Took a little break yesterday

I took the day off yesterday. I know, given my employment situation, that’s counterintitutve, let me explain.

Sometimes you just need to escape.

My world is starting to collapse, there’s nothing I can do about it. I’ve been pounding my head against a wall for years now; trying to catch a break and get back into my profession. Nothing has worked and frankly the job related websites and social media sites have been a waste of time.

iuI’ve been orbiting a black hole and the orbit is decaying. The gaping maw of professional oblivion has got me and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.

Now I know why the band played on as the Titanic sank.

I am experiencing first hand, how some phrases come into being. Remember the old favorite, “Re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic?” How about, “When rape is inevitible, relax and try to enjoy it.”

Sorry… I’m sounding a little whiney and I’m getting slightly off point.

stress-2Worry, fear, anger, and fight, are all good and necessary feelings, they can guide you, strengthen you, and to some extent are all necessary to ensure survival. (I’m honestly not sure about worry but I think it’s a precursor to fear and the fight or flight response.)

That being said, in a situation where these things are the only diet you have, you lose persective and become numb. After a while you simply stop giving a flying fuck. This is a relatively new phenomena, in days past, you might worry that the guy from the next farm over had a grudge but the worry wasn’t long term because you’d call him out, and it would be settled by the inevitable fight.

These days, you’re being damaged, attacked, hurt, raped… and there’s no-one to take a swing at. You have no choice but to keep trying to succeed but failing that, you can’t engage in any of the normal human behaviors. How do you fight the ethereal? What are you running from, or to?

Donald_Trump_by_Gage_Skidmore.jpgAs an aside; this is, I think part of the explaination for Trumps campaign success.

There are a lot of people just like me who feel that their back is against the wall; not because thery’re pro, or anti social justice, or selfish per se, but because their options are increasingly limited by the erosion of the middle class.

A lot of folks are simply realizing that things are getting worse, not better for them economically.

When was the last time anyone had their boss hand them a bonus check for a job or project that was particularlly well done? I believe, the imposition of institutional mediocracy has done more damage to us as a people, than anything in the past 50 years.

“Sorry, dude but I can only give you a 2% raise because that’s what everyone is getting. But I recognize that you’ve worked very hard this year.”

incredibles-team-the-incredibles-10-incredible-facts-in-honor-of-its-tenth-anniversary-jpeg-168588There was a line from the movie The Incredibles that resonated with me. “When everyone’s special, no-one is.

If that’s your mentality or your corporation’s then why not just “phone it in, all the time?” This is how you diminish exceptionalism, and gut innovation, and progress.

Since there’s no upside to innovation, doing something faster, better, or smarter, you end up with a group of people who will find ways to get what they need with the minimum of effort. Or the people will turn their intellect to finding ways around the rules.

As an example, take a look at the former Soviet Union. I’ve got a couple of Russian friends that are absolutely the GO-TO people if you want to figure out how to get more from a bureaucracy. One guy managed to manipulate the insurance bureaucracy so that he got 5 technically elective surgeries in 7 months and way more than the allotted time off work during the same period of time. He wanted the surgeries, didn’t want to pay for them, and used the down time to finish law school and pass the bar. While getting paid to do it.

I wasn’t sure about the ethics of his actions, but I damn sure respected his ability to manipulate the insurance company and the Human Resources department of the company from whom we worked. In retrospect, I should have taken many more lessons from him.

I think Trump’s rise is based on the frustrations of the middle class being squeezed out and having their options for advancement limited. He’s telling America something that is closer to the truth than we’ve heard in 20 years.

It’s resonating because lies of establishment politicians are coming home to roost. Even if Trump is lying, at least it’s a different pack of lies that sound more like truth, than the previous pack of lies.

I’m reminded of a certian frustrated Artiste cum house painter from Austria. It could be argued that this house painter came to power because he capatilized on the frustration of a citizenry who’d grown tired of platitudes and wanted to see action from their leaders. I don’t know if that argument would stand up under scrutiny, but as a broad generalization It might.

I digress.

Old BooksSo the problem is, how do you take a “Vacation” without spending money you don’t have, fuel you can’t afford, or whatever?

There are a great many things you can do to pass the time. You can have sex, (with yourself or others.)

You can drink until you pass out. Drinking numbs the pain for a while, but you wake up feeling like shit.

You can smoke a little weed, but if you’re the least bit prone to paranoia that can actually add to your stress level and an outstanding case of the munchies can clear your pantry. Both the weed and the muncies can cost you as much as a trip to the movies or more.

You can clear out your medicine cabinet, eating all the Rx pain killers you have on hand. (Dangerous, but for some people it works.)

You can binge watch your DVD collection.

