Category: Musings

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Been giving thought to stuff that pisses me off.

I know, you’re thinking, “Another one of those posts! Next!”

Bear with me. 

Implied Social Worthiness Scores.

The last company I worked for, was very concerned that I didn’t have active Twitter, Facebook, or LinkedIn accounts. They were also very concerned that I didn’t attend employer sponsored events such as going to the water park, dinners, or baseball games.

I asked them why my having or participating in those things mattered. 

They said It’s about being able to determine if our employees are engaged and happy with the workplace. 

I said that my happiness was dependent on my paycheck. I was there to do a job, I did the job and went home. As to the company events, I couldn’t participate and be a good employee. My schedule was 5am to 1pm Thursday through Monday. Their events typically started at 6pm on a weekend defined as Saturday and Sunday. Since I was usually in bed by 7:30 to 8:00PM, were I to attend their corporate events I would not be good at my job the next day due to tiredness.  As such I was behaving in a responsible way towards my employer.

I said regarding Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn. That I found these services to be a waste of time. I felt no need to broadcast minute by minute, the details of my personal or work life to the entire world. (This blog notwithstanding) Therefore if they were concerned about my speaking out of turn about the workplace or my employer, they had nothing to fear. I kept my opinions to myself or confined to a small select group of people that I interacted with in person.

This was not good enough. 

Because I wasn’t posting my life online for all to see, they were suspicious because there was no way for them to apply metrics about my life choices (Judgmental much?) I believe that they were trying to determine my social worth and obtain more leverage over me than a simple paycheck.

Eventually, after many annoying emails from HR and the Activities Committee, I conceded to creating a LinkedIn account. Upon which I would sometimes parrot the company announcements. Other than that, I didn’t post anything.

That wasn’t good enough. Now if I didn’t post something at least once a week I’d get an email from one of the two groups. Always such emails suggested posting something about my life and happiness. (Uh, nobody’s business but mine.)

While creating the LinkedIn account I thought, “This is a slippery slope and since they cajoled me into this, they’re going to apply more pressure for me to hand them a loaded gun in the form of information.”

This assumption was borne out when someone on the Activities Committee saw me getting out of a new car one morning. I had no sooner sat down at my desk, than there was an email suggesting that I post pictures of my “pretty” car on LinkedIn and use it as a first post to Twitter and Facebook too. The rationale was that everyone would love to see success and share in my happiness.

Frankly, that creeped me out on a number of levels.

Since I chose not to post it on LinkedIn, they did. With a picture clearly showing my license plate number. “Someone got a new car… Let’s all congratulate him”

I viewed this as an invasion of privacy. They seemed to view it as a corporate success story. Completely missing the rest of the story… 

My old car had been totaled and this was a logical replacement. I wouldn’t have gotten a new car, if my old one, which I loved, and was in fine working order, hadn’t been destroyed. The new car represented not success, but a major life setback, because my old car was completely paid for. The new car represented payments, tighter budgeting, and a loss of disposable income.

I let it go, they were being childish and I didn’t need to point that out. LinkedIn did it for me, deleting the post as a violation of their terms. This of course was before LinkedIn became part of Microsoft.

It is possible that my lack of compliance in the social media arena led directly to my not being on the “retain list” when the layoffs happened. There is no way to prove it, but I do wonder from time to time.

It always leads back to the same question for me. Why couldn’t they just let me be a good worker and do my job? All I wanted from them was a paycheck, medical insurance, and something productive to do. Why do so many companies these days feel that external activities are so dang important?

People who can’t take what you say at face value

I’m currently involved looking after a neighbors cat. There is a lot of other drama in this situation. I won’t bore you with the details.

There are a couple of points that are really annoying. The largest is the delivery of supplies for the cat.

To the person’s credit, they don’t feel that I shouldn’t incur costs for litter and food and I applaud that.

But I said in the beginning, “Don’t worry about this, you’re ill and we can settle up at a later date. If this is only for a few weeks.”

