My God I am tired of the job hunting games!

I’ve written about the EDD, I’ve written about companies demanding Twitter and Facebook account information. 

Now, It’s crap where companies are asking questions that sound an awful lot like “Does this dress make me look fat?” Every single man in America knows that no matter what answer you give… it’s the wrong one!

“Why do you want to work for us?“

“Well… My unemployment benefits are running out. I’m tired of jerking off or fucking all day. I’d like to go back to contributing to my 401K.

I don’t really know much about your company since your web site is all about marketing hype but doesn’t actually say what the hell you do. However, your ad matches my experience and qualifications pretty closely so I figured I’d apply.

Finally, to steal a quote from Malcolm Reynolds, “I have a powerful need to eat sometime this month.”

Oh and that dress makes you look really fat! Ya probably want to loose that skirt/tutu thing with that leotard… The whole ensemble just makes your fat ass look like Saturn!

Of course that kind of brutal honesty isn’t something that anyone nowadays is ready to hear. Honesty it seems is just too … honest.

You know… honesty, like reality can be painful!

Instead some companies apparently want to be wooed like a fucking Prom Date!

Which, by the way is one of the reasons that prostitution is such a popular service industry. At least prostitution is honest. You see the goods, you like the goods, you rent the goods, and you get off. Everyone is happy. There’s a straight forward no-nonsense business transaction and that’s it.

But corporate America apparently wants to play games, and have you win a popularity contest before they’ll even look at your resume. 

Don’t we play enough games? Look at my fucking resume, then using that information narrow down the list of candidates, then call us, then schedule an interview. Shouldn’t a cover letter and resume be sufficient for consideration? Why on earth would qualifications be secondary to how pretty the lies you tell are?

If Corporate America wants a popularity contest that’s fine… I’ll put on my best suit, (Or my sexiest outfit) and take a bunch of pictures of myself leading up to a grand finale where they see my cock and then some little HR bitch can decide if I’m worthy enough to actually speak with the hiring manager

Yeah… I’m over the bullshit!

I can do the fucking job! Stop toying with me.

It’s real simple corporate America

I’ll do the job, and you’ll pay me.

I’m probably not going to want to spend my off time with my co-workers

I will use the money you pay me to eat, buy shit, date, and screw. And you Corporate America can’t say shit about that.

I’ll be professional at work

I will never be owned by you, and honestly if someone comes along and makes me a better offer I’m likely to consider it JUST LIKE YOU WOULD! 

The only difference is that you’ll align and realign with large corporations in strategic partnerships and I’ll align and realign with your competitors for straight up Cash! I won’t give your secrets away because more often than not those are given away on the golf courses of America… CEO to CEO.

SO Don’t ask us to participate in your popularity contests.

Don’t worry about equal opportunity employment crap, just hire the best fucker for the job and move on.