The problem with 3 ways, someone is almost ALWAYS selfish!

Interesting

By now you’ve all figured out that I’m a contradiction.

On the one hand I’m somewhat conservative, on the other hand, in some areas I’m uhh… adventurous. “Yeah that’s a good word I’ll stick to it.” There is rarely a clear cut predictor about where I’m going to come down on any particular subject.

Love it or hate it my reactions are almost always “Interesting”.

Recently, I met someone who is interesting and adventurous and we ended up in a 3 way with my partner of many years. This isn’t the first time and likely won’t be the last.  This time however, I was in a position where I was a little more disconnected than usual.

A good time was had by all (I hope) but one of the things I noticed was that in a 3 way there is no room for selfishness.

The absolute best 3 way I’ve ever been in was a situation where everyone was all about giving and enjoying the pleasure of giving. This was in my very early years and I naively thought, “sex would always be like this.”  In that situation, not only should the “Needy” not apply… They weren’t allowed to apply.

This more recent situation was a bit different, and once again I was the one forced into trying to keep all the balls in the air. Ahem so to speak.

The point is, a 3 way can be really awesome for one, two, or all three of the parties involved. But one should always be mindful that sharing is important. You shouldn’t allow a situation where only one of the parties is catering the the wants and needs of two of the parties exclusively.

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Ok so you want something inserted… Great! How about remembering to give a comforting touch, or a kiss to whatever part of another person you can reach?

How about remembering that the person driving the two massive latex instruments of insertion now, no longer has a hand free.

How about appreciating that the “driver” here might be using both hands, and a thigh and a knee to bring pleasure to two of you but that the “driver” might be completely off balance and while they’re enjoying watching you squirm, they might also like a little help with balance, particularly if you’re thrashing all over the place.

How about remembering that this act of gymnastic legerdemain might be very uncomfortable and should be rewarded with a comforting hand or mouth, and that it’s in your best interest to keep the practitioner of these gymnastics engaged and intensely pleasured so that they are able to more easily forget about the cramping and joint pain they’re experiencing.

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You’d think that all these things would be self evident.

Even if they’re not, you’d assume that when one of the people who happens to be tied up, comments on the gymnastics with surprise and lust shining brightly in their eyes. That the other participant might decide to discontinue being selfish.

Alas, your assumption would be wrong, such was not the case.

In retrospect it’s obvious I tied the wrong person up. Live and learn!

What I learned was that I need additional rope, a ball gag and a sturdy chair in the next room!

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The next 3 way is going to involve tying up the selfish party in another room and then having wild monkey sex with the person who appreciates my tender mercies.

Just once in these situations… I’d really like to be the one who lays back and fucking enjoys being serviced!

Just once!!!

I should say however, I wouldn’t trade the experiences I’ve had for anything.

I love busting a nut as much as the next guy, but having complete control of two people in the throes of sexual anticipation, joy, depravity, ecstasy is a total rush!

And yes… I’ve probably crossed the TMI line with this post.

Ahhhh That felt good!

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Sometimes trying to do work for friends is just not a good idea. I always feel guilty asking for what I’m worth and because I feel guilty I don’t ask.

The practical result of this little mind game is that I do good work, but always end up being taken advantage of a bit. You know, $80 keyboards, and $40 spools of cable add up. But I just gave the shit away…

That’s a problem that I’ve got to get over. Part of it will be the absolute certainty on my part that I am worth every freakin penny I charge for whatever I do.

I need to make sure as well that I’m billing for everything that gets left behind as part of the job. “OH, your keyboard is broken… well it can be replaced for $20 or you can have my really nice $80 keyboard for $80.

I’d been asked to take a look at some data and see if I could present the material in a better way. I said, “Sure” without even thinking about it. 

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That was mistake number 1. I should have thought about it, I know these folks and I know how one of them thinks.

Mistake number 2  I shouldn’t have offered to do anything until we’d discussed MY PRICE!

It’s about time that I stopped being a charitable organization. My Price was never discussed and I find that really odd given the circumstances.

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Mistake number 3 was that I should have called a halt to my doing anything when I wasn’t getting cooperation gaining access to the data I was supposed to evaluate. Instead I got directed to an incomplete website and was sorta left with nothing.

