Day: August 30, 2018

Cool and quiet.

Even the dog isn’t snoring. The coffee pot spits and gurgles making that magic wakeup juice.

I pour a cup and go sit for a time on the deck. People around the town are beginning to rise. I can hear distant car engines starting, and the slight hiss of water from the shower at the neighbor’s place.

The Doctor next door must have an early shift today. We keep missing each other. He’s been wanting to have a conversation for a month or so about something but we’re always passing each other.

Well here I am just a couple years shy of 60. Who’d have thought? I figured I’d be dead sometime in my 30s of 40s but apparently I wised up.

I find myself thinking about a lot of things. Where I am, where I’ve been, where I still want to go. Not just in the physical sense of places, but in terms of life. 

Two years ago I joined the company I’m working for with the intention of re-starting my career in SQA. Seemed like a good idea at the time and while the income wasn’t great. It provided income, and the promise of restarting my career and making things better. That promise, as it turns out was a lie. 

I’ve re-evaluated that arrangement and come up short. At my age with little retirement aside from social security, and a mountain of debt. I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t have any more time to devote to a company that refuses to allow me to make any moves. It’s time to take what I want and stop asking.

10 years, that’s what I’ve got left before I can retire. 10 years to get situated so that I can look forward to something beyond surviving on cat food in my old age. 

Time to get frosty and stop being a nice comfortable doormat.  I’ve tried being nice, I’ve tried being competent and hard working, I’ve tried being honest, & decent. In truth, I’m more comfortable being these things. But that doesn’t mean I can’t become a monster.

Time to try something different.

I’m thinking it’s time to be as Machiavellian as all the rest of the bastards.

I know I can do it better, faster, and with more style than any of the people I currently work for. I’m equally sure that I can match or exceed anyone else in any other company I might choose to work for.

Time to stop being victimized, and instead of walking away… Time to start making victims.

I’ll sleep well at night. Generally speaking, I’ve come to believe most people are pretty damn useless. There are a few people that are worth the air they breathe, but by and large most of the population of this planet are cattle. I don’t fret over eating a steak. I won’t fret over destroying a few careers.

Someone once told me that I use my intellect as a defense. I keep most people at arms length with it. He was right. It was a valid observation, but it occurs to me that I can use that same intellect to go on the offense.

So, today I’m freeing my evil side. No remorse, no conscience, no regrets, no morality.

If someone is too stupid, or too blinded by greed or desire, and are of use to me I’ll happily feed them to the gristmill so long as I rise in power, income, and achieve my goals.

I used to believe that if you worked hard and did the right thing, you’d get ahead by simple merit. That’s not the way our world works anymore, if it ever did. Now it’s about politics, ass kissing, riding coat-tails, then abandoning people who helped you get where you are, when they become liabilities. 

I’m thinking I’m going to make the folks who have victimized me and so many others pay. I’m going to make them regret waking up my evil and it starts today.

I’ll sleep well, knowing I’ve chosen what I want instead of someone else using me to achieve their goals.  Make no mistake, I’ll not only bite the hand that feeds me, I’ll take the entire arm, eat it, and suck the marrow from the bones.

I’ve been the dog chained in the yard, being tormented into becoming vicious. I suppose that today, I’ve broken the chain and I’m going to turn on my tormentors.

If you’re honorable, you’re safe. If you’re a corporate climber leaving a trail of tears in your wake, beware, because I’m coming for you. Tomorrow at work will be fun!

Fair Warning.