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Not that I\u2019m complaining about it.\u00a0<\/p>\nNot that I\u2019m complaining about it.\u00a0<\/p>\n
The week has been a weird one. It\u2019s the one year anniversary of Jerry\u2019s death. I was feeling it a little, but nothing unexpected, and in a way, now that I\u2019ve been through a whole year there\u2019s a sense of relief.<\/p>\n
Part of it is distance from him having died and part of it is that now that I\u2019ve been through all the holidays and special days I\u2019m somewhat relieved and confident about having survived. Oh sure I was a little melancholy and nostalgic…<\/p>\n
I\u2019m still standing.<\/p>\n
Monday into Tuesday<\/strong><\/p>\n I was struck by the memory that on those dates it was the beginning of the end. I\u2019d seen him carried out the door to the hospital unconscious and unresponsive. Most of that memory was fear and intense worry coupled with trying to convince myself that everything was going to be okay.<\/p>\n Just a few days later he was dead.<\/p>\n Wednesday<\/strong><\/p>\n Nothing much happened, I was cleaning and tossing but the day passed in a bit of a fog<\/p>\n Thursday<\/strong>,<\/p>\n Was the actual date\u2026 The day Jerry died. I spent with the dog, quietly.\u00a0<\/p>\n Friday<\/strong><\/p>\n I was at the temple for service and that was nice. It was music Jerry arranged or had a particular fondness for. After the service, one of the congregants said they were still upset and a little angry that Jerry had passed on. They said, \u201cYou must still be feeling that way too.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n \u201cOddly,” I explained, “I don\u2019t. I still miss him terribly, but we had 34 years together. Most of those years were good ones. The years we had were more than many people get. Divorce, illness, accidents, all cut time spent with someone. That we found each other, loved, and endured for all that time was a gift. Of course I\u2019d like to have more time but I\u2019m thankful for what I got.”<\/p>\n The congregant nodded and said I had a good attitude. I suppose maybe I do.<\/p>\n Saturday<\/strong>\u00a0<\/p>\n I had a lot on fun and pretty much spent all day yesterday laughing my ass off.\u00a0<\/p>\n A long overdue get together with two men I\u2019ve known for 44 years finally happened. We had a drink, in my case two\u2026 we wandered, talked, laughed, and enjoyed being together once again.<\/p>\n This get together should have been called the Fixed Income tour! \u00a0It was the first time that all three of us got together after having retired.<\/p>\n We met when we were starting out, I remember those first paychecks, waiting in line to buy gas, and wondering why so much of our puny paychecks was whittled away in taxes.\u00a0<\/p>\n What I didn\u2019t know then was that these friends would in fact remain lifelong friends who cared, and for whom I cared, about all these years.<\/p>\n To be honest, a shit ton of people pass through our lives. Some of them you\u2019re happy to see go, others you can\u2019t hold onto, time and life pulls you apart, and the last and best category are friends that are constants like stars in the sky.<\/p>\n (Yes, I know stars aren\u2019t forever\u2026 Shut it! Science brain. I\u2019m waxing all poetical\u2026 The stars in the sky will outlast us and the planet!<\/em>)<\/p>\n Yesterday\u00a0 I managed to walk right past a couple of Pro-Palestein protestors with their flags and stupid slogans and not challenge them. My two friends were hanging back a bit as we passed, whether to help if I lost control and shot my mouth off, or to just laugh if shot my mouth off and started a riot, I\u2019m not sure. Perhaps a bit of both…<\/p>\n When we were going to pass the protestor\u2019s spot again I wished I had a lighter because I wondered if I could legally burn their flags. The question popped out of my head following the logic that you can burn an American flag with impunity so why not a foreign flag?<\/p>\n It appeared that the Palestinian protestors had gone home for the day, protesting and waving flags being such hard work. (Dudes, you didn\u2019t have to go to the gym on arms day!) \u00a0I presume they were drowning their sorrows about Gaza with a lovely half caf double latte, a hot meal prepared by someone else, and a bong full of the latest variation of pot they\u2019d procured. Their lives are, after all, soooo difficult.\u00a0<\/p>\n I was gratified to note that there were only two Palestinian flags and it didn\u2019t look like a lot of people were paying attention to the protestors. Maybe as Americans tend to do, we\u2019re just getting bored hearing about it. Seen any Ukraine flags lately?