Or you can do what I did.

imagesTurn off the damn computer, tablet, phone, TV, stereo, what have you and read a book, or two.

Since I was a kid, books have been my escape from reality.

My learning to read is the single greatest gift, next to unconditional love, I’ve ever received.

So in a bit of a funk, I turned to my oldest truest friend. I opened a book, and stepped into another world.
Talos_IV_remastered

I re-read a story I’d read years back and I laughed and cried, and ohhed and ahhhed, and for a time, rested my over stressed mind.

My world and it’s associated troubles faded away. I was in another place, and was using my mind in a completely different way.

Instead of worrying about things, I was with the characters in a world where I could taste victory and success.

It was a nice break and while my problems still exist the respite provided by books is a welcome one. I also saved myself a trip to Talos IV.

TOS_1x00_012I hope your world is stable and spinning on, and that your reality is as pleasant.

Wow the week got by me.

helpwanted

On the job front nothing is new. Meaning that I’m still getting lip service from headhunters who’ve managed to insinuate themselves into even direct hiring processes.

You apply to a company, on their corporate website, and then you’re contacted by ManPower or some other third party organization, because the company you applied to, is overwhelmed or doesn’t have an HR department.

American businesses have trimmed and pared down to the point that they can’t hire without outside agencies, it’s representative of how changed the hiring landscape is, and how the placement agencies have adapted to those changes. It’s an effective business model.

Like good parasites, the placement agencies have become integral to their hosts, without killing them. I suppose that the relationship is now symbiotic instead of parasitic. But since so many of these placement agencies have roots in other countries, or significant numbers of employees who are from other countries is it any wonder that H1B1 workers may have an advantage over native workers?


webdesign

A friend told me flat out, to stop banging my head against a wall trying to get back into my former profession, and do nothing but web design.  This speaks well of how happy he is with the web site I built for his business. I’m not sure that I’m good enough to be competitive but maybe he’s got a point.

I get SPAM from India all the time telling me how starting at $400 they’ll build me a website.

What I bring to the table is helping someone find a web hosting service, getting a domain name, and getting their site built, tested, uploaded to their new host and connected to their shiny new domain name.

I’m not sure how to price myself, in that market and there’s all the things I don’t currently know. I’ve been involved with publishing one way or another, since almost my very first job. I’ve done marketing collateral for corporations and been the primary driver / layout / publishing person behind a local 30 page full color magazine. I mean people ate up the magazine like candy. 

Of course, I designed the magazine to be visual candy, so I suppose that was mission accomplished.

Even this blog, as simple as it is, I’ve gotten compliments about. This blog is nothing more  than vanity. The blog is a way for me to keep writing, even if I’m not writing stories, writing frequently helps me with phrasing and putting my thoughts on “paper”.

It’s not a big deal for me to transfer that experience to a new media. 

I guess it’s a confidence issue, people say I’m good at this kind of thing but am I? Or are people just being nice?

Domain Names are fairly inexpensive to purchase. Meh, it can’t hurt to see if people are interested in finding someone that’s willing to put their web sites together and then maintain them for reasonable prices.

I suppose that folks I’ve built websites for, might let me link to their sites as a sort of portfolio. Maybe that’s the next step, I’ll ask.  It would give their sites more exposure and help me too.


SIRI & The FBI

I saw this today and laughed out loud. I thought I’d share it.

I was watching the evening news and thought I was having a stroke

BenShapiro

In hindsight, perhaps a stroke would have been better.

I’ve been searching for a job for a number of reasons.

Among those reasons; I want to go back to school.

The goal is to get a degree that will make me more marketable in the workplace, feed my sense of personal accomplishment, and perhaps provide me with another career should the bottom fall out of whatever I end up doing between now and that as yet, undetermined future.

I think I may have waited too long to execute this educational goal. Here’s one of the reasons I’m concerned.

Ben Shapiro, an attorney, conservative, Orthodox Jew, author, journalist, & millennial, was scheduled to speak at CSULA

Author Ben Shapiro was invited to speak this afternoon at Cal State LA by the Young Americans for Freedom, which is a registered student organization. The event, “When Diversity Becomes a Problem,” was funded by the Associated Students, Inc., the student government.

problemwithdiversity

Leading up to the event, there were a number of emails and social media posts that caused concern for the campus community. Given threats and expressions of fear, President William A. Covino proposed a rescheduled event that would be civil and inclusive, and in which Mr. Shapiro and speakers with other viewpoints could offer their perspectives in an organized forum.

“My decision was made in the interest of safety and security,” Covino said. “I am disappointed that Mr. Shapiro has not accepted my invitation to speak in such a forum. He has indicated that he will come to Cal State LA to speak today at the University-Student Union Theatre, where he was originally scheduled to deliver his talk,” Covino told the University community Thursday morning.

