It’s been a weird busy week.

Not that I’m complaining about it. 

The week has been a weird one. It’s the one year anniversary of Jerry’s death. I was feeling it a little, but nothing unexpected, and in a way, now that I’ve been through a whole year there’s a sense of relief.

Part of it is distance from him having died and part of it is that now that I’ve been through all the holidays and special days I’m somewhat relieved and confident about having survived. Oh sure I was a little melancholy and nostalgic…

I’m still standing.

Monday into Tuesday

I was struck by the memory that on those dates it was the beginning of the end. I’d seen him carried out the door to the hospital unconscious and unresponsive. Most of that memory was fear and intense worry coupled with trying to convince myself that everything was going to be okay.

Just a few days later he was dead.

Wednesday

Nothing much happened, I was cleaning and tossing but the day passed in a bit of a fog

Thursday,

Was the actual date… The day Jerry died. I spent with the dog, quietly. 

Friday

I was at the temple for service and that was nice. It was music Jerry arranged or had a particular fondness for. After the service, one of the congregants said they were still upset and a little angry that Jerry had passed on. They said, “You must still be feeling that way too.” 

“Oddly,” I explained, “I don’t. I still miss him terribly, but we had 34 years together. Most of those years were good ones. The years we had were more than many people get. Divorce, illness, accidents, all cut time spent with someone. That we found each other, loved, and endured for all that time was a gift. Of course I’d like to have more time but I’m thankful for what I got.”

The congregant nodded and said I had a good attitude. I suppose maybe I do.

Saturday 

I had a lot on fun and pretty much spent all day yesterday laughing my ass off. 

A long overdue get together with two men I’ve known for 44 years finally happened. We had a drink, in my case two… we wandered, talked, laughed, and enjoyed being together once again.

This get together should have been called the Fixed Income tour!  It was the first time that all three of us got together after having retired.

We met when we were starting out, I remember those first paychecks, waiting in line to buy gas, and wondering why so much of our puny paychecks was whittled away in taxes. 

What I didn’t know then was that these friends would in fact remain lifelong friends who cared, and for whom I cared, about all these years.

To be honest, a shit ton of people pass through our lives. Some of them you’re happy to see go, others you can’t hold onto, time and life pulls you apart, and the last and best category are friends that are constants like stars in the sky.

(Yes, I know stars aren’t forever… Shut it! Science brain. I’m waxing all poetical… The stars in the sky will outlast us and the planet!)

Yesterday  I managed to walk right past a couple of Pro-Palestein protestors with their flags and stupid slogans and not challenge them. My two friends were hanging back a bit as we passed, whether to help if I lost control and shot my mouth off, or to just laugh if shot my mouth off and started a riot, I’m not sure. Perhaps a bit of both…

When we were going to pass the protestor’s spot again I wished I had a lighter because I wondered if I could legally burn their flags. The question popped out of my head following the logic that you can burn an American flag with impunity so why not a foreign flag?

It appeared that the Palestinian protestors had gone home for the day, protesting and waving flags being such hard work. (Dudes, you didn’t have to go to the gym on arms day!)  I presume they were drowning their sorrows about Gaza with a lovely half caf double latte, a hot meal prepared by someone else, and a bong full of the latest variation of pot they’d procured. Their lives are, after all, soooo difficult. 

I was gratified to note that there were only two Palestinian flags and it didn’t look like a lot of people were paying attention to the protestors. Maybe as Americans tend to do, we’re just getting bored hearing about it. Seen any Ukraine flags lately?

I suggested at one point that perhaps the three of us could go on a stealing spree through all the high end stores at the Glendale Galleria in keeping with the times. There was some question about what exactly the cash limit was before it became a felony. Since all of us are planners and have expensive tastes we couldn’t come to consensus about what we could steal and how much. Next time though…

We’re gonna shock the world as the “Geriatric Three”. At our ages it would be the perfect capper to our lives. Mug Shots in our 60s! I wonder if the police are more afraid of arresting old guys than young guys? The young guys are more like brawlers in a school yard, lots of swinging but not much damage.

Old guys though, well, we’re JUST PLAIN MEAN! Next time I see one of the local sheriffs maybe I’ll ask.

I even noticed I was “Hunting” there were some interesting people at the mall and I wasn’t being too subtle about checking them out. It’s been a year, I could start dating again without it being unseemly. I noticed I was doing something I swore I’d never do, I was being a little chicken-hawkish. Some of the guys I was noticing were so young, mid 30s to early 40s. My god! They could easily be my kid!

They were safe… The only way I could’ve caught them was if I was riding on one of those mobility scooters you see old folks riding in the park. The eye candy was nice. I knew some of them were pretty to look at but wholly incompatible with me or any of my beliefs. Perhaps it’s just as well that time and age is slowing me down a bit.

