Butt Toys

Yeah You read it, Yeah I said it.

[I’ve decided to write mini-reviews of items that catch my attention. Personally, I hate jumping in blind and spending $50 to $200 on a toy only to find out that it’s cheaply made, or simply don’t live up to expectations. So take my review in the spirit in which it’s meant. These are my experiences your mileage will probably vary.]

The male butt can be an amazing source of pleasure. I discovered this as an adolescent, but shame and social taboos kept me from really enjoying all that my butt could offer until well into middle age.

Many men, straight and otherwise have been introduced to the pleasures of anal stimulation by their significant others. I’ve known many women that loved “turning the tables” on their men.

Done right, someone stimulating your prostate can add a whole new dimension to sex and orgasm. You want a mind blowing orgasm? Have someone or something massaging your prostate when you cum. I guarantee that you’ll come back for more.

Whether you have a partner or not,  I can suggest a couple of fine toys.

My current favorites are the Aneros Progasm Ice and the Lelo “Billy”

The Progasm Ice is a great toy.

Having used the Aneros MGX for a while, I wanted something a little more interesting. I can heartily recommend the Ice.

One of the things I didn’t care for with the MGX was the perineum tab tended to be a little too sharp. Not like it cut or anything but it just dug into the perineum a little too aggressively for my tastes.

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The Progasm Ice is a different animal altogether

As you can see in the photo the front tab has a nice round ball and provides pressure and stimulation without digging in.

The Aneros toys are deceptive.

They look like nothing at all… yet, used properly these devices can take you to a hands free orgasm.

They’re powered by your own body. As your anal muscles contract, the Aneros presses on your prostate when causes another contraction and so on until you’re blissed out and cumming.

There are conflicting reports about health benefits of having your prostate massaged. Some people swear that prostate massage is essential for good prostate and sexual health. The medical profession seems less convinced.

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I can tell you from my own experience, that prostate stimulation and massage just feels damn good.

Since I’m all about feeling good, as long as my prostate isn’t damaged by whatever is being done to it, I’m a happy man.

My other favorite toy for prostate massage is the  Lelo “Billy”

The “Billy” is pretty darn close to perfect if you’re into powered pleasure.

(I’d never seen a Lelo vibrator until I was shopping with someone very close to me who purchased one for his wife. I was impressed with the design and wondered if they made something for men… Short answer is Yes. )

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The curve is perfect and angles right at the prostate.

The diameter of the “Billy” is just right for beginners to butt play as well as the more… uh experienced user.

The controls are easy to use and the 5 programmed pulse modes combined with the variable speed of the unit make for a wide variety of pleasurable adventures.

This unit is well built, rechargeable, and a whole lot of fun. The “Billy” is a little pricy but looks like it’s going to hold up well.

I personally like the pulse mode. I have no doubt that everyone can find something to make their butt happy.

I’m thinking about giving one of these as a gift to my brother… Well Actually I think I’d have to give it to his wife… I’ll probably have to include 20 or 30 feet of rope so she could tie him down and force pleasure on him!

Combine either or both of these toys with a big healthy dose of Spunk Lube and you’re good to go for playtime either alone, or with your mate.

Spunk Lube has become my go to lube for general play. Whatever you’re sliding into your partner Spunk gives you a silky smooth ride. I’ve had no trouble with condoms or toys and as advertised Spunk cleans up easily.


The problem I suspect most folks have with toys, is the expense.

It’s not like you can walk into a store and try a toy to decide if you like it.

So you look at the item carefully and then you make the call. If you’re lucky the item in question works the way you hope.

I got lucky with these toys,

I hope my review helps you get lucky too.

 

Lubes… No, NOT FOR YOUR CAR!

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I’ve decided that I’m going to be sharing personal views on various products that I use. Some of those products may be “normal” average every day things and some may not.

This is the first installment, I hope you enjoy it.

As a guy that likes to bust a nut. I’ve used a wide variety of lubricants in my masturbatory career.

I’ve often said that If I could give myself a blowjob I’d be homeless living under a bridge and have no need for anyone. I even tried Yoga to see if I could get limber enough! Alas, no joy…

My lack of flexibility…. (notice I said nothing about length… I’m 12 internet inches thank you very much!) has led me to the exploration of various personal lubricants over the years.

As a general rule, I like water based lubricants, but I have to admit a certain perverse fondness for Jergens.

What Mother hasn’t noticed that her Jergens consumption increased by 75% when her first son reached puberty? Yeah Mom, sorry about blowing through all those bottles of the stuff for you… But I couldn’t blow myself and well my dick wouldn’t be denied!

