I used to think I wanted to “Shipjack” alien visitors.

Now, I’d just be content to hitch a ride off this rock to someplace else.

Anywhere else.

It’s not this planet that’s the problem. This world is a beautiful place. The indigenous flora and fauna are spectacular. Except for one species. Even amongst that species there are some very nice individuals. As a group though, the species, Homo sapiens sucks!

Yeah, we’re a bunch of semi intelligent, semi evolved apes. We’ve done some clever things. Our music, art, and literature, explore some interesting existential concepts. We have an interesting imagination and all. But when you come right down to it, we’re not as spectacular as we think we are.

We’ve barely left our world. We’re driven by silly tribalism, religion, and fear. If we were in a zoo we’d be seen as creatures too fascinated by our own poo, to see even a slightly larger picture. One thing we’d miss, might be that we were the subjects of clever psychological experiments.(Hat tip to Douglas Adams) Or perhaps miss the fact that we were in a zoo at all.

Give us shiny trinkets and we’ll be entertained for decades. Give us differences in religion, appearance, or politics, and we’ll entertain ourselves for centuries.

Perhaps it’s a function of growing older, lately I’m less and less concerned with trinkets, religion, politics, trends, or appearance.

All I find myself longing for is simplicity and peace. The view of cities from a distance makes me very glad that I’m not living in one. Being alone and disconnected from Facebook, Twitter, and all the rest of the social media platforms provides me more happiness than my participation in those systems ever did.

I’m no longer concerned with what people think of me, and am happy reading, working outside, or thinking my own thoughts. There are days now when I don’t speak more than a few words to anybody. I go for weeks without seeing anybody other than my dog and significant other.

When I scan the news, with few exceptions all I feel is pity, or sit shaking my head wondering how stupid can people be.

I would gladly pack a few belongings and board a starship to get away from my fellow Homo sapiens. I might occasionally long for the company of other humans if I left. I suspect however, that the next planet or beauty of the universe would be enough to make thinking about distant humanity not worth my time.

Lately I’ve found myself thinking along these lines…

All civilizations fall. If you change your focus just a little bit and look at our planet and all it’s inhabitants as a whole. Divisions disappear and you realize that our technology has unified us in what is essentially a single civilization.

Homo sapiens is not ready for that.

Instinctively Homo sapiens realizes this truth, and is actively destroying this planetary civilization whether they admit it or not.

One need only look at the growing tribalism worldwide. A tribalism that directly or indirectly states, “My beliefs must be ascendant above all others.” What comes next, we can extrapolate from history.

The “Dark Ages” lasted 500 years. During that time, almost everything that had been known was lost. Homo sapiens devolved back into small bands of people drawn together out of mutual need.

Imagine the collected works of Shakespeare used as firelighters, because no-one could read anymore. In 200 years or less, everything that we take for granted will likely become legends repeated around a fire pit.

Will the next dark age last only 500 years? I suppose that depends on how much is lost, what is remembered, and in what context. If some kind of “Green” religion took hold I could see the next dark age lasting 1000 years or more.

Imagine a religion that said something like, “Thou shalt only burn the oils rendered from the fat of thine sheep, for light in the darkness. All other light, save that of the sun, is an abomination before god,” or “Thou shalt only walk upon thine own feet. Any other conveyance is an abomination. Thou shall not sit upon thine animals, nor shall ye ride upon thy wagon, for this is a sin and thee will surely be damned to hell for all time.

Adherents to a religion like that might take 2000 years to even begin rediscovering technology. If a belief like this were dominant, it’s reasonable to expect that heretics wouldn’t last long. It’s also reasonable to assume that any community with a different view would be burned to the ground. Such is the power of religious fervor.

Religion isn’t confined to God, Allah, Buddha, or any other pantheon of gods. Religion is about belief. Belief in anything.

Belief in and of itself isn’t the problem, it becomes a problem when a belief takes on a life of its own. When beliefs are practiced and never questioned you have a religion. The consensus of all knowledgable people once was that the Earth was flat, and the entire universe revolved around Earth.

Folks who questioned that “Fact” were murdered as heretics. Even when scholars had evidence to support that the Earth was round, and was not in fact the center of the universe, they were hesitant to discuss it with anybody.

Religious leaders in those times, insisted that the world was flat and cited their holy texts to prove it. But nowhere in those holy texts did their god ever say, “By the way, the world is flat and you’ll fall off the edge if you go too far.” Also, nowhere in those religious texts, does God discuss the blueprints for existence or the universe.