The way my knee was acting up toward the end of the day, I’m probably going to be in the market for a good cane soon. When I got home last night I think the health app said I’d walked 7 miles yesterday. I know I’d walked 1.5 miles with the dog in the early morning before heading to Glendale but was surprised that the total had ended up so high.

My knee didn’t start really acting up until later in the day. I’d tweaked it again on Wednesday or Thursday and had to ice it.

All told yesterday, aside from being slow to start working after we’d been sitting for a while, it wasn’t too bad,  It’s probably a sign that I should increase my walking distance and start stretching a bit more to continue rebuilding strength in both knees. 

One of my friends described being at a Mall as something approximating Hell in his estimation. After seeing Duck-lipped women, men with painted fingernails wearing too short, “skinny jeans” as fashion statements, and too many languages to count he might have a point. 

I’m reminded that I’ve been fairly isolated, preferring to stick close to home. Some would say it’s a holdover from the COVID lockdowns, in truth, it started prior to COVID. I’d been living in San Diego and in close contact due to apartment dwelling, and I’d become super tired of people in general.

The point is, that because I’ve not been around a lot of folks I’m even more uncomfortable in crowds these days. Not that I’m a germaphobe but I’m mindful that my immune system hasn’t needed to be as active in recent years as it had in the past. Without being exposed to the filth of humanity daily, your immune system starts eating Bon Bons and doing its nails.

So I might end up with some stupid late winter cold, but being out in the world with my friends was totally worth it.

The next time we get together perhaps it should be here. We could cook out on the grill, listen to music, and laugh watching the sun track across the mountains, while listening to the sound of light breezes in the trees. Bonus, the dog would be happy with new people to annoy!

The dog is currently pissed at me. He was alone two consecutive nights and missed our ball time. Thankfully the temps have been very moderate but both nights the wind picked up before I got home. He hates the wind!  So last night he pointed the stinky end at me and slept at the foot of the bed.

I’m going to have to make it up to him. 

But that will have to wait until tomorrow. 

Today, Sunday, I’m going to lunch with one of Jerry’s friends and then I’m looking forward to resting a bit on Monday.

Then it’s back to sorting and tossing the accumulated crap. I’m still shooting for having the house on the market in spring. If something happens between now and then to change that desire, it will still be okay because I wont’ have a bunch of crap.

I hope everyone is in as good a space as I am. Uh OH, the Dog is looking for me. It’s time for me to get dressed and take him for a walk.

WOW! Apple does it again! Not in a good way!

Apple one icons logo 100857611 largeThe other half and I decided to go with the Apple One subscription back when they first started it. 

Both of us were paying for Apple Music and individual iCloud Storage. We’d purchased Apple TVs for the living and bedrooms, but Apple’s original programming wasn’t anything we were interested in at the time. 

I knew that I was going to be interested in Foundation when Apple released the first season.

When we did the math, we found we were already spending nearly the initially high 29.95 monthly fee for Apple One individually, since we could share the Apple One subscription we went for it.

Honestly we were only interested in the Music and iCloud storage. There was a high probability that Apple TV+ would become interesting to me. Although to date I’ve only watched Foundation and Invasion. There are some Apple produced movies that looked somewhat interesting but not enough to captivate my attention so that I sat down and spent 2 hours of my life watching them. 

I was interested in the Apple Fitness guided training. I’ve used it a few times just to get a feel for it. At first it only worked on the Apple TV so training had to take place in the Living Room or the Bedroom. Honestly, that didn’t really work. Since then Apple has expanded the functionality to iPhone and iPad so it’s a little more portable.

It’s understood that Apple is a “Woke” company. Okay, that’s fine, I’ve always known Apple was full of blue haired people with so many piercings they can’t get through a TSA metal detector. However, recently I thought I’d get more familiar with Apple Fitness and take advantage of regular workout routines during the Winter. 

Opening the Fitness+ tab on the Apple TV I was a little put off.  It wasn’t that DEI was front and center, it was.

It was that so many of the workouts appeared to be geared for way younger folks than I am. After some digging I was able to find some things geared toward older adults. I’ll try a sampling to see if Apple Fitness+ is for me.

The other half and I also liked being able to share our purchases and subscriptions to many applications.

Neither of us cared about Apple Arcade, we were adults, while I looked at some of the games, none were interesting to me and so that part of the Apple One subscription was never used.

Apple News+ is okay but neither of us were really interested in much of the magazine offerings and I literally locked out of my news feed, the extremist news organizations both left and right. The other half eventually got tired of News+ and stopped using it altogether. I know this because he needed help turning off all the News+ notifications. He generally preferred BBC and NPR until the age of COVID. Then he, like me, found  very few news organizations that passed the reliability test.

