![\"\"](\"https:\/\/bone-in-the-throat.com\/Blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/11\/1446979486_full.png\")
<\/a>I\u2019ll go to bed because I\u2019m dog tired, then I\u2019ll wake up an hour or two later and not be able to get back to sleep.<\/p>\nSometimes it\u2019s a noise that wakes me, sometimes it\u2019s nightmares, and sometimes it\u2019s just this weird super tension in my shoulders.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know what to do about it.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m going to get a massage next week, maybe that will help. I have vague memories of my Dad being like this. Whenever I asked him if he was Okay, his automatic response was;<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m fine Son, go back to bed, you shouldn\u2019t be up so late.”<\/p>\n
Of course in retrospect neither should he.<\/p>\n
Except, he wasn\u2019t reading, he\u2019d be on the same page for hours. He was thinking about stuff, stuff that he didn\u2019t feel like he could share.<\/p>\n I wonder if he was thinking about the same kinds of things that I do in the dead of night. I\u2019ll never know for sure but I suspect the answer is yes.<\/p>\n I used to think that my Dad\u2019s mask had become a trap. You saw most of the time, only what you were supposed to see. <\/p>\n You never saw weakness, or fear, and only rarely sadness.<\/p>\n I sometimes pictured my Dad as The Man in The Iron Mask. <\/em><\/p>\n Now, having been around the block a few times. I\u2019ve learned that most people, even your closest friends and family don\u2019t want to see you without The Mask.<\/p>\n If you’re touchy-feely, you\u2019re one of the girls and subject to the pecking order. The guy who kept his own council and did what the hell he knew was right, is the one who\u2019s respected.<\/p>\n He\u2019s the Alpha Male, all the rest are betas or less.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t smoke anymore. But tonight, I\u2019m going to do something else my Dad did on sleepless nights.<\/p>\n<\/a>I remember his Lucky<\/em> smoldering in the ashtray as he stubbed it out to herd me back to bed. He\u2019d tuck me in, pat me and say goodnight, then return to the couch light another smoke, and go back to reading his book.<\/p>\n<\/a>My Dad had an amazing “public face\u201d. You only got to see what was behind the mask if you watched very closely. Even then, it was only a glimpse.<\/p>\n<\/a>This is especially true if you\u2019re a man. No matter what the FemNazi\u2019s say\u2026 A strong silent Man is what they really want. The minute you get touchy-feely it\u2019s over!<\/p>\n