Category: General

Than being treated in a condescending fashion.

What really takes me Zero to Nuclear in a milisecond is if a guest in my house treats me that way.

Recently this happened… AGAIN!

What the hell ever happened to common courtesy?

On this occasion my Mother would have been proud. I gritted my teeth and said nothing. I recalled in an earlier time, I’d have thrown the offender out on their ass then offered the remaining guests another drink. 

Now days I just allow their visit to end, they’re not offered a second cup of coffee or any other consideration… And They’re never invited back.

It’s not like I’m asking for the moon and stars. I just ask that you treat me with respect in my home.

In the most recent example of bad behavior; the offending party was someone who seems to think that they’re wiser and smarter than the “Average” people around the town. That belief is apparently born out of their membership in an organization that I’ve personally found to be elitist and out of touch with the real needs or expectation of many of the townsfolk. The problem is that this group has a bit of control and an over inflated sense of self importance.

These are the folks that make statements like; “We published this information in the local paper and you should have read about it there.“

I should point out that the local paper is really LOCAL. It’s not like it has much information beyond the confines of the town. Also for what it is, it’s a pretty expensive subscription. I get the LA Times digitally every day for less than a monthly subscription to the local paper.

When you point out that the community by and large was not informed about a particular thing, event or request for comment, you’re hit with the statement “Well, people should take an interest in their community and should work to find out what’s happening.“

Yeah! Right! You have people commuting 40 to 70 miles one way to go to work, they’re struggling to make ends meet, they get home at 8 or 9 PM and leave again at 6 AM after getting the kids ready for school, and you have the audacity to make a statement like that?

OH HELL NO!

I’ve lived in cities that were much larger than the 3 – 10 thousand folks here. Those cities had no problem posting information in public places. They had no problem sending out notifications and informing the community at large that road work, sewage work, public park renovations, or whatever was planned and they were seeking public comment.

But here, the controlling group of people choose an elitist statement that does nothing to engender trust, or calm. Instead they make comments that are more likely to alienate the very people they supposedly serve. 

Attitudes on the part of community leaders or organizations like what I’ve experienced are exactly why people don’t participate.

When I first moved here I tried to get involved. That was 20 years ago. I was dismissed as not being able to contribute. Mind you these people knew nothing of my capabilities, they simply said we have nothing for you to do at the moment and we’ll call you if we think of something.

I checked back several times and always got the same answer. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that they didn’t want anything to do with me. I considered the possible reasons, perhaps because of my living arrangements, perhaps because I was too young, perhaps because they just didn’t like my face.

In the end I basically said the hell with them and wrote all the community organizations off. The same people in one organization were involved with all the others and if they couldn’t be bothered to accept a willing set of volunteer hands I didn’t have to waste my time.

Instead I became involved or continued my involvement with organizations where I worked, or in the communities where I worked.

There was a period of years during which I didn’t make a single purchase from any business in the town where I lived.

Why bother? I wasn’t engaged or connected to the town in any way. I could have been living isolated on top of a mountain in Oregon, or in a loft in New York. I didn’t know the people around me and didn’t care to.

That changed when my house burned. There were a number of people that were awesome. I had no idea they even knew we existed. But there these folks were, trying to help and I appreciated their efforts beyond words. Interestingly, the folks who were there for me aren’t generally involved in the community organizations.

It’s because of those people, the folks who put clothes on my back and made sure I had food in those first days after the fire, that I feel connected to the town. I want to help, and protect this place. 

Problem is, the old attitudes remain well entrenched…

I’ve been a little quieter than usual lately. 

I guess I’m mourning the B dog.

I just haven’t felt much like writing at all.

It’s been hot here even at night. So my sleep is restless too. The three things are inhibiting my creativity and sorta messing with my mojo.

My dream life has been pretty interesting though. 

I’ve dreamt of lizards, wolves, and scorpions. 

You don’t even want to know what the interpretations of those dream elements are.

Lead, change, and pain is the short version.

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I’ve thought about writing on Trayvon.

But I’m thinking that anything I’d have to say would be at best redundant and at worst inflammatory.

Lets just say, I’m over people rending their clothing and describing Trayvon as a little saint. I’m sick of the media representation of Trayvon and Zimmerman. 