Mistake number 4 was not calling an end to the whole mess when suddenly I had a deadline to finish. I still hadn’t been given the materials I’d requested to make the evaluation in the first place.

In fact there had been an email wherein I’d been told that my friends had been sidetracked for several weeks. I took this to mean that they really weren’t committed to getting this little project off the ground.

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In this particular case, I’ve got other clients that are PAYING and know what the heck in general they want and are willing to work with me to deal with questions that come up.

You know what? Cash talks!

I just threw in the towel on the undefined unestimated project.

Sure I’m leaving money on the table, but you know what? I think it was going to be a never ending, a.k.a never satisfied project.  

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I’m cutting my losses, and calling it SKOOLING!

I feel pretty good about it. Now I don’t have this weird undefined thing looming over my head. It’s helped a great deal with my ability to focus.

I’ve moved on to a challenging project where I can see the $$ at the end of the tunnel and I’m learning something new too.

 

Gay politics

Sad to say my brothers & sisters but we’re blowing it big time.

Especially in light of the new reports, one of which says we’re less than 2% of the population and the other report that says overall new HIV infection is down, EXCEPT in the young Gay / Bisexual crowd where the numbers of infection are climbing.

First, it is time for us to stop making the marriage fight about the GAY, instead make marriage about freedom and equality.

We need to stop pissing off the conservative base. We need to recognize they could be our natural allies. I know its hard to fathom but let me explain:

Conservatives are about freedom and constitutional rights. In this age of Obama we might be wise to capitialize on those issues rather than continue to have our collective wagons hitched to a President that may well have assured a conservative Republican takeover in the House and Senate.

The planks these Conservative Republicans are likely to be running on will be Freedom, Smaller, Less Intrusive Government, and Constitutional Rights.

I submit to you that it is a Constitutional right to marry the adult of the same species that you love. The Constitutionalists will be looking to swing disillusioned Democratic voters to their way of thinking and aren’t likely to rock the boat if some or even a lot of those voters happen to be gay, especially given the recent rulings and non-rulings by the SCOTUS.

We could easily have inclusion, not “speciality” in the political process and full equal standing in all rights within the next 5 years. We could even be respected for fighting when it was necessary and knowing when the fight was over.


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But then we have IDIOTS like the Houston Mayor.

After someone like this garners national attention over a stupid ordinance, ALL Gay folks are screwed.

Let me set the stage for you.

Someone thought it would be a good idea to get rid of gender specific bathrooms in Houston and proposed an ordinance to the city council.

(Have you ever cleaned a women’s public bathroom? Let me tell you something, you’d rather clean all the bathrooms in a frat house with a toothbrush, the monday after homecoming, than clean a single public women’s restroom. As a male, I’ll take my urinals and relatively clean bathrooms thank you very much.)

This ordinance was passed, a lot of people were pissed off about it and they took action.

What they did was legal and correct, they gathered signatures for a referendum. Specifically, they gathered three times the number of signatures required for a referendum. The City Secretary did their job and certified that there were indeed enough signatures for a referendum.

Then the City Attorney and the Mayor rejected the certification of the referendum. This effectively put The City Attorney & Mayor in defiance of the law, not to mention defiance of the will of a number of civic minded citizens.

The citizens responded by filing a law suit against the Mayor. The Mayor, “aka the city” responded by using the power of her position to attempt to violate the first amendment rights of a number of local pastors and churches, by demanding their sermons and communications with their congregations. Its possible there is a fourth amendment violation in here too but I don’t think that will hold up in court.

If it was JUST that this Mayor was an idiot, it would be one thing. But in this case its well known that the Mayor is gay.

Folks are noticing and commenting on how similar her actions are to the actions of others In the so called Pink Mafia, or those forcing the “GAY Agenda”. 

Surely you remember;

Gay people suing bakers to bake wedding cakes

Gays suing to stay at a bed and breakfast, causing the B&B to close forever because the legal fees bankrupted the owners

Gays trying to sue a church into allowing them to have their wedding in the sanctuary. 

Don’t even start talking about GLAAD and their bitching about someones offhanded comment.

Lets not forget the great Vodka and Pasta, and Coors boycotts.

Or the forced resignation of corporate executives because they expressed their opinion about gay people, which they have every right to under the first amendment. 


