Category: General

I dreamt last night that when I woke up President Trump would be on the television saying “April Fools!”

Uhh that didn’t happen.

The Corona virus is still with us. We’re still locked down and sadly April Fools appears to have been canceled.

That SUCKS! If there was ever a time for humor it’s now.

We need humor especially in hard times. It helps us cope, and I think even grounds us.

Maybe it’s just something about how I was raised. My family appreciated “Gallows Humor” we have a dark sense of funny.

We’re the folks on the Titanic who’d say “The band was nice, until they lost the violins…”

I’m the guy that looks at my burned house and observes, “It looks like Atlanta after Sherman.”

We’re the folks that appreciate the old comment, “Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, How was the play?”

I’m not suggesting that we should be joking about deaths or people who are sick.

What I am suggesting is that we shouldn’t lose our sense of humor during this, or any crisis.

Losing our sense of humor is, in my humble opinion losing a part of our humanity.

In an attempt to lighten the day I submit this…

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Wuhan you like to know?

I NEVER said I was a comedian!

My point is we need to laugh. More so, when things are shitty and scary.

So I encourage everyone to joke, & laugh, even if those jokes aren’t P.C.

After weeks of doom and gloom and talking heads telling us we’re all gonna die or telling us who’s to blame. We need something to tickle our funny bone.

It’s not meant to minimize the severity, but humans have always spit in the face of doom.

It’s our nature. 

Let’s have just one day where we celebrate silliness and break the tension with bawdy in your face jokes.

Come on New York, I know it’s bad right now. You guys are the best at flipping the bird at everything! Regale us with some of that “Up Yours!” edginess we love you for.

Folks in the Southern states fire away with your trademark dry double edged wit.

Let’s make the Thought Police loose their minds and make no apology for it.

Anyone is encouraged to add jokes in the comments.

Be safe and remember to laugh.

That old R.E.M. song has been running through my head for days now.

I do feel fine. 

Since I was traveling I’ve been self quarantined since I got back. I’m supposed to be clear on April 2. Not that it matters given the rest of the country is locked down. 

My natural avoidance of crowds and having few friends does make the lockdown and quarantine perhaps a little easier on me personally. 

I do find myself wanting to go drive and enjoy the open freeways. I’ve got a growing case of cabin fever. The cabin fever has been cooled due to the weather. It’s been cold, gray, and intermittently snowy. None of which make me want to be outside even for much of a walk.

Once the sun comes out and the temps rise though… I’m probably going to lose my mind.

The Government passed a stimulus bill. Great! That’ll add one more month to my ability to pay my bills. It’s unclear if I’ll be able to restart unemployment and my job future is even more unclear. I am a bit annoyed at our government for approving more H1B1 visas. Corporations will choose the lowest (apparent) cost option, and that will make the job market even tighter.

While the uncertainty does drag at me, I have to say that generally speaking I’m okay. I have no idea what the world will be like after this passes. Will we have a new reality, or will we complacently go back to life as usual, pre-pandemic?

Will companies having proven that they can work remotely go back to the old “Manager Lording over the underlings” way of doing things, or will they wake up to the concept that it is cheaper and more efficient to have people working from home?

Change is hard. I’m betting they’ll have everyone back in the Petrie dish cubicle farms quicker than lightening. Otherwise, how will a manager know they’re important? Is a manager really a manager if the workers aren’t cowering their cubicles? 

Will the dating / sex apps continue? Or will people be a little more circumspect about who they’re hopping in the sack with?  I believe that once the quarantine is lifted there will be a significant uptick in people getting together but that after the initial thrill, folks may just be over it.

On one of the dating apps, I just blocked someone entirely. Their only communication has been two words “Fuck Me” and this person has sent that message daily or multiple times daily for the past 4 days.

Uh… You’re not my type, we’ve never communicated before, you’re not paying attention to my profile which clearly lists my likes and dislikes. That list includes the fact that I need more in an initial contact than “Hi” or “Hey”. I specifically say that you’ll need to complete a sentence demonstrating that you have a brain.

“Fuck Me,” while qualifying as a sentence, is insufficient to garner my attention unless You happen to be someone that I know. In that case… I’ll be right over!

Clearly, this person is wanting something beyond my sexual prowess. My suspicion is that they’re wanting to trade sex for something. Probably money, and it’s likely they have no intention of providing the stated service, but will ask for money to drive, get a hotel, or buy something plausibly necessary, then they’ll be unable to make the tryst.  They’ll find some sucker, but it’s not gonna be me.

It could simply be boredom on their part and that’s the only way they know to start a conversation. That being said, if that’s all they’ve got, well it would be a very short conversation.

I know that after the quarantine is lifted, I’m going to be spending time in the sheets with a few “special” friends. I’m really looking forward to it.

Back to the job search and cleaning another room in the house.  I think I’ll start boxing clothing that is worn out for disposal, or stuff that I no longer wear for donation to those in need.

Over the years a lot of stuff has accumulated that isn’t needed anymore, if it ever was in the first place.

It sounds strange to say, but I miss the clarity and uncluttered life that I had just after the house fire that totaled most everything I owned.

After the fire, I had a clean start and I remember thinking that I’d like to keep things as simple as possible. But, we’re all collectors of things, aren’t we?

