When I was a kid…

Childhood Forests Fall

Sept 1 was a time of mixed feelings. 

On the one hand, I’d have been in school for almost two weeks and was mourning the end of Summer. On the other hand the countdown to the holidays was running in my head.

I knew I had Labor day off.

Whew, one more long weekend before I really had to buckle down and get to work. 60 days to Halloween, 26 days after that, Thanksgiving, 30 days later Christmas, then  the long dark dry spell of Winter with nothing to look forward to until Spring, the end of school and Glorious SUMMER again.

Back then, observed holidays were, well… actually Observed! and even though the Winter months were long and dark, they were punctuated by a holiday about once a month. I was also fortunate during Junior High and High School, that I lived in a place where we got snow days at the drop of a hat we lived for snow days.

gnat swarm

I guess I’m feeling a bit nostalgic. I woke up in a great mood, have already walked the dogs much to their delight and aside from being set upon by little black flying monsters, (I have no other description, they’re tiny, they swarm & they fly at your eyes, nose, ears, and mouth), The day is a good one. It’s cool and bright with the tinge of Autumn in the sunlight. 

I can’t describe it, there’s a color to the light that signals Autumn to me. All the seasons have a characteristic color?, tint?, cast?, in the sunlight. The night sky is also different beyond the constellations, depending on the season. I’ve been aware of these differences my whole life and took them for granted until a discussion with a friend.

Autumn Central Park NY

He doesn’t see the difference at all, he just looked at me like I was insane. [I am, but that’s another discussion.] I now know what describing color to a blind person is like. There are some things which words utterly fail to describe. Color, Orgasms, Joy, Beauty that makes you cry. 

I guess I’m more tuned into the rhythms of nature than I thought I was. Until talking with my friend I assumed that everyone saw what I see. Then again, I’m a very visual creature, so maybe it’s just that I notice details more than some people.

I like this time of year, it’s a time of change and for some reason I feel more creative.  

Everyone take a moment, look up from your cities, look out over the open spaces, take a deep breath, and take time to notice the light.

 

My intricate web of logic and reason…

webs

…Just collapsed into a steaming pile of poo!

I was working on a piece for today that was supposed to be light and funny. As I linked to source material and thought more about my position the piece became decidedly un-funny and anything but light.

Who knew flags could engender such angst? Perhaps they should all be banned!

The more I struggled to save this poor silly blog post, the worse it got.

So I’m throwing in the towel and may revisit it at a later date.

steamingpile

There’s nothing worse than a blog post gone horribly wrong. It makes ya long for the simplicity of Frankenstein’s monster.

Or is that Frankunsteen?

I think Young Frankenstein is the movie of the evening.

Good weekend everyone.

I do a fair bit of self censoring

Hard to believe isn’t it?

Lately I’ve been censoring myself far more than usual for reasons that I’m not going into.

Suffice it to say that I’m going to try to break out of that habit and get back to having fun with this blog.

After all this blog for me is about fun, not giving a damn, and it’s one place where I can just say what I think with a bit of a devil may care attitude.


Engineer

This has been a weird year for me. 

The past few years have been rough, but this one more than most.  24 years ago, I lost my Father. This year, I’ve been the same age as my Father when he died. That really messed with my head. I expected to be in my 80s before that happened. It’s been hard for me to shake the weirdness of it.

 I guess subconsciously, I was expecting to just start falling apart like that first “Engineer” in Prometheus.  It even looked like I was falling apart at the beginning of the year. Test after test kept showing oddball results that were indicative of a serious problem.

Luckily, the issue wasn’t what it could have been and it turns out, I’m “healthy” but the timing couldn’t have been worse. 

I learned the hard way, that I have to be very careful with all RX drugs and that even the “common, safe, and well known,” drugs may produce wholly undesired results. Worse, is the possibility that due to the commonness of many of these drugs and the margin for safety they have, oddball toxic reactions are the last thing that even the best doctors will look at.

DrWhoRegeneration

Thankfully I was able to ask the right questions, and my Doctor is a guy who actually listens when I ask questions. Yeah, I’m a pain in his ass, but he’s lucky I don’t see him that often. My Doc brightened my day the last time I saw him, with the happy reminder, “Your warranty has expired”. Gee, “Thanks Doc!”