Its time for HRC and GLAAD to start being useful in a more mature fashion. Yes, continue to watch for abuses of gay people or curtailment of peoples right based on their sexuality. But a more important job for both organizations might be to begin educating gay folks in how to use their newly gained rights without being assholes.

What we need is a situation where we can all point to an idiotic Mayor and call them an Idiot because of their policies or actions, regardless of their sexuality.

There are times when I just want to scream!

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And not in a good way!

I’m a bit ADD. I know, I know, that’s become an overused cliché catchall that everyone and their brother uses to excuse anything from a hangover to a stroke.

Hear me out. I’ve been like this my whole life, and for me, this is completely normal. I’ve adapted to being this way because I’ve never know any other way to be. There are times when the ADD presents challenges, loud noises, crowds, bright flashing lights, can really mess with my calm and freak me out. Most of these challenges are manageable. If I feel myself being overwhelmed I’ll find a quiet spot to collect myself and then I’m good to go.

imagesOne of the biggest challenges ADD presents me with is listening to someone talk. If they have something to say and they keep on track I’m fine. If, however, they meander and pause the main thread of their story to fill in useless details or give me background that they should have given at the beginning of the story, then I’m likely to stop listening. In the worst case, the person doesn’t notice my eyes glazing over and they keep yammering.

This is usually when the ADD becomes a real problem. I respond first with annoyance, then hostility, then outright anger. The poor fool telling me, whatever they were telling me has no idea what they’ve done wrong or why I’m pissed off.

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Believe it or not, I feel guilty when I lose control and get angry because of the way someone is telling their story. It’s not fair to the other person. As far as they’re concerned they are telling a nice coherent little tale.

To an ADD person it’s annoying tedium. I can explain, I think using the following example.

The church made, because of the rummage sale, the church made, the donations to the rummage sale this year because, because of estate donations allowed the church to make,  One estate donated a teak modern dining set that was worth about 5000 dollars it went at silent auction for 2000, it was one of those Danish modern designs, I don’t know who bought it. The usual amount that the church makes on a rummage sale is $15,000 or so. This year the church made, oh there was a lot of very nice estate jewelry some of it brought in a lot higher than expected prices. This year the church made $30,000 although the final total isn’t in yet.

The story could have been summed up simply.

The church doubled it’s usual rummage sale income this year due to a number of estate donations.

Then if I was interested I could have asked what the total dollar amount was.

benefitsadhd2To an ADD person, the story, as first presented, is like fingernails on a chalkboard. The constant teasing about how much the church actually made, is annoying as hell.

There’s another level though that’s worse for the ADD person. It’s that for every one of those pauses we pause a stream of thought and start another one. Pretty soon your 2 minute anecdote has us nearing the maximum capacity of our brain power.

Think of it like trying to compute orbital mechanics of the entire solar system and keeping all the variables in your head.

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This is, I think part of the reason we ADD folk don’t like watching the late night news, it’s the constant teasers. If the 10 o’clock news really wants to piss of the ADD crowd; tease us for an hour and then never get to the story!

“Stay tuned to find out why your penis is at risk”

The way my brain works is probably best described as a corral of skittish horses. I have tons of thoughts running all the time and it requires an effort of will to harness those thoughts, put blinders on them, and then hitch them up to the wagon of a project I’m trying to do.

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A conversation like the story above tends to have an effect on my thoughts, that’s similar to what you get if a rattle snake suddenly appears in a corral full of skittish horses. After the chaos and dust clears, you’ve got horses spread to the four corners of the corral and none of them are going to do any work for the rest of the day.

I live with a person that tells stories like the example above.  That pisses me off by itself. (Come to think of it, my stepdad tries to lecture on science and technical stuff the same way; no wonder I dreaded asking him questions when I was in school!)

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What really pisses me off is when I catch myself telling stories the same way.

My ability to write today is gone. I’m going to go outside and run the weed whacker. I will avoid holding a fluffy pillow firmly over someone’s face.

Ok folks we need to talk.

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It is perfectly OK to be gay.

It is equally perfectly OK to be straight

Bi Folks are probably the luckiest because for them any party is a smorgasbord. And THEY are perfectly normal as well.

(Note, I’m including Lesbian, Transgendered, and Questioning folk in the larger over arching broadly defined groups above. Deal with it!)