That apparently was not heard. Instead, the person has to schedule delivery of cat supplies from a market 2 miles away. You’d think that’s fine except that I’m at or near the market pretty frequently so it’s no big deal to go in to get what’s needed.

I was also serious about this only going on for a few weeks. We’re now at 5 or 6 weeks and there appears to be no plan for it to end. 

The problem with delivery is there’s a four hour window. So without thinking about it, this person has chained me to my home for half a day, watching for a delivery of stuff to appear on their doorstep. I know, they’re trying not to inconvenience me, but they’re doing a great job of that, in trying not to.

The other annoyance is that no matter what I say, the schedule is completely arbitrary. The person is 40 miles away and has zero idea what I’m planning to do or if I might plan to go do something to do with my life. They’re not intentionally trying to be selfish, but in that they’re succeeding mightily.

When I said don’t worry about it, I meant it. I told the person I’d keep receipts and we could just add it up whenever was convenient. They could write me a check and that would be all there was to it. It’s not like I can’t take 5 minutes while I’m in town to pick up a bag of cat food.

That would be far less inconvenience to me than having half my day shot to hell.

I just don’t understand why people refuse to acknowledge that you mean what you say. Is it that so many people don’t mean what they say?

Then there’s the gift as thank you for watching the cat. It will be alcohol, it’s always alcohol. That’s really nice, except that I don’t drink very much anymore. I still have an unopened bottle of Gentleman Jack from last year.

I don’t drink alone and am alone more than not.

In this particular situation, a better gift would be informing me that arrangements had been made for someone in their family to pick up the cat and look after it while the neighbor is laid up.

It would be much better for the cat and me.  As it is, the poor thing is alone too much and is craving attention. I’m spending at least an hour a day playing with and cuddling the poor creature. That’s an hour I’m not playing with my dog who also likes a lot of attention. By the time I add it up I’m spending at least 2 hours, often more, of my day tending to animals, and not doing stuff that I need to do.

It’s not that the critters aren’t deserving of attention and love, it’s that I need to reclaim my life. That being said, it’s not the fault of the animals wanting the attention that their respective humans agreed to give them when we brought them into our homes.

In the case of cats, I like cats. But after my last cat passed away, I found that I enjoyed not having to scoop litter boxes, deal with nasty fur balls, the smell of cat urine or canned cat food.

Perhaps, the cat thing wouldn’t be so trying if the person’s house was neat and clean. It’s not! The place is a disaster and I do my level best to not touch anything other than what is absolutely necessary. The place is a hazmat site waiting to be discovered and red tagged.  At least the stench of stale pot smoke has finally dissipated.

I’ve gotten in the habit of not eating breakfast before I go over there because I always feel like I’m going to vomit. When I come back, I’m not in the mood to eat. I guess the upside is that I’m saving money and losing weight.

Honestly 30 to 45 minutes is about all I can take. I’ve considered bringing the cat over to my house, and all that entails. I haven’t because I think my dog would decide to play with the cat and that wouldn’t end well for either of them. 

The cat is fully armed and not afraid to scratch or bite with little or no provocation.

Then there’s the issue that the dog likes being able to go in and out to the back yard which means the door is open. That wouldn’t work with the cat.

I’ve considered opening the windows at the neighbor’s house but that doesn’t work because the windows and screens are in such poor repair that I fear the cat would escape via one of them, never to be seen or heard from again.

I’m not even going to delve into the mess caused by the neighbor rerouting all their mail to my small PO Box but neglecting to tell me that they’d done so. That, at least was relatively easy to fix. I’m now getting my mail again!

In summary,

The road to hell is most definitely paved with good intentions.

Nice guys do in fact finish last.

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Beware the echo chamber…

After two years of more of less isolation, perhaps we’ve all fallen into our own personal echo chambers.

It’s not intentional. It’s simply what happens in isolation. There will be those who say we’ve not been isolated because we have the internet and the news, etc. But we have been isolated from people and friends who challenge our beliefs.

