There’d been something nagging at the back of my mind…

The ExpanseIt was one of those little things, a thought not quite remembered. But it was somehow important, something that could potentially help me, if I could only remember it.

It’s been bugging me for weeks.  Not that I thought it was the end all be all, but something that could help me surf these all too strange waters we find ourselves in.

It was philosophical, intriguing, and dead on.

Not only could I not remember the thought, I couldn’t remember its source. That meant I had no starting point until I remembered something the Marines call “The Suck”

Once I had that starting point I kept pulling threads until I found what I was looking for.

Don’t get me wrong, The Marines are 100% right about The Suck, we’re clearly in some serious suck. Thank God for The Marines. They have a way of expressing things that is awesome.

What I was looking for was something else that was more apt to our current circumstances and the way I was feeling in particular.

I finally found what I’d been trying to remember.

It’s from “The Expanse”

One of the characters is having a conversation with a spy. The spy is kind of slippery but he’s never encountered up close and personal someone like Amos.

The exchange is as follows:

Kenzo: It must be nice, having everything figured out like that.

Amos: Ain’t nothing to do with me: we’re just caught in the Churn, that’s all.

Kenzo: I have no idea what you just said.

Amos: This boss I used to work for in Baltimore, he called it the Churn. When the rules of the game change.

Kenzo: What game?

Amos: The only game. Survival. When the jungle tears itself down and builds itself into something new. Guys like you and me, we end up dead. Doesn’t really mean anything. Or, if we happen to live through it, well that doesn’t mean anything either.

We’re in The Churn.

Amos Bearded The ExpanseThe rules are changing, it’s beyond our control. The only option is to survive… or not. Either way it doesn’t mean anything, except to us as individuals.

Individually we may be lucky or not, but in the grand scheme of things, our presence really doesn’t matter.

The best we can do is surf the churn, allowing our survival instincts to dictate our choices.

The thing is, nothing will ever be the same again because our jungle is tearing itself apart. We can’t predict what the new configuration will be. We’ll only know when it’s done.

I’m pretty rule based. I can exist, even happily, in chaos but only by recognizing that I’m in a chaotic situation. I’ve been laboring under the assumption that the chaos we’ve been in was transient and things would return to normal next month, the month after, maybe the one after.

But that is a lie. It’s a lie we’re being told to keep us complacent and prevent us from fully engaging in The Churn. The effect is that all of us are attempting to live in some shared delusion that this will all come to an end and our lives will be returned to us, based on some external force.

If in fact there is a “New Normal”, a new jungle, then we all have to go all in. We need to stop nibbling on the barrel and accept it. If that means rejecting all the laws that have previously bound us, so be it.

We’ve all pretty much come to the conclusion that COVID while real, isn’t the killer, set your hair on fire and run in tight circles, that we’ve been told it is. But still people are obeying arbitrary and capricious laws, & made up regulations.

We’ve all seen live, that rioting is becoming more common over the slightest of perceived infractions. As the police departments are defunded they will be less and less able to provide the protections that they were established to provide. Leaving average people to fend for themselves.

While at the same time witnessing harassment of average people on the streets just trying to go about their lives. We’ve seen that protecting ourselves results in imprisonment while our politicians are telling us that they’re releasing career criminals due to concerns over COVID.

Rampant and obvious corruption is visible and yet the talking heads charged with providing timely and accurate information, are doing their absolute best to look the other way.

We know that at least one candidate to our highest office is unfit for the job and clearly ill. We’re living in a barely suppressed anarchy. Regardless of a vaccine, regardless of the election, regardless of changes to the police forces. This will not stop. We’ll never get to the old normal again. The only reason the anarchy is suppressed at all is because we’re all waiting for something to magically fix it.

Waiting for magic, is waiting for a train that ain’t coming.

We must recognize that the only way through this is full speed ahead and embrace the Anarchy. Someone screws with you while you’re minding your own business, punch their lights out, or punch their ticket to where ever they’re bound for. For good measure rob ‘em. It doesn’t matter anymore. Who’re they gonna call? You were strong enough to take their shit, it’s yours. If they die well they aren’t going to be needing it anyway.

We’re all predators, the only reason we don’t kill each other more regularly is because we’re generally law abiding and mostly polite. That doesn’t seem to be working for us anymore.

In The Churn it’s better to be the top predator than prey. That’s the law of the jungle and apparently it’s the current law in places like Chicago, Seattle, Portland, LA, Minneapolis, New York, and Pittsburgh, these days.

If the whole country is gonna be like these cities then fine. I may not make it, but I’m not going alone. Simultaneously, don’t expect to arrest me for doing what every other predator is doing.

It’s time to embrace it, time to let all that rage and predatory instinct out. Time to decide what do we really want. I’d be happy with law and order.

But I will not accept that I have to obey laws that are stupid or pointless while others are immune to those same laws.

If it’s to be no law, okay then, let’s all go back to the jungle en mass. When the blood and destruction reaches some critical point…

Then I’d imagine a new jungle will have been created, and the survivors will beg for law, order, and justice again.

Happy Halloween!

