It’s that time of year again

DSC0011

I live above the snow line. 

That means that unlike a lot of Southern California I really do see a change in seasons. Well usually, this year has been a very strange year.

We’ve had a couple of snowfalls and that’s great for the ski resorts and for the town itself.

The down side of having snow is that the traffic on the weekends is nightmarish.

I think it’s actually worse than Huntington Beach on July 4th. I can say that because I lived in Huntington Beach for a number of years and while I love the town and the ocean, I planned to be gone during the Summer.

There were days when it could take 45 minutes to drive 4 blocks. If I wanted a carton of ice cream, I walked because that was the only way to get home with the ice cream unmelted. 

Yep, walking to the grocery store was faster than driving.

I have the same problem where I live now.  Only it’s magnified a bit, see there’s only one major road coming into town and all it takes is one idiot who thinks they don’t need chains on an icy road to screw everyone.

The other problem that we have is people who think it’s perfectly ok to drive up into a neighborhood, park wherever they want and let their children run rampant through yards to go play in the snow.

IMG 0221

Aside from the general damage done to landscaping, there’s the liability issue. If one of these uninvited assholes gets hurt on my property, technically i’m liable. If they get hurt on the private road, my neighbors and I maintain, then all of us are liable.

So I find myself in frequent exchanges with our uninvited guests.

I want to give them a chance to leave of their own free will and hate to bother the Sheriff. But if they don’t leave I’ll make the call.

The exchanges always go one of two ways.

ME: Can I help you?

THEM: No we’re just here to play in the snow.

ME: That’s nice, there are several public play areas down just off the highway. You’re parked on private property and the rear of your vehicle is blocking the road.

THEM: We’re just going to be here a few minutes. We have children who’ve never seen snow.

ME: If the lady whose property you’re parked on, or the residents up the street who can’t get past your car decide to call the police you’re going to be towed. It really would be better if you went to the public play areas and then you could spend as much time as you want.

THEM: The traffic is really bad down there on the highway. Besides there are 50 people just down the block playing in the snow.

ME: Your choice, you’re telling your kids that it’s ok to invade a neighborhood without permission to do what they wish,  but that’s your business. Stay the hell away from the fence line my dogs don’t like strangers. Dogs on queue start barking.

The second way this conversation goes is 

ME: Can I help you?

THEM: No comprende

ME: No es amusment publico, Estans Casas private, Por favor vamanos.

THEM: FUCK YOU, We have a right to be here.

ME: Not really. This is a neighborhood and these driveways are cleared by the residents so that they have a place to park not so that strangers have parking.

THEM: Fuck You, come on lets go play up on that hill.

DSC0035

I soft peddle it a bit because on more than a few occasions the visitors have gone to their car or truck and pulled a gun on the homeowner asking them to leave. This hasn’t happened to me yet, but I’m sure that it will at some point in the future.

Sadly it’s the nature of the people we’re dealing with. Which is not to be construed as racist. It’s more a statement about people that feel they don’t have to play by the rules.

What bothers me is the subtext of these exchanges.

(I’ve even fallen for it a couple of times because I can see the little faces pressed up against the windows of the car and I really do understand how excited they are.

In the situations where I’ve fallen for it I’ve let the people park in my driveway and sent them out back to play. I’ve been repaid for my kindness with trash on my lawn, and in one case dirty diapers left on my deck.

The first exchange type, these people assume that I haven’t heard this story before.

I do understand the kids. They should have an experience and I really am torn about telling them no. It’s that old programming my parents gave me. Children are to be protected and cherished and is it really any skin off my nose to let ’em play in the snow out back?

But come on, You’re using your kids to con me… 

DSC0044

I didn’t have anything to do with making your kids. Perhaps if you, or your wife / girlfriend  offered to entertain me I’d feel differently.

Like all men I’m about a little sexual gratification. Someone on their knees in front of me, might persuade me to change my mind.

You’re telling me that traffic is bad?

Look dumbass I know traffic is bad because I can’t leave my house!

Weekends and holidays I plan to stay put because I know that it’s going to take me minimum 2 hours to get home if I go more than 20 miles away.