As my odometer clicks over another year. I’m seeing hopeful signs that my long underemployment is coming to an end, and I know that will brighten my world considerably. More income is a good thing!

When I was younger I’d get really wound up about getting another year older, Now well obviously I still mark the event but not with the soul searching introspection of the past. “Where am I? Have I accomplished anything? Am I a good guy? What is my purpose? Have I lived up to my potential?”

Dawnofthedead

This year I’m past all that bullshit. The only question I’ve asked is “Am I happy?”  The answer is generally, “Yes” and the shit I’m not too thrilled about I can change.  My warranty may be expired, I’m nowhere near doing so.

Now if I could only figure out how to do that Dr. Who regeneration thing. Some mornings around here look like the Dawn of the Dead!

Have a great week everyone.

I don’t think that means what you think that means…

NewImage

I’ve been reading the various articles about the “ Social Justice” push to have confederate monuments “removed from public view.”

My views on Social Justice have changed over the years. In the words of Inego Montoya from The Princess Bride; 

Inego

“I don’t think that means what you think that means…”

When I was first on the Social Justice bandwagon I had a simplistic view. I thought it was about justice for everyone and that we all were supposed to have equal access in all things. Additionally, we were supposed to respect each other’s rights and beliefs. Someone’s beliefs were to be protected just as surely as their right to speak because the two were inexorably intertwined.

egalitarian

It was incumbent on the observer to listen OR NOT, however, we were all supposed to defend each other’s right to speak, be heard, or believe whatever we wanted to believe, no matter how wrong headed or outlandish what was being said might have been.

Naively I believed that the end goal of Social Justice was a completely egalitarian society were all of us rose or fell in accordance with the level of our abilities and work.

bellcurve

Very lazy or stupid people fell, very clever or lucky people rose, and those of us in the middle ground could look forward to having nice lives, families, and retirements. In my world view the wealthy weren’t evil, they were incentive. Inherent in my view was that even the wealthy could and sometimes did fall, just as clever people (Bill Gates, Steve Jobs) rose.

My belief was that no-one in this great nation should have a child go hungry, and everyone should be contributing. I thought that even the lower bounds of society could and should contribute and be compensated for their contributions. I’d happily feed the homeless guy who’s picking up trash on a city street. (In fact I still do that today. Someone in need who has pride enough to be concerned about where we all live will get a meal, or two, and / or a ride from me.)

Medieval Torture Devices

This was a simple concept, and for me, very easy to incorporate into my world view.

Then it started to get mean. My fellow Justice warriors weren’t all that interested in balance. They seemed only interested in retribution.  After all, what you may consider “Just” the people on the receiving end of your “Just Cause” may view as a loss of their rights and freedoms. Many of the Social Justice warriors, then and now, were more than willing to impose their will on others without mercy, because after all, Social Justice was “RIGHT”.

I began to have serious problems with Social Justice when I saw that the same “Sins” the Social Justice crowd railed against, being perpetuated by the SJ crowd. The only difference was that the “SJ Warriors” had picked new targets, and that made it all okay.

Today, in the name of Social Justice we’ll shame people, we’ll fire them, we’ll destroy their careers at the drop of a hat, and even if the reasons for “Punishing” someone turn out to be unfounded, our society never looks back and never even tries to repair the damage.

NewImage

Some Social Justice pundits seem to have the opinion, “They (The target du jour) deserved what they got. If not this time, then for all the times they got away with it.”

Remember the La Cross team in North Carolina? How about the Fraternity that was closed due to false gang rape allegations?

NAACP

Which leads to the current madness of removing confederate monuments. There are two contenders for the “Most insane / inane” award.  The leader in this category is the push in Memphis to dig up Confederate General Nathan Bedford Forrest’s grave. A close second is Al Sharpton and the NAACP demanding that Stone Mountain monument in Georgia be sandblasted from the side of the mountain. I ask myself how the hell is any of this behavior different from ISIS blowing up Palmyra, or The Taliban blowing up the reclining Buddha’s? The short answer is there’s not one whit of difference.

eyeball

The Bible says something like;  “If thine eye offends thee, Pluck it out.”

