Kill me, kill me now.


It would be a mercy.

I had a cold thing for a few days, then I started to get over it, I thought, “cool.”

I started to resume my normal activities, then Wham!

This thing came back like gangbusters, and now I’m beginning to think it would be more merciful to just beat me to death with a baseball bat.

(Note to self… If you survive, get a baseball bat! One of my favorite home defense tools! All my bats were lost in the fire of ’08.)

I’ve thought about heading to the gym and alternating between the dry and steam sauna. I just don’t have the energy to make the drive and I’m not even sure I have the focus to be on the road at all.


I need to deal with the Bullshit of “Open Enrollment” on the health insurance front. GOD! I miss the days when my policy was in force as long as I paid the damn premium. I miss not having to deal with figuring out how I’m being fucked differently this year as opposed to last year.  Only our government could fuck up a simple transaction.

I pay you… you keep the contract in force it’s a really simple arrangement. I don’t have to review my car insurance or my homeowners insurance and renegotiate the deal every year. I shouldn’t have to do it with health insurance, except that apparently because of phased implementation we all get the “Joy” of reviewing all the wonderful shit that folks like Nancy Peolsi couldn’t be bothered to read before their “Rubber Stamp” vote on the “Messiah’s” healthcare plan.

I don’t blame ‘ol stompy foot for the healthcare bullshit. I blame the assholes on both sides of the aisle in congress for not reading the plan, and if they did read it and disagreed, for not standing up to the “rubber stampers”.


Then there’s the annoyance that I haven’t been getting emails or regular mail to pay the insurance bill in the first place I’m going to have to review all this bullshit online or over the phone as I try to straighten out what’s, what.  Feeling the way I do I don’t really have the patience to deal with it.

On the plus side, I haven’t seen or read much in the way of news lately. I got a heavy dose of CNN while I was at the car dealership.  France “On lockdown”, Belgium “On lockdown”, Colleges across America “Racist hotbeds making people feel bad”.  To hear the News, you’d think that Stormfront or Northwestfront were in control of our college campuses and that the SS was hauling persons of color off to the camps. 

I’m assuming that in the intervening 3 days nothing has changed.

I’m going back to bed, my temp reads as 102° F so that means it’s time to shut down, stay warm & hydrated and wait for it to pass.

I can’t think anymore…


Also known as, “The Soul’s Midnight” 

It’s that time of night (morning) that can either be a whole lot of fun if you’re fucking around with someone or a group of someones, and a good time is being had by all or when you’re heading home from somewhere you shouldn’t have been. (To paraphrase Garth Brooks)

Luckily in my life I’ve had both of those situations. I’ve been toying with a book of rules to observe if you’re involved with the latter.  

Not my Brand

Helpful hint: Shower, YES! Make sure you bring your own brand of soap and don’t scrub your pits. You can scrub the skank off your nether regions and body leaving them fresh as a daisy, don’t bother with your hair or pits because after a hard day at work you aren’t supposed to smell like you just stepped out of a shower.

On the other hand you don’t want the smell of someone else’s perfume on you when you snuggle into bed with your spouse. This method splits the difference leaving you smelling just about like you should.

If you forget, and scrub all over, all is not lost. Have a nice long J/O session in your car, after you get off, relax a few minutes and let your natural smell develop. Just don’t get caught by the local cops looking for perverts.

If on the other hand you’ve forgotten your normal brand of soap… Brother, You’re on your own and may God have mercy on your soul.

Angel of Death

The Urban dictionary defines Soul’s Midnight a bit differently than I do.

Soul’s Midnight

3AM; more specifically when clubs close and everyone eating at 24-hour diners should vacate lest they be subjected to the deluge of belligerent glitter-covered drunkards and party girls exiting said clubs.
If it’s 2:58, you’re fine. If it’s 2:59, start running. You don’t want to be in the Denny’s parking lot for Soul’s Midnight.

My primary definition has an older, darker, meaning. This was the time of night when hospital staff noticed more people died.

There are other possibilities for why you might be up at this hour.