At this point I could take or leave Apple News+

All of this has come to mind because of a few things.

1) The other half is dead.
2) Apple One increased its prices from 29.95 which was already expensive to 32.95 back in spring. At the time, I wasn’t capable of making too many decisions and chose to let that go.
3) Apple sent a notice of another rate increase either Friday Night or Saturday morning, (which is kind of chicken shit,  because NONE of the executives will be in over the weekend so the folks answering the phones get to take the brunt of the complaints,) The new rate is 37.95 a month.

At this new rate, we’re starting to approach old Cable TV rates. (Yes I know the Cable TV people charge far more obscene rates these days. That’s why I don’t have Cable.) As a point of interest, that’s also why I’m looking at new places to live where I can receive local TV with a damn antenna. I don’t even care if it’s only one channel as long as it’s in English. (Where I live now, I can receive one channel but it’s in Korean? or Chinese neither of which I speak.)

I know I’m not getting $37.95 value out of the Apple One subscription. I no longer have a family. (I do have a family but they don’t live with me and have their own stuff going on. It’s a big pain in the ass or was, to merge this stuff or unmerge it, if necessary.) The merge / unmerge task is so daunting, my other half is still listed in family sharing on the account. Although in truth, I’m not ready to remove him. It seems so final and I’m not ready for that yet.

The problem is that when I look at what I”m actually using regularly, and try to break out only those items, I come up with a cost that’s about the same as Apple One. Obviously this pricing structure is to keep Apple One subscriptions. 

As an older person, I don’t want to spend any more money than I have to. Well, I never wanted to spend more money than I had to. The problem for me now is that since I”m not employed, and living on retirement, I am far less loose with my money.

I’m sure there are a lot of people in the same boat I am. We’re either retired or nearing retirement and being forced out of our jobs explicitly, or surreptitiously. (Ask one of my friends about his experiences after 25 years or more with the same company. Ageism is real. Oh, and by the way, there’s nothing you can do to fight it! The law may be on your side, but lawyers… You’re lucky to get one of them to return your call or email! Maybe the next time I reach out to an attorney, I’ll say Trump did something to me. Perhaps then I’ll be worth calling back!)

In any case, all of us in this position are re-evaluating where our money goes and trimming the fat. If only we could trim the fat of taxation that gets us very little of use in our daily lives but might just drop a nuke in our backyards…

I digress.

Apple One has become too damn expensive! So effectively older folks or poor people are completely priced out of the Apple One service. DEI my ass!

I’ll evaluate Apple One for the next month or two. Maybe it’s time to cut this shit down to only what I find useful. If we can’t come to an arrangement that works for me, then maybe it’s time for me to stop paying for Apples services entirely.

Here we are in November. I wasn’t going to blog today…

I’ve got to run a couple of errands. Then it’s back to the house to try to get something done.

Last week I was pretty productive. Then the weekend hit and I haven’t felt like doing a damn thing. It’s getting cold, and for some reason the house feels colder than usual. 

On the plus side, Jesse has taken to sleeping cuddled up next to me. I think he’s worried about his dignity, so when we first go to bed, he’s at the foot of the bed looking out the sliding glass door. Then sometime during the night after I’m asleep he stretches out with his head tucked against my chest. I’ve promised him that I won’t tell other dogs that he sleeps cuddled up next to me.

God forbid that he’d tip his paw about actually liking me!

I’ll admit I like waking up with him next to me.

Both of us slept late today, and we’ve both been sleeping later in general. I’m pretty sure it has to do with the sun. This time of year, the sun doesn’t make it above the mountains to the east until late in the morning. In summer, the sun rises and starts blasting into the bedroom about 5:45 am. This time of year, all you get is an orange band resting on the eastern mountains. It’s very easy to turn off the alarm and just go back to sleep.

IMG 2877The master bedroom never gets direct sunlight from fall through spring.

You can tell time watching the sunlight move up the line made by the wash. The wash itself points almost due north. The shadows cast by the mountains onto the banks of the wash mark the passing of the day. It’s not actually an earthen works sundial but after having been here for so long, I can ballpark the time of day from how much of the wash is in shadow, and which bank, the light is falling on.

I was thinking about the issue of moving. When I had the apartment in San Diego, the bedroom didn’t get light until afternoon. This was a problem because I had to be in bed by 8pm to get up for work at 3am. The room, indeed the whole apartment got, and stayed hot in springtime and summer. The winter sunlight barely hit my apartment so the place was cold as heck. The upshot is that I had to run the heat or air almost all the dang time.

I was thinking about specifications for a new place I’d like to live. I thought perhaps having a master bedroom window facing east would be good. I could wake with the sun, and the room wouldn’t be baking all day so perhaps I wouldn’t have to run the air all the time just to be able to sleep.

