My Dad had been through some rough times in the last few years of his life, he was trying to stand up a business doing something that he seemed to love. He\u2019d left the state he grew up in, and moved in with his mother in her home state. I think his plan was to jump start the business and then purchase his own home in a, sort of charming, small town in The South.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t know. He never shared his plans with me. I can say that Dad had reduced his possessions considerably and become a minimalist. Whether that was due to financial need or life choice I also don\u2019t know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
Somewhere along the line, he\u2019d discovered he had cancer and it was too far along for any effective treatment. Perhaps that was part of the drive toward minimalism on his part.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
When he died, as the eldest Son, the responsibility for all the \u201cafter life\u201d decisions fell to me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
My Brother had been raised by my Dad more so than I. It only seemed right that he should be calling the shots so I gave my Brother as much control as he wanted. I took on the things that were \u201ctoo much,\u201d given the circumstances, and the role of running interference with the family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
I\u2019d like to think that Dad would have appreciated the arrangement. Especially when he understood my reasoning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
All of this flooded back crashing into my brain. Suddenly, I was reliving it in a way. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
I felt terribly alone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
Many times over the past 30 years I\u2019ve wished Dad was around. I\u2019ve wished that I could chat with him, discuss politics, have a drink, go shooting, or get his take on trouble spots in my life. I\u2019d have appreciated his wisdom even if I went my own way. While I wouldn\u2019t have appreciated his knowing grin when going my own way blew up in my face, I\u2019d like to have had the experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
I suppose I could use a bit of a pep talk from Dad. Over the past 5 years or so, I\u2019ve felt like I\u2019m being kicked and beaten, then kicked again while I\u2019m already on the ground. I\u2019m having a very hard time getting up and wonder, \u201cwhy bother\u201d often enough that it worries me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m losing the game, and have no more plays. I\u2019m out of clever tricks. Why not just take my ball and go home?<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
I could really stand to hear, \u201cSon, you\u2019re alright. Rub some dirt on it, walk it off! Get up off your ass, FIGHT! Tear the fucker\u2019s throat out. I\u2019ve got your back.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n Encouragement like that would be welcome right about now, just as it was when I was a boy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n Yeah, I\u2019m 60+ but my Dad is still my Dad, and I\u2019m still his Son. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n Hmmm\u2026 Okay Old Man\u2026 Message received. I\u2019m getting up off my ass, give me a minute.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n I miss you Dad\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I\u2019ve been a little blue the past few days. I\u2019m not sure why that is. On the other hand God knows there\u2019s a lot that I could be blue about. Almost all the news is bad. I find myself waiting for the next new atrocity to come out of some country or our own government. … <\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/bone-in-the-throat.com\/Blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/scan0018.jpeg\")
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