Ahhhh That felt good!

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Sometimes trying to do work for friends is just not a good idea. I always feel guilty asking for what I’m worth and because I feel guilty I don’t ask.

The practical result of this little mind game is that I do good work, but always end up being taken advantage of a bit. You know, $80 keyboards, and $40 spools of cable add up. But I just gave the shit away…

That’s a problem that I’ve got to get over. Part of it will be the absolute certainty on my part that I am worth every freakin penny I charge for whatever I do.

I need to make sure as well that I’m billing for everything that gets left behind as part of the job. “OH, your keyboard is broken… well it can be replaced for $20 or you can have my really nice $80 keyboard for $80.

I’d been asked to take a look at some data and see if I could present the material in a better way. I said, “Sure” without even thinking about it. 

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That was mistake number 1. I should have thought about it, I know these folks and I know how one of them thinks.

Mistake number 2  I shouldn’t have offered to do anything until we’d discussed MY PRICE!

It’s about time that I stopped being a charitable organization. My Price was never discussed and I find that really odd given the circumstances.

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Mistake number 3 was that I should have called a halt to my doing anything when I wasn’t getting cooperation gaining access to the data I was supposed to evaluate. Instead I got directed to an incomplete website and was sorta left with nothing.

Mistake number 4 was not calling an end to the whole mess when suddenly I had a deadline to finish. I still hadn’t been given the materials I’d requested to make the evaluation in the first place.

In fact there had been an email wherein I’d been told that my friends had been sidetracked for several weeks. I took this to mean that they really weren’t committed to getting this little project off the ground.

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In this particular case, I’ve got other clients that are PAYING and know what the heck in general they want and are willing to work with me to deal with questions that come up.

You know what? Cash talks!

I just threw in the towel on the undefined unestimated project.

Sure I’m leaving money on the table, but you know what? I think it was going to be a never ending, a.k.a never satisfied project.  

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I’m cutting my losses, and calling it SKOOLING!

I feel pretty good about it. Now I don’t have this weird undefined thing looming over my head. It’s helped a great deal with my ability to focus.

I’ve moved on to a challenging project where I can see the $$ at the end of the tunnel and I’m learning something new too.

 

Had a great day yesterday.

Santa

Yesterday was my annual Christmas Shopping trip.

An old friend and I used to do a Christmas trip many years ago, but now that he’s married, he has a lot of family responsibilities. Our annual shopping trips have become less frequent.

That’s not an accusation, his wife’s family is very into the holidays and each other’s lives. My friend’s duty is clear between his family, and his wife’s family which is now THEIR combined family, there are a ton of obligations.

Honestly I don’t know how the hell they maintain their schedule. Must be really good drugs!

I try to get together with him as soon after the first of the new year as our schedules allow.

SC Tree

However, nature abhors a vacuum. Apparently, so does South Coast Plaza! 

Another old friend needed a shopping buddy. So one day a year, we have lunch, drinks, Ok perhaps a couple of drinks, then we go shopping for our loved ones. Both of us fervently hoping to find the “perfect” gift and often we purchase a gift for ourselves along the way.

This year, I think I did good. My friend also found something perfect! 

Capital Grill

Unlike years past, we returned to his house, then another couple came over.

After more drinks, cheese, an excellent Italian dinner mixed with tons of laughter, off color jokes, and more laughter, suddenly the clock struck midnight.

We adjourned each to their homes and I found myself having one last pleasure of the evening. 

Empty freeways.

I queued up my favorite playlist, the first song was “Keep the Streets Empty” by Fever Ray. 

The perfect end to a perfect day.

Another rainy day (NSFW)

Yeah, it’s raining in Southern California. 

I’m not complaining at all. It could be snowing in which case I’d have a heck of a day ahead of me. 

It’s been raining since last night, I don’t even know how much snow I’d have been looking at having to clear if it had been cold enough to snow.

Fortunately, it’s been in the 40s here so not only do we get that nice sound of rain on the roof, but it’s also cleared most of the snow and ice that remained on the street.

