Category: Musings

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One Disaster at a time please!

Scnet beetlejuice 5408As of today, all disasters must take a number!

I’ll get to them in the order they occur and in my own damn time.

On the other hand, perhaps just ignoring them might be an option. In the case of sick relatives… Well, that will probably resolve itself on its own.

I know CostCo sells coffins, but do they have a family pack?

The past weeks have been eventful, and while I’m not complaining I sure could use a break.

The problem with aging and having aged parents is that with each passing day it’s ever more likely that something is going to happen where someone you care about someplace winds up in a hospital or the morgue.

In the last month I’ve learned that while I like tiled floors, cleaning blood out of grout is virtually impossible. So that scene in Scarface while memorable, is impractical with advanced forensics and DNA evidence. If you do a chainsaw murder make sure the area has nothing porous anywhere within the splatter zone. 

Not that I’m advocating bloody murders in anyway, it’s just that you’re going to get caught if you use a tile enclosure. Call that my criminal PSA for the year.

About a week after learning the lesson of grout. I was faced with the worst nightmare of anyone living a great distance from family. Death and hospitalization, not in that order… It wouldn’t make any sense to put someone who died in a hospital. What’s the point, right?

Most of my parents generation is in their 80s, many of them are single handedly keeping their local pharmacy open. With advancing age and infirmity comes the likelihood that someone is going to wake up one sunny morning dead. That’s happened in my family. Two days later another member was hospitalized. I’m waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop and taking care of the other half who’s been “off” for the better part of two months. Remember the grout? 

So the horns of dilemma are poking my bottom mercilessly. Do I stay on one coast to look after the other half, or do I head to the other coast to attend one funeral, visit another hospitalized family member and perhaps get back home only to go back to the opposite coast a month of two later.

Numerically speaking two events on the East Coast outweigh one event on the West. Excluding the deceased family member though, the numbers stack up even 1 to 1. Logic says take care of living people because the dead ones are beyond caring.

Over the last year I’ve seen way too much of hospitals, rehab clinics, and Emergency rooms. I hate them all.

So family, you’ve got a choice. Either all go to the same hospital / funeral home at the same time, OR schedule getting sick! In other words take a number and wait your turn!

Yes, yes, I realize that waking up dead is inconvenient and you’ll lose your Tee Time. But think about the rest of us having to clean up the mess. The squabbling, and infighting are awful. Outliers of the family skulking about trying to see if they can score a car or silverware. It is simply annoying and messy. The stress on the other old members of the family takes its toll too. The last thing anyone needs is one of them, already with one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel, getting a shove into the grave stressing out about your funeral.

So to my family members… Just stick around spend the children’s inheritance on hookers if you want.

Be polite. Be immortal, and make that 6AM Tee Time, maybe you’ll finally break 80. Given that your vision is failing, you’re all old, and no-one is going to say a word if you play someone else’s ball on the green. Just don’t wander off with another group of golfers while the rest of us are looking for the ball that you sliced into the water trap on an adjacent fairway. If it comes to it, I’d be willing to “mulligan” you right to the green if you’d just stick around.

Give it some thought.

Love you all.

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I thought it was just tit for tat, not anymore.

When some pundits and politicians started calling for a cognitive test for President Biden, I honestly thought it was them just being dicks. I thought is was probably payback for calls for similar tests during Trump’s presidency.

I don’t think Biden is the sharpest knife in the drawer generally, but after reading about his performance trying to put bicycle handles on a bike at a Toys for Tots event, I can sort of see their point.

Apparently The President couldn’t put a round tube inside another round tube. Makes you wonder if he has similar problems in the bedroom.

At this point, I’d love to see him working with one of those child’s toys where you match the different shaped wooden blocks with the appropriately shaped holes. That’s a toy that while exercising a child’s mind also serves as a cognitive reasoning test allowing parents to gauge a child’s development.

Perhaps I’m being unkind, but come on. Now, it’s possible that he couldn’t focus properly on the top of the bike, but if that’s true he needs to get to the White House Ophthalmologist for a check up. Perhaps it’s time for sleepy Joe to get a pair of glasses. If he’s having a visual focusing problem, it begs the question; Is he reading the stuff coming across his desk?

Generally speaking I don’t read anything the Joe or the White House put out. Most anything they say gets retracted a day later so it’s best to wait for the dust to settle before getting worked up about it. Even after the dust has settled, most of the time I find myself shaking my head in dumbfounded amazement that these are the people in control. This one though, was even more dumbfounding than usual so I read it when it came out.

I’ve dealt with an assortment of pretty insane, and stupid people over my lifetime. The saddest part, is that I’d rather have them running things instead of what we’ve got now.

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It’s one of those perfect icy mornings

There’s an effect that happens when it gets super cold here.

There’s no reason that it wouldn’t happen elsewhere and perhaps it wouldn’t even require super cold temps. It’s about 24° F at the moment. I’ve only seen this when it’s below 25° F.

This effect is where the snow looks like it has rainbow fairy dust sprinkled across it. I’ve tried to capture it photographically but my cameras always miss the nuance.

Scientifically, sunlight is refracting through tiny ice crystals. Since the crystals are at random alignments relative to the observer you get little sparkles of rainbow sitting on top of the snow. It’s beautiful, and I wish I could get a picture of it from my yard to post here. Knowing what causes it doesn’t make it any less beautiful to me.

Since all of my cameras are digital I suspect that the fact that it disappears in photographs may be due to the resolution of the sensors in the cameras. I’m almost tempted to go back to good old fashioned film just to see if I can capture the effect.

I just looked on the web to see if anyone else had been lucky enough to snap of photo of this. Alas, no. There were quite a few pictures of rainbows in snow/ice storms. But none of the rainbow laying on top of the snow.

There’s something magical about seeing a rainbow sparkling across the yard as the sun comes up. The effect itself lasts only a few minutes, you can extend it a bit by changing your angle in relationship to the snow. Getting higher or crouching down a bit will allow you to see the sparkling colors. I’ve spent too much time over the years improperly dressed, shivering, and feeling joy observing this magic of nature. 

If I was primitive, I’d say the rainbow was trapped by the snow and returned to the sky as it warmed up. Like all rainbows, there isn’t really an end, so unfortunately there’s no pot of gold to find. Leprechauns must be too clever to get caught in snow and ice.

Words don’t do it justice. Nonetheless, I’ve tried to share it verbally with you as a reminder, don’t be so busy this holiday season or any season that you miss wonderful things around you all the time.