It’s the personal interactions, it’s the people we care about, our friends, family, etc. who add balance to our thoughts and opinions. Without those people challenging us, we fall into patterns where it’s far too easy to self validate what we think and as humans do, we assume that we’re right.

COVID has provided a perfect storm in this regard.

No matter how egalitarian we try to be in our news absorption we inevitably develop biases and preferred news sources. It could happen because those sources have pretty people, or entertaining pieces, or that they simply validate what we’re already thinking. Eventually we choose those sources that we’re comfortable with. Then we narrow our focus to only the comfortable.

Without discussion and interaction. Without people we respect and care about pushing back and saying, “Well this report here says thus and such,” it’s easy to create an echo chamber and not notice it.

I’m guilty… Are you?

That’s not about laying blame. None of us should feel threatened by this realization. It’s just a sign post that says, “Hey there, we need to do better.” None of us are perfect, but we all should at least aspire to keep walking that path and get as close as possible.

The problem with echo chambers is they feed division. Everyone walks around with their own entrenched beliefs and they defend them.

How many people have said, or been heard to say, “You are wrong and I don’t want to be friends anymore,”? Isn’t that the same as a dating profile saying “Republicans don’t contact me,”

That’s not healing, that’s not being open minded. It’s in the discussion of even closely held beliefs that validation, or error is uncovered. Sometimes neither validation or error is uncovered but the discussion provides enlightenment.

The enlightenment I’m talking about is understanding what drives the core belief. For example. Just because someone was tried for a crime and there was nothing uncovered in a trial that was legally actionable. It doesn’t mean there was nothing there in the first place. It may mean that someone was skating along the boundaries of the law and they were clever enough or lucky enough to stay just out of reach.

Al Capone is a good example. For years the FBI and other law enforcement knew Capone was in charge of a massive criminal organization. They could never actually pin anything on him directly. They didn’t have sufficient evidence and no matter how many times they arrested Capone, the case always fell apart. Until the IRS got involved. Then it was a whole new ball game.

Maybe, a way forward for all of us, is to have those uncomfortable discussions. But both parties really need to listen.

That’s the hard part, listening and divorcing yourself from your beliefs for a time. That way, you can get into the head of the other person thereby understanding the factual or not so factual underpinning of why they believe a certain way about something.

It doesn’t matter if you agree or not with their belief. What matters is that we all acknowledge that no-one is an idiot for thinking in a way we don’t agree with. It’s just that we each put “facts” together in some kind of order that makes it possible to cope with the world around us.

I’ve written in these pages that I personally think something was amiss in the most recent election. For that matter I could make a case that something has been amiss in elections going back decades.

When I’ve said that I thought the most recent election should be investigated. It wasn’t to depose Biden and install Trump. I honestly don’t care about which of the two is president.

I’m not even sure if constitutionally Biden could be removed at this point. I don’t even want to consider the chaos that removing a Biden Administration and installing a Trump Administration would cause. I guess I’m more of a, “Well, we’re here now, we just have to muddle through,” we have to do better next time. I don’t like Biden. I personally think he’s incompetent, but Harris is no better.

I as a voter, don’t like being placed in a situation where I feel that I have to choose the devil or the deep blue sea.

That doesn’t mean that I’m pro Trump. I personally think that he did some things that were beneficial for the country in the near term but I don’t have enough knowledge of politics to be able to project how those near term benefits play out over time. I’m willing to acknowledge that perhaps the folks who were screaming about his policies know, or knew something I missed.

When I say I think we should look at the elections, I’m saying that from a perspective of fixing what’s broken.

How do we change the system to make sure that the next election, everyone feels confident enough in the system that they believe the results represent the will of the electorate? I’d like for everyone to be able to comfortably say, “I didn’t like the result but that’s okay, because the system was fair and it works.“

I’d be willing to bet that average folks on both sides of the political gulf could get behind that. The politicians might not like it all that much, but the people they’re supposed to represent might like it a lot.

