The problem with 3 ways, someone is almost ALWAYS selfish!


By now you’ve all figured out that I’m a contradiction.

On the one hand I’m somewhat conservative, on the other hand, in some areas I’m uhh… adventurous. “Yeah that’s a good word I’ll stick to it.” There is rarely a clear cut predictor about where I’m going to come down on any particular subject.

Love it or hate it my reactions are almost always “Interesting”.

Recently, I met someone who is interesting and adventurous and we ended up in a 3 way with my partner of many years. This isn’t the first time and likely won’t be the last.  This time however, I was in a position where I was a little more disconnected than usual.

A good time was had by all (I hope) but one of the things I noticed was that in a 3 way there is no room for selfishness.

The absolute best 3 way I’ve ever been in was a situation where everyone was all about giving and enjoying the pleasure of giving. This was in my very early years and I naively thought, “sex would always be like this.”  In that situation, not only should the “Needy” not apply… They weren’t allowed to apply.

This more recent situation was a bit different, and once again I was the one forced into trying to keep all the balls in the air. Ahem so to speak.

The point is, a 3 way can be really awesome for one, two, or all three of the parties involved. But one should always be mindful that sharing is important. You shouldn’t allow a situation where only one of the parties is catering the the wants and needs of two of the parties exclusively.


Ok so you want something inserted… Great! How about remembering to give a comforting touch, or a kiss to whatever part of another person you can reach?

How about remembering that the person driving the two massive latex instruments of insertion now, no longer has a hand free.

How about appreciating that the “driver” here might be using both hands, and a thigh and a knee to bring pleasure to two of you but that the “driver” might be completely off balance and while they’re enjoying watching you squirm, they might also like a little help with balance, particularly if you’re thrashing all over the place.

How about remembering that this act of gymnastic legerdemain might be very uncomfortable and should be rewarded with a comforting hand or mouth, and that it’s in your best interest to keep the practitioner of these gymnastics engaged and intensely pleasured so that they are able to more easily forget about the cramping and joint pain they’re experiencing.


You’d think that all these things would be self evident.

Even if they’re not, you’d assume that when one of the people who happens to be tied up, comments on the gymnastics with surprise and lust shining brightly in their eyes. That the other participant might decide to discontinue being selfish.

Alas, your assumption would be wrong, such was not the case.

In retrospect it’s obvious I tied the wrong person up. Live and learn!

What I learned was that I need additional rope, a ball gag and a sturdy chair in the next room!


The next 3 way is going to involve tying up the selfish party in another room and then having wild monkey sex with the person who appreciates my tender mercies.

Just once in these situations… I’d really like to be the one who lays back and fucking enjoys being serviced!

Just once!!!

I should say however, I wouldn’t trade the experiences I’ve had for anything.

I love busting a nut as much as the next guy, but having complete control of two people in the throes of sexual anticipation, joy, depravity, ecstasy is a total rush!

And yes… I’ve probably crossed the TMI line with this post.

Gay politics

Sad to say my brothers & sisters but we’re blowing it big time.

Especially in light of the new reports, one of which says we’re less than 2% of the population and the other report that says overall new HIV infection is down, EXCEPT in the young Gay / Bisexual crowd where the numbers of infection are climbing.

First, it is time for us to stop making the marriage fight about the GAY, instead make marriage about freedom and equality.

We need to stop pissing off the conservative base. We need to recognize they could be our natural allies. I know its hard to fathom but let me explain:

Conservatives are about freedom and constitutional rights. In this age of Obama we might be wise to capitialize on those issues rather than continue to have our collective wagons hitched to a President that may well have assured a conservative Republican takeover in the House and Senate.

The planks these Conservative Republicans are likely to be running on will be Freedom, Smaller, Less Intrusive Government, and Constitutional Rights.

I submit to you that it is a Constitutional right to marry the adult of the same species that you love. The Constitutionalists will be looking to swing disillusioned Democratic voters to their way of thinking and aren’t likely to rock the boat if some or even a lot of those voters happen to be gay, especially given the recent rulings and non-rulings by the SCOTUS.

