Category: BullShit

That’s been my mantra for the last few years.

In Southern California that’s not an easy mantra to keep.

I’ll admit there are times when I do something on the road that’s just plain DUMB!

But those events are rare and that’s mostly due to having a plan about where I’m going and how I’m going to get there.

I do not cut across 3 lanes of traffic to exit the freeway, I’ll go to the next exit and turn around. I don’t tailgate. (Unless you come into my lane suddenly, and baby if you do that, It’s ON YOU!)

On mountain roads, I’m even more careful. Usually these are single lanes and most of the curves are blind curves. Going into a turn at 60 MPH and finding that traffic is stopped as you round the bend is a recipe for very bad things to happen. This is doubly dangerous during winter when you may have ice on the roads.

Even in summer you can round a blind curve and find a large assed rock sitting in the roadway. Guess what? You’re not going to be able to stop… Ooops!

At night in winter, when the temp is hovering around freezing, and the couple of people ahead of you are driving within the speed limit and carefully. I tend to hang back at least three or four car lengths. 

That gives me time to stop, and also means I’m not rushing someone, who for all I know isn’t familiar with the road and hasn’t driven much on snow or ice.

It’s just plain common sense.

That’s the situation I found myself in last night coming home from Big Bear. There were several cars ahead of me. They were all driving well and commensurate with the conditions and posted speed limits.

In other words, they were being responsible safe drivers and while they were moving slower than I could have been, I respected their caution. 

I downshifted and was letting the engine do the braking while generally maintaining my usual following distance.

I was the last car in the line and was actually enjoying the drive. There’s a Zen to knowing what your car will do and being with like-minded drivers. Every one of them was maintaining a good following distance and it was obvious that they were simply wanting to get down the mountain safely.

Every single one of them was using the passing lanes as intended, keeping to the right and allowing people to pass if they wished. Those folks that were passing weren’t passing to be in a hurry, it appeared to be mostly about the gearing and weight of their vehicle. They’d pass a car then settle back into the line, the only notable exception was that they weren’t on their brakes as much. We all signaled when the passing lanes ended and moved back to the left.

It was actually very pleasant. The moon was bright, the stars were pretty, the butt warmer was on, and I was relaxed.

Of course it couldn’t last… 

Another car pulls up behind me. I can tell it’s a Jeep from the headlights, and they’ve come out of nowhere. Obviously they’re in a hurry but there’s no passing lane (and won’t be for another 10 miles) and this idiot is right on my ass. 

He must’ve been able to see the line of cars in front of me and the ripple of brake lights as each of the people in front of me slowed to enter the next 25 MPH hairpin curve.

But (he or she) is fixated on the fact that there’s following distance between me and the next vehicle. Obviously, the .25 seconds that following distance represents is important. 

Sigh!

The car in front of me lights up its brake lights as the driver slows to enter the next hairpin. I likewise touch my brakes to slow and the Jeep turns on its brights.

Uh gee, thanks! Now I’m partially blinded entering a hairpin curve, (A helpful roadsign contained a drawing describing the curve.)  Partially blinded, I slow more because I can no longer see the wispy lane markers. This simple act of safety apparently enraged the driver of the Jeep.

I do my best to ignore them and concentrate on making it through the curve. As I come out of the curve the line of other drivers has come to a complete stop. I do the same and now the Jeep asshole is really pissed.

There were some rocks on the pavement which the careful drivers were picking their way through. The brights from the Jeep are annoying the car in front of me too, they’ve slowed considerably to pick their way around the obstruction.

I glance at the Nav system. 20 miles to go like this… Great!

The vehicles ahead pick up speed and I follow suit. 

I’m looking for a turnout. I’d like to get this moron off my ass, they’re way too close and every-time I brake I’m concerned that this idiot is going to plow into the back of my car. I’m no longer relaxed. In fact, I’m starting to build some road rage.

There’s no excuse for this kind of behavior, what exactly does this idiot think, that those other vehicles are an illusion? I’m thinking seriously about stopping my car and having it out with this stupid fuck. (I think to myself, “There’s no excuse for you to be itching for a throw down either.”)

I drive on.  I maintain my following distance to the next car.

I’ve got exam gloves in my pocket from my day of cleaning up after renters. I could put them on, block the road, beat the shit out of this moron, push their Jeep down the cliff to be found in spring, and leave no fingerprints… That puts a smile on my face and I realize I’m giving in to road rage.

I calm myself, step back from the abyss and keep driving. The moron behind me turns off their brights. That’s better, then the brights come on again. Grrrr!

The next turnouts are iced over and inaccessible. I keep driving.

Finally a passing lane opens up I move to the right, as does every other sensible driver. The moron passes exactly 3 cars before the lane ends. Now they’re stuck behind a UPS truck and another car. They’re not going any faster, but they’re in the debris trail the UPS truck is kicking up as they round every bend. All the rock chips must be doing a number on their paint. As they passed I could see the Jeep was blue. 

I smile…

15 miles further on, the mountain road dumps into a two lane highway, then a freeway.

We’re below 2000 ft and the temp is a balmy 40 F. I take the faster of the two lanes and I’m suddenly behind the Jeep. I’m not doing anything to annoy or harass them. I’m just there biding my time…

The two lane dumps onto the freeway and there’s indecision from the Jeep about which lane they want to be in. They’re obviously trying to decide which transition to take onto the 210. They have a choice, San Bernardino or Pasadena. I’m setting up to head toward Pasadena.

The interchange is fast approaching, I hit the button setting my car to “Sport” mode. I now have the full power of 300 HP and tighter handling and suspension of my vehicle at my command. They’re still wavering in their decision about the interchange, left, right, left, the Jeep appears to be bouncing off the lane markers.

I think they’re probably meaning to head to Pasadena. I accelerate to pace them, preventing them from making the lane change. It’s a long sweeper interchange and I’m doing 85 with ease. So is the Jeep. They accelerate and so do I. They’re signaling, ( these days, in this situation signaling is the equivalent of begging. Especially in this situation, since this driver hasn’t used a signal once down the mountain.) I don’t care – apparently neither does anyone else. Other people that the Jeep has annoyed are right on my tail.

There’s no opening and the moronic Jeep sails off toward San Bernardino They’re tapping their brakes in the fashion idiots will, when they realize they’re lost and looking for a way to turn around. I know that they can’t make any choices to even get off the freeway for 7 miles, and their best option is to go on down to the I-10 interchange 14 miles down the road.

Other people behind me toot their horns in a friendly way as we make the transition signaling our intention to merge. I gently slow to ambient freeway speed and signal to take the next to the slow lane avoiding 18 wheelers.

I notice a guy next to me with his interior light on. He’s the driver of the truck that had been in front of me when this all started. When I look over he gives me a “Thumbs-Up” sign. I nod and he’s smiling as his interior light goes off.

I’m smiling too. Maybe the Jeep driver will get lost and subsequently mugged in San Bernardino. One can only hope…

I never said I was perfect.

I only said my mantra is, “I will try not to road rage”

Besides, I wasn’t raging. I was purposefully driving to my destination.

Remember, there are other ways to exact your pound of flesh and they can be just as satisfying.