From the early lubes that contained a cornucopia of chemicals and dried the hell out of my johnson to KY, and J-Lube I’ve rubbed out more that a few loads..

My most recent favorites have been Gun Oil H2O and Stroke 29 (also by gun oil). Been using these lubes to bust a nut since I discovered them.

Stroke 29 dispenses like a thick cream then changes state as you stroke and it heats up. It’s long lasting and feels damn fine while I ride my fist to glory. The nice thing about 29 is that you don’t necessarily have to rinse off. A quick wipe with a hand towel and I’m good to go. 

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Gun Oil H20 is nice but is really best suited for fucking. If it’s inside someone it stays slick and lasts pretty well. Using it for stroking is good too but you end up re-applying often and using quite a bit.

This is a common problem with most water based lubricants

As the water evaporates, the lube gets progressively stickier and tacky until you’re forced to wet it down again or re-apply.

Silicone lubes solve this problem but they shouldn’t be used with many latex products.

So if you’re playing with someone and decide to get a little more serious you have to clean up, and then switch to a lube that is condom safe for example.

Silicone lubes are also kind of messy and I’ve found them hard to clean up. (As an aside a nice salt scrub will break the stuff down faster.)

There are other masturbatory lubes that have a variety of chemicals which make them inappropriate for vaginal / anal penetration or use before oral sex. In addition to the bad flavor, the chemical soup can be very irritating to the lining of any orifice.

These products are freakin great for just strokin but you’re back to the stopping and cleaning up if you and a partner decide to mix it up. 

 Recently, I’ve tried Spunk

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This stuff is great! it’s slick, and stays wet a long time. It behaves as advertised and cleans off of you with a hand towel, no water necessary.

The stuff cleans easily off your toys with soap and water, leaving no residue.  It’s toy / latex safe and did I mention it looks like cum.

Yeah, for fetishists like myself that’s a major selling point.

I love using my own cum as a lube for the second round of fun. Ok I’m a kinky fuck… moving on…

With Spunk I get to have the thrill of stroking with something that looks like cum… right from the get go.

Spunk is a really nice all around solution because it’s a hybrid. It stays wet & slick longer than the traditional water based lube.

It does eventually require either water or re-aplication but not nearly as often as many of the traditional water based lubes. If you’re into edge play, this can be a nice change.

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It’s safe for use as a vaginal/anal lubricant, it’s also neutral tasting. All are advantages because you can have fun alone or with someone, without having to think about which lube to use or breaking the action to clean up just to umm… get dirty again.

Looking at the Spunk bottle pictured… is that cum or is it Spunk? Can’t tell? that’s the point!  

Yeah I did my own little photo shoot to see if the pictures on the Spunk web site were “Doctored” guess what? I don’t think they were.  

In my highly unscientific comparison spunk stays slick just about as long as my own highly personal product. Of course I can buy Spunk in 8 oz bottles and my personal product cums in only tablespoon quantities.  (Hey I had to do a fair comparison didn’t I? Besides I had the lube on my hand I didn’t want to waste it!)

I will admit that I am somewhat biased to my own product… But I think that’s because I feel so good dispensing it! 

Dispensing Spunk isn’t quite as much fun, on the other hand… dispensing Spunk means I’m going to be having fun so it’s an easy tradeoff.

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Some other notes, my skin can be sensitive, especially around the urethral opening. I’ve had a number of lubes that caused irritation in that area. If you’re a guy like me who’s had lubes that felt like someone was holding a blowtorch to the end of your dick, Spunk is a safe choice it hasn’t caused any negative reaction whatsoever. 

I think that I’ll be switching to Spunk only for all my future sexual escapades… Now can I get a bulk discount?

YES! you can buy the product in Gallon sized jugs.

You know… there is a whole practical joke aspect to this stuff that might just be worth exploring! 

Imagine dropping your car off at your local mechanic with spunk all over the steering wheel or dripping from the underside of the hood. 

I can see that conversation. “Oh yeah I have sex with my car… let me wipe that off!”

If I come across any better lubes I’ll share my experiences with them too. For the time being I’m a fan of the Spunk product.

Feel free to make suggestions or comments, I’m always looking for something new to try out.

Got a new toy… A Tenga

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OK right at the outset for my friends who are squeamish about me saying stuff about sex…. I’m about to talk about a sex toy.

NO! Not a dildo or vibrator. I’m not planning to extoll the virtues of either.