BUT!

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And this is a real big deal for me. It is not ok for us to shove our beliefs, politics, and details of our lives down someone’s throat that is diehard straight, or devoutly religious, or who may have outdated or even antiquated beliefs, in our opinion.

I mean ask yourself how you’d feel if a straight person was telling you, you were wrong because of your desires. How about a straight person forcing you to bake them a cake for their sons first sexual encounter with a hooker?

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Both are distasteful and you’re entitled to say, “I do not agree,” or “I prefer not to do business with you.”

Why then do we feel it’s not ok for a devoutly religious person to refuse to bake our wedding cakes? How are we morally superior when we shout about a CEO being homophobic and demand their resignation?

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We are winning the right to marry whom we choose. We are making progress in winning hearts not with force, but with education, compassion, and common decency, we don’t need to keep pounding everyone over the head.

And yet we do.

We’ve become guilty of the same things that we’ve berated conservatives and religious groups about for years.

Intolerance!

Are we so shallow as a group that all we want is revenge?

Oh Bitch you’re going to bake my wedding cake! I’ll lawyer up and FORCE you to do it!”

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Really? You’re going to serve that cake, made by someone you’ve deeply offended and pissed off to your friends and family? Ever heard the old adage, “Don’t piss off your food server?”

And if you’re smart enough to know you don’t want to serve a cake baked under those conditions to your friends and family…

Then let it the fuck go!

Why the hell would you want to go to the hassle of lawyering up just to prove a point. Make your point by going to the competitor bakery and then make sure all your friends do the same. You don’t need to picket, you don’t need to say or do anything other than find a different bakery and help them become successful.

All these people freaking out about Firefox’s CEO having an opinion about homosexuality that they disagree with is insane! 

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Firefox is a FREE product! Use it, OR Don’t. But for god sake, get the hell over yourselves! Go back to Internet Explorer or use Chrome. NEXT! 

There was an article on Breitbart today with the headline “Teacher White Privilege Conference: Whites are never cured of racism

First and foremost, the nature of the conference and its message is offensive on its face.  Second, is this where the LGBT community really wants to go?

20 Years from now do you want to have a conference titled “Straight People are never cured of homophobia and must be re-educated time & again”

Lets get beyond the continuous “Butthurt”

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Its time to realize that many of the GLBT organizations cease to have relevance when we achieve equality. Its in the best interests of such organizations to keep the GLBT community frothing at the mouth at perceived slights, because without relevance these organizations are out of business.

The GLBT community isn’t quiet equal yet, but the day is coming and on that day the “Special” organizations should voluntarily and gladly lock their doors.

On that day we’ll be like everyone else our rights and freedoms guaranteed by The Constitution. We should all begin thinking of ourselves and acting, as normal participants in our society now.  Consider it training for ‘The Big Day’.

We don’t want to make the mistake of continuing to highlight how different we are.

I personally believe separatism, whether imposed from within or without is detrimental to any group in the society at large. I think of it like; Stop acting different and you’ll stop being different. Most people today don’t care if you’re GLBT, take that and revel in it, but don’t be mean. 

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I for one am sick and tired of story after story of the GLBT community abusing people who have  different beliefs or opinions about homosexuality. 

Its time for the GLBT community to grow the fuck up.

Not everyone on the “playground” is going to like us, nor should they be required to. Let folks have their own opinions, let them decide if they want to leave money on the table, let them come to realize, in their own time that the inclusion of the GLBT community will not bring about the end of the world as they know it.

Live as an equal member of your community, get involved, be a member of the neighborhood watch, volunteer your time, make your community a better place. Take the initiative to teach others a positive message by your actions, instead of a negative message by being a distraction.

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People will figure out you’re GLBT and they wont care, because you’re an asset to the community. 

We can’t demand equality and freedom while denying the same to others. 

I do like some things about this town!

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I apologize in advance for the quality of the photos. I wasn’t planning on doing a photo essay. So I left the Nikon in the hotel room.

Too late I realized there were some interesting photo ops.

SO I figured it was time to learn how to better use the camera in my iPhone.


Las Vegas is a place where you buy a Stetson, and they serve you Jack Daniels.