There’s the disconnect. Superstition became entwined with religion and the two formed a foundation for persecution and more importantly, a framework of control. Another example was the belief that if someone was sick, they were sick because of demons or evil spirits. Ever wonder how many epileptics were burned at the stake? Just sayin…

I suppose what’s tired me of humanity is that so many “well educated” people are so unlikely to ask questions. It’s not about the vaccines, or the death rate, versus the case rates. My tiredness isn’t about the politics and obvious efforts of politicians to aggrandize themselves by attempting to control all aspects of people’s lives. Those are factors, to be sure.

The main thing is that so many people refuse to see or interpret the facts before them. So many people have abdicated their personal responsibility to learn in favor of a 20 second blurb about the world around them from a talking head on a screen. They don’t question what they hear, then these folks call themselves “well informed”.

At a family event recently, one of my relatives was haranguing me about vaccines and COVID. I’d ignored him on the matter for three solid days.

Finally, I asked the questions, “Would you take your umbrella if there was a 2% chance of rain? If there was a 98% probability that you’d win the lottery wouldn’t you bet the farm on it?”

After several other family members present busted up laughing, the matter was closed. This particular family member stomped off and said nothing more about COVID. The sad part is that he is, or was, a scientist. In point of fact a lot of my knowledge of scientific proofs and objective evaluation of fact, I learned from him. I found it very disconcerting that he of all the relatives was not asking logical questions and thinking for himself.

He’s not a bad person, I choose to believe that his haranguing was coming from a place of care and concern for members of the family. That’s admirable, but his method was all wrong because he wasn’t providing proofs or facts. He was simply repeating the same message CNN had been spouting for more than a year.

Perhaps my expectations were too high. I’d expected a scientist to be armed with facts and proofs. I would actually have welcomed that. I’d have asked questions and asked to look at, and evaluate the data as he’d taught me to when I was a young man.

I suppose I’m still dealing with the shattering of my illusion that this family member was about the reality of scientific process.

Science can teach you a lot. Often, science will teach you that your preconceived notions about the world are wrong. Pure science challenges your beliefs. It doesn’t take sides and cares nothing for your feelings.

E=mc2 Works. The equation is dispassionate. It contains no inherent moral judgement. It’s up to the individual to decide if they will use the resulting energy for destruction, or to generate power that lights a city.

Superstition on the other hand is nothing but beliefs. In a revival tent, those that the faith healer can’t heal, didn’t believe hard enough. It’s the unhealed, who are at fault. They’re told to go home and pray on it then come back next week. “The donation box is by the door, leave as much as you can and god will know. Perhaps he’ll heal you next week.

That’s the way this past couple of years appear to me. It’s like we’re all living in a revival tent.

The problem for me is that the revival tent has been growing around us for a decade. Science, truth, facts, are being replaced by beliefs and superstition. Unfortunately, I don’t think we’ve reached apogee in this phenomena yet.

I don’t want to be on this planet when we do.

Here’s a thought experiment.

Imagine yourself with your car, manufactured goods, and all your digital devices suddenly appearing on a street in Barcelona during the inquisition.

Witch! Demon! Unclean Spirt!

You’d be dragged in chains to the grand inquisitor before you even had a moment to take stock of what had happened to you. You’d be summarily executed too.

Imagine the same scenario, but this time you appear in 1947 near an army base. You’d find yourself in a military prison. You’d be under “protective custody” and interrogated about the technology you were carrying. The military would recognize your car, as a car, with internal combustion engine but 99% of the circuitry they couldn’t conceive of, nor could you explain. You’d die in prison as a national security asset or risk. Imagine trying to explain your navigation system, or iPhone or computer. Even a Chromebook has more computing power than all the computers extant on the planet at that time.

Now imagine that scenario but you move forward 100 years.

We like to think that the future is all bright and shiny. We’d like to think that appearing in Los Angeles in 2221 we’d be accepted as a quaint relic. Our antiquated technology would be museum pieces and we’d have to learn everything that happened in the intervening 100 years.

But suppose instead we succumb to superstition and abandon true science, individual thought, and freedom.

What would be the outcome?

Would it look like Spain during The Inquisition, or would it look like Kandahar today?

I don’t want to know. I sure don’t want to live it.

Which leads me back to wanting to hitchhike off this planet. I’ve lost faith in humanity.

I seriously think that at our current rate of decline, we’ll be using candles for light and fire pits for cooking inside 200 years.

If I could hitch hike, I figure a quick jaunt to Betelgeuse and back, should be just about right to miss all the messiness on Earth.

