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Everything we get is packaged in something. From the atomic bomb resistant packaging of a set of batteries, to the chicken pot pie we\u2019ve got in our freezers. (It\u2019s comfort food! So sue me!)<\/p>\nI know, there\u2019s a lot of really important stuff to be worried, or complain about.<\/p>\n
This one has been growing to the point that I\u2019m not sure if it\u2019s just me being overly sensitive or if this is a real problem that all of us face and should be resolved.<\/p>\n
Packaging!\u00a0<\/p>\n
Everything we get is packaged in something. From the atomic bomb resistant packaging of a set of batteries, to the chicken pot pie we\u2019ve got in our freezers. (It\u2019s comfort food! So sue me!)<\/p>\n
Everything is sealed and puncture resistant. But a fair amount of these items have \u201cEasy open\u201d strips or perforations that are supposed to allow us to tear along the perforation and gain access to the product inside. Hopefully this happens without requiring a thermal lance burning at 10,000\u00b0 F.<\/p>\n
But lately, none of the \u201cEasy Open\u201d features work properly. Resealable packages with the helpful \u201cTear Here\u201d strips often don\u2019t open, or when using the \u201cTear Here\u201d strip, the resealable bit is damaged beyond usability. (This is why you\u2019ll find frozen chicken strips, in their original bag prominently declaring the package resealable<\/i>, inside<\/u> a Ziplock Bag in my freezer.)\u00a0<\/p>\n
Even the perforated pull strip on the butter doesn\u2019t work anymore. It\u2019s gotten to the point that I don\u2019t even try. I\u2019ll tear the end of the carton of butter completely off rather than frustrating myself with tearing a strip off.<\/p>\n
Oh, I\u2019d like to be able to pull the little strip, expose the little tongue & groove closure, and be able to use it to keep the butter closed and neat looking in the fridge.<\/p>\n
However is shouldn\u2019t take me 3 minutes of tearing the strip off, cleaning up the failure of the strip to open the package, working a knife into the carton flaps to neatly open the package, then still being unable to access the butter inside, from which I\u2019ll have to peal wax paper too.<\/p>\n
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These days, my butter package looks like it was mauled by a bear.<\/p>\n
Aluminum Foil and plastic wraps seem to be experiencing similar packaging troubles.<\/p>\n
Microwave popcorn bags used to be easily opened by grabbing opposing corners and pulling. That method works about 65% of the time today. The remaining 35% of the time, popcorn gets blasted all over the kitchen.<\/p>\n
I can do without microwave popcorn and have done for a while now.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t get me started on the \u201cCoin\u201d style batteries. Opening the outer and inner packaging requires the sharpest set of scissors in the house followed by a blowtorch to get through the inner packaging, topped off by a sharp blade to scrape the protective plastic coating from the positive side of the battery prior to installation.<\/p>\n
God help you if the batteries in question powered a pacemaker or something \u2018cause you\u2019d be dead on the kitchen floor!<\/p>\n
It is for this reason that I never bring more than one coin type battery device online per day. If I had to change five “2016 type” batteries in a single day I\u2019d probably end up stabbing myself multiple times, out of sheer frustration.<\/p>\n
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I have to say the Bubba Angus burgers cardboard zip strip does work as designed.<\/p>\n
The thing is, all of these packaging methods used to work properly.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s getting harder to rip open the top of a bag of chips without having it explode all over the kitchen.\u00a0<\/p>\n
That used to be a simple thing. Grab both sides of the bag, pull in opposite directions and the bag would open along the thermal seal.<\/p>\n
Not anymore! Somehow the thermal seal is stronger than the surrounding mylar reinforced bag and I\u2019ve found that instead of applying 100,000 Newtons of force (22,480 Pounds<\/i>), it\u2019s just easier and neater to use a set of kitchen shears.<\/p>\n
Back to the pot pie. It has been literally 9 years since I’ve had a Marie Calendar\u2019s pot pie open along the perforations. You\u2019ve got to take the top of the carton off of one of these no matter how you\u2019re heating it up.<\/p>\n
There are very convenient tabs on either side of the carton that say “push here”. These usually pop as expected provided the cheap cardboard carton doesn\u2019t collapse before the perforation gives way. The real challenge is after the tabs.<\/p>\n
This is the long angled perforation on either side of the carton that never tears properly. It\u2019s so near the edge of the carton that you can\u2019t really use a knife to open it because the carton will most assuredly crush, leaving you with the need to reheat the potpie on a plate if in the microwave or on a cookie sheet if you\u2019re using an oven.<\/p>\n
The way these cartons are manufactured is obviously about them being only slightly more rigid than tissue paper. Hey, Marie Calendar\u2019s why not simply wrap the potpie in nuclear capable plastic overwrap and forego the carton entirely? Why continue to frustrate people with a shitty carton that doesn\u2019t work as designed?<\/p>\n
Better yet, since we know that 99% of all this packaging is about preventing certain elements in society from spoiling or stealing the contents. How about we go back to the old packaging that wasn\u2019t frustrating and simply shoot anyone caught screwing around with packaged goods?<\/p>\n
\u201cCleanup on aisle 8, this one\u2019s a bleeder bring two mops!<\/em>“<\/p>\n We seem to be comfortable with suggesting or doing heinous things \u201cFor the Greater Good\u201d these days. Removing the shittier parts of society would definitely be for the Greater Good wouldn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I know, there\u2019s a lot of really important stuff to be worried, or complain about. This one has been growing to the point that I\u2019m not sure if it\u2019s just me being overly sensitive or if this is a real problem that all of us face and should be resolved. Packaging!\u00a0 Everything we get is … <\/p>\n