We could easily have inclusion, not “speciality” in the political process and full equal standing in all rights within the next 5 years. We could even be respected for fighting when it was necessary and knowing when the fight was over.

Mayor Parker

But then we have IDIOTS like the Houston Mayor.

After someone like this garners national attention over a stupid ordinance, ALL Gay folks are screwed.

Let me set the stage for you.

Someone thought it would be a good idea to get rid of gender specific bathrooms in Houston and proposed an ordinance to the city council.

(Have you ever cleaned a women’s public bathroom? Let me tell you something, you’d rather clean all the bathrooms in a frat house with a toothbrush, the monday after homecoming, than clean a single public women’s restroom. As a male, I’ll take my urinals and relatively clean bathrooms thank you very much.)

This ordinance was passed, a lot of people were pissed off about it and they took action.

What they did was legal and correct, they gathered signatures for a referendum. Specifically, they gathered three times the number of signatures required for a referendum. The City Secretary did their job and certified that there were indeed enough signatures for a referendum.

Then the City Attorney and the Mayor rejected the certification of the referendum. This effectively put The City Attorney & Mayor in defiance of the law, not to mention defiance of the will of a number of civic minded citizens.

The citizens responded by filing a law suit against the Mayor. The Mayor, “aka the city” responded by using the power of her position to attempt to violate the first amendment rights of a number of local pastors and churches, by demanding their sermons and communications with their congregations. Its possible there is a fourth amendment violation in here too but I don’t think that will hold up in court.

If it was JUST that this Mayor was an idiot, it would be one thing. But in this case its well known that the Mayor is gay.

Folks are noticing and commenting on how similar her actions are to the actions of others In the so called Pink Mafia, or those forcing the “GAY Agenda”. 

Surely you remember;

Gay people suing bakers to bake wedding cakes

Gays suing to stay at a bed and breakfast, causing the B&B to close forever because the legal fees bankrupted the owners

Gays trying to sue a church into allowing them to have their wedding in the sanctuary. 

Don’t even start talking about GLAAD and their bitching about someones offhanded comment.

Lets not forget the great Vodka and Pasta, and Coors boycotts.

Or the forced resignation of corporate executives because they expressed their opinion about gay people, which they have every right to under the first amendment. 

Its time for HRC and GLAAD to start being useful in a more mature fashion. Yes, continue to watch for abuses of gay people or curtailment of peoples right based on their sexuality. But a more important job for both organizations might be to begin educating gay folks in how to use their newly gained rights without being assholes.

What we need is a situation where we can all point to an idiotic Mayor and call them an Idiot because of their policies or actions, regardless of their sexuality.

Ok folks we need to talk.


It is perfectly OK to be gay.

It is equally perfectly OK to be straight

Bi Folks are probably the luckiest because for them any party is a smorgasbord. And THEY are perfectly normal as well.

(Note, I’m including Lesbian, Transgendered, and Questioning folk in the larger over arching broadly defined groups above. Deal with it!)



And this is a real big deal for me. It is not ok for us to shove our beliefs, politics, and details of our lives down someone’s throat that is diehard straight, or devoutly religious, or who may have outdated or even antiquated beliefs, in our opinion.

I mean ask yourself how you’d feel if a straight person was telling you, you were wrong because of your desires. How about a straight person forcing you to bake them a cake for their sons first sexual encounter with a hooker?


Both are distasteful and you’re entitled to say, “I do not agree,” or “I prefer not to do business with you.”

Why then do we feel it’s not ok for a devoutly religious person to refuse to bake our wedding cakes? How are we morally superior when we shout about a CEO being homophobic and demand their resignation?


We are winning the right to marry whom we choose. We are making progress in winning hearts not with force, but with education, compassion, and common decency, we don’t need to keep pounding everyone over the head.

And yet we do.

We’ve become guilty of the same things that we’ve berated conservatives and religious groups about for years.


Are we so shallow as a group that all we want is revenge?

Oh Bitch you’re going to bake my wedding cake! I’ll lawyer up and FORCE you to do it!”


