Ohhhh I’m SOOO Scared!

These things are sooo damn funny.

Especially since;

a) I have nothing to hide

b) I haven’t been anywhere like the kinds of sites this jackass is claiming I’ve been to. Maybe XHamster once in the past 3 to 6 months.

c) I don’t typically rub one out in front of my computer. My office is a complete mess so if this jackass thinks that’s a nice setup he’s an absolute pig.

d) Even if I did rub one out in front of the computer I’d have put that shit up on OnlyFans.

I suppose I could report it to the FBI but their form demands a lot of information that honestly they don’t need. My name, my email address, and a phone number is about it.

Their form on the other hand wants my physical and mailing address, age, and a whole bunch of other stuff that looks like they’re building something other than getting information necessary to fight cyber crime.

I’ve reported stuff to the FBI in the past and this new form is excessive. Meaning that folks are probably not likely to fill it out, because why would they? The sender of this email is the criminal, yet the FBI make it seem like you’re being the one interrogated.

I can tell you that it looks like the email originates in Buffalo, NY. However the message is written by someone who may be a foreigner or someone who just copied a scary letter. There’s something about the construction that seems like it’s a translation. Perhaps AI generated???

Anyhoo here, for your entertainment is a scary threatening email. Now that I’m thinking about it, I’m gonna go rub one out. 

Have a great day.


You’re running out of time with each tick of the clock.

It’s important you pay attention to this message right now. Take a minute to relax, breathe, and really dig into it. ‘Cause we’re about to discuss a deal between you and me, and I ain’t playing games. You don’t know me however I know you very well and right now, you are thinking how, right?

Well, you’ve been treading on thin ice with your browsing habits, scrolling through those videos and clicking on links, stumbling upon some not-so-safe sites. I placed a Malware on a porn website and you visited it to watch(know what I mean?). When you were busy watching videos, your system initiated operating as a RDP (Remote Protocol) which provided me total control over your device. I can peep at everything on your screen, flick on your camera and mic, and you wouldn’t even notice. Oh, and I’ve got access to all your emails, contacts, and social media accounts too.

Been keeping tabs on your pathetic life for a while now. It is simply your misfortune that I came across your bad deeds. I invested in more days than I probably should have investigating into your data. Extracted quite a bit of juicy info from your system. and I’ve seen it all. Yeah, Yeah, I’ve got footage of you doing filthy things in your house (nice setup, by the way). I then developed videos and screenshots where on one side of the screen, there’s the videos you were playing, and on the other half, it is you jerking off. With just a click, I can send this garbage to every single of your contacts.

Your confusion is clear, but don’t expect sympathy. Frankly, I am willing to wipe the slate clean, and allow you to move on with your daily life and forget you ever existed. I will offer you two alternatives.

Option One is to turn a blind eye to this e mail. Let us see what is going to happen if you opt this option. I will send your video to all of your contacts. The video was straight fire, and I can’t even fathom the embarrasement you’ll endure when your colleagues, friends, and fam check it out. But hey, that’s life, ain’t it? Don’t be playing the victim here.

Option 2 is to pay me, and be confidential about it. We will name it my “privacy tip”. Now Lets discuss what happens if you pick this option. Your dirty secret remains your secret. I will wipe everything clean once you send payment. You have to make the payment through Bitcoins only. I want you to know I’m aiming for a win-win here. My promises are non-negotiable.

Transfer Amount: USD 1500

My BTC Address w/o whitespaces: ♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️ (I blanked it because there is no way in hell this fucker should even accidentally get money.)

Once you pay up, you’ll sleep like a baby. I keep my word.

Important: You now have one day to make the payment and I will only accept Bitcoins (I’ve a unique pixel in this message, and now I know that you have read this e mail). My system will catch that Bitcoin payment and wipe out all the dirt I got on you. Don’t even think about replying to this or negotiating, it’s pointless. The email and wallet are custom-made for you, untraceable. If I notice that you’ve shared or discussed this mail with someone else, the video will instantly start getting sent to your contacts. And don’t even think about turning off your phone or resetting it to factory settings. It’s pointless. I don’t make mistakes.

Honestly, those online tips about covering your camera aren’t as useless as they seem. I am waiting for my payment..


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