Category: Musings

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I’ve been feeling Compressed

PADI 2014 Oct 12

No, not as in diving compressed, (although I could use some underwater time). Any Divers out there wanna get wet? [Thanks to PADI for the nifty photo]

My compression stems from issues in my life.

As I’ve mentioned before, I share internet with the next door neighbor. Generally this isn’t a problem,  they’re using an old Windows based machine that I suspect is rife with malware. This doesn’t really affect me, except that when that machine logs onto the network it sucks up pretty much all the available DSL bandwidth.

For the non techies… The internet gets really slow.

Most of the time, even that doesn’t bother me unless I’m streaming a movie or something. But it reminds me that I’m not alone, and someone else has the ability to affect my life through my own niceness.

Then there’s the ugly assed fence which focuses my vision on their back yard, making me to be completely unable to ignore all the kids stuff, trampoline, monkey bars, various toys scattered about, and the pile ‘o junk stuffed in the corner.

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This fence also makes me feel that I have no privacy because it’s a constant reminder that there are kids there, even when they’re not out screaming, squabbling, or using the trampoline to jump up above the fence to ask me what I’m doing out on my deck. I can’t look past it, god knows I’ve tried. The 7ft tall monstrosity is THERE  protecting the children from… what? The occasional wayward hiker?

Then there’s the ceiling fan in my office. You see, the neighbors apparently put up a new ceiling fan in their house, and they left the unit’s code set to default. (Lots of new ceiling fans have these nifty remotes that allow you to change the speed of the fan and / or control the light in the fan.)

The problem is that when you put one of these fans in, you really should choose a new code other than the default one. Guess how I found out the electrician that built this house hadn’t bothered to change the code?

You guessed it. The great fan war started this summer. There are three neighbors that could possibly be close enough to control my office ceiling fan. One house is under going major remodeling. Since that place is gutted, I scratched them off the list. The other neighbor isn’t likely to have made any real changes, since she’s cold all the time. Which leaves the next door neighbors!

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Dammit! They’re jacking my internet up, have destroyed the view, have left me feeling like I’m having to accommodate their kids, “Asked” that we hose down our back yard every day during a drought while letting our plants die because she was pregnant and her nose was too sensitive, and finally…

Because they don’t want to figure out why their new fan isn’t working quite right, I’m the one that has to get up on a ladder with a screwdriver and a spring hook, (a spring hook looks a lot like a dental tool its sharp and pointy with a slight hook at one end. Great for flipping tiny little switches.) to manhandle 70lbs of ceiling fan to change the code to something they’re not using. 

But then it continues…

Once I’ve got the fan issue fixed, I think, “hey its time for me to rearrange the office” and so I begin that process only to find that my other half has systematically occupied every single open space in both closets, the filing cabinet, and a substantial portion of the basement with… for want of a better term CRAP! 

There’s no way for me to put my stuff out of the way or reorganize my stuff because his stuff is literally everywhere.

SO after grumbling about living with the equivalent of a 13 year old packrat, LOUDLY.  I start whipping through my shit and tossing anything that isn’t nailed down and functional. 

But the whole time I’m thinking, why am I the one that’s adapting to the situation AGAIN. 

I find myself thinking, “Maybe I should just pack whatever shit from this house that I want, and that will fit in my damn car and that will be MY space. Perhaps my life will be easier if I just allow the forces in my life that are conspiring to compress me into a tight little space, win. Then everyone will be happier and I’ll finally have some peace. Maybe I should sell every vehicle I own, buy a pickup truck with a tonneau cover (I don’t like camper shells) and be a true nomad, wandering towns and highways randomly. I’ll stop in interesting places do piece work for cash then move on. Maybe I should become ’That Guy’, the stranger, the scary dude in the corner of your local bar. ”

Then again maybe all this is just another way for the universe to tell me “Its time to move on.”

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Reflections

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It was my birthday last week.

This one is a strange one.

I am the same age my father was, when he died. It messes with your head, I’m a young guy.

When I look in the mirror, at first glance I see myself in my early 30’s

When I look deeper, I see grey around the edges. The beginnings of that awful “Chicken Neck” thing that happens in some of my family.  Some blotchiness in my skin, a bit of sun damage and crows feet. My beard and goatee aren’t nearly as youthful as they once were. I take a moment in the steamy mirror to contemplate the changes and decide either due to reality or my ability to delude myself that I’m still not “OLD”.

The grey at my temples doesn’t look bad, the sprinkling of grey throughout my hair is still easily hidden with a shorter hair cut and even the slight recession in my hairline isn’t a disaster.