It hit me, that folks might not understand the nuance I’m talking about. I’d like to see a disassembly of the voting process to find the bugs and plug them. That would be a big task, and it would take representation from all parties, not just the big two. That’s also why I’m in the near term pro voter ID.

I’m not about preventing someone from casting their vote. I am about preventing someone from casting 20 votes. Yes, it would be inconvenient to have to present ID to obtain a ballot. but the benefit outweighs the inconvenience. God knows, I remember how slow it was to write a check and present ID in the grocery store line.

I’d like to see the next election, be clean. I’d like for there to be no margin for a candidate to do what Trump did this last election. We should remember that before Trump, there was Al Gore claiming the election irregularities.

Folks call it “The Big Lie”. I call it a warning sign. How about we figure out a way to eliminate the possibility of “The Big Lie” altogether? That seems like a worth while enterprise doesn’t it?

I’m amazed how many people have Trump living in their heads rent free. I’d prefer to push him into history and deal with what is in front of us. Yes, I acknowledge that Trump is living in my head rent free too. I try very hard to only let him have a cheap studio apartment with a leaky toilet. It’s hard to do because there’s so much media attention still focused on him.

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Turn off the dang lights!

I haven’t been sleeping too well. Apologies for being a bit cranky. We’ve had a number of city neighbors moving in to town who apparently don’t know how to turn off a light switch.

There are nights I feel like I’m living on the runway of LAX.

When I first moved up here, it was to get away from the city. On a clear night I could see the Milky Way easily from my yard or deck. The stars were bright and clear. You could even see that some of them were different colors with the naked eye.

Over the decades, light pollution has become increasingly problematic. Now the lights of the Victorville area have grown to the point that you can’t see any of the night sky near the horizon if you’re looking to the North. Victorville and surrounding communities drown out the starlight. If you looked up you could still see the majority of the stars, so that was okay.

However, as more city people moved into my little town, they’ve gotten in the habit of leaving their exterior lights on all night. Some of them have floodlights that blink on and off all night long.

Night isn’t dark anymore. At 3am I can easily wander around my house with no lights because the light from surrounding neighbors spilling through my windows is so bright.

Over the past year, I noticed that I couldn’t see Orion anymore. At first I thought I was just looking for him on cloudy nights, but on a clear moonless night in January I realized the truth. I could not longer see my friends Orion or Ursa Major because my neighbors have the entire town lit up like an LA street. The only thing missing now is stadium lights on the tops of the mountains shining down on the village.

Right now, every night the light is brighter than what we used to call twilight. It’s only getting worse.

Why are city people so afraid of the dark?

Night used to bring out owls, raccoons, opossums, cute little kangaroo mice, the occasional bobcat, and bats. Coyotes could be heard howling & yipping while hunting. On nights with a full moon, you could watch their shadows moving along the wash as they commuted to preferred hunting grounds for their nightly meal.

A UV light would show you insects that you didn’t normally see. While I’m sure the insects are still around. The UV light isn’t strong enough to reveal them. Either the UV is being cancelled out by the background light, or the fluorescence that some insects reflect back is too dim to see. During some seasons, a UV light would make the ground around my house look like an 80s disco scene.

All that is gone, driven out by humans from dazzling urbanite cities and their terror of the dark. Also gone is my ability to sleep soundly with the bedroom shade up. I like falling asleep enjoying the changing moonlight, and on moonless nights looking out at the stars.

When I first found this place, in Spring, Summer, and into Early Autumn, the door to the deck and yard would be open while I was awake.

My dogs would routinely trot out to inspect the yard and keep out unwanted visitors. They’d come back in after their rounds, proud of a job well done. They’d lay on the floor near me ears pricked for an unusual sound. When something sounded odd, they’d be out again checking the perimeter, then if all was secure, they’d come back in and lay down. Bedtime was signaled by me brushing my teeth. They’d head out for one last look around then come in and I’d close the door. We’d all head to the bedroom where one or both of them would assume guardian position facing the bedroom door.