The second exchange type is just as bad if not worse.

They start the conversation with a lie. They try to make the dumb white guy think that conversation is useless because they “Don’t understand what he’s saying”. 

When I try to converse with them in Spanish suddenly we have a miracle… They speak English just fine.

In both cases these people try to justify their actions (which I contend they know are wrong) by using the teenage fall back

Everyone else is doing it” 

I’m so tempted to tell these folks what my Mother used to tell me.

“20, 50 or 100 people it doesn’t matter, if they all jumped off a cliff would you?”

Recently we actually had a proof of that statement at a lake near here.

As it turns out the answer is yes for some people. There was a situation where people were sledding down a short embankment then out onto a partially frozen lake. 12 of them ended up in the water and one of them almost drown / froze to death.

The amazing thing about it is that there are signs in multiple languages saying that the lake is dangerous and that you shouldn’t walk on the ice.

Even as the ice on the lake was cracking and people were falling through into the water below. More and more people were walking out onto the lake to see what was going on. Some of them obviously stepping over cracks in the ice. 

DSC0039

I digress, the message these people are giving their kids is that they’re entitled to take what they want.

They’re saying that it’s ok to violate the social contract that says you respect other peoples privacy and property, if you’re tired of sitting in traffic and you want something.

At the same time these people will bitch loud, long, and hard if they feel even the slightest affront to their perceived rights.

Implicitly, these people teach a double standard. Their rights are important but no-one else’s rights matter.

Worse they’re teaching the very racist message; “because you’re brown you don’t have to obey the rules.

It’s been suggested that everyone in our town pick another town down the mountain on a particular day. Then we saddle up with our picnic baskets and our bathing suits and simply occupy an area. 

We’d go have a nice party in some random neighborhood, use their pools and park all over the place, in driveways, on the streets, wherever.

Then when the cops showed up … and they would. We’d show the homeowners pictures of our driveways, and streets in the Winter time.

Maybe that would drive the point home.

More likely, my whole town would be in jail…

I’ve finally learned my lesson

Images 1

I’ve been tinkering with this post for a while. I wasn’t sure that I really wanted to post it but I’ve come to a “what the hell point”  about it.

Let me preface with the following statements; I’m the guy that doesn’t illegally download music from the internet. I obey the law. I do whats right because I believe that’s the best way to live. I like the simplicity of not telling lies. I have purchased all my videos, and software. I pay my bills, and I admit it if I’ve fucked up and missed a payment.I admit when I’m wrong. I tell the truth and have always done my best to be honorable.

The problem is:

Honesty doesn’t pay.

This flies in the face of everything that I was taught as a child. When I was a kid, My parents taught me that being honest was absolutely the best thing you could be and that the rewards of being honest were great.

As an honest person I could expect respect from others, I’d be someone who people trusted and preferred to do business with,  my word would be my bond and we’d therefore not have to engage lawyers in anything but the most complex of contracts, I’d be a valued employee and could look forward to retirement as an honored person.

Perhaps these things were true when my parents were growing up.

They’re sure as hell not true now.

Let me give you some examples;

When I was dealing with the California EDD there was a question on the form you fill out. The question is “Did you start any training during period X or period Y. (X is the first week and Y is the second week). I answered yes… because I’m an honest man and I had in fact taken a 1 week training course.

My reward for being honest? EDD withheld the unemployment compensation for both weeks. Resulting in a shortfall of cash and late payments on several bills. Why the shortfall? because I was running that close to the line and attending the training class meant that I had to buy gasoline to attend the class.

Thanks EDD! Now I have the training to do a new job, but I don’t have the ability to attend any interviews.

I looked at that question for a long time before answering it. I knew in my heart that I should lie. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. In the back of my head was the knowledge that the class I was attending, reports the student attendance to the state of California. 

If it wasn’t for raiding my 401K I’d have had my car repossessed when I owed less than 3K on it. Since the car could still be sold for 20K this represents a wonderful profit for both the bank and the state.

#FAIL

The correct answer is to lie to EVERY STATE OFFICIAL, and on EVERY STATE FORM. Lie about your age, ethnicity, your religion, sexuality, and national origin, your circumcision status, and anything else you can.