Really? You’re going to serve that cake, made by someone you’ve deeply offended and pissed off to your friends and family? Ever heard the old adage, “Don’t piss off your food server?”

And if you’re smart enough to know you don’t want to serve a cake baked under those conditions to your friends and family…

Then let it the fuck go!

Why the hell would you want to go to the hassle of lawyering up just to prove a point. Make your point by going to the competitor bakery and then make sure all your friends do the same. You don’t need to picket, you don’t need to say or do anything other than find a different bakery and help them become successful.

All these people freaking out about Firefox’s CEO having an opinion about homosexuality that they disagree with is insane! 


Firefox is a FREE product! Use it, OR Don’t. But for god sake, get the hell over yourselves! Go back to Internet Explorer or use Chrome. NEXT! 

There was an article on Breitbart today with the headline “Teacher White Privilege Conference: Whites are never cured of racism

First and foremost, the nature of the conference and its message is offensive on its face.  Second, is this where the LGBT community really wants to go?

20 Years from now do you want to have a conference titled “Straight People are never cured of homophobia and must be re-educated time & again”

Lets get beyond the continuous “Butthurt”


Its time to realize that many of the GLBT organizations cease to have relevance when we achieve equality. Its in the best interests of such organizations to keep the GLBT community frothing at the mouth at perceived slights, because without relevance these organizations are out of business.

The GLBT community isn’t quiet equal yet, but the day is coming and on that day the “Special” organizations should voluntarily and gladly lock their doors.

On that day we’ll be like everyone else our rights and freedoms guaranteed by The Constitution. We should all begin thinking of ourselves and acting, as normal participants in our society now.  Consider it training for ‘The Big Day’.

We don’t want to make the mistake of continuing to highlight how different we are.

I personally believe separatism, whether imposed from within or without is detrimental to any group in the society at large. I think of it like; Stop acting different and you’ll stop being different. Most people today don’t care if you’re GLBT, take that and revel in it, but don’t be mean. 


I for one am sick and tired of story after story of the GLBT community abusing people who have  different beliefs or opinions about homosexuality. 

Its time for the GLBT community to grow the fuck up.

Not everyone on the “playground” is going to like us, nor should they be required to. Let folks have their own opinions, let them decide if they want to leave money on the table, let them come to realize, in their own time that the inclusion of the GLBT community will not bring about the end of the world as they know it.

Live as an equal member of your community, get involved, be a member of the neighborhood watch, volunteer your time, make your community a better place. Take the initiative to teach others a positive message by your actions, instead of a negative message by being a distraction.


People will figure out you’re GLBT and they wont care, because you’re an asset to the community. 

We can’t demand equality and freedom while denying the same to others. 

Oh for Pete’s sake! I’m so over these Silly Assed Boycotts!


I was scanning twitter this morning and ran across this;

@jeromeehudson So, you’re at Chick-fil-a (AGAIN), eh @BruceCarrollSC?? You’re a self-loathing piece of work

I thought “Oh God!” aren’t we past these things yet?


Mr. Hudson is going on about the Chic-fil-a ruckus, that started when some executive from Chic-Fil-A said he didn’t agree with gay marriage or didn’t like gay people or some such.

As you can tell I was offended so much by the comments of the Chic-fil-a person I totally remember exactly what it was all about. Yeah right! I so didn’t give a shit

Mainly because I don’t care what one person says or that (he or she) is an executive of a company or that they’re making 1000 times more money than me.

This is one of the things that I find so damn offensive about the mainstream GLBT community. My sexuality has never defined my politics, why does the GLBT community allow it to define theirs?


The GLBT community and others, tend to boycott at the drop of a hat over no damn good reason. In some boycotts the GLBT folks will even devour their own. Such as the gay bar owner who was… Horror of horrors Republican!.

Now we’ve got the Barilla boycott. Really? Lets see a name like Guido Barilla, anybody care to guess what his religion probably is? Can you say most likely traditionally Catholic? Are you really surprised that he’d be opposed to showing gay families? More-over, why isn’t he allowed to speak his mind without haveing to live in fear that some half baked group will get their panties in a twist.

