Day: June 17, 2015

han oo fr  clln n i hep oo ma me isih oosihebbb!

That’s what I heard when I called ADT this morning.

No, it wasn’t a bad connection. This was the speech pattern of the person that answered the phone.

It took me exactly 1 millisecond to hang up the phone. If I’d attempted to carry on a conversation with the young lady, I would not have been able to remain kind.

As it was in that millisecond, a sentence had formed in my head that went something like:

“Young lady would you please remove that cock from your mouth while we’re on the phone? I know you’re a Ho but you shouldn’t be working both jobs at the same time.”

I figured I’d better disconnect lest I have a replay of the Verizon conversation wherein I was labeled racist.

Since I’ve embraced my inner racism I’m not filtering racist comments too well. 

I have a tough time talking to someone who purposely works at making themselves hard to understand. It’s one thing to make accommodation for someone who’s fresh off the boat.

It’s quite another thing to be forced to make accommodation for a person whose family has been in this country for 200 years.

I used to feel guilty about it.

NOW I feel like “I’m paying for your goods or services, the least you can do is put someone on the phone that speaks in a manner that is comprehensible.”

In this particular situation, I was going to be dealing with financial issues and I was in no mood to have that kind of conversation with someone that was at best poorly educated & at worst was an idiot.

YES! Boys & Girls, people judge you by the way you express yourselves.  OMG! It’s profiling!!!!!!

Yeah, SO WHAT? Get the fuck over it!

After talking with my bank in Clear English, I called back and got a lovely lady who also spoke clear concise English. Our conversation cleared up the problem in 3 minutes and neither of us was annoyed by the encounter.

You know, the way it used to be… the way it’s supposed to be.

Old School, services paid for – services rendered.

In other words, the same transaction model a prostitute uses.

Here’s the difference between a Ho and Prostitute.

A Ho will suck your dick for $25, and you might even get off.

A Prostitute will suck your dick for $25 and she’ll act like she’s choking on it and it’s the biggest best thing she’s had in her mouth ever. That’s a pro, she’s looking to be remembered, wants you to feel like a stud, and wants repeat business with reliable clients. 

We need a lot more prostitutes in call centers!