Day: May 18, 2018

Had the opportunity… well, maybe not opportunity so much as fell into it, to read a lot of my previous blog posts.

It was an interesting and telling experience.

I’m a lot “Darker” over the past 2 years than I was even when I was out of work.

Even being out of work, I still had hope and I was fighting to maintain that hope and better my situation.

Now I’m plainly disinterested.

Yes I’m working… but the job and demands of that job are draining. I have little hope, I’ve got income, but not enough to advance. Advancement in the organization I work for is non-existent. Clearly without advancement there will be no greater income aside from lousy 2% annual raises.

There other thing I’ve noticed is that over the last two years, I’ve not been creative. I’m bored by this job, and by the people I interact with. That boredom is evident in my writing and like many other things is a wake-up call that I need a change.

It’s not like I haven’t known this for some time. It’s just interesting to notice the change over time as chronicled in the blog.

Over the past couple of years, I’ve been feeling “numb”, so numb and isolated that I’ve actually lost the desire to interact with anyone or anything.

Granted in this age it’s easy to become distracted and isolated. Our overuse of technology makes that all too easy. But when all you have to look forward to is a never ending stream of sameness, I think you become “numb” just to keep the frustration in check.

I gotta shake things up, and nobody is going to make that happen for me… Except ME!

On a social front I’m trapped by my job and obligations to be elsewhere so in the immediate future there’s nothing I can change. I can however start carving out time for myself. Nothing major, just an hour here or there.

On the job front I must get out there and find a new job even if that means putting up with a thousand morons who are just trying to “SPAM” my resume all over town. Ideally, finding something interesting, even if it’s only temporary would be better than where I am now.

What’s the saying? Definition of the problem is the first step in solving the problem.