I like snow, but I love rain. 

This has been an abnormal California rain too. It’s been real rain… not that stupid misty piss that we usually get.

This has been the kind of rain that would rinse the dust off your car instead of turning the dust to mud. Unfortunately my car is in the garage…

I’m noticing that some of my neighbors trees are greening. No leaves yet but the bark is taking on that green hue that heralds the coming of spring.

Seems a bit early but it’s the trees problem not mine if they bud early.


I just killed another social media account.

This one was a more male oriented site. I woke up this morning to a half a dozen “buddy” requests, and a “Free” 3 day trial.

I was a member but not a paying member. This was the first time in a long while that I’d been able to wander to all the areas of the site.

In my wandering I discovered a few things. 

My profile picture was not me. WTF?

The country and state associated with my profile wasn’t correct and after fixing it 3 times only to have it randomly change to some other country I gave up.

Then as I was looking at the buddy requests, I noticed that most of these “People” didn’t have completed profiles.

Then I noticed that they had “Buddies” that were the same as the “Buddies” I had and that in any cases the “Buddies” had the same pictures associated with 4 or 5 different profiles. 

The more I poked around, the more things just didn’t add up.

This site used to want something like $90 a year to be a member. Recently I’d noticed that they were only asking for $25 a year and that the “Buddy” notifications were coming in every day.

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Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to get wild and nasty and I might even pay $25 a year to meet up with some similar minded individuals.

But I’m not going to pay any amount of money to be inundated with computer generated friend requests. From profiles that aren’t real.

Heck I can wander out to half a dozen free porn sites to enjoy computer synthesized stimulation.

Not that theres anything wrong with that… But if you’re looking for friends, and / or playmates you’d like to know that you’re not spilling your guts to a Turing test.

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If someone is going to offer to wrap their lips around my dick… I’d like them to be real.

That’s not to say that cyber sex or electro sex can’t be an absolute blast.

I’ve done both and had a rocking good time. I’ll do both again too… yeah. it was that much fun.

However, feeling warm flesh yield to the needs of my dick is the best. Pumping a hot load into a sexy willing partner is awesome.

Given the choice between a sexy living human being touching me, and a cold machine… I’ll take the human anytime.

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This of course doesn’t rule out androids.

Believe me if androids ever become a reality I’m going to be first in line to try one when they start making  sexbots!

So I’m a pig… what are you going to do start an android right group?

Oh well, another social media site bites the dust, at least in my book.

I do wonder why it’s so very difficult to meet someone that would like to be friends and perhaps a bit more.

I know it’s not my breath or lack of deodorant … Over a social media site neither of those are problematic. Do you think it could be my personality??? 

Nahhhhhh….

This is a good day to write, put on some  sensuous music, jerk off if I feel like it and just enjoy the day.

In looking for photos to add a little pizazz to this post… I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to take pictures the next time someone is blowing me… 

Then I’d have something to remember the event by, and would probably have better subject material. 

Hope your day is as interesting as mine.

"Hi" redux

A while ago I wrote a piece here titled “hi”

In that piece I explained how annoying it was when I’m on social media sites and I receive the “hi” message from strangers.

I’m probably going to just start replying to those messages with a link to that blog post.

It’s one thing if you know me and start a conversation like that. We already have something in common, it’s quite another thing if we don’t know each other.

Look at the scenario.

Person A Sends a message to person B

hi

Person B gets an email or text notification that they have a message.

They stop what they’re doing, log on to the site where the message originated, navigate to the email and they read the mind bogglingly intelectual message from Person A.

hi

Now Person B checks out the online profile of Person A.

Person B thinks “Hey they’re kind of cute” and despite the fact that the social media site has ample space for Person A to describe themselves and their interests they have refused to provide any information at all except the requisite gender and location.

What is Person B supposed to do? What response can be formulated? As I see it there are four options.

