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These are small things. When you haven\u2019t had them for most of your adult life they attain outsized importance.<\/p>\nThe tail spin I\u2019ve been in for the past few months is starting to be\u2026 less spinney. I\u2019m not out of the spin yet, not by a long shot, but I\u2019m getting better.<\/p>\n
I had a plan for our retirement. A plan for what I wanted to do. I pictured us having a small home, with a lawn. I pictured actually having to own a lawn mower for the first time in my life. I\u2019d even been shopping for mowers I might want. I pictured puttering around in a garden, and the two of us enjoying warm days with friends. Nice barbecues, dog walks and quiet times. Most of all I pictured having a mailbox. A \u201creal\u201d address and the joy of not having to worry about how something was being sent to me, because there was only one address to worry about.\u00a0<\/p>\n
These are small things. When you haven\u2019t had them for most of your adult life they attain outsized importance.<\/p>\n
I saw us enjoying hobbies and interests we\u2019d not had the time to pursue because our jobs were always in the way. We always wanted to travel, we envied those of our friends who made traveling a priority and found the money to afford to do it. We always thought we\u2019d have time. “Once we retire,\u201d we\u2019d say to each other.<\/p>\n
I know this is an idealized view, and the reality of our retirement wouldn\u2019t have been quite so… idyllic? Bucolic? But I thought that I\u2019d be able to hammer some part of it out for us, even if it was only for a few years.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Now, all that is changed. That\u2019s what put me into the tailspin in the first place, aside from the shock, then learning that my other half had made no provisions for his demise.<\/p>\n
You\u2019d think I\u2019d be mad, but I gotta say, \u201cGood one babe, ya left me holding the bag!\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n
I find myself wondering what now? What next?<\/p>\n
I\u2019m still here, the dog is still here, there\u2019s still a small home with a patch of grass out there somewhere. There\u2019s still barbecue, beer, warm days, mild winters, dog walks, and laughs. It\u2019ll just be me and the dog doing all those things by ourselves. The dog is generally good company so that\u2019s a plus.\u00a0<\/p>\n
One distant acquaintance told me I\u2019d meet someone else. She was attempting to tell me there was a future. She has no sense of boundaries, or decorum, and didn\u2019t know that I\u2019d long ago decided that I wasn\u2019t going to \u201cget hitched\u201d again. I might not even date. I might simply decide that scratching a certain itch is best done in a way that ends with me saying, \u201cYour money is on the counter, now please leave.\u201d There is an interest on my part to \u201cordering from a catalog,\u201d so to speak. I suspect that is cheaper than dinner & drinks, and I don\u2019t have to be deafened by bar music.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve decided that moving is best for me in the long run. Where I live now is a beautiful place, I have a view that I enjoy very much. But time is catching up with me, I don\u2019t do as well in the winters as I used to. I\u2019ve concluded it\u2019s time for me to take the hint. I think I should go in search of the patch of grass and a mailbox that I\u2019d fantasized about so often.<\/p>\n
As I\u2019ve looked at other places to live and the houses available, I\u2019ve discovered that I like either brand new houses or I like really old houses. 1944 and before generally. I suppose it\u2019s because those houses seem to have a lot of character. I know that is sometimes another way of saying they\u2019re a money pit but some of the pictures of these older homes are very nice. The newer houses seem to have a lot of conveniences.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I\u2019ll have to adjust my visualization down to one chair on the porch but I\u2019m working on that.<\/p>\n
The mornings here are getting warmer, I\u2019ve been taking my coffee and iPad out on the back deck to enjoy the quiet of the morning and scan the daily follies of the \u201cAdults\u201d in Washington. The dog likes it because he can watch the world and keep an eye on me at the same time.<\/p>\n
I guess the lesson learned is plans and dreams change.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The tail spin I\u2019ve been in for the past few months is starting to be\u2026 less spinney. I\u2019m not out of the spin yet, not by a long shot, but I\u2019m getting better. I had a plan for our retirement. A plan for what I wanted to do. I pictured us having a small home, … <\/p>\n