<\/p>\n I suggested at one point that perhaps the three of us could go on a stealing spree through all the high end stores at the Glendale Galleria in keeping with the times. There was some question about what exactly the cash limit was before it became a felony. Since all of us are planners and have expensive tastes we couldn\u2019t come to consensus about what we could steal and how much. Next time though\u2026<\/p>\n We\u2019re gonna shock the world as the “Geriatric Three”. At our ages it would be the perfect capper to our lives. Mug Shots in our 60s! I wonder if the police are more afraid of arresting old guys than young guys? The young guys are more like brawlers in a school yard, lots of swinging but not much damage.<\/p>\n Old guys though, well, we\u2019re JUST PLAIN MEAN! Next time I see one of the local sheriffs maybe I\u2019ll ask.<\/p>\n I even noticed I was \u201cHunting\u201d there were some interesting people at the mall and I wasn\u2019t being too subtle about checking them out. It\u2019s been a year, I could start dating again without it being unseemly. I noticed I was doing something I swore I\u2019d never do, I was being a little chicken-hawkish. Some of the guys I was noticing were so young, mid 30s to early 40s. My god! They could easily be my kid!<\/p>\n They were safe\u2026 The only way I could\u2019ve caught them was if I was riding on one of those mobility scooters you see old folks riding in the park. The eye candy was nice. I knew some of them were pretty to look at but wholly incompatible with me or any of my beliefs. Perhaps it\u2019s just as well that time and age is slowing me down a bit.<\/p>\n The way my knee was acting up toward the end of the day, I\u2019m probably going to be in the market for a good cane soon. When I got home last night I think the health app said I\u2019d walked 7 miles yesterday. I know I\u2019d walked 1.5 miles with the dog in the early morning before heading to Glendale but was surprised that the total had ended up so high.<\/p>\n My knee didn\u2019t start really acting up until later in the day. I\u2019d tweaked it again on Wednesday or Thursday and had to ice it.<\/p>\n All told yesterday, aside from being slow to start working after we\u2019d been sitting for a while, it wasn\u2019t too bad, \u00a0It’s probably a sign that I should increase my walking distance and start stretching a bit more to continue rebuilding strength in both knees.\u00a0<\/p>\n One of my friends described being at a Mall as something approximating Hell in his estimation. After seeing Duck-lipped women, men with painted fingernails wearing too short, “skinny jeans” as fashion statements, and too many languages to count he might have a point.\u00a0<\/p>\n I\u2019m reminded that I\u2019ve been fairly isolated, preferring to stick close to home. Some would say it\u2019s a holdover from the COVID lockdowns, in truth, it started prior to COVID. I\u2019d been living in San Diego and in close contact due to apartment dwelling, and I\u2019d become super tired of people in general.<\/p>\n The point is, that because I\u2019ve not been around a lot of folks I\u2019m even more uncomfortable in crowds these days. Not that I\u2019m a germaphobe but I\u2019m mindful that my immune system hasn\u2019t needed to be as active in recent years as it had in the past. Without being exposed to the filth of humanity daily, your immune system starts eating Bon Bons and doing its nails.<\/p>\n So I might end up with some stupid late winter cold, but being out in the world with my friends was totally worth it<\/em><\/span>.<\/p>\n The next time we get together perhaps it should be here. We could cook out on the grill, listen to music, and laugh watching the sun track across the mountains, while listening to the sound of light breezes in the trees. Bonus, the dog would be happy with new people to annoy!<\/p>\n The dog is currently pissed at me. He was alone two consecutive nights and missed our ball time. Thankfully the temps have been very moderate but both nights the wind picked up before I got home. He hates the wind! \u00a0So last night he pointed the stinky end at me and slept at the foot of the bed.<\/p>\n I\u2019m going to have to make it up to him.\u00a0<\/p>\n But that will have to wait until tomorrow.\u00a0<\/p>\n Today, Sunday<\/strong>, I\u2019m going to lunch with one of Jerry\u2019s friends and then I\u2019m looking forward to resting a bit on Monday.<\/p>\n Then it\u2019s back to sorting and tossing the accumulated crap. I\u2019m still shooting for having the house on the market in spring. If something happens between now and then to change that desire, it will still be okay because I wont\u2019 have a bunch of crap.<\/p>\n I hope everyone is in as good a space as I am. Uh OH, the Dog is looking for me. It\u2019s time for me to get dressed and take him for a walk.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Not that I\u2019m complaining about it.\u00a0 The week has been a weird one. It\u2019s the one year anniversary of Jerry\u2019s death. I was feeling it a little, but nothing unexpected, and in a way, now that I\u2019ve been through a whole year there\u2019s a sense of relief. Part of it is distance from him having … <\/p>\n