Christmas Dinner was a bust, and not a bust…

Let me explain.

At Thanksgiving, the kind neighbors who invited me to their Thanksgiving & I got to talking. They’d had some family members show up and while their table accommodated us all, things were a bit cramped.

I suggested that we should have taken the food to my place and used my table since it is bigger and opens out to an even bigger configuration.

That led to the neighbor saying that Christmas will be at my place…

I accepted the challenge.

I spent the next month cleaning and making my home more like it had been when Jerry & I first moved in. The original idea was that the house would be uncluttered. Courtesy of the fire in ’08 we literally had nothing to clutter the place with. In our furniture selection, we tried to pick things that worked while preserving an “open” comfortable feeling to the house.

It worked very nicely, while Jerry’s instruments and music were at the church. When the church job ended the battle with clutter that had been more or less manageable suddenly became a major problem. I’ve been systematically going through and disposing of many of Jerry’s things over the past 2 years. Most of the items I’ve disposed of within the last 8 months. 

Clearing some things out of the dining area and then the kitchen area really opened the space up. It was a lot of work moving the stuff down to the garage. I re-tasked some of the cubbies that Jerry had relied upon for storage of his music, and bits of technology. This helped a little when It came to getting my tools organized in the garage.

At some point during this process,  I realized that I was smiling in the morning while getting my coffee.

The house, even with the Christmas tree was open, more free, more comfortable. I understood that part of this was me reclaiming my space. The pain of Jerry’s loss wasn’t so sharp. I was relaxing more into my own skin.

That spurred me on to more cleaning & sorting. There’s a lot to do in the office, basement, and garage but I’m pleased with the outcome this far. For however long this lasts I’m comfortable. That’s not to say that I was uncomfortable with all of Jerry’s stuff, but there were times when I felt like I was being squeezed out of this house because he kept adding more and more stuff.

Anyway by the time Christmas Eve rolled around, I’d cleaned vacuumed, scrubbed floors, straightened, & hand washed all the dishes and glasses that were to be used for the Christmas Dinner.

I went to bed Christmas Eve feeling pretty good. Jesse on the other hand, was sick to his stomach a couple of times during the night and I ended up cleaning the carpet (spot cleaning) at least once.

Christmas Day, Jesse & I went on our usual walk, came home, and then I started cooking Christmas Dinner. About 1:00PM, I texted my neighbors telling them dinner would be ready about 3. I didn’t hear back from them.

Dinner was ready by 3 and I kept everything warm until 4. When I still hadn’t heard anything, I went ahead and ate. I’d put a lot of effort into everything. I decided that even if they weren’t going to come over, I was going to enjoy the meal I’d prepared.

So I did. The ham was good, the wine was a nice pairing and the other portions of the meal were tasty.

I may have enjoyed it alone, but I demonstrated to myself that I know how to lay out a decent table if I’m entertaining. Moreover, I’m not dependent on anyone else but me to be happy.

I am very tired today and I’m not going to do anything. Hell, I may even take an old man nap. Sometime within the next few days, I’ll start taking the Christmas stuff down. The plan is to consolidate and repack the Christmas stuff, so that it’s easier to identify and perhaps move.

Tomorrow I’m planning to resume the job search and if I’m lucky perhaps I’ll land something that I can do remotely.