Month: September 2013

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What is it with OLD people?

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Yeah, I know some people think I’m old.

But I’m talking the really old folks

 My complaint is based in the following scenarios. Scenarios, I might add which happen all too often sometime 3 & 4 times in the same day.

I’m out in my yard, (Front or back) minding my own business. I could be doing poo patrol or have my head down in a hole fixing a sprinkler. Picture the situation, I’m distracted or concentrating or something and invariably some old fossil come up behind me. and yells my name.

 I mean right behind me.

How the fuck do they manage to get that close? I hear everything around me. I can differentiate the sound of snake scales sliding across pine needles and leaves. But I can’t seem to hear an old person walking up right behind me.

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What is it? Their damnable slippers?

Some weird stealth technique designed to freak out the young?

 Possibly an evolutionary gift. Something that allowed the old folks in a tribe to be able to eliminate their young warrior opposition…

I’m twitchy naturally. But you sneak up behind me and shout and I’m full on insane! Especially if I’m concentrating on something else.

What amazes me is that these folks are shocked when I spin around ready to defend myself.

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Usually they forget what they were going to tell me, then engage in some inane conversation about the weather. Meanwhile there’s a fountain of water jetting 18 feet up out of the ground where i’d been so intently working.

Then the conversation goes like this

“Got a leak huh?” 

“Oh NO I was planning a perpetual fountain right here in the middle of the lawn, I’d just turned it on when you scared the hell out of me!”

“Ohhh thats nice….it’s a pretty day isn’t it?”

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In my darker thoughts I consider the possibilities of being able to dig a large 6 foot deep hole in the front lawn without anyone noticing… Nah… too many rocks I’d need a backhoe.

“So, older person what did you need from me?”

“Oh I just wanted to thank you for that cheese you gave me”

I’m thinking “what cheese?” then I remember the incident in question was 6 weeks ago.

Then I think I’ll bet that cheese stopped the poor person up for 6 weeks. I wonder if I gave them a pound of it, would I not see them till Spring?

Nah… too cruel, the paramedics would have to hump the old person out in 3 feet of snow.

I put a smile on my face. Although I’m well aware the smile is that of a predator, something akin to the wolfs smile that tipped Little Red Riding Hood off.  

“You’re welcome… Now if you’ll excuse me I really must get back to my chores. Have a nice day.”

By now the yard is flooded and I’m going to have to turn off the water for the next 5 hours waiting for the ground to dry out enough to be able to work on it.

While I’m waiting for the yard to dry, I decide to do Poo patrol. I’m in my own little world listening to the birds tweeting and channeling St Mike Rowe so that I may complete the poo chores without heaving.

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I’m along my fence line on the neighbors side of the fence there is a line of Cottonwood trees. The foliage is pretty dense, and the leaves make quite a racket in the breeze.

“DID YOU GET ANY RASPBERRIES!!!” I swear to god, not 3 feet behind me. Poo goes flying, I stumble into the raspberry bushes swearing as the thorns find and rip my flesh.

“Nope, your cottonwoods have sucked all the water out of the soil on this side of the yard and are killing the raspberry bushes”

“I know… maybe I should get these trees out of here, they’re getting into my septic tank too.”

I’m picturing the absolutely lovely stench we’re going to be treated to, probably in some sweltering July.

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I know this old fossil isn’t going to take any action and fear that I’m the one who’s going to;

a) Find his rotting corpse.

b) Have to remove the cottonwoods as an act of self preservation before they get into MY septic Tank.

c) Deal with him burning his house down

d) All of the above

Hummm they’re doing all kinds of construction in the wash…. There are several backhoes and there will be lots of concrete being poured… Nah… too Godfather!

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I say, after making sure that the internal dialog isn’t cross connected to the external voice.

“Yeah, you probably should get those trees taken care of before they damage your septic tank. That’s an expensive repair. It’s cheaper to have the trees yanked and replant something else.”

“Well I don’t have a lot of money…”

“Neither do I.”, I’m wondering is this guy asking me to pay for his shit? Cause that isn’t happening.

He wanders off behind the trees.

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I get myself out of the raspberries. Pick up the poo collection tools and recollect the poo that I spilled from the scoop when the neighbor startled me.

“DO YOU WANT SOME TOAST?“

Sigh…

These raspberry bushes are never going to recover…

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A Total Bust… Sigh!

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Alright, you can call me a moron. It’s OK.

Today was the release of the new Apple iPhone 5S. Apple stores opened at 8am as opposed to their usual 10am. I arrived at 8:20am to my local Apple store and joined a line of people that stretched from the door of the store, around behind the building, then wrapped down another building and spilled out onto another sidewalk adjacent to yet another store.

Hummm. This does not bode well. Of course I completely forgot to take pictures. And once you’re in line… you don’t want to exit the line for fear that you’ll be send to the back of the line again.

Waiting, & Waiting. Finally I get to the door and they tell me that they don’t have any phones for my carrier Damn! Additionally the helpful store person tell me I can’t go in the store right now because today it’s all about the iPhone. Double Damn! A very nice lady nudged me and said “Come in with me” 

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So I’m in the store, and the iPhones are very cool. The 5s is gorgeous and the 5c phones are solid and feel good in the hand. I’d feared that they’d be cheap feeling.

I enjoyed the chance to actually feel the weight of the phones in my hand. OS7, I’m becoming familiar with. It works well and is fast and smooth.

Then I hear one of the employees mention a second shipment coming in just a little after noon. Another shipment? Hummmm.  It’s 10:45 I could go take a walk, then grab a bite to eat, then stakeout the Apple store.

I was sitting outside the Apple store editing my contacts, transferring them to iCloud and away from Google. I’m doing the same thing with my calendar and dialing down the Google interactions.

