Letter to a wayward child

I don’t understand.

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I treated you as an adult, I stayed out of your affairs, I offered advice sometimes unasked but only because I thought you could use a different point of view. Was I not fair? Didn’t I welcome you into my home? Didn’t I treat you well?

You used my vehicle, you were an equal.

You repaid our kindness by breaking the few rules we have in the house. You were always late with your part of the rent… and I said nothing.

I even asked if you had enough cash to be able to cover your part, if you’d ever said no… It wouldn’t have been a problem. I’d have handed the rent check back. I was more interested in making sure that you had what you needed.

I made myself available to you… all you ever had to do was call and I’d have been there. If you were too tired to drive, I’d have come to get you.

In the end you weren’t even bothering to text anyone to say you were ok. Another rule broken… It’s not like you couldn’t, you & your girlfriend were texting each other 50 times an hour.

You were never where you said you’d be, certainly not when you said you’d be there.

I teased you about it but wasn’t upset by it, you’re young and sometimes being young means that you forget things. You’re easily distracted by the next new thing or experience.

Then I realized you were lying…

The realization began when, one day you asked me what my mailing address was . I innocently gave it to you. Later when I asked what you needed the address for, you told me you were updating your address book. I took you at your word.

A few days later, you asked me if I’d checked my mail… I said yes, thinking you were offering to make the post office run.

A week or so later, when a certain piece of mail showed up. Everything was clear… You’d used me. You’d been sneaky, and you’d facilitated someone else’s sneakiness.

In the bargain, you’d placed me in the middle of whatever was going on and you’d done it without any consideration for the position you’d put me in.

I waited for you to ask about it, I wanted a few minutes to talk with you about it. Instead, you were like trying to capture lightening, I couldn’t get enough of your time to even find out what you were doing much less have a conversation. Then there’s the question… Did you really think I wasn’t going to notice what you’d done or question it? Really?

From then on… I watched you more closely.

I listened very carefully to what little bits of information you let slip as you breezed through on your way to your next destination.

More and more often your stories didn’t match up. What you said about where you were and with who changed with each telling.

How many times when you said you were camping were you really camping? How about those times when you said you were staying at your Dads place?

Given the nearly 10,000 miles (As a conservative estimate) you put on the truck… I’m inclined to believe you were doing a lot more than just driving around the local area.

I came to the conclusion that I simply couldn’t trust you. I was going to ask for the keys to my truck. I wish now that I’d installed a tracking device on my truck because I suspect it would be very interesting to find out just where you’d been.

Then you announced you were moving out immediately.

Again breaking the rules…

The rental agreement said you were supposed to give 30 days notice. When you get into the real world and aren’t living with your girlfriends parents I expect you’re going to learn a lot of nasty lessons very quickly.

Honestly though, it was a relief. I am glad to have nothing but the tail end of the drama to deal with. I’m glad to have my house back.

Don’t get me wrong, you could have stayed here till the cows came home, I wouldn’t have asked you to leave. I’d made a commitment to you and I was going to honor it. I’d have simply made sure that everything was secure when we weren’t around.

I would have continued patiently trying to show you that being an honest, honorable man, and doing the right thing is important and valuable.

These are the same things your father taught you, but for some reason you don’t seem to have learned the lessons.

I thought you were just lying to me.

As you were moving out I found out that you’d brought the potential for trouble right to my door. I believe that you were going to leave without even warning me.

I finally connected all the dots, when I spoke with your Dad this week.

After you moved out, I discovered that you’d been lying to your Father, Me, and I can’t even imagine how many other people.

Your Dad was pissed off at me, because he thought you were asking me for advice and I wasn’t letting him know you were making bad decisions. You knew this, yet you never said a word.

UP to this point I was annoyed, and hurt. Because I thought it was just me you were lying to.

After hearing your Dad, I was flat out pissed off!

All the times I asked you if you’d talked with your dad, and you said “Yes”, you were lying.

Those times when I gave you my opinion of a situation and suggested that you also get your Dads opinion, you just blew me off.

You never once spoke with your Dad. When I asked, following up about your dads opinion, you lied to me again.

You have no place here.

Your keys won’t work, you can’t even access the WiFi anymore. I can’t trust anything about you. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust you again.

In time, I may be able to forgive you. But I’ll never be able to forget it.

I hope that your Dad and I can put our friendship back together, I honestly don’t know at this point. What I do know is that it’s going to take a LOT of work, Thanks for that by the way…

You need to consider the collateral damage you cause. I touched on this briefly several weeks ago when I told you you were jamming us up not by what you did… but by not doing what you said you were going to do.

Knowing what I know now… I would and perhaps should have let you leave your Dads house for some of the less savory options you were planning.

God knows it would have been a lot easier, and my home wouldn’t have been disrupted by the constant drama.

I was trying to be a decent person… You used that against me.

I was acting to protect you and your Dad, I didn’t what to see him brokenhearted if you followed in the footsteps of your siblings.

