Here we are again. Almost finished with another spin around the sun. I know it\u2019s supposed to be a happy time. I\u2019m not unhappy. I\u2019m having a bit of a time holding onto the \u201cJoy of the Season\u201d.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s possible that it\u2019s my age, the commercialization, that it\u2019s the first Christmas without Jerry, that I\u2019m just exhausted, or that I\u2019ve paid a little too much attention to politics this last year. Any or all of the above may have dampened my holiday spirit.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Face it, ain\u2019t shit we can do about most of the things going on, so why focus on it?<\/p>\n
That\u2019s my major… perhaps my only resolution. I\u2019m going to ignore as much as possible, and what I can\u2019t ignore I\u2019m going to try very hard to not get pissed about it.<\/p>\n
One or more of my friends will probably be struggling with the same resolution. Maybe we\u2019ll have to start a support group like AA.<\/p>\n
Should we call it News Anonymous? Could work\u2026 as long as there\u2019s bourbon.<\/p>\n
The only things I want for Christmas are a little more strength and patience. Those gifts don\u2019t have to be purchased or wrapped. They come from the big guy upstairs, and I\u2019m hoping that I\u2019ll wake to those gifts in my heart tomorrow morning.<\/p>\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/bone-in-the-throat.com\/Blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/DSC_0167.jpeg\" "\\"DSC_0167.jpeg\\"")
My plan is to have a \u201cNormal\u201d Christmas Eve.<\/p>\n
In years past, Jerry & I would make a light dinner, then we\u2019d pour a glass of wine for him, bourbon for me, make popcorn or other snacks, and sit on the couch together watching Classic old Christmas themed movies.<\/p>\n
The Bishops Wife<\/em> springs to mind. A Christmas Story<\/em>, National Lampoons\u2019 Christmas Vacation<\/em>, Donovans Reef<\/em>, Operation Petticoat<\/em>, Die Hard<\/em> (sorry Mr. Willis.)<\/p>\n We\u2019d just pick one at random and enjoy being together.<\/p>\n In recent years, neither of us wanted to be out on Christmas or New Years Eve.<\/p>\n If for some reason, we were out, I was the one doing the driving. That was okay with me. Jerry could imbibe and not worry about falling asleep on the ride home. He used the benefit of marrying a night owl only once or twice a year. It was always a pleasure to see him soundly sleeping leaned against the car window. Without saying it, he told me he felt safe and protected. I took pride in his feeling secure.<\/p>\n While I thank everyone for their kind invitations. This year I feel like I need to be here in the home we built and shared. I feel like I want to have that light meal, some popcorn, a bourbon, and watch a movie.<\/p>\n I need to close the chapter on our lives together. I need to do it with intention and purpose.<\/p>\n Call it facing reality head on and that\u2019s healthy.<\/p>\n I\u2019m happy and sad at the same time.<\/p>\n I miss him terribly, that makes me sad.<\/p>\n Yesterday, I was playing music and found myself crying several times, it was like waves crashing on me. After each wave, I felt a bit better. \u00a0<\/p>\n I accidentally found the original, (and unlabeled,) tracks of a Christmas CD we\u2019d put together years ago. Hearing him playing the harp really wrecked me, but again, I felt better afterwards.<\/p>\n I\u2019m happy mostly for the season, and that I have several really supportive friends, and have had the time to work through the loss on my schedule, unhurried. I\u2019ve been very fortunate.<\/p>\n Perhaps on some level I\u2019ve received a gift of distance and understanding.\u00a0<\/p>\n From the moment he died, I\u2019ve always known I had to carve a future. An early Christmas gift I\u2019ve received is that now for the first time, I\u2019m beginning to see a future having brightness and light. I\u2019ll still miss him, I\u2019m sure of that, but I\u2019m starting to believe I\u2019ll be okay.<\/p>\n That\u2019s the best gift of all.<\/p>\n Have a Merry Christmas everyone.<\/p>\n Love<\/p>\n D.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Christmas Eve! Seems like just last year we had one of these… My year has staggered by. Some months and weeks have flown by, others dragged by like a slow scrape on your knee. Remember those? You fell off your bicycle just slow enough that you knew you were going to scrape your knees and … <\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/bone-in-the-throat.com\/Blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/DAVEJER.jpeg\" "\\"DAVEJER.jpeg\\"")
I set up a little tree in a call-back to his gift of a little tree in a bucket our first Christmas. The tin foil star from that first tree is proudly on top of this tree. There\u2019s a symmetry that is comfortable and right.<\/p>\n