  1. Respond with “Hello, thank you for your message.” and hope that Person A can in fact carry their end of a conversation.
  2. Respond with an equally inane “hi”
  3. Respond with “Hello you’re cute, did you want to get together and fuck?” 
  4. Ignore messages from Person A
I’ve tried all four responses with varying results.
Oddly response #4 elicits the most interesting behavior. Person A continues to send messages that simply say “hi” over and over again until I block the moron.
Options #1 & #2 are about equally ineffective. Person A responds to each with a one to four word response. The response is usually chosen at random from the following list.
“hi”, “sup”, “what are you doing?”, “hows it hangin?”, “where are you?”, “what are you into?”, “stats”
These short responses go on and on until I simply can’t be bothered anymore. By the time Person A gets around to saying anything interesting I’m over them and no longer reading their messages.
At least the multiword choices demonstrate some grasp of the language. I personally find “Stats” offensive but it IS honest in that it’s obvious the sender is looking for a quick hookup.
Response #3 most often generates a distinctive silence. The honesty of “Stats” is apparently acceptable, but putting my desire into actual words is somehow too nasty.
I’m a man… I want to fuck, I want to shoot my creamy load… and why shouldn’t I be honest about that desire?

If you’re saying nothing more than “hi” you’ve left me with nothing to build a conversation on so why not cut to the chase? You want my dick and I’m willing to let you have it.

The most ironic bit of all this is, I’m listed as seeking friends and chat in my profile.

The people that most often send “hi” say they want to chat too. Perhaps my first clue is that these people can’t be honest enough with themselves about what they’re really wanting. Maybe I’ll change my profile to “Seeking Kinky SEX “

At least then the people contacting me might have a clear idea about what they’re after.
The problem is, that I really am looking for local potential friends…

I’m going to have to start hanging out at the local bar, at least then the person saying “hi” is prepared enough or drunk enough to respond with a sentence… or by paying for the drinks!

"hi"

That is why I’m on fewer and fewer “adult oriented” social media sites.

“hi”

I hate that! I go to the trouble of creating a fairly complete profile, I specifically state who I am, my hobbies, interests, and a small bit of humorous information about me precisely so that the reader has enough to

a) Decide if they’d like to speak to me
b) Have something around which to start a conversation.

“‘sup?”

How about a complete sentence or better yet a whole thought?

Something like;

Hi there, I enjoyed reading your profile. You’re a SCUBA diver? I’m curious about it, but worry that it’s too expensive for my budget. Would you have time to give me a basic run down from your perspective?

At least there is a basis for a conversation.

Or how about a sender saying;

Dammn! you’re handsome… wanna fuck?


I could handle and respect that and at least it’s not wasting my time and burning through my patience with inane one word responses that pass as a conversation. Hell I could program my phone or computer to answer with one randomly chosen word in response to your one word “Conversation Starters”.

“what are you doing?”


This is another major time waster… how do I answer that? Would it be appropriate for me to say;

I’m taking a huge dump and wondering if I’ve got time to jerk off before I have to get dressed for that church service?


I’ve often thought about answering that way but frankly I fear the string of one or two word responses that I’d have to respond to.

I can picture something like;

“Cool”
“like to suck you.”
“ummm hot”


Of course if I look up the senders location it’s one extreme or the other. It’s always the sender is somewhere like Cambodia. Or the sender is 5 miles away and I when I say GREAT! Come on over I could use a blowjob. I’d like to see my cum dripping from your chin


Then suddenly, the conversation stops. Or there are endless excuses…

You know, if you’re going to say you’d like to suck my dick…

Put your mouth where my dick is!

Moving VERY slow this morning

I didn’t get home until after 2 and didn’t get to bed until almost 3:30 it was worth it.

I visited an acquaintance / friend  last night. I had the nicest time and shared intimacy with him that is often rare between two men regardless of their orientation. Perhaps due to this intimacy I’m inclined to think of him more as a friend and less as an acquaintance now.

My friend has recently been through a life changing event. He experienced a Patellar tendon rupture while playing volleyball.

