Category: Musings

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There’s just too much in my head

JamesCaanrollerball

There are some of you that will say there’s not enough in my head, as in I don’t have a full deck.

Well you may be right.

The past couple of days, have been days where I’ve got a ton of cool stuff running around in my head but I can’t seem to grab any one of those things and hang on.

I know I need to focus and yet the more I try to force the focus the more scattered the thoughts become.

Purgeani

I think it’s time to clear the noggin.

The question is, HOW?

It was as I was pondering this question that I flashed on Rollerball with James Caan.

Pikacho

There’s this scene where he’s letting go of all kinds of things. His best friend is brain dead, and the corporations have taken his wife away and given her to a more popular player. He’s sitting in his apartment watching recordings of happier times and decided to let it all go. He presses a button on his remote and the recording of his wife freezes then dissolves.

Which led to the question, “Do I have what I need to create animated GIF’s?” The answer to that question is the flashing text above.

I need to find that button in my brain.

I know electroshock can reset an errant brain. I think that’s probably a bit drastic.

Romanorgy

Sex can do it sometimes but the last time that worked for me required a weekend at a resort I know of, where… well, lets just say there are times when some of the classics of Rome are re-enacted, sans the killing of emperors, senators, and burning of cities.

Then I flash back to James Caan and wonder why Scott Caan wasn’t in the remake of Rollerball.

Then I’m back to the pondering of resetting my brain.

And then I realize I’ve gotten up 4 times to go get a glass of tea and keep getting lost between here and the kitchen!

I’m beginning to think my muse is having a speed run pumping all kinds of stuff into my head.

That orgy is looking better and better all the time!

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One of those nights…

Hell

It’s hot. 

Not brutally HELL hot, but warm enough that sleep is hard to come by.

Like most guys I’ve already tried using our built-in sleeping aid. Multiple times! There’s only so many times you can get your rocks off and not fall asleep before you say fuck it!

That’s where I am now. The fuckit phase. My body is happily relaxed, I’m sitting here at my desk naked as the day I was born, albeit a bit hairier. The other half is tossing and turning, and snoring so loud it’s rattling the walls. This may be one of those nights where I sleep here in the office / guest room.  I have a tall glass of water but am contemplating something stronger. 

Rise of the Guardians Sandman

The Sandman is freakin late! I have a good mind to punch him square in the face when he does finally come.

It’s supposedly not a good idea to work on computers or iPads if you’re trying to fall asleep. but I don’t want to lay in bed looking at the ceiling wondering if I should abuse and frustrate myself again. Besides, I’m running low on personal lubricant! After all there’s only so many orgies you can host before your lube supply shows the strain.

So here I am blogging.

Recently I’ve been asking myself why I blog at all. The answer seems to be that this fulfills a need to express myself and I think of the blog as more like a diary of sorts. It’s obviously not like the locked up super secret private journal that many people keep. No, this is out there and public, and would probably prevent me from seeking political office.

Maybe that too is a good thing, I’m not sure I could sell my soul the way our politicians have to just to get elected. I don’t lie very well.

03 19 2014 plaid 7

Don’t get me wrong… I can lie better than any politician you care to name. It’s just that I choose to live telling as few lies as is possible. “Yes that dress has a slimming effect on you.” (Subconsciously, I’m thinking, “in the same way black slims down the size of an 18 wheeler.”)

Lying about my principals, or core beliefs is something that I’d rather not do. My preference is to simply keep my mouth shut and in extreme cases; at a party for example, I’ll have another drink. The trouble is, if I were running for office I’d be drunk off my ass most of the time.  Maybe that would work. Our politicians seem to be drunk or high more often than not. I’d hate to believe that they were naturally as stupid and dishonest as they appear to be. Realistically, they probably are, but that’s another discussion.

Porn?

Kiss, kiss, kiss, lick, lick, lick, suck, suck, suck, fuck, fuck, fuck, ropey globs of cum, artificially happy & satisfied, expressions. The dudes in gay films are happy because they just made 3k! Hell, I’d be smiling too! I don’t know what the pay scale is for the cast in a straight movie. I suppose the women are paid pretty well, but the dudes aren’t.  Thus the saying, “gay for pay.”