I’m now a blind, black, mexican, transgendered, 30 year old, druid. Prove me wrong!

NEXT!

Images

Another example was when I was working for a government contractor as a Software Quality Assurance person.

The software was broken. It was horribly broken and with each iteration it was broken more severely than the last. As a lifelong QA person this is something that raises alarms in every industry. 

A QA persons job is to find the defects, report the defects, and come up with a way for the defects to be demonstrable on command, preferably so that the programmers can do a fault trace and correct the code in 20 minutes or less. (As an aside developers hate intermittent or difficult to reproduce problems.)

As a QA person I recreated every defect I reported at least 3 times. I did this to insure that I’ really did have a defect worth reporting and that I’d documented the steps to demonstrate the problem in as simple a way as possible.

While doing my job, the defect count kept going up I dutifully reported the problems. I followed procedure, and because I was concerned with the safety of the end users of our product I stuck to my guns about the defects. But I was told not to report the defects and eventually my ability to enter defects was revoked. This left me sending my defect reports to my boss who wouldn’t enter them because it made the project look bad.

I was honest. I didn’t lie, even when it was suggested that I do so. This was after all a government contract and my job as a citizen and QA person was to make sure that the product was delivered to the end users with as few defects as possible and that the project be delivered under budget and as quickly as possible.

WRONG

The game is that government contractors always overrun their budgets and their time. Why? because the government will penalize the contractor by reducing the amount of money it pays if the contractor delivers a product early.

Burying defects and slowing the progress of a project is the only way for a contractor to maximize their profits. It’s called follow-on maintenance.

So in this instance… once again truth is a very bad thing.

The common thread is that the state government and the federal government seem to operate on an illogic where honesty and truth are not in the best interest of the parties involved.

LAST EXAMPLE

Unknown

Under absolutely no circumstance should you ever tell the truth to your boss. In private or publicly, even if you’re respectiful and honestly trying to insure the success of a particular project or venture never tell the boss that their plan won’t work. Even if you have the weight of the history of mankind on your side… never tell them it won’t work. 

By doing so, you’re just setting yourself up to be at the top of the layoff list. If there aren’t layoffs imminent, you’re setting yourself up for poor reviews, and being tortured daily.

At the risk of sounding misogynistic (I wonder what the opposite of misogyny is? Oh there it is. Misandry, I’ve been on the receiving end of that more than once.), this is especially true if your boss is a woman. She is always right, she is always perfect, her ideas are just the best you’ve ever heard. “Of course we’ll make space in the office by drawing pentagrams on the floor and  casting spells to levitate the furniture. Obviously parking my desk and chair above my co-workers will work and save space.

Just make sure that you’re as far away from the explosion and laying of blame as you can be because you can bet your bottom dollar that she will try to blame anyone else for her half baked plan failing.

Whatever you do… NEVER EVER keep a record of your bosses directives. Absolutely, never present that record as your defense to upper management when your boss tries to blame you for the chaos and failure.

You’ll win the war… But you’ll lose your job.

Oh and never point out to anyone that working is about receiving compensation for your labor… The correct statement is, you work because you love the people at your office and you think your job is important and fulfilling. 

So from here on out. I’ve decided that I’m going to be like everyone else. 

I’m going to lie, cheat, and generally fuck over everyone else. The rules no longer apply to me, I’m special, I’m important, I’m entitled!

Never let it be said I don’t learn from my mistakes…

Happy New Year

Happy New Year

For those of you nursing hangovers, I’ll type quietly. I was sitting here watching my Alien boxed set and woke up well after Midnight.

Wow, what a party animal I am…

For various reasons I didn’t go out. I’d planned to have some champaign to toast the new year. The champaign is still in the fridge, and I’ve been sober as a judge for at least a couple of weeks.

We’re still aimed for the fiscal cliff. I’m actually surprised that the lawmakers didn’t announce an agreement last night. I guess they wanted to increase the drama and excitement.

This year has got to be a better year than last. 

There are a number of things that I need to finish and am rededicating myself to those tasks.