Aren’t there far more important things to worry about?


Anybody remember the Coors boycott of the ’80s? It was in all the papers, well at least the gay papers. Coors was being mean and oppressive I vaguely recall it was something to do with firing gay workers or some such. So the gay community made the grandiose gesture of not buying Coors beer or serving it in gay bars.

This went on for years… As did Coors Brewing. I doubt seriously that Coors noticed much of a dip in their bottom line.

I honestly don’t know if you can get a Coors beer in a gay bar now. I’m afraid to ask for fear that the patrons of the bar would go feral, turn on me and rip my carcass to bloody shreds.

Just for asking the question…


Oh hey, look at that. Coors is marketing specifically to gay people. Well it only took 25 years for the gay community to forget about the boycott.

How about the Great Hotel boycott of the early 2000s in San Diego? OMG someone at the hotel said some bad things about the GLBT community. They must be boycotted forever to make them understand that we are important and powerful and …


In short, Convert or die!


Not a particularly healthy attitude and I’m apparently not alone in beginning to feel that the GLBT community is being perceived as Nazi-esq.

I stumbled across this little jewel of a graphic to the right, on the internet. It came up within the first page of images. 

All I can say is DAMN! I’ll bet the Stonewall democrats and Log Cabin Republicans never saw this coming.

Then the executive at Chic-Fil-A said he didn’t agree with gay marriage AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHGGGGGGHHHHH! The GLBT community whips itself into a froth AGAIN. With boycotts and protests and all manner of idiocy.

The Chic-Fil-A executive expressed HIS opinion! He’s entitled to speak his mind.

That folks is a right protected by the first amendment of the constitution.

You know the same right that allows the GLBT community to express their opinion with protests, signs, and boycotts?

Why the hell is it wrong for a single person to say what he thinks, and yet OK for the GLBT community to disrupt (or attempt to disrupt) his business?


More recently there was the great Vodka pouring in LA and New York because of the Russian governments oppression of gay people.

As the Russians were probably saying “Big Deal, So What?”

Much of the Vodka you morons were pouring out isn’t even made in Russia. So if you really want to make an impact don’t go to the Olympics in Russia. Don’t watch it on television but that’s about all you can do. The GLBT community is largely impotent in the affairs of the Russian government.


Why isn’t the GLBT community boycotting OIL, after all Iran and Iraq have some of the most hideous laws against GLBT people. Oh right, our cars… well we need them don’t we?

The single most offensive hypocrisy I have every heard of is this;

Apparently a Gay bar in San Diego was the object of an intended Boycott by GAY people because the Owner of the bar happened to be Republican and expressed his dismay at President Obama’s re-election. I’m putting this perhaps more delicately than reality. The Bar Owner was flat out pissed off about it, and said so in public in the bar.

That probably wasn’t the wisest move but HE OWNS the place and therefore should be able to express himself even in a fit of anger.

What followed was insanity.

This bar owner is known for his generosity and contributions to the community. But because he’s a Republican, and not in lockstep with the predominately Democratic members of the GLBT community he was suddenly targeted for destruction.

After all if you don’t believe every word that falls from the lips of the approved GLBT roster of celebrities and politicians is pure gold you must be defective. Even if you’re asking legitimate questions for legitimate reasons.

I’ve always pictured the end of “Invasion of the body snatchers” when I think about this subject.


It’s time for the GLBT community to grow the hell up, & start acting their age.

We’re not going to be liked by everyone, any more than black or hispanic people are. Get over it!

We can’t force people to like us with litigation (See Affirmative Action) or protests (See A Day without Mexicans) or sweet words (See President Obama).

There will always be a percentage of the population that doesn’t like either a particular minority group or several. SO WHAT? SHIT HAPPENS!

Move on with your life like an adult.

I’m an American. I’ll eat what I damn well please, drink what I damn well please, and no-one is going to stop me. I’ll smoke if I want to, I’ll fuck who I want, when I want to, and whatever gender I choose.