The protests and calls for justice are disingenuous at best considering that the Jury wasn’t presented with enough credible evidence to “Beyond a reasonable doubt” convict Zimmerman. The Beyond Reasonable Doubt phrase is really important. 

I’m as usual pissed off at Sharpton and Jackson because they’re continuing to play the victim card & the race card while at the same time black kids are being killed all over the country by other black kids.

Where is the outrage about that? 

Where is the outrage at violence done in the name of Trayvon against people who just happen to not be black? A better question is; Why is the media not reporting these acts of violence with the same breathless excitement?

Yeah these are the reasons I’ve given up most of the news.

I did find this little survey interesting

I had seen a lot of the information well before the Zimmerman trial. The information is well… in the age of Photoshop, can we really believe what we see?

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 Then there’s this tragedy.

Yesterday we took the S dog out for a romp. First we went to Devils Punchbowl completely forgetting that by the time we got there it was really hot.

Too hot in fact for the S dog to walk on the paths for much more than 15 minutes. On the plus side he got a ton of loving from a school bus full of little girls I’m guessing none of them were older than 10 or 11.

They were fascinated with the S dog and kept commenting on how big he is. I kept thinking to myself they’d be blown away by a Weimaraner, Great Dane, Mastiff, or Sheepdog. 

The S dog is approachable and sweet, although he left a bit of drool on several of the girls. They didn’t seem to mind too much.

We were thinking about a cooler place to wander and perhaps let the S dog play in some water.

Well, let me tell you something. The drought is bad!

There are creeks and small ponds/lakes that are supplied by water from the mountains. But the past few years there really hasn’t been that much rain or snow and the creeks and lakes are drying up.

Several of the first creeks that crossed our minds were little more than sticky muddy trails. The vegetation is withering or dying as well.

We finally headed to a creek that is beautiful, or was… It had also dried to a surprising degree.

That is a tragedy, but one that nature in time will correct. The greater tragedy is the trash.

This creek is a nice place and it used to be free & clean.

Folks would take their kids swimming on hot days and have nice picnics.

Problem is, that more and more folks who don’t respect the signs, or the environment, or that someone has to clean up their mess have pretty much trashed the place.

You can see from the pictures it’s really bad. These folks have tagged rocks and trees and there’s strong evidence that they’ve even uprooted some of  trees by climbing on them then dragging them down.

The S Dog jumped in to the cool water and started making contented sounds.Eventually we found a place where the water was clean and the surrounding area was unspoiled.

All we had were small bags to pick up the S Dogs poo so it wasn’t left on any trail. Of those we were down to only two.I felt bad that we didn’t’ have any big garbage bags to clean up the mess.

By the time we go home we’d used all but one of the poo bags.

On the up side… the S dog will probably not make any work for me in the back yard for several days. (He felt he had to leave his marks and was seriously confused by us cleaning up his carefully placed marks!)

It’s this vandalism and trashy behavior that has made the Forestry service start charging via something called an Adventure Pass.

There is ongoing litigation about the validity of the adventure pass. I can actually see both sides of the issue. The hikers are correct in saying that the Forestry Service needs better funding. The Forestry Service is right and saying they need to supplement their budgets so they can provide services. 

The real problem isn’t the pass… it’s the people who are, frankly thoughtless pigs.

I’d love to see arrests and jail time for people that leave trash behind.

I don’t give a shit if they’re poor, or immigrants. They can afford to buy the packaged crap they’re eating… they can damn well carry out the empty packages and trash.

It’s a $100 fine if you don’t have an adventure pass. Hell I’d love to see a $1000 dollar fine plus 60 days in jail if you’re caught trashing a place.

If someone is an illegal after they’ve paid their fine, and served their time I’d love to see their sorry ass deported back to their shithole country of origin.

But then I’m draconian about that kind of thing.

Go on… Call me a racist! That is the “goto” defense when someone badmouths the poor undocumented workers isn’t it?

I get really pissed off when I take a side road instead of the freeway and am confronted with places where people have just dumped their trash because they didn’t want to pay the entrance fee to a county landfill.

My home, my country isn’t supposed to look like Tijuana.

