Month: September 2014

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Press conference instructions re: Cell Phone Encryption

I admit I’m feeling a bit cynical this morning. 

I’m feeling cynical because of the continued whining on the part of the FBI & Law Enforcement. The linked story is just flat depressing.

In an effort to lighten my mood, I imagined what the press conference notes might look like, given our current administration.

 

 

Press Conference Checklist concerning cellphone encryption.

Instructions: Remember that we are attempting to terrify the citizens into giving up their Constitutional rights.

In order to do this, the presenter MUST be impassioned, while explaining the Government needs access to cellphone data to protect American citizens from;

• Terrorism (Here it’s best to invoke 9/11, the Boston Marathon, and Oklahoma City. Be sure to have a catch in your voice for the sound bites.)

dahmer

• Pedophiles (Reference Jeffery Dahlmer, and any other famous pedophiles AVOID referencing any accused politicians! For a list of accepted pedophiles ask the designated press secretary resource officer.)

• Drug Dealing (Here references can be made to Mexican Drug Cartels and the violence associated with inner city drug deals gone bad. However under NO circumstances should Chicago come into the discussion. If a member of the press asks about violence in Chicago ignore them, and move on.)

• Kidnapping (Pick any high profile kidnapping or missing person then explain how monitoring of all cellphone data and communications could have prevented the kidnapping or led to the expedient location of the kidnapped persons body. Remind the press that the deceased’s family needs closure.)

• Gun Running (Invoking the terrorist angle here is acceptable. For example; “Terrorists will try to bring their AK-47s into the country to commit mass murder. Terrorists will also seek to supply unarmed members of their cell with high powered Assault weapons.” Under NO circumstances will it be acceptable to mention The Department of Justice or Fast and Furious in this context.)

Workinggirl

• Prostitution (Show a pretty woman, or pictures of a disgraced non-serving congressman, to illustrate that interdiction would have prevented a scandal and national embarrassment. The picture is important because done right, the bible belt will rally against prostitution regardless of the rest of the narrative.)

• Rape (It’s helpful here to refer to the “Continuing war on Women”.  Law Enforcement needs to monitor text messages, twitter, facebook and the like to fight “The War on Women”. Explain that this monitoring allows Law enforcement to intercede prior to the Rape being committed. Forwarding this agenda ensures continuing budget support from Certain House members from California, and others.)

• Murder (Explain that by connecting lists of legal gun owners to their mobile devices it’s possible to correlate the potential for crime. This is of course not true but it will forward the continuing illusion that legal gun owners are the problem. This ensures continued budgetary support from certain Senators from California to our department.)

ferguson

• Police Shootings (Point out that monitoring of the police cellphones will allow detection of racist viewpoints prior to shootings. As we’ve seen in Ferguson, loss to property can be avoided entirely. Simply by handing any suspected racist, a.k.a. “White” officer officer to a permanently established lynch mob led by Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton.)

• School Shootings (Hammer home Sandy Hook. If only we’d been monitoring the shooter, this tragedy could have been prevented. Teary eyes are perfect at selling this point. Our theatrical team suggest yanking your pubic hair out beneath the lectern to provide the teary effect.)

The person giving the press conference is not required to hit all of these talking points, but it is required that at least three points be addressed.

Remember, we’re trying to create and sell the first completely wired totalitarian country in history. We can only be successful by terrorizing the populace into believing that, not only does the government understand the problem…

But that giving up the Constitution is the solution.

Good luck Komrad

Don’t let the whining of the DOJ, the FBI, Law Enforcement shills, the NSA, CIA, DIA, or whoever else. undo the progress encryption of data represents in reclaiming our privacy.

Demand and defend your rights under the The Constitution.

If we don’t protect our Constitutional rights, no-one will.

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Oh, quit your bitching! – Updated

Update – 2014/10/01

CNN

A friend sent me a link to what must be one of the most ironic news items I’ve read recently. CNN is reporting that the creator of a “Spying” App has been arrested for creating and marketing the application.

Read the Article Here

While I agree that the Application is a bit creepy and speaks to the paranoia that spouses often feel when the relationship starts to go down the tubes. I completely fail to understand a couple of issues here.

This is exactly the sort of thing the FBI is whining about not being able to do anymore. Have they thought about corporate licensing??

This application and others like it, have been around for a while.  But ONLY now the FBI or justice department is interested? Can you say sour grapes? 

Then there’s this quote that made me blow coffee out my nose.

“As technology continues to evolve, the FBI will investigate and bring to justice those who use illegal means to monitor and track individuals without their knowledge,” said Andrew McCabe, assistant director in charge of the FBI’s Washington Field Office.

(Thinking about it, Perhaps Assistant Director McCabe need only wander the halls of the FBI, NSA, CIA, and IRS with search warrants, handcuffs, and a very large police van parked on the curb. Assistant Director McCabe might be the last honest man in the FBI hierarchy. A large part of me hopes so.)

Which is it FBI? Is spying on people via their phones legal… or not? Or are you saying it’s only legal when the government does it?

Is it just me???

Or are we looking at hypocrisy of Titanic proportions?

FBI Director Comey

The Director of the FBI has been complaining bitterly about the fact that IOS 8 and soon Google Android OS are securing the private information of their users in such a way that law enforcement can’t simply show up at Google or Apple and command those companies to unlock the phones data.

To him I say, “Quit your bitchin!”

FBI Logo

This is the inevitable and completely logical response on the part of the American people to unwarranted government surveillance of average people who have committed NO CRIME.

I’ll tell you what, if the FBI or any other law enforcement officer shows up at my house with a lawfully obtained valid warrant to search my phone, I’ll unlock it for them.

Constitution

I live under the protection of The US Constitution. Contained therein is The Fourth Amendment, and I quote;

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects,[a] against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized

I am seriously concerned that the Director of the FBI has been quoted as saying, 

He said he could not understand why companies would “market something expressly to allow people to place themselves beyond the law.”

When clearly the Fourth Amendment is the law

Perhaps Director Comey needs to re-read The Constitution and familiarize himself with that document more diligently.

The FBI can still obtain most, if not all of the information they need to pursue, and prosecute criminals, They just can’t do it unconstrained.  What happened to good police work, collecting physical evidence, and observing the suspect? In the days before cell phones, crimes were solved by law enforcement by these means. Cellphones made the job easier, but shouldn’t be the end-all, be-all in proving a case.

In the Washington Post article linked above, some law enforcement officials chose to try scare tactics, citing murder and pedophilia as valid reasons NOT to encrypt cellphone data. 

Here’s a reason that the data should be encrypted.

Do you really want to have your stolen phone lead a criminal to your friends homes, your parents, or your children via the contact list or one of the applications that allow parents to keep track of kids locations?  Plug an unencrypted phone into a computer with a little bit of free hacking software from the internet and all those horrors become suddenly viable.

IOS 8

So FBI and other Law Enforcement officials, You’re paying the price of the unbridled abuses of the NSA, CIA, DIA, IRS, and God knows how many other three letter agencies.  Stop the scare tactics, get a warrant, do your jobs, engage in old school police work, and…

QUIT YER BITCHIN!

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Hallelujah!

Eric Holder

Eric Holder is resigning 

I wonder if this means that someone finally got enough dirt on Eric Holder that he’s going to leave the justice department and retire in a country with no extradition?  It would seem fitting.

Perhaps he can run to Mexico and facilitate more gun buys for the Cartels.

Of course getting rid of one bad Attorney General doesn’t mean that the next one will be any better. 

I find it interesting that so many potential candidates are saying that they don’t want the job. That makes me wonder if they know something that we don’t.

I suppose only time will tell.