Then I flash on Dad lying in the hospital bed. With a little imagination I can strip away the ravages of disease and I see a guy that looks remarkably like me. It’s strange and disconcerting to think that If Dad was alive today he’d be in his 70’s and probably still spry and active. He’d certainly be able to hold his own in a political discussion.

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What would my Dad think of things as they are today? Would he be pissed, or would he have just given up; realizing that the battles he’d be trying to fight have already been lost?

Oddly, and something that spooks me deeply is that my life has mirrored my father’s in many ways.

Dad made his own way, he started businesses and generally was successful. He had a nice home, nice cars and a successful business when I was a child. He decided to “Check Out” of the ratrace in his mid 30’s and moved to Tennessee. He built a beautiful home, (or so I’ve been told) I never saw it completed. The house burned and Dad was back to square one.

666940 macro image of an old circuit board with transistors

Unfortunately, for dad, time passed and he’d missed a large transition from discrete electronic components to IC packages. This meant that he had a lot of catching up to do if he wanted to return to office dictation equipment sales and repair. I don’t know if he was ever successful in making that transition, we lost touch with each other for a while.

The next I heard he was in Florida again this time putting together an custom office furniture business where he built all the furniture. I lost touch again then heard from him when he told me he was in Sarasota building and selling houses. Again I gather that he was pretty successful, he must have been in his late 40’s by then.

Next I heard, he was in South Carolina. He was living with his Mom and starting another business. This time in cabinetry, That’s where his time ran out.

Resilience is one word I think of when I think of my father. He did all he did with a high school education, Navy training, determination and raw smarts. 

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In the late 70s I got into computers. By the mid 80s I had been kicked in the teeth, done a bankruptcy, and was clawing my way back up the heap. For the most part I was successful, I was working in an industry that didn’t care what school you went to. All they cared about was your ability to fix shit, make shit, sell shit, or support the shit that had already been made, or sold.

I did quite well for a long time and never thought about going back to college. After all experience trumps book learning any day of the week right?

Well, it did… back in the old days. By the mid ‘90s those of us in the industry were beginning to notice that H1B1 visas were taking positions that we would have recommended our friends for. Often we didn’t even know there were openings in the department we were working in.

Jobs got harder to get.

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California entered a slow death spiral that continues to this day. Suddenly your college pedigree was the most important thing regardless of how much experience you had. 

Then the layoffs happened.

Like my Dad at this age, I’m trying to find and create a new place in the world for myself. College? A new career? A complete change, or only a partial change? Do I want to return to the tech rat race, or would I prefer to do something more interesting? 

I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m running out of time.

I’d expected to retire from the last tech company I was working for, maybe I was retired… 

Must’ve missed the memo.

Lately, it seems that nothing I’ve tried has worked out as expected, perhaps “as needed” is a better description. 

I’m not the only person in this situation. I’m still hearing about friends that are bailing, either out of their careers, or California. 

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I’m starting to get over the weirdness of this birthday,

I’m at a place in my life I’ve been before… It’s the “fuck it all, cinch up my bootstraps, and start kicking some ass” point.

I thought perhaps I didn’t have the strength to do it all over again. I’m tired, I’d grown sick of the bullshit in corporate America, but it’s all I know. I’ve wanted to just give up, to allow myself to just be swept aside, to accept that my fate was not my own and be a victim.

Then I think of Dad, he didn’t have the time to reboot his life.

I think he’d understand what I’m feeling now, then I suspect he’d say “Now that you’ve gotten that off your chest, GET OFF YOUR ASS!”

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OK Dad, this one’s for you…

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As you wish…

Hamas Rejects ‘Final’ Ceasefire: “Death for Allah is our most exalted wish”

WISHMASTER

Sometimes… You just wonder, sigh.

Some of the earliest tales from the middle east are about Djins. From these tales, come stories of Alladin, and culminate in America in the all time favorite show “I Dream of Jeannie”.

Djin in the original tales weren’t nice. In some tales, they were said to be from an elder race which predated humans. The world had been taken from them and given to mankind… they weren’t happy about it. So they became tricksters and yes, they would grant your wish but at a terrible price.

If you wanted an exciting life, you could find yourself falling out of a plane in a war zone without a parachute. Sure your life would be very exciting for all of about 7 minutes or so.

When I saw the headline and Hamas quote, all I could think of was an old movie where a Djin was released from it’s imprisonment. The creature kept granting the most petty, venal, and childish of wishes. Each wish ended very badly and the creature would always say, “As you wish” with a smile.