I hoped and prayed that you were different and for a time I believed you were. I actually believed that given some time you’d move back in with your Father and everything would work out, especially when it became obvious that you had no intention of trying the military again.

I can’t believe that I was so very wrong in so many ways about you.

You really should consider a career in acting. You’re good at it. Then again, so are sociopaths.

Now A lot of people are broken hearted and I know none of us will ever know the whole truth about anything about you.

Who are you really?

Do I want to know?

Probably not…

It’s been a month since I killed Facebook

Honestly I don’t miss it at all.

I’m finding myself shutting down or simply ignoring other social media sites where I used to be very active.

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I’m not missing those sites either.

What does that say?

That perhaps I prefer the company of real people instead of the infamous “Hi”?

I’ve written about the annoyance of “Hi” elsewhere in this blog.

Perhaps the quality of the conversation isn’t nearly as stimulating over chat, email, instant messages as having to defend my position IN PERSON.

You will notice that I have an iSpQ badge to the left…. Hey, video chat and perhaps even a nasty video chat is still fun! I’m not doing social media but I still like to be an exhibitionist!

Today I closed or severely minimized all the rest of my social media accounts.

I guess I’m just flat out over it.

Talk about a time suck! Then there was the whole bullshit thing about people wanting to meet and be friends. Yeah, RIGHT!!!!

I guess I got sick of being jerked around feeling like I was somehow obligated to answer people that I really don’t know and who despite my best efforts I wasn’t likely to meet.

Perhaps, I’m a little depressed about the fact that I’ve been making a good faith effort to reach out using the tools at hand to make healthy friendships. But in reality… I’ve come to believe that you’re better off planting your ass on a barstool in your local sports bar. Than trying to get anyone to actually meet somewhere… even if the meeting place is a sports bar.

I’ve also noticed that I’m really sensitive to comments made after news articles and I even burned someone down on an Apple discussion group the other day.

This person had previously in the thread corrected other peoples spelling… and been generally an asshole, then they replied specifically to me about a little piece I’d written.  I posted the piece intending to help the discussion group get around an issue in some software.

I simply wasn’t in the mood to deal with this persons snippy ass comment or the fact that they’re obviously still under the delusion that Apple can do no wrong. So… Flame ON!

I don’t typically read the comments after any news article. The rampant moronism displayed in such comments is actually painful to read.

I’m recognizing elements of cabin fever and depression. Neither of which is helped by being stood up for simple things like coffee or having demands placed on me by trying to keep the conversation going over social media.

So I’m disconnecting from those sources of annoyance. I’ve been thinking that perhaps I’d be better off going to a Starbucks with my computer and trying to write in a new environment. 

I will keep on blogging…

 

What was that maniac drinking?

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That maniac was me.

Have you ever noticed that the light, the morning after is all fuzzy?

Oh wait… that’s my contacts that I forgot to take out!

Went over to some new friends house last night. 

It’s been a while since I was… well drinking and more than a little tipsy.

Last night I exceeded my personal drink & drive limit by at least three or four drinks.  

This morning Coffee is the elixir of the gods.

I’d walked where I was going so driving wasn’t remotely going to be an issue.

I know there is some regulation about being drunk in public, however walking while intoxicated doesn’t have quite the same legal, moral, ethical, or dangerous consequences as driving while intoxicated.

Walking under the influence, just means the journey is uhhh, more interesting!

No matter how plastered I am, I’m typically not one of those loud sloppy obnoxious guys. Well, not any more than usual…

I also remember pretty much everything the next day. 

So in that strange fuzzy light of morning…

The Blackmail can begin!

I had a really great time, nice conversation and let my hair down a little. Then I did the typical Southern thing… I came home drunk and screwed. Hey you can take the boy out of the South, but you can’t take the South out of the boy.

I knew I was at my house because my key fit in the lock and the dogs recognized me. So I didn’t screw anyone that I wasn’t supposed to.

Wait… when did we get a new couch?

Happy Thursday.

Now off to get the chores and other stuff done.

 

Go pack the wagon Mabel

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I killed my Facebook account this morning.

I guess some people would say this is a huge step backwards. As if I’m reverting to some pioneer life and entering an unexplored desert.

I’m thinking it’s more of a step forward.

Like getting through that teenage phase where you’re on the phone for hours and hours with your best buddy or that heart wrenching first love. At the time you can’t believe how important it all is.

Once you’re through the phase you can’t believe how trivial it all was.

Of course Facebook didn’t want to let me deactivate my account without a few questions… “everyone loves social media” 

I answered their questions and went so far as to explain my reasoning in the little box they provided.

I doubt that anyone will ever read what I wrote, but at least I tried to tell them why I wanted to deactivate the account.

It’s nothing personal, I just was getting creeped out by the whole deal. There were a lot of “Friends” that live within 40 minutes of my house that I never see. 

It’s not that we try to get together and our schedules are too hectic…

We don’t even try. No phone calls no casual “how are you?” nothing but the occasional message via Facebook.

This led me to wonder are these people really friends? 

