I\u2019ve been trying to write something to finish a short book.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve tried looking at the blank page. That didn\u2019t work. Took the dog for a walk head didn\u2019t clear. Scanned some porn, uhh nope! That didn\u2019t help. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
I figured I\u2019d turn toward the blog to see if I can write anything. Then two sentences in, the dog wants to play. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
I have worked on cleaning out some of the paperwork out of office closet and found that once again the other half had stashed paperwork in another backpack. On the bright side this stuff was all from 2010 so I don\u2019t have to worry about it. Straight to the shredder!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
My limit is 2016, pretty much anything prior to that year with the exception of tax records (those are 2013) I\u2019m just tossing in the shredder pile. I\u2019m going to have to find a shred event for a lot of this crap because the shredder can\u2019t handle it. I might be able to keep the shredder running if I could cool it with liquid nitrogen. I\u2019m completely out of that so the shredder runs for 20 minutes then shuts down for an hour.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
Then I sat back down to look at the blank page again. Nope, nothing\u2026 <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
The paperwork led to an archeological vein of melancholy as I found a bunch of stuff from 2009 and remembered that we\u2019d just gotten back into this house after the fire. We were happy. We both had good jobs, new cars, new house, and everything was bright. I\u2019d been saving like a fiend in my 401K because I wanted us to be able to retire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
My 401k was depleted 6 years later by unemployment and the other half insisting that we stay in California. I loved him, so we stayed. He lost one job, due to a minister that was far more sinister than ministerial. He kept his other jobs and replaced part of what he lost with a less invasive church position. I found another job that destroyed my career (what was left of it.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s so damn funny that HR people don\u2019t seem to understand taking a job slightly outside your career so that you have a roof over your head and food on the table. These dumb ass HR people just can\u2019t seem to process pragmatism. They seem to believe that you should run up credit cards, then move back in with Mom & Dad while looking for the golden position. Most realistic people would take a job to feed their family. Well, realistic people of my age group, anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
There was a time when employers respected the hell out of initiative. There was even a time when the employer that gave you the slightly outside your career would offer to you the first open position that they had that was in your career path. After all they already know your work ethic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
That doesn\u2019t happen anymore. Promoting from within doesn\u2019t seem to happen very much anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
Regardless, I\u2019d started rebuilding my 401K and saving as much as I could from 2016 through 2019 all the time looking for a job in my career path and trying to regain the ground lost so that we could have some decent retirement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
Then, well another layoff due to offshoring! Yea!<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
What I didn\u2019t know was that the other half wasn\u2019t thinking the same way I was. Even If I\u2019d made half a million a year, and done the max 401K contribution, it wouldn\u2019t have helped much. We\u2019d have been in about the same boat I\u2019m in right now. Unless I was putting hard cash away in some other kind of investments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
It made me sad. I tried to do better for us. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
I didn\u2019t plan for him dying before we\u2019d retired. I figured I\u2019d be the one on the slab first. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
That\u2019s actually kind of funny.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
Like Baldrick from Black Adder<\/em>, my cunning plan blew up in my face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n This is one of the hardest parts of all this. It\u2019s the recognition of what we almost had, what we missed, what we\u2019d hoped for, and dreamt of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n I sometimes feel like I\u2019m sweeping up broken glass. I keep getting those thin shards in my feet because I\u2019m barefoot and I can\u2019t cross the glass to my shoes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n What I\u2019d really like to do is finish the dang story so I can publish it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I\u2019ve been trying to write something to finish a short book. I\u2019ve tried looking at the blank page. That didn\u2019t work. Took the dog for a walk head didn\u2019t clear. Scanned some porn, uhh nope! That didn\u2019t help. I figured I\u2019d turn toward the blog to see if I can write anything. Then two sentences … <\/p>\n