It’s a TENGA. While this is a lot like the FleshLight (Which I also have and enjoy, but which is also aging). This little Japanese wonder is… Well A LOT OF FUN!

Had some time to give it a whirl this morning. I think I’m going to be making time for this puppy more often.

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Unlike the FleshLight, the Tenga opens horizontally along it’s long axis. This allows for very easy application of lubricant and even easier cleaning.

One down side to the FleshLight is the cleaning.

My FleshLight is showing signs of wear not from use so much as from the cleaning.

The disassembly process puts strain on the silicone insert and over time creates micro-tears around the circumfrence. I’ve also had difficulty with the hard plastic parts becoming brittle over time. 

The Tenga solves these issues and makes cleanup a snap. It’s nice to be able to really get at all the nooks and crannies with plain old soap and water.

A major issue for me with the FleshLight is that after I’ve had my fun, I’ve got the insert out which has all the structural integrity of a dead octopus… that has to dry, plus the outer case, plus the two end caps. This pile of parts has sit somewhere while drying, quite often that someplace is out on the bathroom counter.

If you hurry the drying process with say a blow dryer… you risk damaging any or all of the components. If you just say “Fuck it!” An all too likely prospect in my world, you’ll put it away wet and then run the risk of god knows what growing in the thing.

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The Tenga is completely different.

There are exactly two parts. The cover is used during your fun… it’s what keeps the two halves of the Tenga locked together. When not in use the cover protects the silicone in the business end of the unit.

After cleaning, the cover supports the whole unit upright for drying.

The design is elegant and functional.

I’m not trying to sound like an ad copy writer here but I’ve always had a great respect for simple functional design. I’ve never seen any reason not to have the same design criteria for sexual toys.

One thing that I didn’t realize when I purchased my new best friend is that the nubs and groves are available in different patterns.

I’d been shown the inside of one in the store, and when I got mine home, the inside was different. So if you’ve got a penchant for a particular pattern of bumps, nubs, grooves, etc. pay attention to the packaging. I don’t know if the color of the plastic shell correlates with the pattern or not. But the possible differences are worth noting.

Ok so now you know the basics… Now you’re thinking, DUDE! How does it feel?

In a word…. Ahhhhhhhhh fuck yeah!

OK that’s more than one word… sue me!

Here’s where the Tenga shines. If you’ve been observant, you’ve probably wondered about the buttons you can see in the photos. Each of those buttons changes the feeling. (No, the unit is not powered) pressing the buttons applies additional pressure. The one at the bottom makes the entry very tight. YEAH!

The middle button does something that makes the unit have a lot more suction Whoo Hooo, and the top button increases the tightness, stimulation at the head of your dick. OMG!

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All in all, a series of DAMN good feelings.

Sitting here thinking about it…. I might have to go have another round with my new friend…

…. OK I’m back. Yeah I think I like the middle and end buttons best! Whew!

Now where was I?

Oh there may be a down side for some of my friends. The Tenga isn’t as long as the FleshLight, It’s also not as wide.

The length might not be a deal breaker but the width of the business end could present a problem for some of my well endowed friends. You know who you are!

On my personal scale the Tenga is a great product. It’s a bit pricy but if it holds up, well  worth it. Throw in some excellent  Spunk Lube and this toy will have you spunking in short order.

To my friends… if you’re interested come on by I’ll let you take my new friend for a spin. Something I might add that I never felt entirely comfortable doing with my FleshLight, again that whole cleanliness issue.

Oh and you’re going to clean it… I’m not your fucking maid! And I’m probably going to watch. You all know I’m a voyeur so that should be no surprise!

 

BPA, Triclosan and Limp Dicks

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Ok not to sound like one of those Environmental Nutjobs that sets SUVs on fire.

There’s an article in the Los Angeles Times this morning that caught my attention. It turns out that the FDA has decided not to ban BPA.

BPA (bisphenol A) is a compound that permeates our environment. In particular it’s used in food packaging. This material is most often used in plastic bottles and often as a component of liners in cans, particularly soda cans. It’s literally everywhere and it’s some bad stuff.

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Numerous studies have shown links to a number of maladies in mice. These maladies include developmental issues, and precancerous changes in the prostate and breasts. The developmental issues are interesting because in another study BPA levels were tracked in pregnant women. Their children also had BPA in their systems and exhibited hyperactivity, lower emotional control, depression, and anxiety. Given the ever increasing numbers of autistic and ADHD children in this country it’s perhaps not a smoking gun but certainly worth looking at.