This is of course probably necessary, have you seen the price of a Stetson 20X lately?

Not that I’m complaining, Stetsons hold up for ever with minimal care and I wear mine a lot in the snow & rain of winter and early spring.

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Las Vegas is a place where if I lived here, I’d walk or ride my bike more than I drove.

Traffic is nuts, but walking isn’t too bad in and around the center of town. That being said, once you get out of the unreality of the strip Las Vegas is a pretty normal slice of suburbia.

The thing is, like most of suburbia it’s spread out and homes are usually at a distance from business areas. So it’s still possible just as in California that covering the distance from “home” to work would be impractical walking or riding a bike. Is it any wonder we’re becoming a nation of fat asses, myself included?

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The tramway is cool but it should really go a lot further. I think it would be great if they made it connect all of the “Strip” even if you had to walk through casinos to access the next station. I think they’d have to do that because of the shapes of the hotels and the layout of the strip itself.

Right now it just goes from The Monte Carlo to The Bellagio. You can access Caesars via a bridge and then walk on to The Flamingo. I didn’t explore much further than that.

I will say this, it’s very disconcerting to get off at “Crystals” (A mall) after having had a drink or two. God help you if you also had recently taken Viagra because you’d be absolutely sure you were going blind. Or perhaps having a flashback to your drug hazed hippy phase.

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FYI, It’s not you… the lighting changes to blue, pink, and a couple of other colors. But at night when you exit the tram into that intense color it can really mess with you.

The weird thing about the casinos is that after a short time they all look alike.  They’re on the darker side and they’re a labyrinth of tables and machines & lights. Even the faces of the people begin to blur together after a while.

Instead of perceiving the “grandmother in the corner happily playing the two cent slots” she becomes “generic old woman type #5 playing slots” it’s weird.

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Where the Casinos excel is in their shopping  and hotel areas.

I really like Caesars Palace! Yes, it’s all a big set piece but I like the marble and columns. I like the statuary and I appreciated the illusion of an open sky in their mall.

You have to understand these are all pretty high end shopping centers and I’m betting that they make money hand over fist.

The traffic through these places is very high and I noticed that in almost every one of the mall areas, there were Tiffany’s, Coach, Vuitton, and half a dozen other high end vendors.

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I even sampled the latest in Tom Ford scents. Although the sales lady spritzed me with some really nasty floral smell.  I washed it off in the mens room, rather, I tried.

The thing about really good colognes, & perfumes is that they’re made with more oils and far less alcohol. This means; first, that you need very little. Second that it soaks into your skin almost immediately, and stays with you for a long time.

The sales lady did me a favor. I like tobacco & wood scents, they work for me.  Gardenia is just right out of the picture. Gardenia is exactly what one of the major components of the cologne she spritzed me with was. Just as well, had I stayed I’d have probably purchased one of the new Ford scents, they’re pricy! a single bottle lasts a long time but it will put a dent in your budget.

IMG_0254I did enjoy the art and architecture of the shopping centers.  I liked Crystals the best, they’ve got a nice open air plan and some really cool or dramatic architectural elements.

Yeah, I’m not a gambler. Could you tell?

I’ve gambled, I’ve put quarters in slot machines, I’ve even won!

The odds are so not in your favor. While I enjoyed the heck out of spending a few quarters, winning, then spending the next few hours losing my huge $40.00 winnings, I can’t see it as a regular thing.

I like walking through the hotels, and shops, and treating Las Vegas like a Disneyland-esq place for adults.

I like being able to drink anything, almost anywhere on the strip. I like the general feeling of immorality of the city. I like that you can offend someone, (as my brother did by carrying a beer in a plastic cup into the elevator going up to the room.) and that they can’t really do or say anything about it.

I guess the bottom line is that I enjoyed the trip. I needed the time with my brother. I needed the time away.

As always when I come back from trips like this I ask myself why I don’t take more short trips more often.

I’m not sure that I have an answer. I guess it has to do with the other half not having weekends off and while I was working, not being able to take time off during the week.

I suppose that over time, that scheduling conflict has created a habit and the habit became a “normal” way of life.

I’m thinking it’s time for me to break that habit and do more. I need to find a traveling buddy, and spend more time doing fun stuff.

Time is the one thing we can never get more of.

Don’t waste yours.