I just realized something else. I prefer to have the windows open. I like breezes and the smell of grass, flowers, and rain. This house for example almost always has the windows open in spring and summer. (Unless crazy pants is screaming, or the flood control folks are driving dump trucks, bulldozers, or graders, up and down the street, or the jackass up the road is cutting and grinding metal or running a chain saw at 10PM.)

Still, even with all of those annoyances, we kept the windows open most of the time. The neighbors would open their windows when the other half was practicing harp or piano. Sound carries quite well here. The mountains form a natural amphitheater. It seems too big to be an amphitheater but you’d be impressed at how small sounds echo up and down the canyon.

That suggests that where I go to live should be in a more temperate zone. Northern Florida almost but not quite fits the bill. I think further north might be a better fit for me personally. I have been very surprised at certain friends reactions when I mention that I’m considering or have considered FL.

Almost universally they’re against FL. It’s very strange. When I remind people that I was born and raised in FL until I was 14, the response is, “well you’re different,”

Different from what, I wonder.

Then I remember the continuous hit jobs the media has done on Florida, from the COVID panic to DeSantis running for President. Absolutely nothing Florida does wins the approval of the media. Although, a whole lot of the people of Florida seem pretty damn happy. 

If the media would stop for a minute, get past their bias, and really look at Florida objectively… Well they’d be ashamed of themselves if they had any shame left.

In the media, Floridians are almost universally lambasted as ignorant redneck doofuses. Everyone in Florida drives monster trucks with confederate flags. Everyone is white and racist. (Most of the white people in Miami came from New York… so New Yorkers are racist by that measure…)

It’s gotten to the point that rather than fight it, Florida is having some kind of “Florida Man” festival where it looks like they’re going to lay claim to the caricature the media have created. Knowing Floridians, they’re going to blow the caricature way out of proportion as a huge middle finger to the rest of the country that loves to badmouth the state. I’d also say that many of the Floridians want everyone in the big cities thinking Florida is dangerous, because it keeps the real shitheads from visiting or God forbid moving to Florida.

Florida and Floridians are not what the media says they are. I personally think that Florida is badmouthed all the time simply because Trump lives there. And wherever Trump is ALLOWED to live, must by definition, be simply awful. There’s a whole lot of really weird shit regarding Trump. I’m still blown away by how much venom is spewed his way and how so many people are willing to look the other way when his rights as a person are taken away. There is a lot that is simply wrong on its face.

None of this is why I’m hesitant to move to Florida.

I want four seasons, and occasional snowfall. I want a little more property than most of the Florida homes for sale have around them. Well, at least in my price range… How is it, if Florida is such a shit hole that the home prices have shot through the roof and indeed the availability of homes in the state is constrained? 

Even northern Florida, might be a little too hot for me to be really comfortable with the windows open. As I said, I like having the windows open. That being said, I might still spend a month in Northern Florida before I make a final decision about where I want to live.

It’s got to pass the Jesse test too. He’s probably going to last about as long as I do. I know I don’t have another move in me. Once I get where I’m going, I’m probably going to be there until I die. Not to be all Egyptian about it, but he & I will likely kick off about the same time.

I was thinking about moving someplace based on the governor, or the state legislature but realized that was only temporary. Governors come and go, legislatures change too. I’ve decided that I’ll choose my next home based on the general population. 

It’s people that vote and make a state a good place or a bad place. The majority of California’s people are bordering on socialist / communists and the state reflects that. The majority of Florida’s people are conservative, constitutionalists, obey the law, ain’t nothing free, capitalists, and the state reflects that. I’m way more comfortable with the latter. Having decided that, it’s a matter of degree. 

Where on the scale between Blue (Communist Leaning) California, and say a super RED state like Florida, Wyoming, Montana, or South Dakota do I want to live?

Were It not for the winters in Wyoming, Montana, and South Dakota, (and their house prices,) I’d consider them. Problem is, I just don’t want to do harsh winters. I’m too old to really enjoy them. The snowy winters where I live now are too much. Visiting Wyoming or Montana might be something I’ll plan to do in Spring or Fall.

I don’t know… I’d like to have a destination in mind before I put the house on the market. I think I’ll be spending this Winter, sorting and tossing stuff in preparation for getting out of California.

I’ve gotten to the point where getting rid of stuff doesn’t seem like I’m violating the memories of the other half and our life together. I guess that’s what grieving is about. You have to come to peace with the loss and let the wound heal in its own time. The healing can’t be rushed or forced. You’ll know you’re there when tossing junk your other half just had to have, no longer has an impact on you. When it’s just stuff, you’re nearly there…

I’ve wandered all over the map for a post I never intended to write.

I Promise, I’ll try to do better. But when we move to DST, expect some really wonky posts. 

Time Changes and I do not get along!