Hunters moonAlthough this year has been a bit like we’re living in some bizarre cross between 1984 and 28 Days or The Andromeda Strain. Here we are once again at the time of the fall festival.

This Halloween won’t be spared the insanity of 2020 but I hope everyone finds some way to enjoy it.

In this house, we’re all about the scary movies. (Or just watching the news…) On the plus side, watching movies you don’t have to worry about flubbed lines and the edits are a lot cleaner.

Just a few days from now, we’ll be watching the election and hopefully that won’t be a horror show. As I write this, I can’t help but feel it’s whistling in the dark while walking past a graveyard.

Have a great Halloween.

Grrrr. Some People & Their Cell Phones!

Speakerphone cellWe’ve all seen them.

People wandering around having conversations on speaker phone assaulting everyone around them with both sides of the call. The person you can see screaming into the little device and the person you can’t see blaring their responses in a overly loud tinny little voice back. Then the offensive person gives you a dirty look and cranks the volume even higher when you raise your voice to place your coffee order. As if you’re the one being rude because you’re interfering with their conversation.

One of these days Alice… Pow! Zoom! Right to the Moon!

Or I’ll just slap the phone out of their hand and stomp it into the ground. Probably to applause from everyone else!

That’s annoying as hell in a public setting & oddly seems to be something that happens a lot on the lower rungs of the socioeconomic spectrum. Although my next door neighbor likes to sit on her patio having similar conversations. In her defense, I think she’s actually doing other things and is legitimately using the hands free speaker phone option because she’s got her hands full.

dnd iphone.pngBut there’s another class of folks that can be just as annoying.

They’re the people you sleep with every night, or the people that you may sleep with occasionally.

These folks don’t seem to understand that there’s a nifty little function called do not disturb on their phone. They also don’t seem to understand that some of us can’t sleep with their phones lighting up every 5 minutes. After all who can sleep with a disco ball flashing in their bedroom?

I’m one of those people that often has a hard time sleeping.

As long as it’s dark, and quiet I can stay asleep, but any state change in the local environment will wake me up. The refrigerator changing it’s normal rhythm is often enough to wake me. The power going off in the middle of the night will wake me because of the sudden silence. Even things like the A/C or heater switching on at more irregular intervals than “normal” will wake me.

So you can imagine what it’s like for me if there’s someone obsessively checking their phone for a message or reading new emails. It probably doesn’t help that I’ve got great night vision and can see well in nothing more than starlight.

It’s because of this that I am appreciative of DND and more so of the “Bedtime” settings on my phone. After about 10:30 my phone goes into DND automatically. By 11:00 my phone is in bedtime mode (so is my nifty watch). This means that no lights, whistles, or bells are flashing through the night. Unless you’re on a very short list of people, you’re not going to be able to reach me until morning, after all that’s why God made voice mail! Hell, my phone doesn’t come out of DND until after 7:30 am. I prefer to have my morning coffee in peace, thank you very much!

Sleep Schedule.pngI hit the DND button at dinner, before a Doctors appointment, during meetings, massages, or even drinks with friends (back when we actually had dinners or drinks with friends).

Now imagine me laying in bed asleep with a person next to me who refuses to activate these features.

The light from the phone penetrates my eyelids, and I’m awake. I open my eyes to see if there’s something going on. Nope, their phone is sitting on the nightstand but illuminating the walls & ceiling. Okay, I close my eyes again and go back to sleep.

This cycle is repeated 20 or 30 times (due to notifications, email, occasional text messages, etc.) each night. Add in almost incessant snoring, mumbling in their sleep, trips to the bathroom, and it shouldn’t be any wonder that I generally liked living alone in a tiny little apartment. Even though some of the neighbors were completely out of their damn minds and their personal issues sometimes robbed me of a decent night’s sleep.

As an aside, since moving back to my house I’ve lost about three hours of solid deep sleep a night. It’s not uncommon for me to be sleeping on the couch or floor in another room.

However there’s another factor in this that you may not have considered. Those times when the other person is actively checking their mail, messages, or notifications. They’ll be laying there reading things, and because the phone is like a damn searchlight in my face I’m awake and reading their phone too.

Then I get in trouble because I know stuff that I wasn’t supposed to know. I get accused of going through their private messages. I don’t… That would imply that I care. Nope, I’m just reading what’s on their display over their shoulder because they’ve woke me.

I guess there are those who might think I should politely not read the information but here’s the thing. You know that I’m going to wake up, if you really wanted privacy, you’d get up and go elsewhere to read rather than shining it in my face.

All this is to say; use the features on your phone!

On the iPhone just open the conveniently located control center and tap the little half moon. That will turn on “Do Not Disturb”. If you’re using a later version of iPhone that has the bedtime reminders, set it up. You can even schedule automatic DND between certain hours.  Another helpful thing that used to work, is that just putting your iPhone face down would silence it and even if it doesn’t completely silence it, at least the phone won’t be lighting up the whole room.

I can tell you, it will be appreciated by your other half or just your guest for the night…

As I suspected…

This is such a first world problem, I’m laughing at myself.

In August, a year ago I got laid off from my job. That afternoon after all was said and done, I went home and opened my trusty 6 or 7 year old MacBook air and was greeted with a display that wasn’t working properly.