I look up and notice that there is activity at the side of the Apple store and a new line is forming. I put away my editing and go take my place in the 2nd line of the day.

Why was I being so tenacious? Well….

This morning my existing phone was flakier than usual in that I was on an active call and it suddenly decided to start randomly dialing other contacts. Thankfully those calls were simply beeps in my ear instead of actually dialing contacts. I have to power the phone down to make that stop. 

The existing phone is simply telling me that it’s time to replace it. I noticed a lot of folks in line were trading in phones that were 2 and 3 years old.

Another hour in line… hour 2, the Apple folks start us moving again. (I have to say Apple was really nice. They were providing water and iced tea to those of us waiting outside the store. I thought it was a nice touch.)

I get to the gatekeeper. “I want a phone of thus & such specifications for Carrier X.”

The lady looks at me sadly. “We didn’t get anything for that carrier in this second shipment. I’m so sorry.”

Sigh.

Broken hearted I trudge away. Rejected twice in one day!

No phone for you!

Now in addition to saying that I’ve stood in line for the grand opening of an Apple Store. I can also say I’ve stood in line for a new iPhone, on the first day it was available.

Oh and by the way…

It’s not something I’m likely to do anytime in the future.

I should mention that where I was, the crowd was very nice and there were no fights. Unlike the Pasadena Apple Store where arrests were made.

I’ll wait until Tuesday next week to try again. I’m not holding my breath.

To those of you who may attempt to call me… Don’t hold your breath! I honestly don’t know whats wrong with my Android and I’m past caring. As the phone has become less and less reliable I’m carrying it less and less. Quite often lately I’ve left it completely behind as I took off to run errands. Why carry something that only works some of the time?

Even as I type this, the phone is muttering to itself. saying it’s receiving email or text messages that it is not. 

By the way… The iPhone 5s color “Space Gray” is Gun Metal gray and it looks great. 

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About Guns

I’ve been participating in a series of discussions with other folks about the current gun legislation. As a result I’ve firmed up some of my own ideas about what’s reasonable and what’s not.

Background Checks

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I think background checks are reasonable. In point of fact we’ve had laws on the books regarding background checks for a long time. So the current layer of legalese coming out of Washington is nothing particularly new. It’s probably not going to be enforced any better than the previous laws.

That being said, I agree with background checks. I wish they were efficient and enforced.

With the responsibility of the government to perform background checks also comes this one…

The records about why people are being denied guns should have to be cleaned up too. Why should someone be able to buy a gun in one state, passing that states background check and not be able to buy a gun in an adjacent state?

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Cosmetic Gun Bans

I absolutely and categorically am opposed to banning a particular gun because of it’s cosmetics. If we see fit to ban a particular kind of gun, then we must ban that gun in it’s entirety. Every version!

It is irrational to ban one model because it’s black and comes with a 20 round magazine, and yet continue to allow the Green version with a 10 round magazine to be sold.

The rate of fire for both weapons is the same. Someone sufficiently clever could take two 10 round magazines and make a 20 round magazine out of them.

Such a magazine would only have to work once if that person was going to do something horrific like shooting up a mall or theater.

Consistent Laws from State to State

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The law from state to state should be consistent. A legal gun owner shouldn’t have to fear being arrested in one state for owning or transporting a weapon that was not illegal in an adjacent state.

There is no situation where it makes any sense to have a particular gun legal in one state and illegal in the next. It’s time to do away with individual state regulations. If we’re imposing a magazine limit it should be the same in all states. If we’re saying a model of gun shouldn’t be sold in MA or CA then that model shouldn’t be sold in the other 48 states either.

Gun ownership laws should be the same too. 18 years old or 21 years old? Must a gun be stored in a safe? Must a gun have a trigger lock? How much Ammunition is too much? Who can purchase ammunition? Do ammunition sales need to be tracked? What about reloading supplies?

These are all questions that should be asked and addressed.

All lawmakers involved in Gun Legislation should be required to attend Instructional classes on guns and have mandatory range time.

To me this is such a no-brainer. Right now we have people making decisions about gun laws that have no fucking clue how a gun works, or even the proper nomenclature.

How can these people make informed legal decisions when they don’t know what they’re talking about in the first place?

I’ve actually gotten in the habit of asking the more vehement of anti gun people if they’ve ever actually been out to a firing range. it’s amazing how many people storm off in a huff when confronted with that question.

At least our legislators should have the courtesy to know what they’re talking about before deciding our fate.

I feel exactly the same way about all internet legislation. Most of the politicians making internet laws have no clue what they’re talking about or the levels which their laws can be used to harm innocent people. That’s another blog entry.

Lets stop making emotionally based laws and rules.

Emotion serves no purpose in law. Lets dispassionately discuss the issue of gun control, or gay marriage, or taxes, or whatever.

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Logic and reason should be our watchwords. Equal application of principals should be our guide not our jailer for all law. And for goodness sake lets allow some intelligence and latitude when we come upon a situation where the law doesn’t quite fit.

Zero Tolerance policies are moronic on their face.

The best example I can think of that demonstrates the need for reason and latitude in laws and rules is this.

A child finds a bullet at his or her school. They bring the bullet to their teacher and get suspended because of a zero tolerance policy.

The child did essentially the right thing but was punished for doing so. Will that child do the right thing the next time?

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If we continue to pursue more and more restrictive laws or so called Zero Tolerance laws, we will create a country where no-one will ever take responsibility to do the right thing because we’ll all be too concerned with the punishment that comes from doing 
the right thing.

That’s not what made our country great.

What makes us great and perhaps unique is that we’ve always allowed common sense to guide us and we’ve generally rewarded not punished people for getting involved or taking action when the situation demanded it.