I was thinking about making time when the S dog & I could go back to this area and he could play in the water & I could pick up the trash.

I swear with the tagging… I’d love to see the tagger in chains scrubbing the rocks with a toothbrush and their spit for solvent.

What on earth possesses someone to do that? They go to a natural place that’s unspoiled and beautiful… then they spoil it!

What the hell?

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Then there’s the crazy person running around Washington… No not the politicians… the one with the green paint.

Another case of someone who should be in a bright orange jumpsuit chained to a monument with a toothbrush cleaning up their mess.

I guess this time it’s a crazy homeless Chinese person on an expired visa. Why is it that we don’t send ICE agents to someones hotel, apartment, boarding house or what have you to escort folks with expired visas to the nearest Airport?

There are countries that insist you have a return plane ticket before you’re allowed to enter their country. Why don’t we have a similar policy?

Now this crazy person will cost us court time, psychiatric time, and will never have to earn the cash to pay reparations for her crimes.

I fear that her actions will cause We The People will have to go through checkpoints and fences and metal detectors and that yet another part of our cultural heritage will be compromised.

To me, part of the beauty of Washington DC is that there were no fences the last time I was there.

You could walk on the grass next to the reflecting pond. You could walk unencumbered up the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, you could lean against the Washington monument and wander at your leisure inside the Jefferson memorial.

I was in awe of the Lincoln Memorial and spent a good amount of time contemplating the words, their meaning, and the greatness of President Lincoln. 

The only disappointment was that the White House had been fenced off and looked a bit more like a prison than the house provided for the President of the country. I know it is necessary but I still think it’s sad.

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Wheee!

I get to renew my car registration today!!! Oh Joy!

I can be ripped off by California once again. This year to the tune of over $300 to pay for my road use. This amount apparently isn’t used to actually maintain the roads but does get spent by California in ever so many useful ways.

Gun control laws and ordinances. feeding the poor, providing health care for undocumented workers, etc. etc. etc.

And did I mention that I’m not employed at the moment? How am I paying for this since I’m out of unemployment benefits? Take a guess… go on I dare you!

Give up? I’m paying for this out of my savings. Yep, I need to pay this bill like I need a Clorox enema! But I need a legal car on the road too if I’m going to go to interviews and try to actually find work. Did you know that some gated / secured facilities won’t let you in the gate if your registration isn’t current? After all if you haven’t paid your registration… have you paid your insurance? 

I wouldn’t mind if the roads here in California were maintained, smooth, clean and nice. But I’ve had wheels cracked due to faulty maintenance at $800.00 a crack having to pay over $300 to register a vehicle is adding insult to injury.

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OK enough randomness for today.

I’ve got to get something done.

Naked, I move through the house.  I pull a short glass from the cupboard… Ice, the smell of Whiskey as I pour myself a drink.

Leaden colored sky is visible outside. I can remember when the sky here was black and the constellations fought with the edge of the Milky Way for my attention.

Twinkling lights on the desert floor tell the sad truth. Civilization has caught up with me. The sea of humans has surrounded my Island of peace and quiet. Soon the view of the stars will be completely blotted out except in power failures. The desert going dark is unlikely with the computer control of the electrical grid.

Breeze feels good as I scratch my sack. Another slug of Whiskey, warm glow spreading from my gut. Sad about the stars… 

I’ve tossed and turned for the past two hours but sleep has evaded me. Normally I’d have anesthetized myself by engaging in oldest and most  primal of activities, falling asleep sweaty, sticky, and drugged by the frantic, satisfying release of my own endorphins. Somehow I just can’t get into the head space for that to be any fun.

I’m caged. Caged by thoughts unbidden, desires unfulfilled. Caged like an animal by a cacophony of noise in my head. 

I’m tired, exhausted in fact.

The Whiskey is good. I’m reminded of Hemingway.

He was a drinker too. My puerile prose is pig shit compared to his. Self doubt and fear well up inside me.

Two words explode into my conscience.

Eight Months

It takes me a minute to figure out what that means. Another sip of Whiskey, then it hits me.

Eight months ago a thoughtless child who wanted to be treated like a man left my house and I’ve heard not one word from him since then. Until recently…

What I do hear is “I want to clear the air“

What air? There’s nothing to clear, nothing more to be said. I told him that there are consequences to his actions.