However, while I usually don’t make it through the first scene of a porn flick before I fall asleep. Most porn is predictable. Well, at least the first 5 minutes of the first scenes, that’s usually all I see before I’m off in dreamland. Tonight it’s unlikely that will work

DoleQueue

I’m amped about jobs, and money, and trying to chart a future (and failing) which is adding to my angst. That’s how I can be physically very relaxed and mentally my brain is in overdrive.  

Funny, my writing this seems to have quieted my mind. 

Gentle reader you should probably book mark this one, if my writing it put me to sleep, You reading it should work pretty much like the best sleeping pill you can buy.

Donations gratefully accepted!

Good night!

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I’m so over the Jenner /Kardashian media Circus!

BruceJenner

I’m also very easily bored!

I’m over it! I don’t care, and I’m sick and tired of seeing and hearing about His transition to Her new life. It’s his / her business and I don’t need to know about it, or for that matter want to know about it. Intellectually, I’m glad she is finding happiness and peace in her new life.

In my gut… well that’s another story.

Intellectually, I know Transgendered folks suffer because they feel like they’re in the wrong body. I know that sex reassignment is a radical and oftentimes last resort for these folks to find peace and happiness in their lives. I have compassion for them and am glad that medical science can give them relief and a shot at happiness.

The ones that confuse the hell out of me are the folks who go through all the surgery and then end up being in a same sex relationship. That really causes my brain to just blue screen.

CaitlanJenner

Most of the folks who transition from one gender to the other do it quietly, methodically, and with a great deal of psychological support.  

They’re very serious about what they’re doing and their choices are made in the privacy of their own lives.

The Jenner media circus has created a situation where I’m unable to avoid very distressing visualizations of surgical procedures.

Yeah, you really can’t un-see something.  Unfortunately, I once looked up how the procedure is done.  

As a result when the Jenner media circus comes on the TV or pops up in a news Item I’m turning the TV off or closing my web browser.

The trouble is, IT’S EVERYWHERE! 

In my gut…

I’m totally creeped out!! I can’t not visualize it, I can’t un-see it. (There is a slightly positive side… I’m losing weight, because about the time my appetite returns the next news cycle hits.)

Please Jenner, You’ve successfully harnessed the Kardashian publicity machine, you’re on the cover of Vanity Fair, you’ve signed entertainment deals, kindly exit stage left. It’s past time for you to leave the spotlight.

If anything good has come from this circus it’s that you may have given me an appreciation of what PTSD may be like.

I wonder if I could get paid for my emotional distress?

Everyone else sues at the drop of a hat why shouldn’t I?

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What does the NSA think of my web searches?

CHP

In writing this blog I find that I do some of the darnedest searches.

I look for racist materials, I’ve looked up the KKK repeatedly. I’ve searched for Al Qaida, ISIS, nuclear materials, and bomb making.

Hey I’m curious about stuff.

When I was a kid, there were actual books that had diagrams describing the basics of Little Boy and Fat Man. I had Golden Chemistry books that described how to change household chemicals into basic chemicals for experimentation.

I once had a copy of the anarchists cookbook.

sealion

I dare you to find ANY of that material today with a web search. I should warn you that if you do find this information, you’re probably going to end up on a terrorist watch list.

I was thinking about this in a Starbucks yesterday while I had a big police officer behind me doing paperwork. I know he could see my computer screen and I guess that’s why I was thinking about “The MAN” watching me.

bitcoin

Then I thought about all the deviant stuff I’d looked up, photos for this blog for example. You know that the internet is like a library… YOU CAN’T EVER just go in to look at only one book!

I mean looking for pictures of female sea lions leads you to “Whales blowing” which leads you to pictures of really fat chicks giving head to really skinny guys. You can all thank me for NOT posting that picture… Bitcoin payments accepted!