Nights were dark and peaceful. I rested well, secure that my boys could see anything in the night that I couldn’t, should someone or something come into the house. They were the best alarm system in the world. Smart, automatic, and selectively defensive. If they recognized you they’d greet you happily. If they didn’t, they’d let you know you were not welcome until I said you were.

I miss the days of never locking my door. I miss the dark nights, stars, and occasional asteroids leaving streaks of fire in the sky. I miss watching the constellations march across the night or dip below the horizon depending on the time of the year.

These are some of the reasons I came to this little town one weekend and decided to stay.

Now that so much of what I loved about being here is gone, I find that I stay out of nothing more than habit. Fearful humans have robbed me of the joys I used to find in everyday life here in the mountains.

It’s time to move on.

One last place to call home where I can see the night sky again.
One last place to appreciate the beauty of nature without car alarms chirping, people shouting, and nature itself hiding from all the cacophony humankind can’t seem to live without.
A place of silent beauty that somehow seems magically eternal.
A place with seasons.
Summer thunderheads rumbling the ground, flashing lightening, marching across the sky.
The sound of rain on the roof and smell of rich ground soaking up the life giving water.
The feel of a brisk Autumn wind blowing leaves across my path.
A cool bite of gentle snow landing on my cheeks in the gray time of deep Winter.
The riotous miracle of Spring as plants wake from their slumber.

There was a time in my life when I had many of these things. I was too young and impatient to really appreciate it. Where I live now, once gave me some of these wonders.

It’s said, “Adapt or die,” I think I choose to do neither.

I choose to find what I lost, and this time to really appreciate it.

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I noticed gas station changes the other day.

Let me preface with this. I hadn’t purchased gas for my car for probably 3 months. I haven’t been driving all that much and as such, the gas in the tank was mostly from late December or early January.

I went to a massage appointment in February but only burned a quarter of a tank in that round trip.

Last week I had another massage appointment and so on the way back, I stopped at a filling station. In this particular case I chose a station at the Morongo Indian Reservation where I paid $5.83 for premium instead of the $6.31 at the stations near home.

I was feeling pretty happy about the savings and went into the attached store for a drink and snack.

Coming out, I noticed there seemed to be a lot of people milling about. This is somewhat unusual since most of the time gas stations stops are a 10 minute affair at most. Gas, snacks, bathroom break, etc and then you’re on the road again.

Then I noticed that there were a lot of cars parked in the parking lot attached to charging stations.

That was my ah ha moment. There were a ton of people waiting for their EVs to recharge. This got me to thinking about the whole “Green” market. All of the charging stations had credit card slots. I’m assuming that you have to pay for those kilowatts just like you have to pay for gas. I doubt seriously that the gas station is going to give electricity away for free.

I stood there for a moment watching the bored people standing around their cars and thought this is trouble kinda waiting to happen. What happens if a single lady or wealthy man is stuck for a while recharging, at night? Does that make them “Fish in a barrel” for the more predatory elements of society? Especially right now. There are few charging facilities between Palm Springs and LA.

Then there’s the time. How many guys have gone out to their car after their spouse has driven it only to find that the tank is empty. The guy grumbles and drives to the nearest gas station and fills the tank then goes to work.

What does it do to your work schedule if your spouse forgot to plug your car in? Especially if your spouse took your car because they’d forgotten to plug theirs in as well. This presumes that both partners can afford to have electric cars.

I got into my gas vehicle and turned it on. The fuel gauge read “Full” and the indicated estimated range was 575 miles. On a cross country trip last year the furthest I pushed it was 550 miles.

I’d been at the filling station for 10 minutes and was ready to leave. I can’t imagine my frustration at sitting for 1/2 hour to an hour waiting for an electric vehicle to recharge. I’m far too impatient and I’d be losing my mind well inside 30 minutes

I should note, that 550 miles was me running the car in “Eco” mode and on a long flat straight highway with cruise control on. So that was kind of special and neat. I was comfortable and the A/C was on as the miles rolled by. I wondered what an electric car would do in similar circumstances. Would I be as confident and carefree on the trip or would I be worried about the next charging stop and how long I’d be stuck there?