You could be a bartender coming home from a your shift.  <— Count your money AFTER you’ve gotten home.

You could be awakened by a dog who needs to go out <— Not so bad, way better than waking up to a mess.

You could wake up from a nightmare and decide after tossing & turning from the adrenaline hit that you might as well just get up. Not so much from the adrenaline but because your brain rebooted in the full ON position and you’re unable to stop thinking about the shit that has you worried.

Sadly, it’s a combination of 2 and 3 on tonite’s agenda.


I’d woken up from a slight nightmare, and I think because a music playlist finished. I was just settling back to sleep when I realized the dog was at the side of the bed looking at me.

Okay pup, let me get something on; Dog has gone down the hall at a good clip; OR NOT. I haul my carcass out of bed, my naughty bits pulling up tight from the cold.

“Damn! what the hell is the temp in this place, 50 below?”

I open the door, the dog trots down the stairs into the backyard.  I wait for a minute or two but when the dog is heard ralphing I figure he’s going to be a while.

I close the door, I’m officially awake! 

I crank the thermostat to warm the house to something slightly warmer than the surface temperature of Pluto.

After trying the usual distractions, Here I sit.


On the plus side I rediscovered a 3 hour long porn I’d forgotten about. I guess I should wander through the porn collection more often. This film has some fun scenes, and I think I’m going to dig out the DVD and re-rip it so that the scene markers are preserved. As it is now, all you can do with the file is fast forward. It might be nice to be able to use the “Next” scene function.

I like switching on porn at this hour because there’s nothing more celebratory of life, than ropey jets of cum shooting across a room. (paraphrasing that line, with thanks to Henry Rollins.) 

I popped out to some “On-line” hangouts some acquaintances are on late at night. No-one was up, or if they were they were, they were in private chats or fooling around in real life instead. So much for the live show and conversation.

I’d fire off the re-ripping of the DVD right now but I’d wake the rest of the household trying to find the thing, then I’d be listening for the drive to spin down signaling that the machine was finished.

I’m a little OCD about that kind of thing. I guess that the fear of the computer actually cooking while “cooking” on the task I set it keeps me cat napping instead of sleeping.

Nah, I’ll start that process tomorrow. 

So what to do now?


Work at making ropey jets of cum??  I know as soon as I get into it, there will be a scratch at the door. Speaking of which, the dog should have been back by now. Ahh and of course the other dog wants out. 


Oh Thanks #2 dog! Leaving poo neatly centered in the dirt right off the back stair, while qualifying as doing your business in the yard, means that I have to do Poo patrol before #1 dog comes back in and steps in it.  #1 doesn’t see very well at night anymore.

Not my preferred method of spending the hour between 3am and 4am but at least now I am looking forward to getting back into my nice warm bed and falling asleep.

Finish poo patrol. Turn off the lights. Lock the door. Head for bedroom.

#1 & #2 dogs are on their cushions asleep already. They’re snoring and as I step over them to get to my bed, they both give me the “Oh, you’re still up?” look.

Ya know Dogs…

Sometimes you guys are real jackasses!

I see a treat shortage in your immediate future.

Insomnia Sucks

It’s happening more and more often now.

I’ll go to bed because I’m dog tired, then I’ll wake up an hour or two later and not be able to get back to sleep.

Sometimes it’s a noise that wakes me, sometimes it’s nightmares, and sometimes it’s just this weird super tension in my shoulders.

I don’t know what to do about it.

I’m going to get a massage next week, maybe that will help. I have vague memories of my Dad being like this. Whenever I asked him if he was Okay, his automatic response was;

“I’m fine Son, go back to bed, you shouldn’t be up so late.”

Of course in retrospect neither should he.

I remember his Lucky smoldering in the ashtray as he stubbed it out to herd me back to bed. He’d tuck me in, pat me and say goodnight, then return to the couch light another smoke, and go back to reading his book.

Except, he wasn’t reading, he’d be on the same page for hours. He was thinking about stuff, stuff that he didn’t feel like he could share.