No, I don’t suffer from self loathing. I suffer from pride in myself and my ability to make up my OWN mind. I reject group think. I participate in those things that I’ve decided are worth my time. Silly assed boycotts simply don’t make the cut. Hearing about silly assed boycotts just pisses me off.


If you don’t like it… shut the hell up.

Go engage in that ancient & time honored tradition the world over…

Gossip about it behind my back!

But don’t you DARE tell me to boycott someone or infringe on THEIR right to have their beliefs, opinions, or freedom of speech. 

I realize I’m asking for a lot. After all you’d have to actually read several news papers then compare and contrast the various arguments pro and con about a particular subject.

Who has time? After all you’ve got to get your hair cut, text all your friends, and be at the next party, with a whole new wardrobe.

It’s easier to be told what to think by a 30 second news report that will define how you vote, which maybe you’ll do… If there’s time on the way to the party.

Equality doesn’t mean domination. It means we live peacefully, as neighbors and don’t bother each other with our stereos.

Oh for the love of …

Really? The article linked below really pisses me off. Less than 24 hours after California began allowing Same Sex Marriage again, some fuckers in another STATE are filing to halt  them.


This is all these people have to do with their time and money?

How about feeding the poor that they go on about all the time. How about providing alternatives to abortion by giving young unwed mothers a place to stay, and paying for the delivery of their babies in a hospital.

But NO, these people choose instead to spend millions of dollars to fight a battle that more and more normal people have no interest in fighting.

Gay people do the following just like everyone else;

Pay Taxes

Work their asses off

Buy homes

Raise children (Through adoption, or quite often children from previous marriages)

Contribute to the economy

Serve in the military

Become police

Fall in love

Are protected by the Constitution

Deserve equal rights

Deserve equal taxation

Deserve equal protection under the law

Shouldn’t be forced to live as third or fourth class citizens

Deserve the right to inheritance.

Are entitled to their deceased spouses social security and insurance

Are entitled to their joint savings and deceased spouses retirement accounts.

These things and something like 1000 other rights & privileges are conferred instantly by a Certificate of Marriage.

These are things that straight people take for granted. Don’t even get me started on what marriage… The holy union… that blessed by God, or gods, event really was. (Spoiler… POLITICS! Dynasties! Power! Control! Dare I say it Sexual Slavery! )

Gay people using the system of “the Same but different” AKA civil unions still have to spend 10s of thousands of dollars to secure the same rights.

Even then, THE STATE or Nasty Family members can still walk in and simply take a lifetime of work and planning away.

That can’t happen with a marriage.

Here’s a shocker.

All the conservatives out there who are screaming about same sex marriage should consider this.

While conservatives talk about the Government being too involved in the lives of average people, those same conservatives will tie up in court, (You know the Government) a simple proposition of equality.

Think about this;

Gay people in this country have fewer rights than islamic terrorists or  Illegal aliens when it comes to marriage, inheritance, and building lives together.

Most gay people are citizens. They’re sons, daughters, nieces and nephews, neighbor kids that mowed your lawn. They’re Eagle Scouts, and Girl Scouts, Doctors, Nurses, Surgeons, and friends. Gay people are woven throughout the fabric of our society and yet somehow they’re always Less than…

Where are the rights of Gay people?

Given, taken away, Given, taken away.

How would the Über conservatives like having their freedom of speech or religion taken away, then given back, then taken away then given back?

African Americans are not innocent in this either. Gay people stood for equal rights in Selma, and Memphis. They marched with Dr King, they believed that equality should be equality for all.

Yet here in California, African American voters swayed by religious fervor from the pulpit managed to narrowly pass proposition 8. It’s been suggested, that had the black voters not showed up at the polls in record numbers, proposition 8 would have failed.

How can it be that equal rights really means equal rights for only some?

Does anyone remember anti-miscegenation laws?

Yeah, there was another time in our history when two people who loved each other couldn’t marry. 

The funny thing is that many of the arguments used to justify that contemptible law are in use today to justify laws against same sex marriage.

Gay people can’t be expected to behave in any way except than with an “agenda”.

They are being persecuted and deprived of their right to equal protection under the law, Of course they’ll behave like a civil rights group. Of course they’ll continue to fight, to protest, to stridently demand fairness.