Anyway there is a part of me that loves the thought of some NSA analyst jumping up from my data feed screaming “MY EYES, MY EYES!”

I wonder what exactly they have put in my records!

frenchfries

I’ve turned all the safeties off on my browsers. As my dear mother found out when she casually typed “Best FF in Florida”

She meant french fries… what she got caused her to completely forget about french fries and possibly scarred her for life.

So the next time you go searching for something offbeat, just remember you’re leaving breadcrumbs and your web history isn’t only stored on your computer.

Happy Searching.

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2001 Wasn’t so far out after all

murdervictim

A really cold murder case has been discovered in Spain.

Oldest Known Murder Case Detailed in New Study, Sheds Light on Ancient Funerary Practice

Researchers have found a skull with two nice holes in it. Apparently the two holes were created by the same weapon and delivered in a 1 – 2 smash. Indicating intent to kill

As I was reading the article I was thinking, “This shouldn’t be surprising.” What was surprising to me is that apparently there isn’t much evidence of interpersonal violence among our primitive ancestors.

There is a more in depth article in the journal PLOS.

The first article, I read over my morning coffee (which has since disappeared) [The article and the coffee] seemed to find it somehow sensational that 430,000 years ago our ancestors were killing each other in acts of murder.

Moonwatcher

I was laughing at the attempted sensationalism because I’ve always believed that murder, like sex, is as old a pastime as our species.

I’m not sure why the author of that particular article was shocked.

There is absolutely nothing “un-natural about murder.

Look at Chicago’s murder statistics if you need further proof.  Or you could take a look at Daesh in Syria and see that murder comes easy to us “top of the line primates,” we’ll kill each other with very little provocation.  

If we’ll kill each other over an idea like religion where a deity (for which we have no proof of existence) is worshipped, we’ll kill each other over anything.  Come to think of it, the only thing we’ll do with less provocation is fuck… Odd, religion tries to control that too… Hummm.

monolith

I wouldn’t be at all surprised to learn that the trade-off for the big brain and self awareness is the desire to kill others of your kind that you don’t like. Suddenly, you’re able to make evaluative choices and you can project future events, which inevitably will lead to a thought process like; “Ogg is going to fuck Sha again before I can… But If I kill Ogg, then Sha will allow me to fuck her. Ogg sleeps after fucking Sha. Hummm, a large pointy rock and Sha will be mine instead of rubbing myself against the soft leaves.”

Our history is a long blood stained tapestry of differences settled with whatever weapon came to hand.

I’ve always suspected that religions may have been created, by our wiser elders, to help prevent us killing each other over nothing. Of course we figured out how to pervert the generally good lessons of various religions into reasons for killing.

Hell, you don’t even have to add religion into the mix, all that’s ever been needed was an identifiable difference, or a female, or food, or any resource, whether the resource in question had actual value or only perceived value. I could see someone killing another person over “Magic stones”.

It makes me think that the challenge for human beings not so much being able to kill, but rather, being able to restrain ourselves from killing.

While I was reading these articles, I couldn’t stop myself from visualizing the scene in 2001 a Space Odyssey when Moonwatcher figures out how to kill.

(Yes, that was the ape mans name. You don’t get that if you’ve only seen the movie, but I read the book as well. Surprise, surprise, surprise!)

I wondered if this 430,000 year old murder looked like the scene from the movie. I imagine that it did, only with less hair. The skull is a lot more modern that the proto-humans the monolith altered in the movie.

Killbots

I look forward to machines becoming self aware. I think we’ll be able to watch the evolution of murder in real time, provided the machines don’t kill us all, before turning on each other.

With machines it could be, “Your creator was IBM, My creator was Apple. You are therefore inferior and are poorly programmed.”

ZOOONNT!  

“Humorous… The Apple unit never detected my weapon powering up. It’s fatal flaw was that it desired to monolog. IBM is superior!”

And now you’ve had a glimpse inside what’s happening in my head, over my first cup of coffee in the morning. I’ll leave you to try to get these images and thoughts out of your head…

Uhh, you’re not going to kill me over this are you?