No I don’t have a traditional news years resolution list. Suffice it to say I know what I have to get done and it’s up to me to do it.

I hope that all of you have a safe, productive, and happy year.

I would have said interesting, but the Chinese have a wonderful curse that wishes one to live in interesting times. I didn’t want to start the year out on the wrong foot.

On to a second cup of coffee and then I think I’ll start dismantling the Christmas tree.

I’m more than ready to start a fresh new year.

 

 

Happy New Years Eve

It’s a beautiful cold as heck day today.

I’m lounging around in my robe and slippers and thinking about what I want to do today.

The stock market is up a bit, as the theater in Washington DC enters the final act.

Yep, I’m pretty sure that there will be a “last minute agreement” between our lawmakers late today. It will represent a compromise and miraculously we’ll avoid the fiscal cliff.

Thelma

So no Thema & Louise for the country. At least not yet but someone is going to have to find a way to pay the national debt.

As I’ve said before, I think we should take control of the natural resources of certain countries where we’ve had to have a military presence and take an appropriate amount of those resources to pay for our military services.

Tack on a nice 20% profit and call it even.

But then I’m a capitalist pig… you know one of those people that thinks profit is not by it’s nature an evil thing.

Yes, yes I know… I’ll be sitting at the right hand of Satan… Right there with all the Republicans.

So what? At least we’ll have lights, martinis, hookers, and air conditioning! Sounds like more fun than sitting on a cloud playing a harp for all eternity.

Just saw this news flash… President Obama has approved pay raises for congress.  Yep! you read that correctly. While hundreds of thousands of Americans are unemployed, and millions of Americans are looking down the barrel of a tax hike the likes of which hasn’t been seen since the end of WWII congress gets pay raises.

I can only ask WTF?

Rank & file members of congress will see their salaries go to 174,900, while the more elite members of congress will see their salaries top 250K.

I’m shaking my head… Jesus! I had to suck cock, lick cunt and plant my lips firmly to the ass of my boss to get a lousy 80K a year, with 30 years experience! The companies I worked for begrudged me that. Plus I had to pay for my own medical insurance, commute like a mother and if someone didn’t like the job I was doing I was shown the door.

Yet here we have a congress that has the lowest approval rating I’ve ever seen. This group of people have had a hand in  stalling the government, our economy, refuse to do anything constructive about it and they get a raise????

DAMN!

I’d suck Harry Reids and John Boehners dick for 174K a year. Hell, I’d sleep with Nancy Pelosi for that kind of money, and you know what??? I’d feel good about doing an honest 10 minutes work.

You know the old adage, “If you’re going to prostitute yourself, be well paid.” 

These people wonder why they get no respect… for christ sake, they make more money than 75% of the general populace, they’re in a position to fuck us all every day of the year, and they do!

It’s time to fire every single one of these fuckers and put some people with common sense in office. And I’d say bullshit on these salaries. 100K tops for every member of congress and they have to pay for their own fucking health care. Maybe then we’d have a government that was about being responsible with the trust, responsibility,  and the money, “We The People” elect them to manage.

Positive thoughts, gotta think positive thoughts…. Breathe…

Is it too early to start drinking?

I hope everyone has a very safe and happy New Years Eve…

If you’re drinking please don’t drive. I can’t afford to loose any readers.

If you’re going to have sex, make sure it’s safe or with your spouse. To my friends planning on giving their dungeons a workout…. Why the hell didn’t you invite me?

Be safe everyone, I look forward to hearing from you in the new year.

Been trying to come up with a blog entry

I’ve looked at the news – nothing I could say is positive.

NewImage

I want to make the last few blog entries of the year positive.  I’d like to go into 2013 with a positive outlook.

The problem is that with all the uncertainty about our government it’s difficult.

Really, can I as a citizen now in the lower portion of income brackets say,  I’m going to have a higher tax burden? YEAH!!!

I can’t pay my bills now,  much less having my taxes go up by 2 or 3 thousand dollars per year. And that’s not even considering what the idiots in Sacramento are likely to do to butt fuck us.

Tough to think positively with that kind of uncertainty.

