Month: December 2012

This piece is in my opinion well written and thoughtful

The author makes several good points about mass shootings and doesn’t engage in the rhetoric.

I don’t know how accurate his information is but I think his points are worth noting.

For the record, I’m not for assault weapon bans nor am I for additional gun control.

I’m honestly not sure what actions would make a difference in making schools in particular and our world in general safer.

The public schools I went to as a child were all open.

In the morning and at the end of the day we students came onto the grounds on our bicycles and on foot from all directions and we felt safe. It never occurred to us that there was any danger except crossing the street.

Of course, in point of fact… there wasn’t any danger. We’d all avoid strangers and none of us were kidnapped. Our neighborhoods were essentially safe, and our neighbors kept an eye on the kids going to and from school.

I’m personally disturbed by schools today that look like prisons. 

What’s changed?

A friend and I were discussing this subject the other day. As we all know I’m opinionated and my friend patiently listened to my theory.

I think that the problem is manyfold. With the primary issues being;

1) We have pussified our male children

2) As part of that enforced PC thou shall not fight, we’ve created a situation where our young people don’t understand the consequences of violence. 

3) Life isn’t a video game, you don’t get to ‘respawn”, which is not to say video games are at fault.

What I’m saying is that if all the violence a person knows is in the context of a video game then they’re obviously going to have a skewed idea about violence.

Now let me briefly, defend my points

Children have pecking orders. Just like Wolves, Chimps, and the Great Apes. Those pecking orders are established and defined often by shoving, pushing, biting, and in the case of Chimps and Great Apes outright fighting to demonstrate dominance.

I believe this is completely normal and shouldn’t be interfered with. The adults in the species that I’ve sited observe and interfere only when it becomes apparent that someone is going to get seriously hurt.

The winners, losers, AND the other young observing the fight for dominance all learn something.

Violence up to a point is OK as long as no-one is permanently injured.

In my personal case, I saw many fights at school. I participated in quite a few of them. In the case of the humans we learned a few lessons. 

1) Fighting hurts.

As we got older, we began to make choices about what was worth fighting over.

2) Choose your battles carefully.

3) Peace and discussing the problem is always preferable to fighting.

As I entered high school, fights were moderated by the Phys Ed coaches. They took on the role of referee. These Men made sure that there was no hitting or kicking below the belt.

They made sure that neither party got too badly banged up and when it was obvious that one party had surrendered, they made sure that the fight came to an end and both parties shook hands and acknowledged that IT was over.

The lessons that I learned then have been invaluable throughout my life.

In my fights, win lose or draw I learned that I was capable of defending myself. I developed confidence and became more self assured. 

I knew, I could take an issue to one of those coaches… Those Men… and that they’d arrange for someone I was having a problem with, and me to sit down and decide how we’d proceed. 

I knew that I was becoming a good citizen and that I was gaining the respect of those Men when I was able to talk out an issue with another guy without resorting to fighting.

I learned that consequences follow your decisions and being injured was a possible consequence of improper behavior.

I believe today, that we’ve demonized being male and cut masculinity out of the equation so much that males never get an opportunity to connect the dots between violence and the consequences.

There is NOTHING as powerful as the moment when you’re standing over your defeated opponent.

Yeah you taste your blood because he got off a good shot to your face.

But standing over your opponent savoring the adrenaline rush and your victory, you learn something else too.

You learn that your physical power can be dangerous.

If you have an iota of conscience you also have pity and compassion for that person lying on the ground.

Because at some point in your young life, you’ve been that person too.

That’s the moment you learn that peace is always a preferable choice to war.

That’s also when you look directly into the eyes of one of the coaches and your newfound knowledge is reflected in their eyes. It’s that moment that they accept you into manhood.

That was a very powerful and transformative experience for me and many of my friends. 

Perhaps part of our problem is that we no longer allow any rites of passage.

I’m not a fan of fighting… but I’m also not a fan of the emasculation that’s so prevalent in our society either.

I’d suggest that we start allowing the schoolyard fist fights. I have many memories of sitting in the chair outside the principals office waiting for judgement. 

Those lessons about consequences were as valuable as anything else I learned in school.