More realistically, my car gets 31MPG consistently. That’s mixed mode driving between the “Comfort” setting and the “Eco” setting. I find that “Comfort” works best in stop & go traffic like in town with lights and stop signs while “Eco” really shines on the open road and also in bumper to bumper traffic in a freeway traffic jam.

On the trip I mentioned, there were two days where my car reported 45 MPG. That was a special circumstance because once you cross the mountains into AZ it’s mostly down hill. With “Eco” on and cruise control the car just kept going, only applying a touch of gas to keep up the momentum.

I suppose an electric would derive some recharging potential in similar circumstances. I’d guess that would extend the range so long as you kept the accessories to a minimum.

The trip across country took me 3 days. My car easily takes me 475 miles and I still have plenty of fuel to find a station, usually about 50 miles remain.

I looked up a Tesla long range. 375 Miles on a full. charge, 80% charge in 30 minutes with a rapid charger. The wallbox charger takes 11 hours and 15 minutes to give you a full charge.

This made me wonder how long it would take to drive across country in a Tesla. I guess the best way would be to assume you’re going 375 miles in the first leg and then 300 miles for each subsequent leg with over night stops at hotels that may or may not have charging stations. I’m betting that an electric vehicle would realistically add a day to the trip. That isn’t too bad if you think about it.

But I gotta say, there were some places where I stopped only for gas and jumped right back in the car. The “bathroom break” waited until a proper rest stop where there were lots of people around.

There was one place that made me swear I’d driven into “Deliverance” I didn’t wait around to hear, “You’ve got a purty face…”

As I left the charge lot, I was thankful for a full tank and the choice to gas up and go quickly.

The lease is coming up on my car. I’ve been shopping around and seen prices that make a Tesla look attractive. (Just Kidding) I’m thinking I’m going to hold BMW to the lease buyout. Who’d have thought that a lease buyout on a BMW would be more of a deal than buying a Toyota?

We are living in strange times.

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Have you noticed?

It hit me this morning over my coffee, that I wasn’t being inundated with COVID news. Anthony Fauci hasn’t been doing the chat TV interview circuit.

I guess all we needed was a war, rising gas prices, and the threat of inflation to break the fear mongering of the national media. Or did these things simply cure COVID?

Even CNN’s front web page has only 1 covid related item. Since I haven’t watched CNN in over a year, I’d bet there’s still the crawler at the bottom of the screen giving COVID statistics.

To be sure, COVID is not gone. It’s still out there doing what viruses do. It’s mutating. There are other variants appearing and at this point those variants appears to be following the normal viral lifecycle. Greater infectiousness, lower fatality.

Gee, all it took was the threat of a nuclear war and upcoming midterm elections to stop COVID doom in the United States.

Humans! What a species.

I call this better, because like most people I was sick and tired of the “DOOM ON YOU” messaging of the media about COVID.

“COVID is gonna kill you,” To which I said, “Okay, but when? I wished it would just get on with it.”

Now I find myself thinking along the lines I used to think about during the Cold War.

Several media outlets have spoken about a nuclear exchange and again, I’m like, “Fine. Whatever!”

This is perhaps a fatalistic view but with Nukes, at least it’s likely to be quick. I live within 10 miles of a military base.

I suppose I’ve grown tired of the constant doom. We’re all going to die sometime. I’d prefer to just go about my day without being reminded of it every 10 minutes. Which is why I don’t watch the news, I’ll read about the latest threat to all life of the planet in my own time.

If you’d really like to get your panties in a bunch, Look up gamma ray bursts. Somewhere in the universe a long time ago, a star collapsed or blew up. As its core ceased to exist, the star emitted an intense focused burst of gamma rays. Those gamma rays are at this moment blazing across the universe at the speed of light. We can’t see them because the universe is too big for us to have instruments trained on the entire sky.

A gamma extinction event could come at any time from any direction. It’s only luck that it hasn’t happened yet. But the day is still young! Why don’t we have constant interviews from pundits and wags telling us how to build shelters, or suicide booths?

