Insomnia Sucks

It’s happening more and more often now.

I’ll go to bed because I’m dog tired, then I’ll wake up an hour or two later and not be able to get back to sleep.

Sometimes it’s a noise that wakes me, sometimes it’s nightmares, and sometimes it’s just this weird super tension in my shoulders.

I don’t know what to do about it.

I’m going to get a massage next week, maybe that will help. I have vague memories of my Dad being like this. Whenever I asked him if he was Okay, his automatic response was;

“I’m fine Son, go back to bed, you shouldn’t be up so late.”

Of course in retrospect neither should he.

I remember his Lucky smoldering in the ashtray as he stubbed it out to herd me back to bed. He’d tuck me in, pat me and say goodnight, then return to the couch light another smoke, and go back to reading his book.

Except, he wasn’t reading, he’d be on the same page for hours. He was thinking about stuff, stuff that he didn’t feel like he could share.

I wonder if he was thinking about the same kinds of things that I do in the dead of night. I’ll never know for sure but I suspect the answer is yes.

My Dad had an amazing “public face”. You only got to see what was behind the mask if you watched very closely. Even then, it was only a glimpse.

I used to think that my Dad’s mask had become a trap. You saw most of the time, only what you were supposed to see. 

You never saw weakness, or fear, and only rarely sadness.

I sometimes pictured my Dad as The Man in The Iron Mask.

Now, having been around the block a few times. I’ve learned that most people, even your closest friends and family don’t want to see you without The Mask.

This is especially true if you’re a man. No matter what the FemNazi’s say… A strong silent Man is what they really want. The minute you get touchy-feely it’s over!

If you’re touchy-feely, you’re one of the girls and subject to the pecking order.  The guy who kept his own council and did what the hell he knew was right, is the one who’s respected.

He’s the Alpha Male, all the rest are betas or less.

I don’t smoke anymore. But tonight, I’m going to do something else my Dad did on sleepless nights.

I’m going to have a drink, I’m going to think about shit over a glass.

I’m going to address my demons, come up with a plan, and when I lay down I’m going to remember just for a moment being that little boy in the middle of the night getting tucked in by my Dad.

As I drift off to sleep…

I’ll silently thank my Dad for The Mask.

A pretty good day

Preventative Dental

As is well documented, I hate medical crap.

So for yesterday to have been a pretty good day even though I was doing medical crap is a testiment to one of two  things. Either I really needed to get the hell out of the house, OR the medical stuff wasn’t that bad.

It’s a combination of both. 

I was really going stir crazy and it was only a dental appointment and an eye thing.

Since I can’t say enough good things about the dentist and I mean that, The staff and Docs at Winning Smiles are absolute winners. I can’t believe how comfortable I feel when I’m there. I’m actually considering having some restorative stuff done. (You have to understand, I absolutely HATE having someone working on my mouth.) My comfort is a major difference from all but one other dentist I’ve been to in the past.  So if you’re in the Fontana area, and need a dentist go to Winning Smiles. 

CarWash

The eye thing was routine. Not unpleasant, but still, kind of a pain.

I should have scheduled a bunch of other exams on the same day. You know, have the medics check me out stem to stern. On the other hand maybe only two things on the same day is a better idea.

Between appointments I got to be out and about and watch people, enjoy coffee, and even made it to an Apple store. The freeway was open, traffic was mostly light and it felt just darn good to be away from the house.

I guess I was having a case of cabin fever. The only hiccup was good and bad. Turns out the credit card I wanted to use to pay for the dental thing was deactivated.

I thought it odd that I hadn’t received a chipped card but then read that the rollout of those cards was delayed in some cases so “meh”, I went on with my life.  When the card wasn’t accepted I called and asked what was going on. That’s when I found out the bank sent the chipped version of the card back in April, UH OH!

CarWash2 One for the ladies

A quick check of activity revealed there’d been nothing unauthorized but for the sake of security I killed the old number and ordered a new card. Thank goodness the dental thing wasn’t anything other than routine and therefore relatively inexpensive. Yeah, it wasn’t the way I’d planned to do things but so what? It was actually kind of nice to “roll with the punches” and not be cranky about it.