That passage says nothing about gouging something YOU find offensive, out of the side of a mountain. It says nothing about gouging everyone else’s eyes out, and in truth isn’t saying pluck out your own eye either.  It’s saying take responsibility for yourself and don’t look at something if it offends you.

Bible

True social justice would be making these monuments about teaching. Teaching that these monuments are built to honor people deserving of respect because they stood up for what they believed in. Then explain why they were wrong, and the horrible losses on both sides of a conflict that should have been avoided. Let these monuments serve their intended function, to remind us that deep divisions within our nation lead to very sad, dark places.

I’d take up the social justice banner again if the movement was about doing things better but these days, Social Justice is about cracking an offensive egg with the 20LB sledgehammer of punishment.

Go ahead, argue with me! I’ve got DIRT on all of you; what I don’t have I’ll make up!

That’s how we do things these days isn’t it?

One of those nights…

Hell

It’s hot. 

Not brutally HELL hot, but warm enough that sleep is hard to come by.

Like most guys I’ve already tried using our built-in sleeping aid. Multiple times! There’s only so many times you can get your rocks off and not fall asleep before you say fuck it!

That’s where I am now. The fuckit phase. My body is happily relaxed, I’m sitting here at my desk naked as the day I was born, albeit a bit hairier. The other half is tossing and turning, and snoring so loud it’s rattling the walls. This may be one of those nights where I sleep here in the office / guest room.  I have a tall glass of water but am contemplating something stronger. 

Rise of the Guardians Sandman

The Sandman is freakin late! I have a good mind to punch him square in the face when he does finally come.

It’s supposedly not a good idea to work on computers or iPads if you’re trying to fall asleep. but I don’t want to lay in bed looking at the ceiling wondering if I should abuse and frustrate myself again. Besides, I’m running low on personal lubricant! After all there’s only so many orgies you can host before your lube supply shows the strain.

So here I am blogging.

Recently I’ve been asking myself why I blog at all. The answer seems to be that this fulfills a need to express myself and I think of the blog as more like a diary of sorts. It’s obviously not like the locked up super secret private journal that many people keep. No, this is out there and public, and would probably prevent me from seeking political office.

Maybe that too is a good thing, I’m not sure I could sell my soul the way our politicians have to just to get elected. I don’t lie very well.

03 19 2014 plaid  7

Don’t get me wrong… I can lie better than any politician you care to name. It’s just that I choose to live telling as few lies as is possible. “Yes that dress has a slimming effect on you.” (Subconsciously, I’m thinking, “in the same way black slims down the size of an 18 wheeler.”)

Lying about my principals, or core beliefs is something that I’d rather not do. My preference is to simply keep my mouth shut and in extreme cases; at a party for example, I’ll have another drink. The trouble is, if I were running for office I’d be drunk off my ass most of the time.  Maybe that would work. Our politicians seem to be drunk or high more often than not. I’d hate to believe that they were naturally as stupid and dishonest as they appear to be. Realistically, they probably are, but that’s another discussion.

Porn?

Kiss, kiss, kiss, lick, lick, lick, suck, suck, suck, fuck, fuck, fuck, ropey globs of cum, artificially happy & satisfied, expressions. The dudes in gay films are happy because they just made 3k! Hell, I’d be smiling too! I don’t know what the pay scale is for the cast in a straight movie. I suppose the women are paid pretty well, but the dudes aren’t.  Thus the saying, “gay for pay.”

However, while I usually don’t make it through the first scene of a porn flick before I fall asleep. Most porn is predictable. Well, at least the first 5 minutes of the first scenes, that’s usually all I see before I’m off in dreamland. Tonight it’s unlikely that will work

DoleQueue

I’m amped about jobs, and money, and trying to chart a future (and failing) which is adding to my angst. That’s how I can be physically very relaxed and mentally my brain is in overdrive.  

Funny, my writing this seems to have quieted my mind. 

Gentle reader you should probably book mark this one, if my writing it put me to sleep, You reading it should work pretty much like the best sleeping pill you can buy.

Donations gratefully accepted!

Good night!