I am not patient.

June 3rd, there was this. A pipe for the fire suppression system burst.

So the living room is flooded, everything is soaked. Despite the fact that I ran though the water, (with live electrical connections sitting in the water…) shut the fire suppression unit off stopping the water, the damage is considerable. In hindsight, I probably should have taken no action. Maybe I should have just let the system free flow for a while.

The system only ran like that for a couple of minutes.

Then I began the cleanup.

As it turns out, cleaning up the water was only the beginning of the nightmare.

The REAL nightmare began when the insurance company was called.

First the agent supposedly handling our account didn’t return the phone call, AND NEVER DID Call back regarding this matter. She ultimately did call me when she was notified that I’d chosen another agent. Note she only called when she realized she was losing a paying customer. Uh Huh, funny how that got her attention.

This happened at about 3:00 PM and she should have been in the office but as usual I was only able to leave a message. Sigh… called the corporate 800 number and got the claim started. They said to call Service Master to begin the remediation.

Service Master came up, took a lot of photos, did a lot of scanning for areas of water intrusion, and looked very efficient. Notice, I said “looked”. Turns out, apparently little of that information collected went anywhere except the iPad of the person taking the photos. Supposedly, all that information was being uploaded to Service Master’s systems and then was going o be sent to the insurance company.

Uhhh, NOPE!

While waiting for the insurance claims adjuster to call. I kept cleaning and drying things out.

I was trying to actually save as much as possible. Hoping to keep the insurance premiums down by doing the right thing. At the time I was wondering if it was actually worth it.

I wondered if I should have just left the water running. I wondered if it would have be simpler and easier on me to just total everything. It would have been more comfortable to allow the house to be so damaged that we got sent to a hotel on the insurance companies dime. At least then we’d have been in air-conditioning.

In my innocence, I actually thought that minimizing the damage would be appreciated.

I was a MORON!

This is what the place looked like after I’d scrubbed, cleaned, and dried everything as best I could.

I’d taken everything that was soaked through out to the front deck where it could do no harm. I’d dried and with some neighborly help, moved everything that could be moved to the other end of the room.

The house was open and has been wide open since. The temperatures have been high, and the humidity low. A fortunate combination if you’re trying to dry something out. I’d wet vac ed the standing water out, then I’d scrubbed and mopped. All I could do was trust physics at this point.

Then Service Master came back. They packed out everything. Pulled down the drywall, opened up the ceiling yanked out the wet insulation, and exposed the rafters.

Then came the drying machine that actually raised the humidity in the house rather than lowered it. This machine only pulled a single cup of water out of the air in the house over a 24 hour period. Impressive! Opening the windows and doors dried things out much faster and more quietly than the Service Master option.

Physics of a warm dry wind blowing through an area 1. Technological intervention -5.

The culprit pipe was exposed. It spent the next 2 weeks dripping into a bucket. Service Master didn’t know how to drain the system. Nor did I.

Turns out, it’s pretty easy if you know which valve to open. Sadly, I didn’t because when it comes to the fire suppression system I leave it in the hands of professionals.

Which brings up another point. The insurance claims adjuster in AZ kept telling me to just call a plumber.

Uh no… This is California!!! ONLY CERTIFIED Fire Suppression professionals can touch a sprinkler system. Which means that I had to wait until one of the two possible certified companies, within a 70 mile range could come out to work on this thing…

The Claims guy kept pounding on calling a plumber. It’s REALLY sad to think of all the folks this guy may have told to invalidate their certifications on their fire suppression systems and how that may (or may not) affect their abilities to sell their homes later on.

Of course this guy will have moved up, or moved out of the claims department and will later say categorically, “I never told anyone to do that…”

Uh yeah..

I knew stuff the Claims Adjuster didn’t because I’d already been through this with previous repairs to the damn system. Expensive, numerous repairs.

What annoyed the piss out of me with this guy was that he kept calling the system “Plumbing” and saying that I was responsible. As though we were talking about a sink or toilet. A sink or a toilet is simple. go to Home Depot by the parts ya need to fix it and DIY.

