Random Ideas, Comments & Thoughts, Sometimes Political, Sometimes Adult… Hope you don't choke.
A Friend sent me a list of these. I thought it would be fun to share them.
Paraprosdokians are phrases or sentences that lead us down the garden path to an unexpected ending.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
I don’t’ know about you, my inbox was full of black Friday deals and many of the stores were advertising that they were going to be open at obscene hours today.
One business even touted that they’d be opening at 10 PM and closing at 2 AM!
Really???
I sure as hell have no plans to saddle up at 10 PM to go shopping until 2 AM. First of all it seems to me in this economy that is just stupid!
Talk about painting a target on your chest… Dark, mostly deserted shopping centers late at night.
A growing segment of the population who may have fallen off the unemployment roles but who are nonetheless still unemployed and becoming increasingly desperate.
I don’t know about you… but that starts to add up to trouble in my mind.
Not that I’m advocating living in fear, by the same token I don’t advocate anyone making themselves a target.
So my advice to everyone is this… Eat too much, have that second piece of pie. Watch a game or two, have maybe one glass of wine too many. Listen to uncle Bill or aunt Ellens stories about 1950 for the 100th time.
Watch a movie or several movies…
A good friend & I used to watch all the Alien movies on Thanksgiving day. We’d then watch Forbidden Planet and make the characters do the twist using the LaserDisc player.
Yeah… maybe childish… but we laughed and enjoyed each others company. It was our traditional Thanksgiving celebration and we looked forward to it every year.
We’d sometimes get up on Black Friday and shop other times we’d just say screw the crowds. We’d stay home eat, talk, laugh, and eat some more.
We were thankful for our families, our friends, and the time we had together.
Is it too much to ask that a few days a year we take a deep breath and just be quiet?
According to retailers, apparently it is…
Try to take a little time to say to your loved ones, that you love and appreciate them.
Then if you must, go out and shop.
You might enjoy just keeping your big fuzzy bunny slippers on and watching Pirates of the Caribbean, or Harry Potter with the kids.
Just a thought.
However you choose to celebrate Thanksgiving, I hope you’re safe and you enjoy yourself.
Hummm… Sex before I have to get ready to go to the dinner party…. Oh Honey….
Signing off
On the busiest travel day of the year. This bunch of assholes is screwing up traffic in and around LAX.
Many of the people joining in the protest don’t even work at LAX or for the companies involved.
So in addition to arriving at the airport 2 hours early for your obligatory strip-search, anal cavity search with optional prostate exam & subsequent broadcast of your irradiated genitalia over the internet.
NOW you also have to contend with an additional 1.5 hours in traffic just to get to the airport.
One of the passengers interviewed described this protest and it’s timing as “simply mean spirited”. I agree wholeheartedly!
I’m sure not interested in the unions point of view.
If this is what they think is reasonable and appropriate then they’re delusional and deserve whatever ill befalls them.
Unions, all unions… your time is past!
Recently I was looking at extending my education as a means to enhance my 
employment odds.
I ran across a number of online colleges and almost all of them feel like sleazy internet salesmen.
Why should I have to give you my email address, name, phone number etc JUST to look at your course offerings?
One college in particular has been blanketing the local airwaves here as a Technological college designed for people just like me…
You know, folks that have been in the game for a very long time and who might be considering a change in their career.
This college is one of the worst. in terms of their web site. You navigate to their site using a standard computer and browser, you really can’t get any useful information about the classes offered without requesting that they contact you to discuss your future college career. (Unless you make alterations to your browser)
Accessing the site via an iPad however gives you access to all the information about the classes offered, tuition, and you can even download the course catalog.
Since this college is trying to position itself as an online presence aimed at serving business people who wish to polish their skills or change careers, I’d recommend that the web site be a little less cagey.
Business people in general have little patience for games when they’re trying to 
decide how they want to spend their money.
That’s why I buy cars from fleet managers. I’m really a simple guy when it comes to buying… well ANYTHING.
Tell me how much… I’ll decide if it’s worth it and if I can afford it… If the answer is yes, I’ll write the check. If it’s not then we’re done and I’m not going to waste your time.
Now if your sales force is really wanting to jack me off or suck my dick I’m down for that but it’s not going to change my mind about buying your product. Hell, I’ll even provide the tissue if needed.
You should know, I prefer swallowers…
We’ve already had our first snow of the season.
I’ve already had my first cold / sinus event of the season.
The plants haven’t lost all their leaves yet. We’re still having warm enough days that when I’m working in the yard I’ll get sweaty.
I know that all too soon that will be a fond memory and I’ll not be leaving the house without a jacket.
I’ll also not be wandering around the house without socks on.
I’m glad that we chose the hardwood floors and the tile when we rebuilt the house. Both are easy to clean and while we still have a lot of dust (the windows are open most of the time) there’s a lot less places for dirt to hide.
The old carpet was filthy! No matter how many times I cleaned it rinsed it and cleaned it again, the water in the bissell was black.
The down side of having the hardwood floors and tile is that in Winter time these floors are COLD!
Getting out of bed in the morning is a shock to the system in more ways than one!
This year I’m planning to get some nice long underwear for those days when I’m outside shoveling snow. I had a couple pairs pre-fire, I’ve never gotten around to replacing them. I think its’ time…
The seasons have been strange this year. It seemed like we went from Winter to Summer without really having Spring. It doesn’t feel like Autumn now it’s as if something is “Off” I just can’t put my finger on what the proverbial “It” is.
We’re putting the fear of fire behind us now. The fireplace photo is our fireplace during the first rain/snowstorm of the season. We actually went out and purchased fireplace tools. I suppose that’s a sign of healing.
We even went so far as to re-arrange the deck so we could have a small fire pit for the times in the Spring / Fall when it’s nice to sit outside in the evening but there’s just a bit too much chill in the air.
This time last year, I thought that I’d have a new Job and would be once again contributing to my 401K and the economy.
No such luck!
I’m dubious about any opportunities presenting themselves before the New Year.
I’m sick and tired of the headhunters contacting me from India, with “Excellent 1 month Opportunities” in MAINE and can I be in Bangor tomorrow morning for an interview?
However I’ve got to keep looking for a job which means continuing to expose myself to these fly by night headhunters.
I am Thankful though.
I have a home, I’m loved, I’m relatively healthy, even with things getting tighter I’m still optimistic that I’ll find something to do that will provide me a modest income.
Our Holiday season is probably going to be another season where we are reminded of the real meaning behind the holidays.
In many ways, I prefer the non-commercial version to the Hallmark version.
Those of you on the Christmas Card List will be receiving another original card. You might want to hang onto them… if I ever get famous… You’ll be able to ebay them.
Given the problems we had last year with the Postal Service, I will probably be sending an electronic version in addition to changing the way I mail the cards. I’m still working on that so it will be a surprise when you get it.