There I go, trusting in Einstein’s math (Science) that states time slows for a ship traveling at or beyond the speed of light relative to Earth.

For me, 5-10 years might pass. For Earth, maybe a few hundred years pass.

If I come back and the planet is still a hot mess, I could head out to Alpha Centauri with side trips to other star systems that are interesting.

Either way, I get to keep on learning new things.

I don’t want to live in a world where knowledge is suppressed based on its potential to upend politics, religion, superstition, or beliefs.

If I was to find a way to leave, I’d do my best to grab digital copies of our Science, Art, Music, Literature, and History. I’d stick it all on some kind of storage media and take it with me. I figure I could trade copies of my archives for food or transport while I was away. If I returned the Earth, I’d have an archive that could help fill in the blanks.

We all know history, is being rewritten. It might be nice to have a collection of unedited data for comparison sake 1000 years into the future. I’m under no illusion that our history as recorded is pristine. But for comparison it might be useful.

Normally I like Fall.

This time of year is usually one of my favorites.

It’s a time of changing leaves, cool temperatures, and relative peace.

Not this year.

This year, it’s me against nature. It also signals that soon I’ll be trapped into being here another 5 months. Even though I have no immediate plans to get the hell out of California, it’s a psychological barrier. One simply doesn’t change homes in the snow. I did it once a long time ago and learned my lesson.

We’re having a cold snap that is impairing my ability to finish painting the trim of the house. I started this project and then injured my knee. I’d started the project in the narrow window between the completion of the repairs from the water damage and now.

I thought at the time, “it will be tight but I’ll have time to finish before Winter.” Then I hurt my knee and spent 3 weeks hobbling around like an old man barely able to stand up.

You know that you’re hurt bad when the dog keeps licking your foot and leg, and doesn’t even react when you head to the door. It’s like the dog is saying, “Dude, you can walk yourself, you sure as hell can’t walk me!”

The licking can be bothersome but it’s sweet in its way. The pup is just trying to make you feel better as he would another dog. I take it as a sign that he’s decided we’re a pack.

The knee is getting better daily. I’ve been able to do much of the project by chipping away at it. I’ll work until my knee says, “That’s enough,” I’ve made good progress but I’m worried that I won’t be able to complete the project before it’s too cold to finish painting. Did you know that paint wont set up correctly below certain temperatures? I didn’t, until I moved here.

The other winterizing project that I have yet to do, is cleaning out the gutters. That, like painting requires that I be on a ladder. The more time I spend on a ladder, the less time I have to actually do the project before the knee starts “Bidening” (Calling a lid on the day). That’s a project that has got to get done, because otherwise water backs up in the gutters and then freezes, causing problems throughout the entire Winter.

The last project for Winter, is annoying but can be done regardless of the temperature. Unfortunately, it also means that I have to be on a ladder and climbing around in the attic. (There’s that ladder thing again!)

I’ve got to get in the attic crawlspace and retape the ductwork. We had some work done last year up in the attic and I think one or more of the ducts got pushed around, perhaps creating leaks between the ductwork and the registers. It happens, I didn’t notice the problem until months after the workmen had left because their work was done in the time between needing to run either the A/C or the heat.

You can do ductwork stuff in the Summer with the roof broiling in the sun and the attic is 120°F or you can do it in the fall when attic temps are more reasonable. I’ve chosen the latter.

Thinking about it, I should also clean out the dryer vent. That may be a “today” kind of project because it’s 35°F outside and windy. (So, no painting today!) As a bonus, there’s no ladder required.

All of this is to say,

Welcome to Fall!

It also serves as an explanation of why I’ve not been blogging as much as usual.

I’ve scanned the news recently. Nothing much has changed.

I could sum up the news like this, “We’re all gonna die, the government is out of money, one group or another is pissed off about something, and everything is going to hell in a hand basket.”

There, now you don’t have to watch the evening news. Instead, turn off the TV, shut down the computer, put the phone aside, and go read a good book.

Until next time… I hope you’re having a nice Fall season.

OH Fauci… Shut the Fuck up!

In a recent trailer for a National Geographic documentary, St Fauci of the Mask said that he had PTSD from the AIDS crisis.

OH REALLY!?!?!

I was blindsided on some website by this trailer. After I finished throwing up, I thought, “What the fuck do you think people like me have, you bastard son of a bitch?”

St. Fauci of the Mask

With one exception, EVERYONE I knew or cared about died, horribly.