This headline tells me a couple of things. 

1) Hamas is not the least bit interested in protecting its people.

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2) Hamas is an illegitimate government and needs to be eradicated from the face of the Earth.

I hope Israel grants Hamas wish.

It occurred to me this morning that Israel has less reason to show restraint.  

In the past, America could request Israel go to the negotiation table.  We were after all supplying the Israelis with defensive weapons and ammunition.

Since president Stompy Foot started interfering with ammunition shipments to Israel, I suspect it’s changed the landscape of the conflict.

Now, Israel has a limited amount of time before Iron Dome runs out of missiles. Once Iron Dome fails, Israel will be vulnerable to Hamas missiles. 

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Were I a commander in the IDF, My recommendation would be to begin an all out assault. After all, my country’s only option for survival would be to utterly destroy my enemy, before my enemy was in a position to harm my people. In other words, I could no longer afford to be magnanimous with my warnings or kind about how I selected targets. 

My orders would be to bomb and destroy my enemy’s positions where ever they were without question.

Rocket launchers in a Mosque? Destroy the Mosque and all it’s surrounding compound. Launchers in a UN sponsored school? Sorry UN I thought you’d become an active combatant.

But Israel has another impetus to take the gloves off. It’s economic, with Europe turning it’s back on Israel  and refusing to accept some Israeli imports, and Pro-Palestinian assholes here in America attempting to interfere with shipping, what incentive to Israel have to listen to anyone? The way I see it, none.

Especially when reports come out of Gaza that indicate Hamas is manipulating the story and painting Israel as the bad guy. Those reports are in fact being buried or ignored by the World press. 

Israel has already been accused, tried, convicted, and condemned of a crime they have yet to commit. There’s little reason for them NOT to go ahead and initiate an operation called “Scorched Earth” or to borrow from the series Spartacus operation “Kill them all”. After the smoke cleared they could legitimately get away with “Ooops!”

The beach front property would make an awesome tourist area.

Hamas should really be much more careful about what they ask for.

Here’s a video that says kinda what I said but in a much nicer, funnier way

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Funny, I write a lot, But…

 

Veteran waiting

A lot of what I write doesn’t make it to these pages.

You can thank your lucky stars about that.

I see stuff on the TV news or read something in a paper, and I think what the hell?

There’s stuff that pisses me off because it’s just wrong, and offends my sense of decency and morality.

Then there’s stuff that is simply factually wrong, mis-worded, misspelled, or spun, in such a convoluted way that I know it’s misleading a large percentage of the population.

First Ammendment

I read about our Veterans begging for medical care and about Illegal immigrants complaining because they don’t get enough free medical care.

I read of people making cases for “rights” that aren’t “rights” but are privileges, then read of those same people claiming “Rights” enumerated in the constitution, aren’t “Rights” at all.

To be clear;

Having a drivers license is a privilege.

Freedom of Speech is a Right.

Being fed because you’re poor or hungry is a humanitarian act, being performed for you by the people who are feeding you because you can’t feed yourself. But you don’t have a “Right” which legally compels someone to feed you.  Worse yet, demanding better cuisine and expecting it of your generous hosts isn’t your “right,” it’s just plain rude.

Israeli leaflets

Your “Right” to practice your religion is exactly that, YOUR RIGHT. My choice NOT to practice your religion or any religion for that matter is just as much my “Right”.

My exercise of my “Right” to free speech in denouncing your practice of your religion, based on your behavior is not hate speech, it’s simply a matter of calling it as I see it.

I think Israel is right and I hope they burn all of Hamas down.  No, not because I particularly agree with all of Israel’s policies. I happen to think that Israel is fighting a stand up fight while Hamas isn’t. Look at this simplistically, Israel tells Hamas when they’re going to bomb or move into an area.

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In the history of warfare has there ever been an Army that says, “We’ll be bombing this area at 15:00, and moving our troops into the area at 16:30.”

Nope, and Hamas sure as hell doesn’t give any warning. So I can’t perceive of Israel as a bully.

I see Israel behaving as honorably as possible, given that they’re fighting a war. I see Hamas as a bunch of childish schoolyard bullies tossing rocks at the athletes from behind bleachers filled with kindergarteners.

Eventually even the best, fair minded, and most honorable athletes get pissed off and go on the hunt.

That’s when Hamas runs to the UN crying and saying Israel is mean. Twintowers

Hey, Israel is just exercising their “Right” to kick some ass.