This stuff once ingested metabolizes into a compound that looks to the body like the hormone estrogen.

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BPA has been used for about 40 years. Estrogen is necessary for the good health of both males and females. However too much estrogen especially in men can cause some unpleasant side effects. Think Prostate problems, man boobs, low libido, impotency, weight gain, heart problems, and low testosterone.

Now think about the corresponding increase over the past 40 years of these problems in industrialized nations.

This is a somewhat unfair comparison because of access to birth control, but ask yourself why do the poorest countries in the world have in some cases triple the birth rates of industrialized nations?

At the same time, here in the industrialized nations of the world we have created whole industries around fertility and the treatment of Erectile Dysfunction?

Triclosan is a commonly used antibacterial agent. It’s used in toothpaste, and antibacterial soaps. It’s probably even in your carpets or underlayment as a fungal preventative. This material became common in the ’70s and now permeates our environment. Under common conditions in wastewater processing it breaks down into dioxins. It’s found in fish, and dolphins. The Canadians and the Swedes either have or are banning the use of Triclosan in consumer products. At least one study states that triclosan reduced the amount of serum testosterone in rats and reduced thyroid hormones too.

Obviously I’m not a scientist. I don’t have access to a lab or all the data. But I wonder about stuff like this.

Why if there is any question at all doesn’t the FDA simply ban these materials? They say further study is needed. Why not remove the materials and THEN do further study?

For gods sake we have to take our shoes off to get on a fucking plane because ONE IDIOT tried to light explosives in his shoe. We have to go through body scanners because ONE MORON tried to use his underwear as a bomb (I simply fly commando so there is no question when the TSA scans me). We can’t take more than an ounce of liquid on a plane because of the FEAR that the material could be a bomb.

If the shoe bomber and the underwear bomber had succeeded and blown up the planes they were on, They would have killed or injured maybe 1000 people altogether. That would have been tragic.

Yet we have enough circumstantial evidence to suggest that BPA & Triclosan are poisoning millions of men everyday and our government refuses to take action.

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Why? Because it would be too expensive for the makers of bottles, and cans to remove BPA from their product lines. It would be costly for consumer product divisions to remove Triclosan from their products.

And all the while, our testosterone levels fall, infertility rises, and we lament the health crisis caused by obesity.

Tell me again that industry doesn’t control our government…

There is another solution

Men, go through your homes. Toss everything that contains either of these two compounds. Do it for yourself and do it for your sons.

If we stop buying containers and household products that contain this stuff then they’ll stop putting it in everything. Don’t let your kids handle or touch receipts. Believe it or not BPA is in cash register receipts, there might also be traces of arsenic and cyanide in those receipts too so keep that stuff out of the reach of your kids.

Most of all, make sure that this stuff isn’t in your baby’s bottles.

After all you want to be a grand daddy don’t you?

"Hi" redux

A while ago I wrote a piece here titled “hi”

In that piece I explained how annoying it was when I’m on social media sites and I receive the “hi” message from strangers.

I’m probably going to just start replying to those messages with a link to that blog post.

It’s one thing if you know me and start a conversation like that. We already have something in common, it’s quite another thing if we don’t know each other.

Look at the scenario.

Person A Sends a message to person B

hi

Person B gets an email or text notification that they have a message.

They stop what they’re doing, log on to the site where the message originated, navigate to the email and they read the mind bogglingly intelectual message from Person A.

hi

Now Person B checks out the online profile of Person A.

Person B thinks “Hey they’re kind of cute” and despite the fact that the social media site has ample space for Person A to describe themselves and their interests they have refused to provide any information at all except the requisite gender and location.

What is Person B supposed to do? What response can be formulated? As I see it there are four options.

  1. Respond with “Hello, thank you for your message.” and hope that Person A can in fact carry their end of a conversation.
  2. Respond with an equally inane “hi”
  3. Respond with “Hello you’re cute, did you want to get together and fuck?” 
  4. Ignore messages from Person A
I’ve tried all four responses with varying results.
Oddly response #4 elicits the most interesting behavior. Person A continues to send messages that simply say “hi” over and over again until I block the moron.
Options #1 & #2 are about equally ineffective. Person A responds to each with a one to four word response. The response is usually chosen at random from the following list.
“hi”, “sup”, “what are you doing?”, “hows it hangin?”, “where are you?”, “what are you into?”, “stats”
These short responses go on and on until I simply can’t be bothered anymore. By the time Person A gets around to saying anything interesting I’m over them and no longer reading their messages.
At least the multiword choices demonstrate some grasp of the language. I personally find “Stats” offensive but it IS honest in that it’s obvious the sender is looking for a quick hookup.
Response #3 most often generates a distinctive silence. The honesty of “Stats” is apparently acceptable, but putting my desire into actual words is somehow too nasty.
I’m a man… I want to fuck, I want to shoot my creamy load… and why shouldn’t I be honest about that desire?

