I paid a resume service to rewrite my resume…
I was looking for something that would make it through all the HR filters and get me actually in front of a hiring manager so that the real discussion could begin.
The rewrite is a more standard (Un-Unique) resume. Not that my previous resume was all that flashy but it did have some elements designed to catch the eye and hopefully stand out a little. In retrospect those element were probably being lost anyway since the HR systems pretty much strip any non-standard elements making all resumes homogenous when they’re printed anyway.
The rewording of my experience and abilities is not comfortable for me. There are lots of words that are somewhat ambiguous and kind of “over the top”. I realize that a resume is like a sales brochure but some of this is like the old days when software companies sold nothing but “vaporware”.
“This new version of our software with its muffler bearing algorithm will increase your accounting efficiency by 1000% when properly implemented*. (Implementation is dependent on your server being more advanced than the NSA)”
Why do we do this? Why not simply tell the truth?
I’ve got a ton of experience across a wide range of systems and topics. Obviously I’ve been around the block a few times and Generally speaking, as an older worker what I don’t know, or remember, I do know how to find or figure out.
I sent the initial copy back dripping in red-line. I paid for someone whose command of English was better than mine, so why did the initial draft need me to edit it for continuity, grammar, and word usage?
This whole resume thing is a mess anyway. We’re now writing our resumes to get past computerized filters, so that HR people can find the keywords the Hiring manager mentioned, and pass the document on to a hiring manager who is probably asking for something the HR people don’t understand in the first place.
What’s the likelihood, in this system, that the interviewee is exactly what the interviewer is looking for? Yet HR is trying to apply exacting standards to the variability of human beings.
And as usual, the HR people really like to find your social media so they can figure out if you’re popular enough to join their team. After all we only want to hang with, or hire the cool kids right?
I’ve often thought about creating a completely fictitious social media profile just so the HR people would have something to look at. I could do it, I’m a fiction writer after all. I haven’t because I don’t want to create and maintain a character.
In the wee hours of the night though, I’ve put the character together as a sketch that looks something like this;
- Democrat or Bernie Sanders supporter
- Pro Gun control
- Shocked and outraged that machine guns are freely available
- Rabidly Anti Trump
- Habitual commenter on Twitter, Facebook, and instagram. Follows the mainstream opinion, sharing outrage over the cause of the day and remarkably silent when any one of those causes happens to be disproven.
- Social Justice warrior
- Likes puppies and kittens, sends cutesy video clips frequently.
- Live in a Hipster area
- Complains bitterly about their name being misspelled on their Starbucks order. It’s Raven with a “Y” for goodness sake.
That’s just the beginning of the character, it still needs to be fleshed out.
I’ve thought that it might form a basis for an experiment.
What would happen if you created three characters with equal qualifications and ages and the only difference between them was their social media feeds? Two characters interests overlap, differing in only, say their opinions about Trump. One is Rabid and the other isn’t actually a supporter but isn’t as much of a hater. One mentions how much they don’t like Antifa rallies and the other attends. The third character has no social media presence at all.
Would there be a measurable difference in their rate of interviews?
If a demonstrable bias could be seen, could that bias be used to get back to a real hiring process instead of something akin to prom queen voting?
I doubt it.
Which is why I normally think about stuff like this in the wee hours of the night when I’m trying to bore myself back to sleep.
I’m thinking I’m going to tell the resume people that I’m not pleased. I don’t think I got equivalent value for the money. The more I look at this, the more it fills me with revulsion.
… improve organizational resilience, posture, and management …
Ugh!
However, I have gained a greater insight into why so many of the memos and “important notifications” at my previous company read like a poorly abridged thesaurus vomited on the page.
It’s time for me to get the hell off this rock and maybe check back in a hundred years or so. By that time perhaps most of the jackasses will have offed themselves or each other.
You have got to be fucking kidding me, this is what humanity has come to? Well fuck this!
If in fact we were “Seeded” here by an advanced alien race (as some ancient alien researchers believe), when they come back you can bet your ass they’re going to sterilize the planet and start over.
Then they boil the oceans, flame all the land masses gamma sterilize the planet, and come back in 100,000 years, with better genetic material to try again.
A billion years later, life would probably start over. That’s the nature of life, it’s happened before and will probably happen again. So what the hell do you do about it? Live in fear or prepare?
One thing at a time… reduce your personal pollution. Make changes where and when you can. Make preparations to accommodate short term issues like flood, fire, earthquake, and be responsible for yourself. Pass from this life with a clear conscience that you personally did your best to live without leaving a mess, and that you did your best to clean up messes as you encountered them. Whatever the global climate does, when you draw your last breath at least know that you minimized your impact on it.
My plan is to spacejack the first Alien I encounter and hoist the Jolly Roger!
All is silent.
I definitely need to take a trip. I need to remove myself from the worries of the world for a while. I’ll have communication gear for sure, but If I don’t connect to the internet then I can write in peace without bombardment from the outside world.
Went to lunch at a friends place, played in the pool and got some sun. Not too much, but I am slightly sunburned; To be expected after being a nocturnal creature for 3 years.