I wonder if he was thinking about the same kinds of things that I do in the dead of night. I’ll never know for sure but I suspect the answer is yes.

My Dad had an amazing “public face”. You only got to see what was behind the mask if you watched very closely. Even then, it was only a glimpse.

I used to think that my Dad’s mask had become a trap. You saw most of the time, only what you were supposed to see. 

You never saw weakness, or fear, and only rarely sadness.

I sometimes pictured my Dad as The Man in The Iron Mask.

Now, having been around the block a few times. I’ve learned that most people, even your closest friends and family don’t want to see you without The Mask.

This is especially true if you’re a man. No matter what the FemNazi’s say… A strong silent Man is what they really want. The minute you get touchy-feely it’s over!

If you’re touchy-feely, you’re one of the girls and subject to the pecking order.  The guy who kept his own council and did what the hell he knew was right, is the one who’s respected.

He’s the Alpha Male, all the rest are betas or less.

I don’t smoke anymore. But tonight, I’m going to do something else my Dad did on sleepless nights.

I’m going to have a drink, I’m going to think about shit over a glass.

I’m going to address my demons, come up with a plan, and when I lay down I’m going to remember just for a moment being that little boy in the middle of the night getting tucked in by my Dad.

As I drift off to sleep…

I’ll silently thank my Dad for The Mask.

A pretty good day

Preventative Dental

As is well documented, I hate medical crap.

So for yesterday to have been a pretty good day even though I was doing medical crap is a testiment to one of two  things. Either I really needed to get the hell out of the house, OR the medical stuff wasn’t that bad.

It’s a combination of both. 

I was really going stir crazy and it was only a dental appointment and an eye thing.

Since I can’t say enough good things about the dentist and I mean that, The staff and Docs at Winning Smiles are absolute winners. I can’t believe how comfortable I feel when I’m there. I’m actually considering having some restorative stuff done. (You have to understand, I absolutely HATE having someone working on my mouth.) My comfort is a major difference from all but one other dentist I’ve been to in the past.  So if you’re in the Fontana area, and need a dentist go to Winning Smiles. 


The eye thing was routine. Not unpleasant, but still, kind of a pain.

I should have scheduled a bunch of other exams on the same day. You know, have the medics check me out stem to stern. On the other hand maybe only two things on the same day is a better idea.

Between appointments I got to be out and about and watch people, enjoy coffee, and even made it to an Apple store. The freeway was open, traffic was mostly light and it felt just darn good to be away from the house.

I guess I was having a case of cabin fever. The only hiccup was good and bad. Turns out the credit card I wanted to use to pay for the dental thing was deactivated.

I thought it odd that I hadn’t received a chipped card but then read that the rollout of those cards was delayed in some cases so “meh”, I went on with my life.  When the card wasn’t accepted I called and asked what was going on. That’s when I found out the bank sent the chipped version of the card back in April, UH OH!

CarWash2 One for the ladies

A quick check of activity revealed there’d been nothing unauthorized but for the sake of security I killed the old number and ordered a new card. Thank goodness the dental thing wasn’t anything other than routine and therefore relatively inexpensive. Yeah, it wasn’t the way I’d planned to do things but so what? It was actually kind of nice to “roll with the punches” and not be cranky about it.

I even remembered that I had a free car wash because of a good deed I’d done months ago. Popped in to the wash and popped out and all was right with my world, and my nice clean car! 

The only slightly annoying portion of the day was the Middle Eastern woman who appeared to be trying to cause someone to rear end her. I don’t know if it was intentional or if her driving was really that horrible. Either way, she ended up in my rear view mirror and out of my life. 


I’m probably going to hell for thinking, “That’s why your men don’t let you drive in your own countries. Camels are expensive to repair.

Yeah, racist and sexist all in one go. So sue me.

Heading into the weekend, I hope your world is peaceful.

Sleepless night

First Coldof the season

I think I’ve got the first cold of the season or yet one more thing is blooming that has my sinuses trying to kill me.