I even remembered that I had a free car wash because of a good deed I’d done months ago. Popped in to the wash and popped out and all was right with my world, and my nice clean car! 

The only slightly annoying portion of the day was the Middle Eastern woman who appeared to be trying to cause someone to rear end her. I don’t know if it was intentional or if her driving was really that horrible. Either way, she ended up in my rear view mirror and out of my life. 

MiddleEasternWoman

I’m probably going to hell for thinking, “That’s why your men don’t let you drive in your own countries. Camels are expensive to repair.

Yeah, racist and sexist all in one go. So sue me.

Heading into the weekend, I hope your world is peaceful.

Sleepless night

First Coldof the season

I think I’ve got the first cold of the season or yet one more thing is blooming that has my sinuses trying to kill me.

I was feeling so puny last night that I went to bed around 9:30. I’m laying there listening to some music and just drifting off when the sweet, but dumb as a post, dog decided to step over the dog that has been recovering from a hip sprain, and start panting in my face.

I tell him it’s OK and expected him to go on his way. He didn’t, instead he laid down in a spot that I’m surprised could accommodate his fat ass. I wonder if dogs somehow manage to warp space when they lay down.

That doesn’t follow. If they climb onto the bed with you, then they somehow manage occupy the entire bed. Humm maybe it does track, maybe the rule is they occupy all available space in a given area regardless of the volume of that space.

I start another album playing and start to drift off again.

The other half comes to bed about 11. I start to drift off again. Snoring erupts from the other side of the bed. It’s 11:15, a few well placed jabs in the ribs and a rough approximation of silence prevails. Then the sweet dog starts farting. 

Snake Oil

I swear I could bottle that stuff. Dr. Carney’s sure fire sinus opener and paint remover. 

But in addition to the farting, he’s gone all OCD on licking and rattling the closet door in the process. Then the snoring starts from the other side of the bed again!  It’s 11:25

Okay! I’m awake! Unfortunately, I’m also spun up. There’s no going back to sleep for a while. And I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck with body aches, and a jackhammer of a headache.

They say if you’re awake and can’t go back to sleep, you should get out of bed and do something constructive until you’re ready to sleep. 

MartyMcFly Guitar

“Okay, well the house does need to be vacuumed. I’m behind on my guitar practice, I could practice that Metallica riff I’ve been trying to master,” picturing Marty McFly in Back to the Future.  I think to myself, “That’s just me being cranky.” 

I instead tried to write a blog post which ended up in this mornings trash. Trying to write when you’ve got a headache that makes you wonder if the movie Scanners was for real and if you’re currently being scanned, is a really bad idea.

Scanners

Suffice it to say that the trash is too good for that blog, it should’ve been completely erased from existence at the moment of creation. 

So here I am, awake this morning, feeling better although my sinuses are still pissed off.

The sweet dumb dog is trying to make it up to me but he clearly doesn’t understand what my problem was. Nor should he, he was just being his normal sweet self, the problem was all mine and there wasn’t anything he could have done to help. (Aside from perhaps sleeping on his cushion with his behind pointed toward the open sliding door.)

I did finally get some sleep. Eventually, I laid down on the bed in the spare room and drifted off.

I’m having a second cup of coffee and trying to decide what I want for breakfast.

I think I’m taking today very easy.

One of those nights.

I was tired, so I started getting ready for bed. The routine is pretty simple. Turn off the damn talking heads on the “News” I was only listening for the weather report anyway. Pick up the glass of whatever I’m drinking usually water or tea. Refill as necessary and set by the bed. Plug in the phone, and any other devices that need recharging. Make sure the dogs have water and a bite or two of food in case they get up in the night. Then say goodnight to the dogs, give them their nuzzle and tell them they’re good boys.

The dogs respond by going to their cushions in the bedroom while I’m checking the locks on the doors. They’re typically snoozing by the time I’m dropping the last of my clothing on the floor.

Sometimes, though between the point that I realize I’ve been dozing in my recliner and the time that I’m dropping my clothes on the floor, I get a second wind.

That happened tonight. 

LaptopGuy

So here I am all undressed with no place to go.