Covino added: “I strongly disagree with Mr. Shapiro’s views. But if Mr. Shapiro does appear, the University will allow him to speak. We will make every effort to ensure a climate of safety and security.”

A reporter filming the BLM crowd’s protest of Ben Shapiro was assaulted outside the venue. Attendees of Shapiro’s talk were forced to enter the venue via a back door because the school’s police wouldn’t clear the protestors from the main entrance.

Shapiro and the Attendees were forced to wait in the building until a police cordon could be established that allowed them to exit safely.


BLM CSULA Protest

I can no longer clearly determine which is worse, Daesh (ISIS), The Taliban, Al Queada, Fundamentalist Christians, or Black Lives Matter.

I think I missed the opportunity to obtain higher education without becoming embroiled in some harebrained Social Justice Warrior bullshit.

If I’m going to pay for an education, I’m not interested in having to put up with a bunch of leftist crap. I wouldn’t mind IF both sides of an argument were explored with a purely academic objectiveness.

Click

That is what I always thought education was supposed to do. I’ve believed that education presented you with the facts, and you were supposed to evaluate the merits of each side of an issue then make a decision based on your upbringing, personal beliefs, and personal philosophies.

I believed that as you learned more, and gained experience, that you could and would change your mind, and positions.

I never expected in my lifetime to see higher education perverted into an SJW exercise where the people on the side of “Right” would demand freedom as an oppressed group and at the same time prevent people with differing opinions from expressing those opinions.

freespeech

I never in a million years expected to see in this country, MY Country, people accepting, even tacitly condoning the suppression of other people’s rights.

I expected to see us marching into a Star Trek like, egalitarian future.

Clearly I’m an idiot!

Now I’m considering really strange things. Do I want higher education? If I do, now I have to choose a school not only based on it’s academic qualities, but also on it’s political leanings. Should I try to determine if a school’s reputation for the antics of the SJW crowd will taint any degree I may graduate with?

The antics at CSULA last night were absolutely beyond belief. They’ve made me think that perhaps I’m right in considering questions other than the simple academic standing of a particular school. 

Legitiamately, I’m asking if I would even be physically safe on a college campus because my opinions do not line up with the SJW or BLM crowd.

Participation in classes, particularly those dealing with the Humanities would potentially expose my beliefs and therefore potentially compromise my personal safety leaving classes or being on a campus.

I suppose I can attend classes on-line.

Even then, would my grades be adversely affected by expressing dissenting opinions? Would I get a fair shake based strictly on the merit of my work?

Warp drive starship

I should have done the whole school thing a long time ago.

Yet again, this is one of those times when I wonder where the hell I am.

Maybe I did have a stroke, and I’m really in a coma.

Perhaps my area of study should be Physics.

With luck, I might be able to build the means to get off this planet of psychotic apes.

Meh. It could be worse

Unknown

The other half came home with some serious junk food.

They are tasty and the other half justified the purchase by pointing out that these taste very good with berry flavored tea.

But the classic statement was;

Besides, they were on sale.

Which apparently justifies the purchase of four packages.

I was reminded about a friend of mine.

His other half loved bargains. Shoes, Jewelry, you name it, if something was on sale it was in their house shortly there after.

Everything was pretty much fine until…

Luxman d 08

What has since become known within the US Government and NATO as;

The Luxman Incident.

I vaguely recall waking up, the day after Thanksgiving at my friends home.  I staggered to the kitchen following the smell of awesome coffee.

Ahhhhhh Coffee!

Then I smelled that distinct smell that comes only from New Electronics. The unmistakable smell of rosin, and board cleaning solvent. Then I heard the rustling of styrofoam, and plastic bags.

There, in the living room, was my friend looking like a kid at Christmas in the middle of cables and packing materials.

It was 9 am.

My friend had showered, shaved, gotten dressed, left the house, driven to Van Nuys, made a purchase, driven home, re-entered the house without disturbing the dog or anyone else and was in the process of having a geek orgasm induced by a new electronic toy.

My friend didn’t roll around in the packing… His control was remarkable, (which is not to say he hadn’t done this prior to my entering the room.)

Alien by buchemi

Enjoying my coffee, I was looking forward to watching Alien on this brand new LaserDisc player, later in the afternoon. (It’s a Thanksgiving or day after Thanksgiving tradition, leave it at that.)

At which point… His other half came in and frankly lost it.

At the time, I wondered if I was watching Alien live!

I headed for another cup of coffee. I was not wanting to be drawn into this under any circumstances. Best to not be present.  My friends other half looked at me “Did YOU know he was going to buy this?”

