We all know what they are.
Many of us use them.
They’re an outgrowth of social media and honestly, in my opinion our lack of ability to have a conversation with each other in person and perhaps fear.
It’s a lot easier to go down in flames on an application than to go down in a bar in front of your friends.
So part of the fear is the fear of rejection. I assume there’s a lot of fear in general too. I mean in a society where someone is more likely to film you being mugged than to stop the mugging, an application provides a safety margin and the ability to keep someone at arms length until you decide if they’re someone that you’d actually like to meet.
The downside is that instead of someone seeing you as you really are, and you them. Both of you have the opportunity to create completely fictitious personas. If these personas decide to meet then there’s the very real possibility that as the personas meet and dissolve, the two people are left with a critical choice.
Try to pick up the pieces of the fractured personas or call each other assholes. In many cases, meeting never happens. One party or the other “Ghosts”. Technically it’s a no harm, no foul, but one person is always left not knowing what they did, or didn’t do.
At least in a bar, you know from the other person’ body language that your advances are a no go. With the online world, the conversation just stops mid thought.
Another problem with online dating apps is that some people just engage in conversations that lead nowhere and then get pissy when you call them on it. Then there are those people that are trying to have affairs and who are so dishonest with even themselves that they can’t believe that someone might actually be just a simple honest person.
You know, that unicorn of unicorns… Someone that’s honest in their profile and honest in their intentions.
The thing that really blows me away is the folks that “MEGA-Ghost”
These are the folks that not only stop communicating but also delete their profiles on whatever app and then completely disappear. I’ve personally run into a couple of these folks. What’s weird is when they do this and their stated intentions were just to find friends.
It’s always gone something like this;
Them: “Wow you’re really nice, I’d like to meet sometime.”
Me: “Yes, that would be nice what are you thinking about? Coffee? Drink? Light lunch?”
Them: “Sure, that sounds nice.”
Me: “Okay, when and where?”
….
I honestly don’t understand why suddenly asking when and where causes silence and ghosting.
All you have to say is, “We’ll have to schedule it”. OR “You know I’m not ready to go there yet, can we just chat a while longer?” OR “I’m sorry, this is too scary; too fast; or I’m not ready to meet”
I’m a big boy, I can take it and we could go on chatting as before.
But damn! There’s no need to completely disappear.
I recently ran into this kind of situation with a man who said they were looking for men in the local area with similar interests for friendship. Their profile said he wanted to go hiking and that he was looking for someone to talk with have an occasional drink and do outdoors stuff.
I don’t know what his true motive was, but we’d been chatting some, and even had made jokes about people not being clear about their wants. We live within 2 miles of each other and both of us could use a friend to go do stuff when we’re not up for the obligations of our respective relationships. You know… Having some guy time where you can say what you want and not worry about offending anyone.
If you’re hiking on a trail, you can say what you want without being accused of some heinous thought crime.
It was a Friday night, and just five minutes before he went silent, He’d said that he was alone for the next week as his wife was out of town and that he was bored.
I told him hey, “Let’s meet down at the bar. We can have a drink and get to know each other in person. From there we can see if we want to plan a hike or something.”
Ghost! 👻
What the hell?
It’s gotta be me. I must be too direct or something.
I figure anyone with a set of balls should be able to meet for a drink and see if the entertaining conversation is as much fun in person.
But apparently, that’s not the way we do things anymore.
I guess I should take it as the final test.
If I ask someone to have a drink, coffee, lunch, or whatever and they freak out. I should count my blessings and be thankful that I’m not going to get caught up in their drama.
I tend to take people at face value, If you tell me you’d like to get together I assume that you’re not lying and the next logical step is to arrange to meet. After all we don’t need to get carpal tunnel in front of our computer keyboards when we can actually chat in person.
Humm, maybe I’ll put that in my “Profile” and see if that changes the behaviors.
GOD, I miss the good ‘ol days of bars and real conversation.
The American Association for Library Service to Children has removed Laura Ingalls Wilder’s name from one of its awards. They’re changing the name to Children’s Literature Legacy award. Read the article 
I read about stuff like this and think Fahrenheit 451, or the book burnings of Nazi Germany.
Appeasements typically don’t work, ask Neville Chamberlain. If you don’t know who that is, look him up. He & Hitler had an interesting relationship.
Kavanaugh is a sitting Supreme Court Justice!
We used to call that kind of stuff “Youthful Hijinks” and the society would politely look the other way as long as no-one was in fact raped or hurt, and those activities didn’t become habitual. How many in congress today weren’t bathing and engaging in free love in the 60’s? How many of those people were burning flags and protesting the Vietnam war? How many were on the FBI watch lists for their affiliation with “Subversive” elements?
Remember streaking? Maybe you don’t it would depend on how old you are. I remember police chasing a streaker across a football field mid-game and everyone in the stands laughing their asses off. It was in good fun and whoever the streaker was he was obviously on a track & field team. The police were out matched and that was why it was so damn funny. That game had absolutely the best half time show I’ve ever seen. The brass section of the band started playing the theme from The Benny Hill show which made it even funnier!
When did we become so humorless?
It was nothing then, and regardless of today’s standards it should remain exactly what it was, nothing chalk it up to youthful goofing off, or silliness.
I apologize for the poor photo quality, I was trying to catch a shot of this particular asshole as he ran away, like a little pussy!
I take my foot off the gas, nice predictable deceleration begins I switch back to “Comfort” mode and my 440 glides to ambient traffic speeds.