If you’re saying nothing more than “hi” you’ve left me with nothing to build a conversation on so why not cut to the chase? You want my dick and I’m willing to let you have it.

The most ironic bit of all this is, I’m listed as seeking friends and chat in my profile.

The people that most often send “hi” say they want to chat too. Perhaps my first clue is that these people can’t be honest enough with themselves about what they’re really wanting. Maybe I’ll change my profile to “Seeking Kinky SEX “

At least then the people contacting me might have a clear idea about what they’re after.
The problem is, that I really am looking for local potential friends…

I’m going to have to start hanging out at the local bar, at least then the person saying “hi” is prepared enough or drunk enough to respond with a sentence… or by paying for the drinks!

HPV Vacine for Boys? It’s a good idea!

Was reading an article this morning about vaccinating boys against the HPV virus.

The author mentioned that the rate of vaccination for girls was somewhere around 33% (Defined as girls having all three shots). Then the article goes on to say that the vaccination may be a hard sell for boys.
I don’t get it.
If, as statistics suggest 75% to 80% of all adults have been or will infected with HPV then it’s kind of a no brainer to give protection to our kids so that they’ll never have to worry about HPV as adults.
Since transmission goes both ways shouldn’t we be treating this like measles? 
The author points out that the low vaccination rate for girls may have to do with parents not wanting to think about their daughter being sexually active. Wake up morons!
Unless parents are going to put their daughters in a convent…  A simple vaccination is preferable to the alternative. 
The “hard sell” aspect for boys seems to be that HPV appears to be linked to throat and anal cancers. Therefore parents don’t see the need… Especially since their son isn’t gay and won’t be gay.
This view is completely unrealistic, and based on the fallacious argument that missionary sex is the only kind of sex ever engaged in.
We as Americans MUST get past our puritanical (and hypocritical) beliefs about sex.
How many men have not enjoyed a good blow job? Raise your hands… Now go find someone to suck your dick and tell me it’s not a lot of fun.
How many women haven’t had a man go down on them? Raise your hands… Then smack your husband! Women in general like it just as much as men and they deserve it, so men if you’re not doing your woman you need to get down there and eat some pussy!
There is absolutely nothing new in sex. 
Boys have always gone for the record when they figure out how to jack off. 
Most women seem to do the same when they figure out how to please themselves.
Objects and organs of various sizes, have always found their ways into the vaginal, oral, or anal openings of both sexes. 
It’s a fact of life and denial serves no purpose except to insure that sexually active people contract diseases needlessly every day.
My parents don’t need to know all the situations where I’ve been skin to skin with someone. They sure as hell don’t need to know what I was doing after I got home from school!
Thankfully, they had the presence of mind to realize that I was probably going to be just like them…
… I was going to be a horny little fuck & I was going to have an active satisfying sex life.
They were wise enough to make sure that I had all the information necessary to enjoy my sex life without too many complications.
I can’t believe that after 35 years or so we’re still having dumbshit discussions about sexuality in this country. This is not the 15th century… and even then people were going at it as often as they could.
Look around people, there are more humans now than there were even 30 years ago. We do know how that happens, and it’s a sure bet that not every little darling was an immaculate conception. 
People FUCK.  We always have, presumably we always will. 
Realistically would you deny your children the joy, ecstasy, and unrivaled pleasure of having sex with another person? I didn’t think so… 
So why is it so hard for you to make having those experiences as safe as possible? 
Vaccinate, provide all the information your children need to make informed decisions about their sex life. 
Think about it another way, do you want your son or daughter having their first experience thinking something stupid like if they pee right after sex they won’t get a disease or pregnant?
Wouldn’t it be better for you to give them accurate information? Would it have been better for you?
I was lucky and I thank god my parents were forward thinking. They gave me all the information I could use and they did it without being judgemental. All I knew was that Gay, Straight, Bi, or whatever they were going to love me. 
As an aside… Dad, it would have been nice if you’d given me a little more information on jock itch, and creepy crawlies that can infest body hair…
Of course, you couldn’t anticipate everything but you were in the Navy! And the same goes for my beloved stepfather, actually it goes double for you… You were a Marine!