I didn’t have time to even grieve. Between funerals and having to be in the closet at work, (yes children, there was a time when being out at work was a fireable offense,) how deep do you think my personal PTSD goes?

How deep do you think the PTSD of other people in my age group is?

We lived in terror that we were next, for YEARS. While you Fauci, and your ilk, had people afraid to use the toilet, or touch door knobs. You had people wearing masks then too, for all the good it did.

You’re one of the sons of bitches that blocked various treatments to those suffering.

You’re one of the motherfuckers that made sure so many thousands of gay men died alone, isolated, in fear. You’re one of the bastards that profited on their misery and as an aside, made damn sure that if they had insurance, it didn’t pay for treatments so thousands died destitute because “experimental” drugs were so expensive.

You and people like you have no concept of what it’s like to find friends and former lovers time and again with their brains spattered across a wall of their home.

I shouldn’t know how to clean blood & brain off walls.

The first thing I thought then shouldn’t have been, “Oh he kept his porn stash there, there, and there.“I should have been thinking, “God please make this stop, I can’ loose anyone else,” I should have been able to be young, vulnerable, and human.

I wasn’t able to be, because it was my task or the task of his friends to “sanitize” the home prior to the upstanding Religious family showing up.

You know, the same family that was all too willing to take anything and everything of value, years after they’d disowned the deceased. The good righteous family that would instantly throw the deceased’s sick partner out onto the street so the house could be sold. Yeah THOSE wonderful people! At least Westboro Baptist Church was upfront about being bastards.

At the time St. Fauci of the Mask, you were a Roman Catholic and it was obvious that you hated both the “sin” and the “sinner”.

Don’t talk to me about PTSD!

Sick fucks like you don’t have any concept of being “The guy‘ people come to for advice about killing themselves. It wasn’t that I was qualified to provide advice, it was that I would speak of death honestly and openly, without platitudes or falsehoods.

I was often the last person someone dying of AIDS talked to. Because simply put, when folks reached the end, they needed a sounding board who wasn’t going to judge them.

At the time, psychoanalysts of various stripes either wouldn’t or couldn’t speak of these matters. They were bound by law to report that someone was a danger to themselves. Those reports would lead to hospitalization and a long drawn out agonizing death.

At 23, I felt like the Angel of Death. I shouldn’t have been that familiar with death unless I was in an active war zone. I wasn’t… I was in sunny California.

Not that I was taking lives, but it was as if somehow I was the Angel’s harbinger.

Believe me fucker… that leaves a mark on your soul.

I was the last being on Earth many of these people had a cup of tea, a conversation, a cocktail, or watched a movie with. Then they were gone, and I was standing graveside at another closed casket ceremony. Tears streaming down my face under the baleful eyes of the deceased’s relatives. Feeling guilty because somewhere deep in the back of my mind I was asking, “when am I gonna be the guy in the box?”

I and my rapidly dwindling friends became the object of those families hatred not for what we’d done, or how we lived, but because they couldn’t face their own shame and guilt over not being there for their sons, brothers, uncles, or nephews, at the time when Family would have meant everything.

Fuck you Anthony Fauci, and fuck your claim of PTSD too!

Guess what fucker? You need to Man up and stop your whining. Just like all of us had to do.

You’ll get no sympathy from me. You could be coughing up your lungs, flesh falling off your carcass screaming in agony, bleeding from every orifice, but not dying, and I’d call it long overdue justice. In fact, I’d be asking the Angel of Death to let you linger just a while more.

How DARE you try to play the PTSD card?

It’s not yours to play, I claim it.

I claim It for all those who, like me, survived. It’s our card, our history, our scars. We own it and we ain’t sharing.

I claim it in the names of all those who didn’t survive.

The only thing you can lay claim to Fauci, is the blood of thousands on your greedy, inept, hands.

Oh and by the way, you’ve learned nothing in 40 years. You’ve handled COVID exactly the same way you handled AIDS, you’ve just done it on a grander scale.

I’m sure Hell has a special place for you.

You know why this pissed me off so much?

It’s because now I have a hard time remembering all my friends faces as they were.

In the latter stages of AIDS, as they withered away, they all looked the same, like animated skeletons with eyes full of pain.

That St. Fauci of the Mask is why I dislike you so very much, and resent you whining about PTSD over the AIDS Crisis.

You always had your professional distance, you didn’t have to know anything about the sick and dying. They were just another faggot who was going to die, and they all looked alike to you. You didn’t give a shit about them.

I on the other hand knew them, and now feel like somehow I’ve betrayed them because I can’t clearly remember their faces anymore. There are simply too many.