Here’s why, Gamma rays tend to blast through anything and unless they’re absorbed by immense distance, or something with sufficient mass between their point of origin and us. A Gamma burst could sterilize the entire planet. Everything burns.

There’s a complete sense of powerlessness. It’s too big, too beyond our petty concerns. It’s unthinkable, instead we maintain our beliefs that we are special, and some deity will protect us. We can’t begin to process the enormity of something like this, the unfairness, the annihilation of our “special” species, and so we ignore it.

Our own sun could do us with an intense solar flare at any moment. That, our scientists would see coming and we’d have 30 minutes or so to say goodbye.

The sky changes color, the Aurora Borealis is, for a brief instant visible across the entire planet as the high energy particles interact with the shield created by the magnetic field of our planet. There are pretty colors and the sentient population of the planet stands in amazement. Then the shield is overwhelmed and poof! Everything burns.

The next day, the sun still rises and Earth spins on.

A million years later, some weird bacteria rises up from some protected cavern in the deepest part of what used to be an ocean, or falls to Earth aboard an icy comet and life starts again.

There is nothing we can do about it, just as we couldn’t stop a pandemic. Pandemics happen almost like clockwork. So do extinction events.

Mars, had all the elements for life. Until a huge asteroid smacked the planet. Some scientists think that the impact disrupted that planet’s core enough to cause the magnetic shielding to fail permanently. Then it was just a matter of time, the solar wind carrying off the atmosphere atom by atom, just so much dust in the wind so to speak. Solar radiation increased and well, the results are obvious. A cold, dry, desolate, dead world.

Another couple million years and the remaining atmosphere of Mars will be gone. 5 or 6 billion years later, our sun expands and the inner solar system is recycled. Who knows, a hundred billion years later, maybe all those atoms will coalesce forming a new planetary system. Then again, maybe not. It’s the luck of the draw.

Because in the back of my mind I try to see the whole of creation, (Not just Earth, but the universe,) I guess I have a slightly different view. It’s tough to maintain that view with all the constant noise from daily events. But my view gives me comfort.

It also tends to make me willing to discard things that I cannot control. I prefer instead to focus on what I can speak of, or directly change, or control.

I couldn’t prevent the COVID pandemic, but I could speak facts and try to remind people that it wasn’t a complete death sentence. Measles decimated the native people of Hawaii. Smallpox decimated the native peoples of North America. The Black Plague killed 1/4 of Europe. The 1914 influenza and subsequent waves killed 50 million people.

And the world spun on. Humanity continued. There are no guarantees. Dance in the light while you can, don’t worry about a guaranteed tomorrow. Live now, in this time and place and make the best of it.

We can prevent a nuclear war. We can choose to live in peace with each other. We can choose to be kind. We can choose not to be petty, or hateful, we can step into each new day as a gift, fearless of what may happen and joyful in choosing to live, love, learn, and become our best selves.

I guess, I believe that the echos of us reverberate throughout the universe. The infinitesimally small transmissions of electrical activity in our brains scatter out in all directions across space and time. Perhaps, those transmissions spark inspiration, or recognition of beauty, or a moment of kindness in an unimaginable species 100 billion years from now. Or, a moment of cruelty, destruction, or harm.

My choice is to stumble toward the light, to be better than I was yesterday. I choose to believe that a decent act, a kind act, or my dancing in the sunlight in joy, will at some point stay the hand of a tyrant on a distant world, or cause a child to smile seeing beauty in something commonplace.

That’s my immortality.

Even if that doesn’t actually work across billions of years. It may make a difference here, now.

Oh I’ll still rail against things that bug me. I’m human and our focus is so easily narrowed to things that annoy. I forgive myself for that.

I just have to remember to reach for being a citizen of the Universe instead of just the Earth.

Look up at the night sky, be awed at the majesty and beauty.

Be at peace with yourself and others. Create and experience all the joy you can.

The choice is yours.