I was feeling so puny last night that I went to bed around 9:30. I’m laying there listening to some music and just drifting off when the sweet, but dumb as a post, dog decided to step over the dog that has been recovering from a hip sprain, and start panting in my face.

I tell him it’s OK and expected him to go on his way. He didn’t, instead he laid down in a spot that I’m surprised could accommodate his fat ass. I wonder if dogs somehow manage to warp space when they lay down.

That doesn’t follow. If they climb onto the bed with you, then they somehow manage occupy the entire bed. Humm maybe it does track, maybe the rule is they occupy all available space in a given area regardless of the volume of that space.

I start another album playing and start to drift off again.

The other half comes to bed about 11. I start to drift off again. Snoring erupts from the other side of the bed. It’s 11:15, a few well placed jabs in the ribs and a rough approximation of silence prevails. Then the sweet dog starts farting. 

Snake Oil

I swear I could bottle that stuff. Dr. Carney’s sure fire sinus opener and paint remover. 

But in addition to the farting, he’s gone all OCD on licking and rattling the closet door in the process. Then the snoring starts from the other side of the bed again!  It’s 11:25

Okay! I’m awake! Unfortunately, I’m also spun up. There’s no going back to sleep for a while. And I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck with body aches, and a jackhammer of a headache.

They say if you’re awake and can’t go back to sleep, you should get out of bed and do something constructive until you’re ready to sleep. 

MartyMcFly Guitar

“Okay, well the house does need to be vacuumed. I’m behind on my guitar practice, I could practice that Metallica riff I’ve been trying to master,” picturing Marty McFly in Back to the Future.  I think to myself, “That’s just me being cranky.” 

I instead tried to write a blog post which ended up in this mornings trash. Trying to write when you’ve got a headache that makes you wonder if the movie Scanners was for real and if you’re currently being scanned, is a really bad idea.


Suffice it to say that the trash is too good for that blog, it should’ve been completely erased from existence at the moment of creation. 

So here I am, awake this morning, feeling better although my sinuses are still pissed off.

The sweet dumb dog is trying to make it up to me but he clearly doesn’t understand what my problem was. Nor should he, he was just being his normal sweet self, the problem was all mine and there wasn’t anything he could have done to help. (Aside from perhaps sleeping on his cushion with his behind pointed toward the open sliding door.)

I did finally get some sleep. Eventually, I laid down on the bed in the spare room and drifted off.

I’m having a second cup of coffee and trying to decide what I want for breakfast.

I think I’m taking today very easy.

One of those nights.

I was tired, so I started getting ready for bed. The routine is pretty simple. Turn off the damn talking heads on the “News” I was only listening for the weather report anyway. Pick up the glass of whatever I’m drinking usually water or tea. Refill as necessary and set by the bed. Plug in the phone, and any other devices that need recharging. Make sure the dogs have water and a bite or two of food in case they get up in the night. Then say goodnight to the dogs, give them their nuzzle and tell them they’re good boys.

The dogs respond by going to their cushions in the bedroom while I’m checking the locks on the doors. They’re typically snoozing by the time I’m dropping the last of my clothing on the floor.

Sometimes, though between the point that I realize I’ve been dozing in my recliner and the time that I’m dropping my clothes on the floor, I get a second wind.

That happened tonight. 


So here I am all undressed with no place to go.

I’ve tried reading, and there is absolutely nothing of interest. Another mistake was looking for an image of a guy in bed with his laptop, for this post.

All of the clean images are owned by ShutterStock who I personally loath and the rest are owned by Getty Images. It’s added a little frustration to the frustration of suddenly not feeling like sleeping.

I’m also in no mood to try the trusty male tranquilizer for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that will turn into a furball with the other half and I’m really not in the mood for dealing with anybody’s feelings hurt or otherwise.

I’ve got six hours left on this battery. That should take straight on till morning. After 2AM I can at least get full speed on the damn satellite… Maybe I’ll watch a little internet porn.

What was it the guy on South Park  was watching? 

Brazillian pole dancers with skull beauty marks drinking beer with a straw?

I hope you’re sleeping better than I am.