I personally hate doing plumbing for a variety of reasons but I can. I can also choose not to have a working sink, or toilet. I’ve got two bathrooms if one is broken, it presents no hazard whatsoever to use the other while I get the parts, and figure out how to fix the problem.

I have to have the Fire Suppression system, it must be certified, it must be maintained, it must be inspected and tested yearly. I have no choice in the matter. (If I did, I’d turn the system off, drain it, and be done with it.) But, I have no choice. It’s State, County, and locally mandated.

To my way of thinking, that makes this a straight-up insurance company issue.

When I was fortunate enough to speak to another Claims Adjuster, she agreed with me. She even found a rule in the policy stating so. She also agreed to pay for the fire suppression repairs.

My usual Claims Adjuster called, all on his own without my having to leave 4 messages, the very next day… He was trying to weasel out of the commitment the other claims adjuster made.

Huh… NOPE!

I pointed out that the system had apparently passed inspection with a critical component missing. The claims adjuster practically orgasmed. Oh, I know he was thinking about subrogation and being able to recoup the costs.

He wanted to know if I knew who installed the system in the first place. I told him I did not. But that he could look it up.

This confused him. I told him that his company had paid for the rebuilding of this house 10 or 11 years ago. That rebuild had been done through one of their preferred vendors and the insurance company (his company) must have a list of subcontractors they paid.

I enjoyed being able to say, if subrogation was involved, that he’d be in subrogation with his own company. There was dead silence on the other end of the phone. The conversation ended pretty quickly after that.

I would happily roll the entire policy up and shove it up this guys ass. Paper cuts can be a real bitch!

My Claims Adjuster really doesn’t like losing. I get it. I like winning, especially when I bare my fangs and get to sink ’em into someone. I like watching the light fade from their eyes as they realize they’ve lost.

I think my Claims Adjuster has put me back on ignore… In a sick way I’m hoping he has.

Metaphorically, I’ll be able to go for the jugular. My patience with this whole thing has come to an end.

It’s strange that after a month of looking at open ceiling, and screwed up flooring. It’s almost normal now. Another month two and I won’t care at all.

Since the ceiling is open, and the insulation is gone, the living area is open to the rafters. There are vents in the roof to allow heat to escape from the attic. Meaning that it’s pointless to run the air conditioner. It’s been in the 90s here for the past two weeks.

It would be nice to run the A/C especially at night.

Since I don’t know how long it will be until the reconstruction crew is going to get up here. I’m considering taking The Martian approach. While I’m not going to have to “Science” the shit out of this, I think I am going to get creative.

A roll of insulation, a sharp hawksbill knife, a couple of 10×10 sheets of heavy plastic drop cloth, a staple gun, some duct tape, and a ladder should about cover it.

Hell while I’m at it, maybe I’ll go into the attic and do some maintenance on the duct work too. I’m sure the ducts have leaks simply because the duct tape used when the house was built appears to be breaking down.

At least then, I could close the house and turn on the A/C.

If I work it right, I should be able to bill the supplies to the insurance policy too.

Just a short story.

“What happened to the people that built this, Old One?”

The child was holding a shiny metal rectangle picked out of the dirt.

“They died, child.”

“Old One, what is this? It seems too small to be a serving tray, or shelf. It’s too flat to be a plate. I can’t think what use this would be.”

“It is of no use to us child. Come, we must get through this canyon of ghosts before nightfall.”

The Old One glanced back at the discarded rectangle. A wistful expression briefly crossed the weathered face. Then the Old One continued the exhausting task of shepherding the children through the broken terrain. 

As the small group moved on, a shaft of sunlight briefly reflected an image of an apple missing a bite, onto the grey stone of the canyon. No-one in the group noticed the reflection.

Several hours later, howling winds and stinging sand forced the group to shelter inside the mouth of the canyon. It was just as well, the little ones were asleep on their feet. The Old One built a fire and gathered the children around it.