I’ve tried reading, and there is absolutely nothing of interest. Another mistake was looking for an image of a guy in bed with his laptop, for this post.

All of the clean images are owned by ShutterStock who I personally loath and the rest are owned by Getty Images. It’s added a little frustration to the frustration of suddenly not feeling like sleeping.

I’m also in no mood to try the trusty male tranquilizer for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that will turn into a furball with the other half and I’m really not in the mood for dealing with anybody’s feelings hurt or otherwise.

I’ve got six hours left on this battery. That should take straight on till morning. After 2AM I can at least get full speed on the damn satellite… Maybe I’ll watch a little internet porn.

What was it the guy on South Park  was watching? 

Brazillian pole dancers with skull beauty marks drinking beer with a straw?

I hope you’re sleeping better than I am.

Cultural Context

caduceus

I am in the throes of my annual sinus infection. I thought I’d managed to avoid this year’s thrilling science experiment. I’m not that freakin lucky!

This one is worse than previous years and I’m on an antibiotic. Thus far pretty standard stuff.

Except that as I’ve gotten older I appear to be developing a sensitivity to some antibiotics.

I took the drug as prescribed on Friday.  After not sleeping and being in really serious pain.  (achey joints, cramping, all the long muscles hurting and a blinding headache.) Saturday morning, I called the pharmacy.

These symptoms were not present on Thursday, and only began to show up as Friday evening wore on. 

Things went down hill from there.

The pharmacist spoke English mostly. His accent is so heavy I could barely understand him.

He wasn’t listening to what I was saying. Then without thinking I used an American colloquialism “I feel like I’ve been in an auto accident

pharmacy

The pharmacist told me ”drink more water and eat something when you take the pill” which is exactly what he told me on Thursday, and exactly what is printed on the instructions for use.

It was only after I hung up that I realized he probably didn’t understand the americanism.

Depending on what shit hole 3rd world country he came from, it was likely that he didn’t have a car until he got here, and therefore wouldn’t have the common experience of being in an auto accident during the 60s, 70s, or 80s.

Come on… if you’re over a certain age, didn’t all your friends have at least one small accident? Didn’t their parents?

But if you were in a 3rd world country you probably didn’t have a car, and if you did you likely were never driving more than 40MPH because the roads were bad.

Given that, there was no common ground for him to compare to.

But there’s another issue that sometimes happens with 3rd world individuals in professional situations. They really don’t listen very well except to each other.

I suspect this is a vestige of the old caste systems and if someone came to America to break free of that system, they tend to be a little dismissive. It makes sense in a weird sort of way. You see similar effects with the “new rich” regardless of where someone comes from.

In technology development situations this can be a problem but it’s easily monitored and corrected. 

baddrugs

In a medical situation…

Theoretically it could be fatal.

For example, the symptoms I was complaining of are now reducing instead of increasing. The pain had become debilitating by last night. So this morning, I decided to forego the scheduled dose.

It’s been greater than 12 hours since I took the last antibiotic. I’m still weak, and achy, but I’m feeling much better than I did.

I still don’t trust my reaction times to be fast enough to handle driving, so I’m canceling my plans for the evening.  I’m waiting to have a chat with my doctor and from there we’ll decide how to proceed.

I’ve also started a journal that describes the issues I’ve had with various drugs. 

From here on out, I’m checking the list before I leave the Docs office.

Apparently, I can no longer rely on my local pharmacy for advice.

I have definitive proof that you will not go blind…

NewImage

… No matter how much you masturbate!

This is really good news for me because I’m not planning to quit masturbating anytime in the near future!

I just finished a follow-up appointment with the Ophthalmologist.

I’m in the “Should be monitored” class of people for Glaucoma but as of today I don’t need drugs to control it.

This has made me very happy.

About all I can say is don’t neglect getting your eyes checked. It’s simple, generally painless, and this is a pretty planet. It would really be ashamed to miss it over something that is fairly easy to take care of.

In any case, I’m celebrating with a nice cup of coffee, just had the car washed, and I’m trying to figure out what I’d like for lunch.

The rest of the day is mine perhaps I’ll do some writing.

Been dreaming of a character which means that his story is pretty close to being ready for prime time.