It sounds harsh to say, but perhaps this pandemic is nature doing some spring cleaning. 

On the other side of it, maybe we’ll be changed for the better and have a clarity about what is, and is not important.

I noticed that grocery stores are once again allowing plastic bags. Can straws be far behind? I’ve always questioned if banning plastic bags and straws was really that important. Plastic grocery bags were used in my bathroom as trash can liners. Now I have to buy trashcan liners. Did a plastic bag ban really accomplish anything, or did it just move the problem around?

Now that almost all of our interpersonal communication is digital; will we appreciate physically being around other people and regain lost social customs like courtesy and politeness in public? Not because those things are culturally important, but because we’ll enjoy having other people around?

Will we demand a higher standard of service from our elected officials and eschew the pettiness of divisive politicians, parties, or causes?

Having seen our weakness, due to globalization, in health care, and in disaster planning, laid bare, will we constructively correct our deficiencies?

Perhaps… Perhaps not. 

Change is hard. Humans are harder headed than any other animal. Maybe brutally indiscriminate hammering by a natural force is necessary to wake us up so that we re-evaluate what is really important.

Hint: It isn’t stuff, regulations, or odious laws. It’s family, true friends, personal responsibility, & community.

I could be wrong, I could also be gone tomorrow.

These are just some of the random things that have been running through my head over the past couple of weeks.

This post lived up to the Blog’s tag line. “Random Ideas, Comments & Thoughts, Sometimes Political, Sometimes Adult… Hope you don’t choke.“

Live well. Love well. Be good to each other.

However in an effort to want to remain in the rooms that I’ve started cleaning… I’m now keeping porn on the screens.

Thankfully, I’ve got a lot of porn!

I know, it’s weird but it’s entertainment that requires no attention to plot or storyline. It’s just plain visual stimulation while doing the drudgery of scrubbing a wall or baseboard. Or shredding old paperwork, or re-arranging a room, or doing laundry.

Can you tell I’m bored?

I find that I’m more inclined to keep working in a particular area if there’s an orgy playing in the background.

Hey, I’m a guy, don’t judge me.

I’m keeping the volume low so the neighbors don’t think I’ve broken quarantine or anything. 

I gotta say being able to glance up at a screen watching people getting it on, is making the work easier. Maybe not easier, but less like just doing the work.

Today though, I have a special treat. I get to drive to the drugstore to pick up a prescription. Who would’ve thought 4 months ago that would be exciting?

It’s cabin fever. I recognize the symptoms. I’d honestly like to be participating in an orgy but then I’d get nothing constructive done. It would be nice to fall asleep sexually exhausted instead of exhausted from cleaning.

From what I’m gathering from people I chat with occasionally, I’m not the only one that’s filling their time with odd combinations of things to keep them from sleeping all day.

I suspect that there are going to be a lot of babies born in December. When the lockdown lifts I’m pretty sure that there will be quite a few sex parties just because it will be nice to be able to physically touch another person again.

I think states should suspend the laws against nudity for a few weeks after the lockdown ends. There’s going to be a lot of people being wildly indiscreet in elevators, stairwells, parking structures, parks, beaches and anywhere else that the mood may strike.

There’s going to be a lot of people in the mood.

Time to change a DVD. 

Hope you’re all enjoying yourselves as much as possible.

I think the shredder is going to give up the ghost though.

Poor thing keeps overheating, I may have to resort to using the firepit to get rid of the tons of papers that all have critical information on them. 

Why does every “Special Offer” have to have my name all over it? Why are all these “Special Offers” odd sizes and printed on card stock? A better question is, “Why am I getting all these ‘Special Offers’ in the first place? I didn’t ask to be on any of these lists in the first place.”

Banks could lower their operating costs if they’d stop sending out trivial notices. Here’s an example; One bank sends out a one page notice if you add your credit card to Apple Pay. They send another one page notice if you deactivate your card on Apple Pay, they’ll send another one page notice if you contact them on the phone.

The phone notice is really dumb because whatever changes you made, you made while you were on the phone with them and during the call, you’ve had to verify that you were who you said you were with a series of signs / countersigns and a text message verification code.

I’ve worked in defense department buildings on top secret projects that were less secure.

This particular bank has ticked me off. I’m trying to figure out how to get away from doing business with them altogether. 

That being said, if you’re doing troubleshooting with their card, and Apple Pay, you could conceivably get 5 or 10 individual notices during the course of your troubleshooting.

As an aside, I no longer have their card on Apple Pay.

I’m just working to pay the balance off and then I’m cancelling the card.

OH I KNOW! Cancelling the card will negatively affect my credit rating. You know what? There comes a time when you just don’t give a damn anymore. I’m there!

In truth, I’m looking at all my credit cards and figuring out which ones are worth my time. High interest cards are all on the chop. Companies that have treated me well over the years and who are not difficult to deal with will remain in my wallet.

I guess the lockdown, aside from making me a crazy person is having some positive benefits. 

God help annoying businesses when locked down folks have time to focus on their annoying behavior and time to spend on the phone firing them.

I’ve got a list and I’m working through it. I’m dumping all the parasitic companies that provide no real value.

What’s out of your wallet?