IF you lie, people will eventually lose faith in your words and will become mistrustful of you. He lied repeatedly. His lies weren’t even over big issues he lied about  the most inconsequential of things. 

The lies told eight months ago, placed me at odds with his Dad. I felt relief when he left, at least I wasn’t going to have to continue to waste energy puzzling out what was real and what wasn’t. Where he was really going and where he’d wanted me to think he was. In the end it didn’t matter. His Dad still held me responsible for not keeping a lid on the child. He was 18… legally an adult what was I expected to do? Ground him? 

I’ve mourned the loss, gotten over the anger, stopped asking questions for which I’ll never have answers and gotten on with my life. In honesty I say that I’m done. (Or rather I was done.)

Why should we waste each others time with another tearful apology that I can’t help but be suspicious of. How is he trying to manipulate me? What angle is he working? What more drama am I going to be sucked into?

Then I know the answer. His Dad is once again angry with me because I’m unwilling to “Clear Air” which doesn’t need to be cleared. I’m the bad guy… Again…  Wheeeee! Another trip on the drama merry go round! 

I hope that this child realizes just how much love his Dad has for him. I pray that he’s not manipulating and trading on his Fathers love, because it would break my heart to see his Dad’s heart broken again. Regardless of the state of our friendship I don’t want to see the Man hurt by a manipulative child.

I’ve probably lost a friend. Sleep is hard won for me because I’m mourning that loss too. I’m angry at the child for not just leaving will enough alone. 

I can’t apologize for being who I am. I can’t nod and say “there there”, when I’m convinced that my forgiveness is simply another ploy so that I can be used again. I’ve already heard way too many of those apologies, they led to many fights with my Significant Other and  Eight Months of complete silence.

Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, You’d think if I was important there’d have at least been a text message however ingenuine saying, “Happy <Insert Holiday Here>”

But here I am. The wound reopened because the child wants to clear his conscience or at least to go through the motions. Now though,  I’ve got a fresh wound and an irreparably damaged possibly dying friendship to boot.

At least I understand one of the elements causing sleep to flee before me.

Odd how putting that on even metaphorical paper is like pulling a splinter out of my brain. 

Time to pour another glass.

3AM

My Mom is just waking up on the East Cost.

A cloud has just come across from the South West bringing with it a light shower. The last of the visible stars in the East have been obstructed. 

It’s a fair trade.

The smell of rain is comforting to me. The heavy drops on the roof and pinging off the deck rails is welcome, maybe it will last long enough to lull me to sleep.

I’m worried about getting a job. Not that I don’t want a job but that I can’t seem to get hired. The monsters of my past and fear of a future where I can’t pay my bills form a Mobius of approximately 30 years. 

That’s a distasteful thought. That the cycles of my life are 30 years of struggle, hard work, sweat, and tears where I reach a modicum of success followed by a precipitous fall losing everything, only to start over again.

Suddenly I really miss smoking. The Whiskey is making me feel better.

I’d love to be laying here in bed listening to the rain breaking all the rules. smoking, drinking, naked windows wide open, carving a brief respite from the chaos of my thoughts.

I’ll take this as it is right now. I’m not asking for anything more.

Time to turn the computer off and just breathe.

But not so easy to calm them down…

There was a little kerfuffle here in the mountains.

Short story is this.

Folks whose properties backed up to a wash found out about a major project in the wash in a bad way.

They were told by a workman only part of the story and folks got justifiably pretty upset.

Because the project was starting but the local folks most affected by it really had no notion what was going on it left them feeling as if the project had been in “stealth mode” and it was only by happenstance that they found out that anything at all was going on.

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Picture Arthur Dent in The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. He’s told his house is being demolished for a bypass. He’s also told that the plans had been on review at the planning office for a year. He counters with “You didn’t go out of your way to advertise it did you? First I heard about it was yesterday when a worker came ’round to look at my house. I thought he was a window washer, yeah he washed a couple of windows and charged me a fiver before he told me my house was going to be demolished.” Later there’s a great line about where he found the actual plans at the planning office. “In a disused lavatory, with no lights, in a locked filing cabinet, behind a door with a sign that said beware of tiger.”

