Blank Pages

There Blankpageyou are my nemesis.

You mock me with your blankness.

Is your blankness a reflection of what’s in my mind?

Featureless and smooth an ephemeral phantom of real paper.

You ghostly simulation of what once had form, texture, smell, and which would take my words by soaking up the ink with which I wrote them, forcing me to choose my words carefully and with purpose.

The smell of white-out permeated the room when I chose poorly, announcing to all that I had made a mistake.

You were my blank nemesis then too. But I could touch you, tear you, crumple you and discard you with satisfaction. Knowing that I had lost the battle of words but could still snatch victory from defeat by destroying you completely.

Your blankness now is nothing more than a dance of electrons through a backlit gel. My ink is composed of the same electrons and is just as fleeting. No-one knows of the errors, the poor word choices or indeed my identity at all unless I will it.

There is no satisfaction is deleting you, or turning off the device within which you abide.

You’re ever present silent mocking still confounds me each morning.

I fear that one day you will not be blank, that one day all my mistakes will somehow fill your blankness and then all will see the typos, poor word choices and run-on sentences that I’ve carefully expunged for years.

Apparently that day is not today.

There you appear in all your blank glory, patiently waiting for me to pen something…

Paraprosdokian Of the Week

A Friend sent me a list of these. I thought it would be fun to share them

Paraprosdokians are phrases or sentences that lead us down the garden path to an unexpected ending.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’

Somewhere along the path I’ve lost an entire day

Don’t ask me… 

I have been thinking it was Wednesday all day. I think I lost Tuesday… but I’m not at all sure.

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Funny, I don’t recall an alien abduction.

Nor do I recall being asked to take anyone to my leader. However I’m still missing an entire day.

It’s possible that the day was deleted due to my updating a bunch of software on my computer. It’s not unusual to have my brain sucked out through my eyes and realize that a lot of time has gone by only when the need to eat or perform other bodily functions breaks me out of a computer induced stupor.

I remember that i’ve been proud about practicing on the guitar every day. I’ve worked on the book, I’ve searched for a job yet somehow something happened to an entire day of this week.

I can’t seem to place it. It’s a very disconcerting feeling.

If I was missing a day after today I’d understand it. I didn’t sleep very well at all last night so I’ve been a little slow all day. Bit for the most part up until last night.

Today has been weird too. Technology and I aren’t getting along.  I never have problems with technology… Well mostly never…

Maybe I’m still on an alien ship and they’ve got me in some kind of virtual reality.

Well, one can only hope if they’re extracting sperm… The Virtual Reality will include the fun part of that!

The truth of the matter is that I haven’t been following or reading much of the news. The Presidential candidates are embarrassing themselves AGAIN.

From what little I have heard someone doesn’t know how many states are in the United States, someone else doesn’t know anything about racial sensitivity, yet another person has suggested a budget similar to one of the others and both sides are slinging mud about that.

I guess it’s a little depressing. Our system of government is supposed to be a model of governance by and for the people. What it’s become is more like the campaign cycle of Iran. Or the old Soviet Union. “Vote for me or I hurt you and your family”

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Oh to be sure we haven’t gotten quite there yet. But I’m sure not going to be surprised when one of these candidates manages to get themselves appointed Emperor.