He’s been through the surgery to repair the damage and as we talked I realized that he had been through this whole mess pretty much on his own. He’s had one or two friends that looked in on him during the initial phases of the injury and recovery. After that, essentially he’s been on his own. He’s healing nicely, still wearing a brace but the mobility of his knee is pretty good albeit slow and careful.

As we talked he mentioned that immediately after the injury, In between his thinking “GOD that hurts” and “But this is my good leg” he also had the depressing thought that all of his travel plans for the summer were shot to hell.

He’s also found that he had more than a few “Fair Weather Friends” With him out of commission several folks have simply vanished. Not the least of which was a model he’d been seeing that was pushing for a relationship after only a few dates. This person was oblivious to how life altering it is to one moment be playing volleyball in the sun, and the next to be hobbling around on crutches. Or how depressing it is when you’re facing at least one surgery and a fairly long recovery time, with the possibility of NEVER being back to normal.

A couple of days ago my friend broke it off with the model, the hell of it was that he wasn’t sure that the model was really out of the previous relationship anyway.

His birthday is within the next week. I asked him what he’d like for his birthday.

He said “some cuddle time. To be touched and held for just a little while.”

Dinner was over, the bill paid, wine glasses empty, it was time to take him back to his place. He’s pretty mobile but slow. I held doors for him, helped where I could and stayed out of the way when it looked like he was handling things ok.

There’s this really fine line between helping someone with an injury and just being in the way. That line varies by individual, terrain, situation, and type of injury. It’s never inappropriate to offer a helping hand to anyone.

If you offer to help… have the grace to accept that your offer may be turned down and not take it personally.

My friend was grateful to be home. It showed on his face. Even though he seemed to feel that he needed to entertain me as his guest. I wasn’t comfortable with him trying to be a good host…

So I sent him to his room.

Then I went to the kitchen, found a nice bottle of wine, two glasses, an ice pack from his freezer, and joined him in his room.

I don’t know if I’m unique in this, but another mans bedroom is a sacred space. Off limits, unless you’re invited in. The other thing about a mans bedroom is that his scent, (no not stinky stuff) is strongest there.

Each man has a very unique scent. Some pleasant, some not so much… however all are unique. My friends room and scent were pleasant. Despite his recent injury and subsequent recovery process his room was comfortable and neat.

His personal scent was clean, spicy, with a light touch of musk (not the cologne kind) and earthy. These scents are indicators that reach me on an instinctive level about a mans general health. Personally, I’m always suspicious of anyone that wears really heavy colognes and if their room or home reeks of it then I’m really put off.

He was lying on his bed wincing a bit as he settled in. He’d taken off the brace but still had his shoes on and was out of breath from moving in unnatural ways to protect the knee.

He smiled when he saw the wine, and grinned when he saw the ice pack. If he’d been a dog he’d have been wagging his tail and panting.

I started to hand him the pack, but he asked if I’d position it. He really looked tired I suspected that an earlier physical therapy appointment, his day, and dinner had really taken a toll on him. He closed his eyes and breathed a big sigh when the cool pack touched his knee.

I poured the wine and handed him a glass, then helped him get his shoes off.

While next to him on the bed with my wine, we talked about life, the universe, everything. He talked about the model, the strangeness of the short lived relationship, and the confusion he felt about the models desire to take the relationship beyond casual so quickly.

I think he’s happier to be out of that relationship than he’s willing to admit. He’s also perhaps a little regretful because after all it was a model, He’s a guy, and like most of us he’s primarily visually oriented. After all we all like to know we’re with the hottest person in the room.

My friend is a muscular massage therapist. (A REAL massage therapist, not one of those butt rub twinks that wants to jerk you off for $120 calling it a massage.)

I thought about his birthday request and that he’s a massage therapist and came to a decision.

“Would you like for me to give you a massage? I’m completely unskilled but I’ll do my best.”

He looked at me and without hesitation said “Yes, that would be very nice.”