Contrary to what the Obamas think, Muslims didn’t have a lot to do with building this country. They did apparently have a lot to do with a nasty bit of urban renewal in Manhattan.

Lunchtime

The Puritans, and Irish, English, Italians, Germans, Swedes, Spanish, French, Chinese, Japanese, Africans, Native Americans, (and a whole lot of other determined folks who dreamt of freedom) built this country with blood, sweat, tears, and a fuckload of hard work.

There’s an impact crater in Pennsylvania that bears testament to the gumption, determination, and grit of the descendants of those people. The passengers on flight 93 believed that protecting their fellow citizens was more important than their lives being lost in vain by allowing a plane to be used as a weapon. They did honor to their ancestors and to God only knows how many innocent citizens on the ground.

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I think about that every single time I hear about the so called “Religion of Peace.” Or hear some assholes like CAIR saying that Muslims are being oppressed because they’re offended by a Christmas decoration.

I grind my teeth every single time I see our sitting President ignore a salute from his Marine escorts.

These kinds of things go through my head all the time and sometimes I wonder if I’ve stepped onto the “CRAZY TRAIN” because so much now days, makes so little sense.

Offtherails

It’s because I wonder if I’m nuts, that I often let blog entries sit and simmer for days or weeks. Sometimes I reread them and think, “Yeah I was wound up when I wrote that.” Then press delete.

Other times I press Publish letting the chips fall as they will.

And sometimes, as I’m doing tonight, I condense the hell out of several posts and what you get is something that’s more akin to stream of consciousness.

No salute

Mind you, this is far more edited than the normally chaotic stream running through my head. I doubt even my computer could keep up with that. I certainly don’t expect you to.

Let me just say this, I’m here even if I’m not writing or tweeting out loud. I’m observing, and thinking, and writing things that maybe, you’ll never read.

I do appreciate the occasional comment or email, because often, I hear from someone that says, “Yeah, I get you. You’re not alone brother.”

Marine

Other times I get a comment or email that tells me I’m off the rails and need to have a drink, and take a deep breath. Rarely, I’ll get a really pissed off email or comment that tells me I’ve hit a nerve, so keep those cards & letters coming.

Good Night,

Sleep well everyone, and remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said;

Marines not sleeping

“The Marines I have seen around the world have the cleanest bodies, the filthiest minds, the highest morale, and the lowest morals of any group of animals I have ever seen. Thank God for the United States Marine Corps!”

 ― Eleanor Roosevelt

I sleep well, embraced by Marines around the world, who are not sleeping.

Wait for the next ride

I’ve been privileged to watch over a few Marines through the night, so they could sleep soundly.

Yeah, I think about stuff like that too…

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Night Rain

Maninrain

You don’t appreciate something until it’s gone.

Its been that way around here. I’ve had enough of the endless dry dusty days. This drought is like the party guest that just won’t leave.

There have been some really evil teasers over the past few months, cloudy days, huge thunderheads building against the mountain, lots of noise but not a lot of action.

All we’ve gotten out of it has been humidity followed by more steaminess than we had before.

I can take heat, with low humidity. I can take high humidity like you get in the South, at least you know that rain is coming.

I can’t take the nasty humidity followed by sun followed by more humidity with no breeze. That’s brutal and what the early evenings have been like for the past few days. 

Oppressive heat and humidity permeating what should be a comfortable time of the day. Not quite hot enough to run the air conditioning, but sticky like a Florida summer day without the afternoon thunderstorm.

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Being naked doesn’t help, because you can’t get enough sweat to evaporate to cool. You lay there sweating, wondering if the $$$ you’d spend on the A/C is worth it.

I was sleeping fitfully on the couch. Then about an hour ago I woke to the smell of rain on hot asphalt. It’s not raining a lot, more of a drizzle but it’s being fairly consistent and the temperature has dropped about 10 degrees. 

The rain isn’t hitting on the roof hard enough to make much of a sound, but I can hear it on the leaves and if I listen real hard, I can hear drops hitting the decks.

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I wasn’t naked when I fell asleep on the couch, I’m naked now.

Standing at the sliding door listening  to the rain through the screen I had an overwhelming urge to be naked, feeling the rain on my skin.

Thank goodness the decks are more or less private at this time of night!

For however long this gentle shower lasts, I’m grateful.

I can see myself wrapping up in a sheet then falling asleep listening to the crickets and gentle shower hitting the parched ground.

It’s worth losing a little sleep to enjoy the rain.