If they are friends and start calling on the phone because they can’t reach me via Facebook then obviously Facebook is having an opposite effect on society than was intended.

If on the other hand I never hear from them again… then they weren’t friends in the first place.

Either answer is acceptable. 

I’ve decided that I really do want a life that’s “real” not some simulation of life and friends on the internet.

So if you want to talk… call me, or email me. 

Just don’t look for me in your Facebook timeline… I’m not there.

Something that I’ve noticed lately

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Occasionally, I’ll wander through adult ads.

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What I’m looking for is people with a similar mindset to my own, for friendship.

There are a LOT of flaky fuckers out there! To most of you, that probably comes as no surprise.

One of the things that has recently struck me as weird is how many ads apologize for specifying a racial preference.

OK, ok…  some of the ads I peruse are FWB (friends with benefits) in nature. Hey some of the kinky stuff people are into is amazing! I wouldn’t mind someone that I could hang out with and have some more intimate fun with.

I’ve noticed this growing trend to say something like;

I’m a white person looking for other white people. I’m not into black, asian, or hispanic, sorry that’s just my preference.

I’m frankly confused by this apparent need to apologize for stating a preference.

I personally am not attracted to fat white people, or people with poor hygiene, or people with heavy tattoo work. I make no apologies for that. I’m also not attracted sexually to black people and it’s a very rare asian or hispanic person that I even entertain a vague sexual thought about.

SO What?

Just because we’re forced to live in a kumbaya “We have to love everyone, and everyone should feel good about themselves” mediocre country, doesn’t mean that I have to share my friendship… or my bed with everyone.

When I talk about being someones friend it’s not in the fair weather sense.

I’m not particularly needy I can be quite content on my own. That doesn’t negate the fact that I’m a social animal and would appreciate the companionship.

I want to build my circle of friends. I can be a very good friend, you know… the kind of person that you can call at 3 am to pick your drunken ass up at a coffee shop or some chicks house when things went badly.

I expect the same kind of reliability of those that I call my friend too. 

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When it comes to sex… I try my personal best to never be mediocre about it!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with stating your racial preferences right up front. It saves everyone time, prevents misunderstandings, and potentially hurt feelings.

This is not being a racist!

How the hell are you going to perform in bed with someone that you’re not the least bit attracted to?

I suppose if I were an Escort or prostitute I wouldn’t have any ground to stand on. Mainly because I’d be in love with the Green color of Money!

But in my personal sex life I can afford to be picky.

So lets all grow up and stop apologizing for shit that you can’t change and accept that all of us have likes and dislikes and there’s nothing wrong with that.

I’m batting 1000 today.

As I was wandering through a social web site today I was struck by a few lines in an online profile.

The profile owner specifically says

“If you meet any of the following criteria don’t bother to contact me.”

The list was 6 or 7 items long and dealt with things like dugs, alcohol, disease, and phenotype.

The lines that leapt off the screen at me were these;
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“If you drive a BMW or Mercedes Benz or SUV” or “If your’e a Republican”

This gave me pause.

Perhaps it’s because I have an SUV parked in the drive and a BMW in the garage. Perhaps because while I disagree with the Republican stance and agenda with every fiber of my being… I’m still at heart a Republican leaning towards Libertarian.
2012 lamborghini aventado 14 460x0wThen I thought “WOW” this person is restricting their social interactions to ONLY like minded individuals and on the one hand saying how Kumbaya, progressive, and inclusive they are WHILE they’re judging other people on the basis of ephemeral things like the car they drive or the dysfunctional political party that they belong to.

I almost sent a message asking “What’s up with that?” but I refrained.

I must admit that I too judge people, in fact everyone does. 

For instance it’s unlikely that I’m going to hang out with a bunch or 18 year olds. I’m going to make that choice because I know that I don’t have a lot in common with them. 

It’s nothing personal it’s just that my values & experience are so radically different that we’re not going to have a lot to talk about.

I suppose that this profile owner is saying something similar and it’s their prerogative.

My mind though, goes to the absurd.

Is the owner of the profile saying that Democrats who own Ferraris or Maserati, or Lamborghinis ARE acceptable? And if that is what they intended to say doesn’t that imply that the profile owner CAN in fact overlook their contempt for affluence and hard work if the trappings of that affluence have an estimated value of over $100,000?
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After due consideration I’ve decided to modify my profile to read.

“Don’t contact me if you own a Kia, or Scion. I, in general find drivers of these vehicles to be poor drivers and have no desire to know anything about them.”

“If you’re a member of ANY religious organization don’t contact me. Religion is a poisonous, hate filled abomination and I’ve decided to eradicate it from my personal world view.”
ScionFRs“If you make less than 50K a year I’m also not at all interested. Contact me when you’ve gotten to 100K and I’ll re-evaluate you… Oh and I’ll need to see your W-2 or paystub.”

That should cull the riff-raff!

Of course, I’m likely to be going to the movies alone, But it’s worth it so that I don’t have to be bothered with “undesirables”.

The owner of the profile I’m referencing, often states that they’re lonely…

I wonder WHY?