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The County had actually been communicating with a town council of sorts but they hadn’t communicated with the people that were going to be directly affected by their project.

You have to understand, around here, we’re serious about trees, especially trees that grow here naturally.

So when a worker off handedly says something like “We’re going to cut all the trees in this area down…”  Well that’s like saying “YOUR MAMMA” to someone Or The South Shall Rise Again at a “Lets Destroy the GOP meeting” Things rapidly go downhill.

As it turns out the County project is not going to clear cut the area. They’re not going to put concrete slabs in the wash.

Their plan is to use concrete like grout and cement the boulders in place along the sides of the wash and use a more or less natural looking matrix to stabilize the sides of the wash.

The trees that are being removed will be mulched and that mulch will be reused when the county replants what they’ve taken out. They’ll be sparing as many trees as possible but there will be some thinning of the population. The county makes the case that some of the areas they’ll be clearing / thinning this will add to fire safety because they’ll be removing a lot of thick underbrush. The County says this is actually in compliance with accepted tree density per acre as defined by the forest service. 

When they replant they’ve budgeted for water trucks to come up and water the area to help the saplings take root. 

Part of the County’s urgency is that they want to catch the “Rainy” season… we really haven’t had one of those in a few years but more power to them.

Other improvements will be adding a series of breaks in the bottom of the wash. These will be raised areas backfilled with native soil. The purpose of these “breaks” is to slow the speed of the water and thereby it’s carrying capacity. The goal is that if the breaks slow the water down enough dirt, silt, rocks, and other debris will settle out behind the breaks and not be washed downstream.

One question asked of the County was, “Has this been tried elsewhere?” In fact it has, and thus far the other wash that has received this treatment has remained stable and isn’t an eyesore. It’s obvious that some work has been done but not quite as obvious as some of the facelifts you see in Hollywood.

The bottom of the wash will remain open allowing water to percolate into the soil. The only exception to this will be in the areas surrounding the breaks. Due to their anchoring requirements they’ll be concreted in place with what appear to be “footers” that go quite a way into the ground.

I myself am much more comfortable with the project itself. Even with the loss of trees.

I know that other folks in the neighborhood aren’t comfortable with it and I understand why. There’s a bit of distrust remaining between the people and the County.

What I’ve taken away from this is the following.

It is the responsibility of the citizenry to tell the County (AKA Government) When they’re doing something wrong. In this case the County actually owns the property entirely.

The County’s screw-up was that they didn’t go down the list of properties backing up on the wash to say “We’re going to be doing this. Here’s what we envision the completed project to look like. Sorry for the mess and here are phone numbers to reach us if you need to.“

The citizens asked for the County to give them that courtesy in the future. The County admitted it had dropped the ball a bit, they also said they’d do better in the future.

Going online to look for the information wasn’t particularly fruitful because the title of the project appeared to change over time. That meant that you couldn’t be sure if what you were looking at was really the same part of the project or another piece that had been / or was going to be completed.

This too has been brought to the County’s attention.

On the plus side. The County was very kind, and very responsive to the folks up here when they started raising Cain. I know that I was able to get my questions answered in a reasonable way. The answers also had the ring of truth. Particularly when the engineer pointed out that there are no guarantees but that based on the best data available, this solution to the erosion of the wash is a pretty good one.

In more general terms the County is apparently receptive to improving their ability to communicate with their constituency I find that interesting and refreshing.

Another take away from this is that lots of folks, old and new in the community weren’t aware of the community organizations that actually do take time to monitor these kinds of issues. In particular, the younger crowd (meaning those who’ve moved recently to the mountain) didn’t know about the community organizations.

That’s sad for a couple of reasons. 1 it makes the younger members of the community feel a bit disenfranchised, and 2 it means that the organizations are perhaps a little too quiet about tooting their own horn.

In short little of what the careless words of a worker said were true. What was true was only part of the story, the town has discovered a hole in their communications with each other and with the County. Both issues seem to have been addressed even if it’s not to the complete satisfaction of all parties.

I daresay, the work is going to be watched like a hawk by the townsfolk, and after all that’s the way it’s supposed to be. 

It is our tax money being spent.