Many of the younger children were asleep when one of the older children asked, “Old One, why is this called a canyon of ghosts?”

“Because, the dead live here. You should sleep now we still have a long journey ahead of us.”

“Old One, please tell us about this place.”

Several of the children were looking expectantly toward their elder for a story.

The Old One gave in.

“As you must have noticed, this canyon is strange in many ways.”

The children nodded enthusiastically. 

“This is not a canyon forged by a river or wind. This canyon was built by people. The stone isn’t stone at all, at least not in the sense that you’re used to. Merchants and other people lived here. This was part of a great village in which many people lived and still more traveled into each day.”

Several of the children settled on their very worn sleeping mats to listen. The Old One knew they would soon be asleep but continued the story.

“In that time people could travel many days march in just the time it takes the sun to crest the rim of the world. Great machines and small ones made this possible. There was abundance of food and clean water. The people had warm clothing and many goods. There was a great knowledge system that all could access. My knowledge is nothing compared to the knowledge the people had in the palm of their hands. All was bright and shiny. The people could turn night into day and their homes were warm in the dead time, and cool in the hottest of the green time.”

“Old One, how did they do these things?”

“They had great knowledge of many things. What they did not have, they created from the sand, and stone, and metals in the ground. The way they did this is lost to us, but stories tell of fresh fruit at all times of the 13 moons everywhere. It is said that these people could fly and move thousands of days march in a single day.”

Several more children laid down sleepily.

“The stories tell of large silver tubes, some with wings and some without, that the people would step into and be taken somewhere else. When I was very young I think I saw a flying silver tube far up in the sky. Then there was a burst of fire and it fell to the ground. The Old One I was traveling with told us it was of no concern to us and we kept moving. I think each of us hoped we would see the place where the tube fell but our path led us to the mountains and later to our village where you and I have lived our lives.”

“Old One, why did we have to leave the village?”

“Because a darkness has fallen upon our mountains. It is a darkness which has no name, but which is making the game diseased and crops to wither and die. We were sent from the village so that we might live. We must find a new place. As you have seen, I mark the direction we travel so that others may join us.”

One of the children was looking up at the tall walls of the canyon. He asked, “Why can’t we live here?”

“This is a place of death. Not just death of the body but of dreams and joy.”

“How did people with so many skills and so much abundance die?”

“That is a hard question to answer child. Truly, these people had much. Eventually though jealousy and anger won out over their knowledge. They began to divide themselves by beliefs and the color of their skin. They found divisions which had been closed amongst them, and reopened many old wounds. They as a group chose poor leader, after poor leader and fought over the outcome, refusing to accept they’d all chosen poorly. They turned on their warriors and those entrusted to keep disagreements from becoming duels. They lost themselves by turning from being a single group with common goals into more groups than stars in the sky. Each group believed they were the best and pursued their petty goals to the exclusion of all others. When an ascendant group achieved their goals, they found something else to squabble about. They were never appeased, and knew no satisfaction. Over time the conflicts between groups and individuals always resulted in violence. While poor leaders spoke of many ways to make things better, they also continued to divide their people with their words, until they too were ignored. It was a kind of endless madness that swept the land.”

“What could they possibly have had to fight about Old One?”

“They fought over who had more of what shiny thing. They questioned if they needed to work. Shouldn’t someone make their bread and bring it to them with no expectation of receiving something in trade? They chose to fight over the color of skin, many saying skin color made some less equal and others more equal. They fought over who should sleep with whom and over belief in various deities which they all agreed were the same creator of all things but they differed as to the shape, size, directions from, or color of the creator of all things.”

The few children left awake, listened with rapt attention. Some shaking their heads because such division was unthinkable within the village.