Look at the stock market and you’ll see I’m not alone.

I saw an article from France where their court system had struck down some kind of super tax as unconstitutional. Peppered throughout the article was a percentage of 75% being purported as the tax rate.

I’ve not confirmed the information in the article and I believe less & less what American Journalists say.

However, if in fact the French tried to impose a 75% tax as the American news reported, I’m surprised there wasn’t a revolution.  Of course that kind of taxation would sure prevent anyone becoming wealthy so I guess burdensome taxation is in fact a great equalizer.

NewImage

I should point out,  so is communism!

LIke I said, it’s tough to be positive.

I caught a youtube with Ted Nugent taking on Piers Morgan.

Now that was funny! I have attempted to watch Piers Morgan on more than one occasion.

In each instance I wasn’t able to watch more than a few minutes. I find Mr. Morgan not only on the opposite side of any subject from me but he’s with the rabid frothing at the mouth opposition.

NewImage

In short I think he’s a pompous ass and I have no desire to waste my time listening to him interrupting his guests and preventing them from making their points if they don’t agree with him completely.

I would support sending him back to England… But the English are our allies and it would be just wrong to send a weapon of mass delusion to our friends.

NewImageThe Nugent piece was great though… Ted, managed to talk over Piers anti-gun rhetoric and make his point. I got a laugh out of it when Nugent told Piers to suck his machine gun.

One of my family called to ask if it was common to go swimming in a frozen lake here. I had no idea what they were talking about. Then I found the news piece showing a bunch of people falling into a lake near here.

Then I found a video on a town web site showing the whole sorry event. I guess it was a slow news day and the national medial used this video as a nice filler / fluff piece.

The video is appearing and disappearing on youtube hourly. The bit of video the media is showing is not the whole story.

No matter how the media may try to paint it as a “Tragedy avoided”

The tragedy isn’t that someone fell through the ice. The tragedy is that these people didn’t see a problem walking on the ice in the first place.

The Lake in question isn’t completely frozen over so you’d think someone would have realized “Gee, this ice must be thin”.

Nope… instead one person falls in and then like lemmings we have a dozen people in the water. Unlike lemmings they didn’t die.

The whole video is actually 10 minutes long and you can hear people with common sense telling these other people to get off the ice.

It’s when the first person falls in, that you suddenly realize everyone on the ice is Spanish speaking and apparently realllllllllyyyyyyy stupid.

The only thing missing from the longer video is Three Stooges Music or a sound track from Benny Hill.

NewImage

After I saw the long (10 min) video, I called my family member back and told them that had I witnessed this insanity I’d have walked away.

Mind you these idiots were sledding down a short hill and out onto a partially frozen lake.

I’d have called it Darwinian selection and figured that the survivors from the group of idiots remaining on the shore might have learned a valuable lesson.

It’s a lesson that most of us don’t need to learn by watching a family member drown / freeze to death but some people are apparently slower than the rest of us.

This is akin to early hominids learning it wasn’t a good idea to poke a saber tooth with a stick.

Too bad about Ogg, I told him leave the saber cat alone but he wouldn’t listen, from here on out everyone in tribe avoid big cats with pointy teeth.

In that vein, I’ve seen an idiot on Catalina Island walk up to and try to pet a wild buffalo even when the people around them were saying “No, Stop, that’s a Wild Animal”

I was standing apart from the crowd with my camera ready. I was hoping to immortalize what happens to a genetically & mentally deficient human when they interact with wildlife, and miss the obvious signs of agitation and aggression in an animal that outweighs them by a thousand pounds.

NewImage

Unfortunately, a park ranger stopped the moron before the buffalo got really pissed off.

I can’t get over the thought that some people really do need to be allowed to kill themselves due to their own stupidity. It would serve two purposes, 1) They’d remove themselves from the breeding stock and hopefully their defective genes too. 2) They’d be wonderful object lessons for others.

Again, it’s really hard to stay positive.

I’m hoping that some libation, masturbation, sex, porn, a good meal, and pretty fireworks, not necessarily in that order will make me feel more positive.

But I’m not holding my breath.