I looked at my watch, and buzzed out to the Apple Store, (God I miss being able to do that without the hassle we have to go through today,) to see if they could give me any help.

touchid.pngTechnically they were helpful, but not with the display in my poor computer. I walked out of the store with a brand new MacBook Pro with the nifty touch bar. I really like it even today.

At the time, sitting on the couch in my apartment I pondered the functionality of the fingerprint scanner and the fact that it could be used to authenticate transactions. I distinctly remember thinking that could be trouble.

I mean, you see something online, and there’s the nifty button saying…

Press me and your hearts desires can be yours…

I set it up to handle authenticating my passwords for websites and added one debit card to it.

My iPhone tried to helpfully add other credit cards. While I appreciate the assistance and the Apple ecosystem, there are times when you can be a bit too helpful!

I’ve been very good about using that nifty button. Or rather I should say not using that button.

The first time you use it, you’re not sure that it worked. It’s special, you’re excited about using something new. After you use it a few times it’s not so new or exciting, it’s still special, but it starts to become “ho hum”.

There’s the danger! Next thing you know, you’re tapping that little button all over the place and it’s very easy to become disconnected from the concept that each time you press that cloying little fingerprint, you’re spending yourself into the poor house.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s very cool and very convenient.

BUT if you’re unemployed, essentially locked down and bored you’re potentially in trouble!

Thankfully I’ve had decent self control but over the past week or so, It seems that I’ve been hitting that button a lot. Not so much that I’ll need to have it replaced, but much more than usual.

To be honest, I’m a little terrified with the holiday season coming up.

Me, bored and holiday depressed with super easy online shopping is a really bad combination. I tend to get a bad case of consumerism.

In my defense, I do need to buy some shirts, the ones I’m wearing, I’ve been wearing for 10 years. Yes, they’re starting to get threadbare and the collars are fraying. That being said, it seems that the shirts have been at the bottom of the list this week and (ahem) haven’t been the recipients of the touch button love.

While in Florida, I watched my brother place an order for gun parts on-line and get them the next day UPS. OMG! That was a revelation!

Living in California I assumed that just wasn’t possible, my Brother looked at me like I was crazy. Differences between the California gun legalities and living in the real world astounded me. And I thought to myself, “Probably just as well the little button and I would get too familiar,” Not that I’m a gun nut or anything, but guns like any other hobby can get expensive.

Luckily, most dive gear sites aren’t using “The Button” I’ve noticed that some travel sites are using the button though, that could be dangerous too.

My weaknesses seem to be in the area of movies, TV shows, music, electronics, and software. Guess what? Amazingly, those sites all use “The Button”.

I’m soooo screwed! But I’ll have plenty of entertainment, and a house that is smarter than I am… At least until the power gets turned off.

Have a great week!

Some days I’m just too dark.

mockingtodo20201014.pngThere it is, the “Perky” reminder in my ToDo list saying that I should write something at least in my blog.

It’s overdue too.

Go on you little bastard, mock me!

I’ve tried a couple of different tangents. Trouble is, every time I try to put something on paper it takes a path leading straight to the bowels of hell.

I suppose I’m sick of everything! Although the salacious pictures of Hunter Biden do pique my interest. I’m curious about that 12 minute video… 

By nature, I’m a voyeur so my prurient interest shouldn’t be surprising to anyone.  

Way back in the day I was entirely fascinated by a grainy poor quality video of a 3 way staring a young actor (now famous) that made the rounds on videotape. Even today, the only porn that I can not look away from is of the home grown amateur variety. Much of today’s stylish, scripted, professional porn has become “ho hum” and unfortunately predictable. But the lighting is always awesome!

Along those same lines I’m curious to know what Hunter’s email, video, and pictorial evidence will do to his father’s election chances. 

Oddly enough, I don’t think it will matter one bit.

Joe Biden is under investigation in the Ukraine, has been accused of sexual harassment by Tara Reed, has been caught in at least three other lies where what he claimed was not in fact what was recorded in the public record, and now if the emails found on this computer hard drive are proven to be real he’ll be literally at the center of another scandal.

It won’t matter. He’ll never be subpoenaed, he’ll never be brought to trial, he’ll never answer for any of it.

Hence the blog takes dark turn. Any Republican politician would have already issued the requisite humble apology and been forced to resign. Captains of industry have been destroyed for less. We have police chiefs forced to resign for something their wife tweeted.

Against this backdrop of cancel culture and outrage how can Joe Biden still be a viable candidate? What happened to equality?

If specific targets (Conservatives) can be “Canceled” for these offenses, then everyone can and should be “Canceled” for similar offenses.

There is the crux of it for me. Patent, (dare I say systemic,) inequality. 

Either we are all bound by the same standards, rules, and laws, or none of us are.

If none of us are bound by these things, then why am I wearing a mask in public, not shopping in person, obeying stay at home orders, not looting, or any of the rest of it.

We already have anarchy. I should be out enjoying myself!

See, that’s why you’ll see me skip a few days blogging. It’s actually for your protection…

We’re all in this together!