“Some stories tell of the release of a disease upon everyone. Other stories say the disease was sent by The Creator to silence the noise of the squabbling. I don’t know which to believe, perhaps neither, or perhaps both. The disease killed many and caused great sickness. The poorest of this land’s leaders was weak and feeble. Other more powerful leaders from other lands, lands beyond the seas saw the weakness and the weakness of the people of this land because of incessant squabbles. In fear, the leaders of this land tried to show they were strong and released machines of terrible power against the other lands. The other lands had already released more diseases but now, in response they released their terrible machines in retaliation.  Many of these terrible machines were struck down and fell into the seas. Wherever one touched the land, bolts of lightening and fire stretched up to the sky.”

“Like what the hunters who grew sick and died spoke of?” A sleepy child asked.

The Old One pulled a small tattered blanket from a nearby pack and covered the child.

“Yes, little one. Like that. Then the sickness came into our lands. The Elders of the village would not believe that one of the machines had survived so long or that it could still be potent. I wasn’t sure, so I began searching for another place that our people could live. I found mountains about 2 moons from here. They are blue, purple, and yellow like the sun as it slides past the rim of the land. In one more moon we will be able to see them.”

“That’s a long way Old One,” The child said around a yawn.

“Yes it is little one,” 

Old One looked around the camp, all the children were sleeping. After making sure each child was covered against the chill of the night, the Old One returned to the fire.

Throwing back the hood of a tattered cloak the Old one raised a tearstained craggy, but young, face to the stars, the Old One wondered how many of the children would make it to the mountains.

The whole truth had not been told to the children. No-one would be following them. By now, the village, their home, was dead. Everyone had eaten of the hunter’s kill, while the hunters themselves told their tale.

That alone might not have been fatal, but the winds blowing from the sea carried the sickness, what had it been called? Contamination?

The Old One could not remember. Within a season, birds dropped from their perches in the trees bleeding from their eyes and beaks. Then larger game was found throughout the forest similarly afflicted. Winter was colder, the snow stayed longer, Spring plants sprouted then died. More people fell ill, starting with the side of the village closest to where the hunters said they’d seen the fire and lightening.

The Old One was angry and sad to have lived long enough to see this happen again. The first time as a fearful child awakening alone in a canyon much like the one now occupied by the sleeping children.

Somehow this canyon was less stark, less tragic. Time and weather had removed many of the signs of fire. Perhaps it was the lack of screams or twisted bodies, perhaps age had finally blunted the memories.

A shadowy movement and the scrape of metal on stone caught the Old One’s attention. 

“Hello you old machine,” The Old One spoke quietly toward the direction of the sound.

“They’re asleep?” Came a question from the darkness.

“Yes old friend, they’re asleep. Come, rest a while. Tell me of your travels, you sound as if you could use some oil.”

“I should point out, ‘Old One’ you’re over 200 yourself… You don’t actually have oil do you?”

The Old One smiled and rummaged in the nearby pack.

“Here, just for you. I found it several days ago before we entered this canyon. Tell me what news you have.”

The machine sat next to the Old One, applying oil to worn joints and moving limbs to work the lubricant in.

“There isn’t much to tell. I’ve wandered through city after city across the continent. It’s always the same result. Those who didn’t die from bombs, died of disease, starvation, or murdering each other. There is evidence that some were still fighting over climate change which, if I had a sense of humor, would be funny.

Outlying areas did better, but in the end they moved on. There are scattered villages similar to yours over about a thousand mile radius. All are peaceful and from what I’ve observed generally kind. Genetic diversity might become a problem over the next 100 years or so. Sterility rates are high among all the survivors, making the breeding pool shallow.”

“So old friend, have you found any others like me?”

“I’m sorry, no.”

“How long will I live?”

“Again, I’m sorry. There’s no way to tell. There is no explanation for your current longevity and health. It’s a fluke of nature or physics.”

“Don’t you mean I’m a freak of nature or physics?”

“You know me well Old One. I say what I mean with no malice or bias.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I’ve missed you. You’ve never explained why you pulled me out of the wreckage though.”