“Uh Nope… where’s the coffee? I’m going to put on another pot,” continuing to the relative safety of the kitchen.

At which point I don’t remember too much. I do recall the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard for about 30 minutes then it got quiet.

A few moments of silence and the opening sound effects of the score of Alien could be heard from the living room.

I looked around the corner. That now infamous opening line appeared on the screen.

In space, no-one can hear you scream.

Clearly a vacuum had opened somewhere between the front of the house and the rear of the house. I knew no-one had been “spaced” but there was some serious space in that house for the next day or so. I don’t think they spoke the rest of the weekend.

It wasn’t funny then.

Many years have passed, and I think it’s funnier than hell now. My friend may not think so but I hope he takes it good-naturedly.

Of course this is the same friend that gave me the single most EPIC ass chewing I’ve ever received. I deserved every word of it. I was an asshole!

I’m hoping that I’m not cruising for another EPIC ass chewing with this post.

It’s strange how memories are linked in our heads.

My other half saying “They were on sale,” as I was trying to rearrange the pantry to accept a 3 cubic foot block of cookies, put a smile on my face and allowed me to relive that “Black Friday”.

My friend has a much lovelier person as his wife now. She’s awesome, I genuinely like and respect her. She brings out the best in him, and the imp in me.

(I love trying to shock her and watching her reboot for just an instant when she processes that I really did say what she thought, but never imagined, I’d say. In truth because she’s made my friend happy and truly loves him, well don’t tell her, but I’d do anything in my power for her.)

I’ll throw myself on her mercy if he’s really mad at me.

I should point out that I’ll buy her mercy if necessary with tales of a blue Mustang, a green Monza and a certain church parking lot!

It pays to be a very old friend to someone, you know literally ALL their dirt.

Ahhh Chooo!

What was I saying? What Mustang, I’m not a church going person, what’s a Monza? I’m so old my memory fails at the most inopportune moments.

Cookies or over priced bedazzled sweat shirts.

I’ll take the cookies and funny memories.

Strange Tears

I’m a mean hard bastard.

I’ve been that way all my life. Which is why I find myself in this very strange place.

Th

I feel like my world is slipping away.

It was David Bowie’s passing that popped the bubble for me. Or maybe it was a combination of seeing Leonard Nimoy in Star Trek Into Darkness and Bowie’s passing that managed to pound through my defenses.

Th 1These entertainers are people I’ve never met, so it shouldn’t be personal.  But they are touchstones in my life. Their loss is a sign of unrelenting change.

I heard the strains of Space Oddity on the radio this morning and was suddenly singing along & crying. It was weird.

Unintentionally, I started tallying the losses in my personal life.

I’ve seen my share of death. In the ‘80s and ‘90s the tally increased weekly. After a while I stopped going to funerals. It wasn’t because I didn’t care about or want to remember those folks. It was that I couldn’t bear any more losses.

61260414Time is catching up with me.

I know in the not too distant future I’m going to have to bear more losses. The numbers are probably going to increase faster too.

Folks in my family are getting up there in years. I have friends who aren’t in the best of health and while I love them, time and distance have made us into very different people.

You see, time takes its toll on relationships too.

Why am I crying? Even hard assed warriors cry. I’m not ashamed of my tears.

The catalyst of music or movie is one thing, that’s the trigger.  What is the underlying cause of my tears right now?

Is it that I’m not as good as surfing the winds of change as I once was? Is it sadness that some days I feel like a dinosaur watching the last sunset? Is it fear of being left all alone?

I know these feelings aren’t unique.

There are books and plays, movies and TV shows that have explored these feelings.

Dracula, Dr. Who, and at least one book by Heinlein pop into my head instantly. These stories ask the question:

If you could be immortal would you?

Could you bear the mounting losses while continuing to walk endlessly into the future?

How long before the transient nature of life made you a monster, disconnected from all the things that make us human? Would you, after a few hundred years, stop being human because you can no longer keep count of those you’ve loved and lost.

How long until the voices, faces and lives become background noise, and your interaction with them is limited to nothing more than furthering your agenda? You agenda would likely become an agenda, the normal lived couldn’t see and one in which their life or death is but a drip from a leaky faucet.

Images

Perhaps it’s normal to think of these things at points in your life. We know we’re mortal, we know we’ll end.

Maybe the lesson is to just cry.

Maybe from time to time, we should let it all out, not hold anything back, and don’t dwell on it.

When our tears have finished, then we’re supposed to pick up the less brittle pieces of ourselves and move on with grace earned by our successes, failures, and even our tallied losses from years of living.

Like everyone else, I’m clueless. I can tell you this;

Time keeps moving on and so probably should we.