Day: August 11, 2024

The good Mayor has directed all Chop-Shops in South Central LA to increase their parking lot size and to hire more entry level workers proficient with a cutting torch.

The Mayor will also ask that citizens and visitors to Los Angeles leave their valuables in their vehicles and the vehicles unlocked thereby providing greater safety to car thieves in compliance with Cal/OSHA criminal protection codes.

Cal/OSHA reminds us all that criminals are the victims if they hurt themselves during the commission of a crime. The state doesn’t want criminals cutting themselves on broken glass or getting repetitive stress injuries wielding a hammer or other object to break into cars.

During the Olympics, continuous parking will be available in designated parking lots, dependent on vehicle disassembly & part removal speed capabilities of various chop shops in the area.

Police will direct Olympic attendees to shops that can most quickly destroy their cars and steal their possessions. This innovative plan efficiently addresses the lack of adequate parking in Los Angeles.

Persons wearing expensive watches and jewelry will be beaten and robbed in express lines at Metrolink stations, This service will be provided by local contractors, and modeled after TSA checkpoints at LAX.

These local contractors expect to be more at least 15% more efficient than LAX TSA officers. T’awaná, a local contractor representative says the increased efficiency is because, “we be consentratin on wallets, iphone, watches, jewery n shiit.“

Olympic officials will be instructed to time events using convenient sundials placed around event venues.

Rolex, Omega, Piaget and any other high end timepieces, are very welcome. For your comfort and convenience, items will be courteously confiscated at gunpoint at random locations anywhere in the Los Angeles basin.

Mayor Bass and certain city officials expect to make millions in aftermarket sales.

Additional money making schemes for the Mayor and city officials will be announced in the run-up to the 2028 Olympics.

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The above is what went through my head seeing that Mayor Bass was proudly declaring the 2028 Olympic Games car free. The reality of the situation is that it’s a good idea. Utilizing Public transit to combat traffic congestion is a great plan. 

The down side is that public transit in Los Angeles isn’t all that safe or good at the moment. So Mayor Bass’s declaration begs the question, “Is this part of a larger plan to get a handle on the crime in Los Angeles?”

Years ago I used to enjoy my morning ride on the Green Line from Downey to El Segundo. I don’t think my experience would be as pleasant these days.