“Hadn’t I? It should be obvious shouldn’t it? I am a military rescue droid. A prototype actually. I was built to withstand the harshest nuclear, biological, or chemical environment. You were alive, un-injured, and despite the radiation levels you never showed any signs of radiation sickness.”

“You rescued me, but why did you stay? Why did you teach me? Why did you care?”

“There was no-one to turn you over to. You were my responsibility and since I’m a learning machine, I suppose I learned to care over time. My builder and programmers would be thrilled. When you entered puberty, you were self sufficient and didn’t need me anymore. I left because most humans would have reacted poorly to my presence. I fulfilled my directive by turning you over to yourself and pointing you toward the village.”

“I thought as much. Still you could have stayed.”

“You know better Old One. I had directives to find and help other survivors.”

“Have you?”

“Yes, occasionally. A change in river flow here. Uncontaminated seeds ‘found” there. Arrows pointing the way to fertile valleys, that sort of thing.”

“What about you Old Machine? How long will you live?”

“Unknown, like you. I found a power pack about 10 years ago. So as long as my joints, seals, and motors hold out I’m probably good for another hundred years or so.”

“Oh, that reminds me.”

The Old One rummaged some more in the pack, producing two tins.

“Are those what the label says?”

“Yep, I saw them in my travels, and thought of you. Undamaged seals. They’re various sizes and in their original lubricant, perhaps they’ll help you last more than a hundred years.”

The machine took the tins, “Thank You.”

The Old One looked at the machine’s ‘face’, “You’ve never said thank you for anything. You’re welcome though.”

The machine approximated a shrug, “I must be getting senile in my advanced age.”

From across the fire a gasp was heard. The Old One and the Old Machine turned toward it. Bright inquisitive eyes were looking at both of them. 

“Is that a ghost?”

The Old One smiled, “A ghost of the past yes. Also a friend, little one.”

“May I touch it?”

The Machine reached out, “Yes you may.”

A small hand tentatively touched the hand of the Old Machine, “I’m Sky”

“Hello Sky, I’m the Old Machine. It is a pleasure to meet you.”

The Old Machine took a pose the Old One remembered very well. It meant the machine was analyzing. 

Slowly and gently the machine got up and tucked Sky back under a blanket, “Sleep now Sky, you have a long trip ahead of you and need your rest.”

Sky snuggled a little closer to the fire yawning, “Okay, I am sleepy.”

The machine returned to its position next to the Old One. Both waited in silence until the child was sleeping soundly.

“So Old Machine, what did your analysis reveal?”

“Old One, it revealed that you’ve found another like you. It looks like you’re not going to be alone after all.”

“How is that possible? I’ve purposely not reproduced. I was worried about begetting some horrific deformity.”

“I can’t answer that question. I do wonder if the lower fertility rate I’ve observed, is some kind of natural check to compensate for longer life. I’ll have to look into that when I make the rounds to the other villages. There is a cache of safe foods one block to the West, there are also markers that will lead you and the children to the mountains along a safe route. Don’t stray too far off the path, there are some nasty creatures in the higher contamination zones,” The Old Machine was moving into the shadows as it spoke. 

“It has been good to sit and talk, Old One.”

“You could come with us.”

“Not yet, I think I have more work to do. Follow the markers, The place is aesthetically pleasing according to my data stores. You should find Winters mild, game plentiful, and the ground fertile. Teach the children how to swim. Good Night.”

“Thank you Old Machine. Do stop by, or come to stay with us when you’ve tired of traveling the world,” The Old One spoke the last into the wind. The Old Machine was gone.

The Old One looked across the fire at Sky and thought, “There’s hope. Maybe we can do it better this time. Guess I’d better work on teaching stories that don’t turn into religions, dogma, or politics. Thank God, I’ve probably got some time…”

A hundred dollar bill lazily blew into the fire. The Old One smiled as it burned, pulled the hood of the cloak back over the craggy young face it concealed, then leaned against the wall of what had been a bank. The machine would be in the heights above providing overwatch through the night. It would leave at first light.

Sleep came easy for the first time in a long while.