I helped him out of his clothes and then got out of mine. Skin cleans easier than clothes, especially if you’re working with lotions or oils. It’s not like he hadn’t seen me naked before. I’ve subjected myself to his “Tender Mercies” (aka screaming like a school girl) on several occasions.

As I started working on his neck and shoulders he just groaned. He told me that I was one of the few people he knew that had ever offered to massage him. I suggested that people were intimidated and fearful that he would be judging their technique because he was a professional CMT. I kept working on him asking if I was hurting him.

He groaned, as I rubbed the tense muscles following his spine and the boundary between his trapezius and deltoid. “That’s nice..”

Slowly over the next couple of hours with breaks for occasional refills of our glasses and swapping out his ice packs, I worked as methodically as I could down his body. I was using what I remembered from being on the receiving end of good massages and my personal training experience to target his over used muscles.

Realize, that having an injury which affects your ability to walk puts stress on many muscles outside the injury  because they’re called upon to work in unusual ways. It’s a natural part of your body protecting the injury site and trying to redistribute the load so that your injury can heal.

I went to go get him another ice pack. When I came back to the room he was reclining with a big smile. “That was nice. I had to roll over ’cause my body doesn’t like being in that position for too long. I can’t even sleep face down.”

I put the new ice pack in place and crawled onto the bed beside him. He pretty much bear hugged me and told me thank you.  We talked for a while about more of life, the universe, and everything while I worked on his pecs. After I’d done all I could I just laid down beside him.

We were quiet for a while. Just two men, relaxed, no masks, no fear, no expectations, no demands. Listening to each others hearts and breathing on a warm summer night, somehow this time was as healing to me as I hope it was to him.

After an indeterminate time, he groaned.

“What?” I asked.

“Oh there are some flexibility exercises I still need to do. Would you help me?”

“Of course, you’ll need to walk me through what I need to do.”

So I helped him with the exercises mostly as a spotter and sometimes as a brake when his muscles gave out.

After his exercises we held each other for a while longer. I was gently caressing him, drawing the occasional sigh of contentment.

I was also enjoying a bit of one of my recently discovered / admitted to kinks. I was enjoying “serving”. It was emotionally satisfying for me to serve, help, and comfort this man.

A while later he invited me to join him in a shower, we bathed each other cleaning the lotion, and sweat off each other,  again enjoying the intimate peace between us.

Standing there in the shower watching me while I washed his legs and gingerly cleaned his swollen knee he gets this big grin and says “I’ve got some great chocolate ice cream, you want some?”

“Of course!” Hey I’m a sucker for good chocolate! The only thing I like better is sorbet…

While we were munching our well after midnight snack. He commented about how nice it was to have spent the time together the way we did. The intimacy was just what he needed.

Many people that he works with or socializes with are about sex. Admittedly, I can see why. My friend is a big handsome guy. He has always been an athlete and that lifelong habit shows in every aspect of his body. He’s got a bit of a body builders physique and well… god was generous in other ways too.

We were talking about the difference between just sex… (Usually fun), Intimate loving sex… (Fucking great), and Intimacy which we both agree is all too infrequent.

The problem seems to be that intimacy requires vulnerability. You can’t be intimate if you’ve got your guard up. If you’re having a casual fuck you’re likely to be somewhat guarded eve as you pump your load out in a gut wrenching orgasm. Casual fucking is fun don’t get me wrong, but by it’s nature, it’s not very intimate.

Even in relationships there are times when you just don’t want to be vulnerable. The trouble seems to be that we habitually keep our guard up even with those that we should be intimate with. We forget how to be unguarded and completely honest with each other.

I suppose that’s why the time last night was so special.

For several hours I was able to be completely myself, at peace, and had the pleasure of sharing that with someone else who was equally unguarded.

It may never happen again with him. It could have been simply that he was forced to be vulnerable because hes injured. It doesn’t matter why,  it’s a memory that I’ll always appreciate.

I’m going to have to be more open to the possibilities too.

Now that I’ve had a taste…. I want MORE.