Before you seek to deny equal rights to someone think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed.

Gay people aren’t out to destroy society, they’re only demanding full and equal participation.

Shouldn’t citizens of this country be afforded equal rights ahead of Illegal immigrants? (You know folks who broke the law crossing our sovereign borders without permission?)

Think about it. Then tell me again why gay people shouldn’t be pissed off.

Update 6/30/2013

As you can see I’m pretty passionate about some things. (Like you didn’t know that)

I generally identify more closely with conservative values than with liberal values. I suppose in this instance I’m squarely in the liberal camp. I don’t like being in the liberal camp, I feel dirty.

My overarching beliefs are in Liberty, Equality, and Justice. I was taught to ask the question, “Where do my rights end and another persons rights begin?”

I believe that individuals know what’s best for them in their lives, and that anyone who seeks to deny any individual any of their rights is to be viewed with great suspicion.

I truly have a problem with the conservatives who in my opinion are hypocrites. These are people who want my help in protecting the constitution and the bill of rights. Then, because of their personal hang-ups or philosophical disagreement  would arbitrarily “cherry pick” groups who enjoy those protections.

My philosophy is that you can’t pick & choose which rights will be accorded your fellow citizens. We all must be equal and we must all defend each others rights. 

(This belief does not preclude assigning a subset of basic rights to non-citizens who are legally visiting our country. However the subset of rights should be those that are internationally agreed to and accepted. You know, the same as visitors are treated in other foreign countries.)

So I was fired up that an out of state group would even think they had a dog in this fight.

They don’t.

I’d respect them if they’d take all that money they’re going to spend on beating the dead horse known as proposition 8 and instead fund improvements to orphanages, or mental health facilities.

I know they’re not going to do anything that reasonable or altruistic, but I’d love to be surprised.

Update 2 6/30/2013


The Gay Marriage opponents FAILED to obstruct gay marriages continuing in California. The article is linked. So you can read it for yourself.

It looks like Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy gave them a smack down by denying their petition without comment.

I guess now these fuckers will spend their money somewhere else to deny rights to someone.

Good News Everybody!


The Supreme Court of the United States today gutted DOMA and effectively said that Proposition 8 here in California was unconstitutional, by allowing the 9th circuit courts ruling to stand.

This is a good day.

At the same time we know that the well funded, fundamentalists will begin their campaigns to take away the rights and privileges that have been restored to the GLBT community.

48 11403

Today is a sad for me personally.

Today marks the Fifth anniversary of a friends death.

John would have been leading a band of happy folks over the SCOTUS ruling. I have this weird image of him playing his trumpet or his sax like the pied piper. Wait, he also played the flute yeah that’s what he’d be playing.

I found out that he played the flute one Summer afternoon when he was on leave from the Marines. He was sitting on my back patio in a pair of olive shorts just noodling with some classical piece of music. He looked up as I came in from work and morphed the classical piece into the riff from Jethro Tull’s Aqualung. Then he moved on to a medley from Songs from the Wood.

He did it so seamlessly that I never noticed the transition. He gave me a gift that day. He perked up my mood and put a smile on my face even though it had been a really BAD day at work.

I still smile when I hear music form those albums because I see John sitting on the patio relaxed and happy, playing his flute for an audience of one.

Five years on, and I still miss him. Every once in a while I’ll hear someone whose voice sounds like his. Now though I smile instead of feeling blue.

John wouldn’t want me to be sad, especially not with the news today. The image of him leading a group of smiling people his flute sparkling in the sunshine does put a smile on my face. There are times when I wonder if he somehow puts funny images in my head to cheer me up on his birthday and on this date.

Yeah, I get misty-eyed thinking about him, but I can’t stay blue. An endless line of memories and laughs we had flits through my head and I end up smiling & feeling happy in spite of myself.

So John, in honor of you…

I’m going to smile, be happy and drink a toast to the good news. Then I’ll toast to you, our friendship and loving each other like brothers.

Your light and joy aren’t forgotten and you have a place in my heart forever.