celebrate. We’re trying to reach out to you, but honestly are more afraid of offending you and ending up in court.“

That conundrum led us to sending out no cards for many years.

Last years card was a photo that I took. It was simple, pretty and the message was exactly what we wanted to convey.

This year finding a photo is  proving to be a challenge. I’d honestly expected for us to have had some winter weather and I was planning to take pictures for this years card… Well, this year!

Damn Climate Change!!! 

I’ve thought about sending a picture of the Mayan Calendar and saying something like “Hey it’s been nice knowing you, don’t bother with the shopping we’ve only got until the 21st. ” (That is MY ORIGINAL IDEA, Any of you folks in other countries looking to make a fast buck by scanning my blog will owe me a percentage. I’ll see you in court!)

Then I thought perhaps that was too much of a downer and some people might be driven to more suicidal tendencies than usual.

I’ve thought of just a snowy field with an interesting inspirational message, but I’m worried that the less imaginative in the crowd wouldn’t get it. After all there are a large number of people that really do need to have things drawn out and labeled for them.

Then there’s the Muslim people in our circle of acquaintances. What the Hell? What picture is even appropriate? Muhammed giving the Pope the finger is right out… Besides pictures of Muhammed have been done to death.

I mean you can’t actually enclose a personal note… What would you say?

Dear Achmed, I was pleased to hear about your nephews martyrdom, Perhaps your niece will have better luck next year, once she’s out of the hospital. I’m enclosing a Mexican made digital timer for her, Chinese quality isn’t what it should be. Not much is new here we’re just getting ready to engage in our infidel celebration of the birth of our god by chopping down perfectly good trees and engaging in an orgy of consumerism…

Yeah, really cheap shot but I typed it, laughed and figured I’d leave it. Sometimes my mind is a scary place.

I have a picture of a crescent moon. That would work for the Muslims, but photoshopping in Santa and his reindeer would probably be offensive.

Our Jewish friends might not appreciate the crescent moon or Santa.

So it all comes back to the weather…

I’m going to have to search through my archives of photos and see if I can find anything that would be pretty, non-religious, and inoffensive.

This is going to take a really long time, I’ve only got till the 21st!

Have a safe orgy of consumerism!